


You're A Map Of A Place Maybe Someday I'll Go

by pippinmctaggart



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst and Humor, Asthma, Compromise, Developing Relationship, First Time Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Regret, Romantic Gestures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-02
Updated: 2006-08-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 22:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 102,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3953359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pippinmctaggart/pseuds/pippinmctaggart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy breaks up with his girlfriend, and he & Dom finally--eventually--have a conversation that should have happened years ago in New Zealand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://fitofpique.livejournal.com/profile)[**fitofpique**](http://fitofpique.livejournal.com/) and [](http://elmathelas.livejournal.com/profile)[**elmathelas**](http://elmathelas.livejournal.com/) for the brilliant betas, and thanks to [](http://buckle-berry.livejournal.com/profile)[**buckle_berry**](http://buckle-berry.livejournal.com/) for the ongoing Britpick. This fic would not be the same without you three, and I thank you from the bottom of my squishy little heart.

The phone rang for the fourth time in the utter darkness of the Hawaiian beach house. Dom fumbled for it, nearly dropped it. "Yeah. Hello."

"Hey, Dom. It's Billy."

Dom struggled to lift his head off the pillow. "Billy? Mate, 's good to hear from you. Call me back tomorrow."

"When's your hiatus?"

He let his head fall back and closed his eyes. "Two weeks. Look, it's four in the morning--"

"Want to come for a visit?"

Dom frowned. Was he even listening? "Tomorrow, man. Call tomorrow."

"I was thinking we could hire a car and go north for a few days. Maybe out to Dunvegan, or up to Tournaig. Or if you were feeling especially adventurous, we could even go up to the Orkneys. That'd make a bit of a change from Hawaii, now, wouldn't it? May is not as nice in the north of Scotland as it is in Hawaii, but we'd still have a bit of craic, yeah? And--"

"Billy." Dom opened his eyes.

"--then we could even come back down via St. Andrews, you've never been there--"

" _Billy_."

"--and I could show you the theatre where I--"

"Boyd, shut the fuck up!" he nearly shouted.

Billy's voice was pure innocence. "Something wrong, Dom?"

"Jesus, Bill, you call me at four in the morning nattering on about a holiday in the wilds of Scotland and you ask if something's wrong?" He sat up, wide awake now, and leaned against the cool wood of the headboard. "I thought you were going on holiday with Ali next month."

"Oh ... ehm. No. No, doesn't look like that's going to pan out now. But if going north doesn't appeal we could--"

"What do you mean it doesn't look like it's going to pan out? Why not?" Dom suddenly went very still; the pre-dawn darkness around him seemed to have hushed in sympathy until he could hear the sea over the sand on the beach below his window.

"Just sort of fell through. Or you know what we could do? We could take the ferry over to Ireland, spend a bit of time--"

" _Billy_. Come on, mate."

There was a little sigh, more of a breath, really. "Just didn't work out. Holidays with an ex usually don't, do they?"

"No, I suppose--wait."

"Dom, don't do this now--" Billy murmured, and there was a sudden edge to his voice that had Dom gripping his phone tightly.

"All right. Just tell me when."

"Two days ago."

"Why don't you come here, Bills?" Dom softened his voice. "Catch a flight as soon as you can and come here. You've been in Scotland long enough, you could probably use a bit of sun anyway. Lie out on the beach and tan your pasty white arse."

There was a little laugh, as much a small breath as his sigh had been. "Since when do you sunbathe in the altogether?"

"Oh, I didn't say _I_ did," Dom grinned.

"Wanker. Thanks, Dom, but I can't."

"Sure you can, Bills, there are dozens of flights every day--"

"No, I mean, I can't get away. I have a benefit on Saturday and a photoshoot next Wednesday. I don't want to do either, but I have to." He sounded almost angry about that.

"Yeah, you're right. You do," Dom agreed calmly. "All right. I finish up here in two weeks. Then there's the wrap party, and I'll fly out first thing next morning."

"You won't be moving anywhere first thing next morning after a wrap party," Billy said, and Dom wasn't sure if that was wryness or desperation in his voice.

"I just won't drink. Might be a bit tired, but it's not like we've never flown tired before, right Bills? Just make sure you're there to pick me up at the airport--I might not be capable of remembering your address."

"You could put a luggage tag around your neck," Billy suggested, and the tiny smile that crept in reassured Dom. "'If I get lost, please deliver me to ... '"

"Now there's a thought. Then I don't even have to _try_ to stay conscious."

"Of course, if the address were to get smudged, you might wind up being delivered to Billy Boyd, an ex-dockworker living down on Clydeside."

"As long as he brought me in to the missus for a cuppa, I'd be all right with that. You Scots are very friendly, after all."

Billy chuckled, then quietly said, "See you in two weeks, then, Dom. And ... thanks."

"Two weeks. I'll ring you with the flight number and time. And Billy--if you want, you can call me anytime, day or night. If I'm on set, I'll ring you back soon as I can," Dom promised.

"Yeah. Okay."

"I mean it," he insisted.

Billy sighed. "I know you do. If I need to, I will. Goodnight, Dom."

"G'night, Bills." Dom closed his phone and set it back on the nightstand. He lay on his back, arms behind his head, staring into the darkness.

 

 

The only way Dom heard from Billy over the following two weeks was through voicemail, and it troubled him a little. It wasn't like Billy to avoid talking to people, especially Dom, even when he was upset about something. In fact usually, the more upset he was, the more likely Dom was to hear from him almost daily.

Instead, he received voicemails that sounded cheerful, telling Dom the benefit had gone well, the photoshoot had been a riot, and it seemed like Billy was carefully counting the time difference and calling only when he could be nearly certain Dom was on set, his phone turned off. Dom tried to outsneak him, ringing Billy at all hours of the day and night in Glasgow, but either Billy let his phone ring until it went to voicemail, or he turned it off. Frustrated, all Dom could do was leave another message.

But the final straw was the message Dom found on his phone when he arrived home at three in the morning after the wrap party, knowing he only had a few hours to sleep before getting up to go to the airport to spend twenty sodding hours on a plane and waiting in bloody airports. There was a cheery and--Dom was sure--alcohol-slurred little message telling Dom there would be a car waiting for him at the airport in Glasgow, to just give the concierge his name because everything was all arranged for him. Dom tried calling Billy, meaning to ask why the hell Billy couldn't just come pick Dom up himself, but the too-familiar voicemail came on and Dom didn't even bother. Tearing a strip off Billy would be much more effective in person, and by then he'd have the added ferocity that transatlantic travel always gave him.

 

 

Dom slept for a few hours, got a cab to the airport, and spent the interminable wait browsing the shops for a suitable present for Billy. He finally decided on a plastic lei and a tacky Hawaiian hula doll, certain Billy had never bought either on any of his visits. In L.A., he spent part of his layover time on the phone with Elijah, just to say hello as he passed through on his way to Chicago. And in Chicago Dom, in his desperation to put off the temptation to find a chair and nap, browsed through every shop they had. He wound up buying a book to read on the plane (because in spite of all his practice, he still found it hard to sleep for any length of time), a t-shirt for Billy that said _All That Jazz!_ in sparkles, and one for himself that read _I am Wonderland_. He didn't know what it meant, really, but he liked it anyway. Dom finally found himself in the duty-free, half an hour still to kill and, with snickers born purely of exhaustion, he bought a bottle of eight year old Scotch to take with him.

To _Scotland_.

Billy would go spare.

 

 

Dom's flight took off an hour and a half later. Once the initial sharp gain in altitude was over and he could stop popping his ears every thirty seconds, he settled back in his seat for a nap before they brought the first meal. He closed his eyes, put his earphones in, and yawned widely.

And didn't fall asleep.

Annoyed, Dom sat up when the stewardess (flight attendant, he told himself with a tiny grin) brought his dinner. After eating, he turned to one side, propped his little pillow against the headrest, and with a weary sigh closed his eyes, sure his pleasantly full stomach would help him drop off.

An hour later Dom grumpily stuffed the pillow down beside his hip, yanked his book from his carryon, and started reading.

Thirty-two minutes later, with an inward groan, he thrust the book back in his bag, in even worse shape than he had been before. Now not only was he dog-tired, sore from partying all night and then being stuck in an airplane seat what felt like all day, but thanks to that bloody book and its surprisingly erotic twist, now he also had a slightly uncomfortable hard-on filling out his jeans. He casually pulled the pillow out and put it on his lap, pulled the tray down, got a pen from his jacket pocket, and began to write on his hands, because if he thought for one more second about walking down that aisle to the toilets and indulging in a little one-handed workout, then he'd wind up either actually doing that or just moaning out loud. And Dom liked to think he had a little more self-control than that.

So instead, for the following twenty minutes, he wrote on his hands, not even really paying attention to what he wrote, just focusing on the feel of the ballpoint on his skin rather than the heat in his pants. It was with some surprise (although not really, he supposed) that when he finally looked at what he'd written, it was a collection of random (although not, really) words like _flight_ and _sand_ and _Billy_ and _roadtrip_ and _home_ and _vodka_ (that must have been when the drinks trolley went by) and _bed_ and _sleep_ and _Billy_. He noticed, then, that he'd written _Billy_ twice, once on the back of his hand and once down the inside length of his forefinger, and he smiled to himself. Definitely not a surprise, that--not the way he'd been worrying over his best mate the past two weeks. Not that it was just worry that had put him on Dom's hands; no, Billy had been a constant in his mind and in his heart for a long time now, in one way or another, hadn't he? Ever since that week in New Zealand, the week they spent just the two of them, waiting for filming that never happened and skirting around something that very nearly did, Dom had had a pint-sized longing in his soul. It wasn't particularly painful--no more than, say, wanderlust was painful--but that didn't mean it wasn't there. Then again, Billy would still be first and foremost in Dom's mind and heart regardless, because he was truly the best mate Dom had ever had in his life.

Dom gave himself a shake. Good God, where had all that sentimental shite come from? He must be even more tired than he thought; he didn't usually think about what had almost been. When the drinks cart passed again, Dom gave in to one of the things apparently on his mind and ordered himself a vodka, then settled back to have his little drink and watch the in-flight movie, since sleep obviously wasn't in the cards for this trip.

 

 

Dom walked through the airport, wearily pulling his suitcase behind him. Of course the bloody thing had been the last one to show up on the carousel. And where in the name of all that was holy (his bed, any bed) was the bloody concierge? He finally asked a security guard, was pointed towards the proper set of doors, and then had to wait nearly ten minutes at the service stand, which worsened his already foul temper. Eventually his name was taken, his car pulled up, and he was quickly and efficiently bundled in by the perceptive driver, who could see Dom was about to fall on his face if he didn't sit down soon.

The warmth inside the cab and the darkness outside it were calling, tugging Dom toward sleep, but he had to resist. Thankfully, the driver began to chat, so Dom talked to him, explaining where he'd flown in from and how long it had taken, and receiving gratifying sympathy for the ordeal in return. It began to ease Dom's irritability (luckily for Billy), and he felt his urge to give Billy a piece of his mind lessening.

Until they hit a traffic snarl.

Twenty minutes later the car finally emerged on the other side of the mess, and Dom's bad humour was back in full force as the driver pulled up in front of Billy's building. He climbed out, every muscle protesting, thanked the driver with credible sincerity and hauling his suitcase, climbed the stairs. It took him a minute to find Billy's buzzer, but finally he did and leaned on it with some vigour.

No answer.

Not that Dom was surprised, really, not with the way things had been going. In fact, he'd almost expected it. He pressed the button again even as he dug his mobile out of his pocket and hit the speed-dial for Billy's phone. It rang once before kicking straight to voicemail. He had it off again, the bastard. So Dom alternated between holding his palm over the buzzer for one long stream of hopefully annoying sound and punching it over and over and over in the most maddening rhythm imaginable until finally the buzzer sounded. He quickly yanked the door open and then, holding it with his foot, grabbed his suitcase and was finally safely in Billy's building.

Dom was panting by the time he reached Billy's door. It was a damn good thing he only had to do one flight of stairs lugging his suitcase, because he didn't think he'd have survived a second flight. He rapped loudly on the door and was relieved when it opened immediately. Billy must have waited by the intercom for him.

But his relief was short-lived as he stepped inside and took in the state of Billy's flat. And the state of Billy himself. Dom left his suitcase, dropped his bag, shucked his jacket, and wrapped his arms around his best mate, giving him a careful hug. "Hey, Bills."

He was unshaven, not that there was more than untidy scruff as it had only been days since his photo shoot, but his eyes were red-rimmed, bloodshot, and puffy. His clothes looked clean enough, but he still smelled a bit stale, like he just hadn't got around to showering in a day or two. In fact, he looked like he hadn't gotten around to anything in a few days, except maybe drinking.

And the flat, as Dom inspected what he could see of it over Billy's shoulder, was in about the same state. Glasses, mugs, newspapers, clothes, all strewn about the living room. The only thing Dom didn't see any evidence of was food.

Billy tightened his arms around Dom infinitesimally and unevenly said, "You made it, then."

"Barely. I was going to tear you a new one for not coming to the airport to get me, but looking at you, I think I'm glad you didn't drive anywhere," Dom said quietly. "What are you doing, Billy?"

He pulled away, turned away and walked into the kitchen. "Cup of tea?" he called over his shoulder, his voice flat.

"No thanks." Dom followed him, tried not to gawk at the mess in the kitchen, was impressed by the disaster-area look that still apparently didn't involve any foodstuffs whatsoever. "We'll forget everything else for now, Billy. But when was the last time you had a good sleep?"

Billy set the kettle back on the hob without turning the burner on. He didn't--wouldn't--meet Dom's eyes when he said, "Oh, it's not so bad ... "

"When?"

"Really, Dom, I'm--"

"When?" Dom repeated, his voice firm and unwavering.

"I've had some sleep," Billy snapped, suddenly defensive. "I was napping when you got here, all right?"

"Yeah, and how long were you sleeping for?"

He was silent.

"That's what I thought. Come on, Bills." Dom grabbed his hand and began dragging him from the kitchen and down the hall.

"Let go, Dom--"

"No. We're both going to get some sleep. I'm fucking exhausted, Billy, I didn't sleep a wink on the plane, so I've had about three hours in--what, three days? I need to crash, and crash _now_ , and since I won't exactly be entertaining while I sleep, you might as well join me."

"I don't want--" he began to protest as Dom hauled him into his bedroom. "I can't--"

Dom closed the bedroom door as if to keep Billy from bolting. "Yes, you can, Bills," he said firmly. "I'm going to get undressed, you know I can't sleep in my jeans. It's up to you what you want to sleep in, but you're not going anywhere." He turned and pulled off his shirt, yanked off the t-shirt underneath, then stripped off his jeans, leaving himself in just his boxers. He climbed into Billy's large bed, staying on one side. Billy was still standing there, only two buttons on his shirt undone. "Come on," Dom urged. "You know I sleep better when I can hear your freakish whistling."

Billy didn't smile, but he looked at Dom and the exact moment he gave over was evident when his posture slumped and his eyes slowly blinked.

"Come on, Bills," Dom said softly.

Billy took off his shirt and jeans and crawled into his side of the bed. After a moment, he rolled over to face Dom, still a foot of space between them, his red eyes focused somewhere around Dom's chin. "I'm ... I'm glad you're ... It's good to see you again."

"Me too," Dom smiled sleepily. He held out one hand, waiting for Billy to take it. When he did, Dom clasped their hands together tightly, but all he said was, "I'm so fucking tired, Bill."

Billy finally gave him the tiniest of smiles. "Close your eyes then, numptie. I'll see you when you wake up."

"You'll sleep, won't you?" Dom mumbled, already half under himself, not letting go of Billy's hand.

"Yeah. I think--I think I will," came the quiet response, and then nothing but blessed darkness.

 

 

Dom groggily became aware of heavy limbs over his and an oddly familiar, high-pitched but soft noise in his ear. It took nearly half a minute for him to remember who, what and where, and then he smiled, put his arm over the pale one on his chest, and went back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

 

When next he woke, Dom was lying on his side, his head on Billy's chest and his hand curled over Billy's far hip. Dom stayed still, was infinitely grateful his arm hadn't come to rest any lower. Billy's arm was around him, snugging Dom against his side, and he could tell from the silence and the slightly faster rhythm of breathing that Billy was wide awake.

He debated what to do. Billy was probably getting a little uncomfortable--he'd never been too keen on cuddling quite so intimately with a mate. Sharing a bed was all well and good when necessary, but not when it entailed so much skin-to-skin contact and so little clothing. On the other hand, Dom was enjoying every second of it. He finally gave a little sigh, quickly turned it into a snuffle to make it sound like he was still asleep, and shifted to roll away from the nice warm body he was curled against.

And was held tightly where he was.

Dom moved restlessly, rearranged himself over Billy, and lay quietly again, knowing he had fooled Billy into believing he was still asleep.

Well. This was a turn-up for the books, wasn't it? He hoped it didn't mean Billy was so devastated by Ali's absence he was pretending the body curled against him _was_ Ali. Because Dom was a substitute for no woman. But it might not be so very dire. It could be as simple as Billy finding having his mate nearby to be comforting--Dom hoped that was it. So he stayed there, his arm rising and falling with Billy's breathing, hearing Billy's heartbeat slow as he relaxed again. Every once in a while Dom shifted, twitched, tightened his arm over Billy, because he knew he was a restless sleeper and he always had been big on verisimilitude in his acting. He gave Billy every opportunity to release him if he wanted to, but the arm stayed warm and close-fitting around him.

Eventually Dom decided it was time to _wake up_ and see what was what. He gave a little stretch, a little sigh, and nuzzled his forehead into Billy's chest. "Morning," he said hoarsely.

Billy's heart rate increased slightly, but he calmly, softly said, "Getting on for teatime, actually. But close enough."

"What day is it?"

"Sunday."

"Sunday?" Dom lifted his head to look up at Billy in mild alarm. "But I got here on Friday!"

Billy quietly chuckled, "No, you _left_ on Friday. You arrived on Saturday night. And it's now Sunday. And I have to piss like you wouldn't believe, so if you'll excuse me--" He carefully worked his way out of bed, trying to disturb Dom as little as possible.

But Dom rolled onto his back, grumbling, "Three days shot to hell, just like that. We really need to move Scotland closer to Hawaii, you know that?"

"I'll get right on it," Billy shot back wryly, just before opening the door and disappearing.

Dom indulged in another long, taut stretch, then sat up on the edge of the bed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. He pulled his jeans on and wandered out to the kitchen to unearth the coffee maker from behind a beer case and a dead plant. He was searching for filters when he heard the bathroom door open. "Bill?"

"Just a minute."

"No, before you get dressed."

A moment later, Billy stuck his head around the doorframe. "What?"

"I can't find your bloody coffee filters," Dom complained. "So you make coffee while I have a quick shower, and then you can have _your_ shower."

Billy looked like he was about to refuse some part of that plan, but thought better of it. "Fine. Grab a towel from the airing cupboard. And wash my name off your hand before we go anywhere." He walked in and quickly crossed to the freezer to pull out the coffee. Dom grinned but didn't say a word.

Dom was in and out of the shower in ten minutes and he dressed in clothes suitable to the chill, damp air of the day. When he returned to the kitchen the coffee was just finishing and Billy was nowhere to be seen. He took the last two mugs from the cupboard and set them on the counter, searched out the sugar, which for some reason was in the nearly empty fridge with the milk, and then walked into the living room.

Billy was sitting in the arm chair, a sweatshirt thrown across his lap as a blanket. He was staring at the beer bottles on the debris-littered coffee table.

Dom let out a tiny, inaudible sigh. "Bathroom's free, Bill."

Billy grunted. "Maybe later."

"Maybe now," he said firmly, going over to haul him to his feet.

"Bugger off--"

"You're starting to pong. Go and have a sodding shower, and don't come out until the water runs cold," Dom ordered, and frog-marched him to the bathroom.

"Fuck off!" Billy said indignantly, trying to resist, but only half-heartedly. They both knew full well he could take Dom down any day of the week.

"Go." Dom gently shoved him in and closed the door. Then with an impish grin, yelled, "And have a good wank while you're in there--it'll do wonders for your mood!"

"Cheeky bloody smart-mouthed fucker!" Billy shouted back.

Dom heard the water start to run as he walked away.

 

 

Dom decided Billy must have taken him at his word about running the water heater dry because it was nearly half an hour before the shower shut off. Ten minutes later he presented himself in the kitchen, dried and clothed in a clean, warm jumper and jeans. He stared at the newly tidied kitchen.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Dom looked up from the stack of toast. "Butter, jam, or Marmite?"

"What? None. What are you doing, Dom?"

"Well, I couldn't find the toaster until I cleared out all the empties. And now I'm making toast," Dom said reasonably. "Butter, jam, or Marmite?"

"I don't want any," Billy muttered, turning around and walking out.

"Pick one, or you're getting all three!" Dom threatened.

"Bugger off!" His voice came from the living room.

"I mean it, Boyd."

There was silence for a full five beats. Then, "Fine. Elderberry."

"Elderberry jam it is," Dom said cheerfully. When he was finished making the toast, he carried it into the living room, two pieces for Billy and four for himself. He stood in front of the sofa until, glaring, Billy took the proffered plate. Dom sat in the arm chair and, eating his own breakfast/lunch/tea, watched as Billy ate one half steadily, the next a little more slowly, and only nibbled at the third, and he knew he was right about Billy not eating much lately.

Dom polished his toast off with alacrity, rose, silently took Billy's plate from him when it was held out, and returned to the kitchen to pour two mugs of coffee. He easily remembered how to fix Billy's--a little sugar and plenty of milk--and when Billy tasted it and looked up at Dom with turmoil on his face, Dom sat beside him on the sofa. They both faced forward and Dom barely, lightly rubbed his knee against Billy's as they stared at the opposite wall and drank their coffee.

 

 

The moment he finished washing up what hadn't already been fit into the dishwasher, Dom tossed Billy's jacket onto his lap. "Come on."

Billy frowned down at it then up at Dom. "Come where?"

"We're going out for a bit."

"Out where?"

" _Out_. Shift your arse, Boyd."

"I don't want to," he muttered.

"I know you don't." Dom walked away, adding over his shoulder, "But you're going to have to, to keep me from getting lost."

"Where the fuck are you going?" Billy demanded angrily, getting up and following, just as Dom had hoped he would.

 

 

Dom made a face at the tinned instrumental Beatles blaring from the speakers overhead. "Orange or white?" he asked. He turned when there was no reply, but Billy was nowhere in sight. "Dammit ... " A moment later he found him two aisles down, picking up two bottles of Scotch.

"What kind of beer do you want?" Billy asked distractedly, stepping back to scan the entire display.

"Billy," Dom said clearly, with forced patience, "Can we finish with the food first, please, and _then_ come back for the beer?"

He turned and walked away. "We are coming back."

"Oh, believe me, I'm coming back for the beer," Dom muttered, following him. "I'm coming back for _lots_ of beer--I'm going to bloody well need it." He raised his voice again. "Orange or white cheese, Bill?"

 

 

Exhausted after dragging Billy's arse around Sainsbury's, Dom leaned against the corner of Billy's building.

Billy turned. "Would you please fucking hold this while I get my key out?"

"You're the one who insisted on buying so much bloody booze," Dom panted, taking the three six-packs of beer with hands already holding too many shopping bags.

"You're the one who insisted on buying so much bloody food," Billy retorted, getting his key into the lock and opening the door into the stairwell, holding it for Dom to go through first.

"I have no objection to getting--ah, bloody buggering fuck!" he swore, thrusting the beer at Billy. "Take it, take it, _fuck_."

Billy quickly grabbed the cases. "What? What's wrong?"

Dom set the bags in his left hand down, stayed leaning over, pressing his clenched hand tightly against the top of his thigh. "Sodding hell."

Billy put the beer down on the second step. "Dom? What is it?"

"Fucking bags," he said shortly, his voice hard. "Did you know plastic can indeed cut skin open?"

"Let me see," Billy said immediately, reaching for Dom's hand.

"No. Leave it, Bill," he snapped, jerking his arm away.

"Let me see it, there's a brave lad," Billy said warmly, kindly, sounding amused. Sounding like Dom's Billy for the first time since he'd arrived.

It caught Dom off guard, and he found his hand captured, held carefully for inspection. "Cut it out," he protested weakly.

"It's not so bad. We'll get you upstairs, you can run it under the tap, and then we'll put a plaster on it. You'll be right as rain."

"I know I will be." Dom tried to sound annoyed as he snatched his hand back, but knew he had failed miserably when Billy chuckled.

"Wait here. I'll take the beer up and unlock the door, then come back for those," he gestured to the bags on the floor.

"Well hurry it up," Dom grumbled, turning away to keep his smile from showing. "This trip has been a sodding disaster so far, and hanging out in your stairwell is _not_ how I planned spending an evening."

 

 

In Billy's flat, Dom did indeed run his hand under the tap, washing the blood off while Billy put the groceries away. He peered at the small cut, scrutinising it closely, and with a sigh realised he'd had about all the sympathy for it he could reasonably expect. It was only a glorified paper-cut, really. He covered it with the plaster Billy had fetched for him.

"Going to live?"

"Gobshite," Dom muttered, walking out to the living room to throw himself on the sofa. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd anything in your flat for those not on a liquid diet!"

"I had bread," Billy protested mildly, following him out, two beer bottles in hand. "A little something to ease the pain?"

"Don't mind if I do, thanks," Dom took the bottle held out to him and sat up to make room for Billy beside him. They cracked their beers almost simultaneously and drank. Dom swiped his lip with his thumb, turned to watch Billy drain half his beer in one go, then breathe deeply and belch. "Very nice. Very classy."

Billy shrugged. "Has to come out, doesn't it? Thought you might prefer that method to the alternative."

Dom snorted. "Git." He settled back into the corner of the sofa, one foot up on the cushion. "When I first got here, I asked you a question. You still haven't answered it."

Billy's brows drew together. "You did? What?"

Dom regarded him evenly for a moment. "What are you doing, Bill?"

He drained the rest of his beer. "At the moment, drinking. Want another?" He got to his feet and went back out to the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

"No thanks," Dom said quietly.

When Billy returned, he had a tumbler half full of Scotch and one lone piece of ice. "Help yourself when you do. Mi casa and all that. Want to watch a film?" he asked as he sat.

"No, not really. I want to know what happened, if you'll tell me," Dom said honestly. "I want to know why you're drinking an arseload, not eating, not sleeping, and letting your flat get buried under a pile of shite."

"Because Ali is gone and I am wallowing in self-pity, as people often do after a breakup," he said with false cheer, and took a large swallow of his Scotch. "I rather thought you'd have figured that out by now. You're slowing down, Dominic. Time was, you would have been onto that like a shot."

"Stop taking the piss, Bills. Why is Ali gone?"

"Taking the piss? On the contrary, I am quite sincere. Ali _is_ gone, I _am_ wallowing, and you _are_ slowing down. Nothing there to take the piss about. Take the piss over? Take the piss--"

"Billy. Cut it out," Dom insisted with mounting frustration. "If you don't want to talk, then just say so. Don't treat me like an idiot."

He looked away, took another deep swallow of his drink. Finally mumbled, "Sorry, Dom. I didn't mean it to sound like that."

Dom sighed. "It's all right. Look--you and Ali have broken up before, and you've never been like this. What's different this time? What did she say to you?"

"She didn't say anything--not like that. It's different because this time it's really over," he muttered. "She won't be back." He drank again.

"Billy, I'm sorry she broke it off with you--"

"She didn't," Billy interrupted, still not looking at Dom. "It was a mutual decision."

Dom was confused. "Mutual? But I thought--you seem so ... "

He just snorted, and took another swallow of Scotch.

Dom tried again. "Then what's got you in such a state, Bills?" he asked softly. "This isn't like you."

"Not like me?" Billy repeated, his voice suddenly hard. "That's where you're wrong, Dom. This is _exactly_ like me when I find out I've wasted three years of my life and of someone else's." He surged to his feet and disappeared into the kitchen again.

Dom took a long swallow of his beer. This was going to be even harder than he'd thought. Something was off here, more than just the normal pain of a breakup. Something extra was really eating at Billy. When he didn't return after a few minutes, Dom went in search of him.

Billy sat at the kitchen table, the open bottle of Scotch in front of him; he'd refilled his tumbler, but this time hadn't troubled with ice. He didn't look up as Dom crossed to the counter behind him, rinsing his beer bottle out at the sink and leaving it to dry.

"Beer in the fridge?" Dom asked quietly.

"Yep."

He got one, twisted the cap off, and took a sip, before leaning against the counter behind and to the side of Billy. "You want to tell me what happened, or should I invite Elijah over for a visit?"

Billy groaned, but with a tiny reluctant smile in his voice said, "God, no. Don't sic Earnest Boy on me."

"Then talk, Bill," Dom smiled in answer. "Or he'll be coming to do his number on you. It's pathetic how quickly you turn into putty in his hands."

"It is, isn't it?" He took another drink, and then bent his head, exposing the vulnerable nape of his neck. "Don't know where to start."

"Start with what sparked this," Dom suggested. "Did you just wake up one day and say 'I want out', or what?"

Billy shook his head. "I guess what set it off was ... was when we realised ... " He trailed off.

Dom waited, drinking his beer, but finally had to urge him to continue. "Realised what?"

"Realised that--that we hadn't had sex in over three months. And that ... well, that neither of us cared."

"You were away from her for part of that time, weren't you?"

"Some. But that should have meant that when I came home, we ... but we didn't. We'd sit up talking all night," Billy said quietly, sadly, "And then we'd go to bed, and curl up together, and--and sleep."

"What did you do?" Dom asked gently. "Did you try spicing things up a bit or anything? You two had been together for a while, maybe you just needed a bit of a shake-up?"

"No. No, that wasn't it. We used to be lovers, I mean, we used to be _in_ love, you know?" he said, suddenly intent. He rose and started to pace, glass in hand. "But somewhere along the way, we--we fell out of love, Ali and I. I still care for her, don't get me wrong. She's a dear friend and I love her almost as much as I do--" Billy stopped abruptly, and Dom wondered what he'd been about to say. Why would he stop if it was a simple 'as much as I do you'? "We've been nothing more than friends for so long, now, Dom. Friends that had a good shag once in a while--and then not even that. Truly just friends. But I couldn't let it go, I couldn't let her go and be alone and have to start all over again, so I just ignored it and kept on the way it had been, because it was nice and it was comfortable and it was home, you know?" He drank deeply of his Scotch. "You know Billy Boyd, can't make a big decision to save his fucking life, so I just shut my eyes and I let it go on and I was happy, happy to keep her here, and yeah, maybe she fell out of love with me too, maybe at the end she felt the same, just affection for a close friend, but I should have done something about it, I should have said something, but instead I left the dirty work for her, she had to bring it up, she had to force me to talk about it, she had to say it was over, she had to say she was moving out, she had to point out that I--" Once again Billy cut himself off sharply, and Dom couldn't let that one go.

"She had to point out what, Bill?"

"Nothing," he muttered.

"Come on. She had to point out what?"

"No. I can't, Dom--I can't, not now. I can't go there right now. I don't _want_ to go there right now. Just fucking don't," he ended in an undertone, practically dropped his glass on the table and fled.

Dom let out a slow breath. What the hell was _that_ about?  


 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Twenty minutes later Dom finally found Billy out on the tiny balcony that was barely wide enough for a chair. Last time he'd visited, Dom had teased him that Billy might have to lose weight if he wanted to spend any time out there. But he was out there now; the chair was folded up against the railing and Billy leaned against the sandstone wall to the right of the door. He was smoking.

Dom joined him, gingerly looking over the railing to see how far a drop it was should the balcony give way, and he closed the door behind him.

Billy's voice was low. "It's been here a hundred years, Dom."

"Somehow that does not fill me with confidence." He leaned against the wall on the other side of the door and looked down at the street below. "Why're you smoking?"

"Because I wanted to."

"Makes you a hypocrite, you know," Dom said with a little smile. "Always telling Elijah to give them up."

"I tell Elwood not to smoke the cloves, and I tell him to cut down. I've never told him to give them up because I _know_ it would make me a hypocrite." He brought the cigarette to his mouth, finger curled over top of it, and took a long, slow draw, the tip flaring red in the night.

"Easy, Bill. I'm just teasing," Dom said quietly.

A lorry went past, clattering and rattling in the otherwise still Sunday night. When it was silent again, Billy said, "I keep having to apologise to you, don't I?"

"You don't need to."

"I'm sorry, Dom."

Dom couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. He looked over at Billy. "You're such a git, Bills."

Billy took another deep drag. "I mean it. You only came because I asked you to, and I'm being a right fucker. I don't know what to say, other than--"

"Don't you dare," Dom grinned. "Give me that." He reached over and plucked the cigarette from Billy's fingers, then took a long draw.

"Hypocrite," Billy murmured, the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Ah, but I never told you to give 'em up, did I?" Dom raised an eyebrow. "Merely expressed surprise at seeing a smoke in your gob. God, that's good. I haven't had one in months."

Billy pulled the pack out of his pocket, taking out another cigarette and lighting it. They smoked in silence, the only sound the distant hum of traffic from the main roads and the hiss of burning paper and tobacco.

Dom watched the smoke as it rose and curled in front of him, before being swept aside and dissipated by an air current above their heads. "Have you talked to her since she moved out?" he asked quietly, not looking over.

Billy didn't answer right away. He studied the tip of his cigarette for a long moment before taking a drag and then saying, "Yeah. Once. She called to let me know where she was staying."

"Are you going to see her again?"

"Of course." He sounded surprised. "I told you, we're friends, I still care for her and she for me. I'm not just tossing that away."

"When?"

"I--I don't know." His voice dropped again. "Not for a while. It may have been mutual, but it was still ... bloody uncomfortable."

Dom crushed out his cigarette end on the railing, then held up the filter. "Where do you want this?"

"There's a tin in the corner behind you."

Dom turned, dropped it in. "So Ali brought it up, did she? What happened to make her finally say something, if neither of you were admitting anything was wrong?"

Billy inhaled, then sighed the smoke out in a steady stream. "That holiday we were going to take next month? She wanted to go to Spain. I wanted--somewhere else. When we discussed the possibility of separate holidays and it sounded like a good idea, she--she had to say something, it just ... The idea that we could even consider that ... Ali went to a girlfriend's for the weekend, I guess to think it over. When she came home, she sat me down and said it was over. I--I didn't ... I guess I didn't react very well." Billy's voice had gone flat, and he stabbed his cigarette out on the railing.

Dom reached over and took the butt from his fingers, dropping it in the tin.

Billy turned and went back into the flat, not even looking to see if Dom followed--which he did--but heading straight to the kitchen to refill his tumbler and swallow several mouthfuls.

"Take it easy, Bill," Dom murmured.

"I'm only pished," he snapped. "I would prefer to be completely mortalled, thank you very much."

"I'm sure you would," Dom replied calmly. "But I get the feeling you've spent a lot of time in that state the past two weeks. Time to give your liver a rest, yeah?"

"Fuck off, Dom." He walked out, returning to the living room to slouch on the sofa.

Dom grabbed another beer out of the fridge and joined him. "Would you pick a spot and stay put? I'm getting tired of following you about."

"So don't," Billy retorted.

"Oh, all right then," he said sharply, finally fed up. "I'll just spend twenty sodding hours getting here, lose two full days and a fuckload of sleep, and I'll go and sit in your kitchen by myself until you're finished drinking yourself into oblivion, then, shall I?" He stalked out to the kitchen, picked up the Scotch bottle, and took it into the living room, where he set it with a loud clunk on the coffee table. "Here. You'll need this if you're going to get well and truly bollocksed."

Billy didn't look at him, and he didn't look pleased.

Dom returned to the kitchen and sat at the table to drink his beer and get his temper under control.

One of two things was going to happen. Either Billy would stay in the living room and drink and brood until he either staggered to bed or just passed out where he was, in which case they'd try again tomorrow, or he would stay in the living room and drink and brood just long enough to get trolleyed and then come in and try and talk to Dom. And Dom wasn't sure which he'd prefer, really. Billy drinking to unconsciousness was not a pretty thing, and it was rare enough that it truly worried Dom. But trying to have a serious conversation about something important with a hammered Billy was ... well, it was nauseating, to be honest. He just got so damned maudlin. Then again, like most blokes when they were shit-faced, he often revealed truths that he wouldn't if he were sober. Which might come in handy right about now, to help Dom figure out what was really going on here.

Of course, there was always the third option, which was for Dom to get legless himself. He was seriously pondering that one.

He realised he was hungry, wondered if he should try and get Billy to eat something again, then accepted that it would be futile tonight. But tomorrow he was going to eat a real meal if it killed Dom. And at this rate, it just might. Dom found a pot in the cupboard, filled it with cold water, and put it on the stove, lighting the burner on high. He got two eggs from the fridge, pierced the ends, and put them in the water.

Dom didn't think it had been a serious offer, but he thought now that maybe they really should take that roadtrip up the coast, or to St. Andrew's, or anywhere really. Get Bill out of the flat and thinking about something else and away from the booze for a bit. Just a bit of a changeup to get him over this hump. He rooted around in the drawer that he knew contained papers and maps and directions to places Billy had visited two years ago (the inveterate pack-rat), and pulled out the roadmap of Scotland.

When the water reached the boil, he absently reached over and turned it off, checking his watch. He continued pouring over the map as he drank his beer, his finger tracing up the routes to places Billy had mentioned--Dunvegan out on the Isle of Skye, or just a bit north of there Tournaig, because whether Billy liked it or not, there was no way they were going all the way up to the Orkneys. Dom liked the sound of Dunvegan, he'd always wanted to see Skye, and maybe being by the ocean again would do Billy some good, even if it was too bloody cold to surf. He checked his watch again, drained the pot in the sink, and then put two pieces of bread in the toaster. When the toast was done, he cut it into strips, smiling at his unexpected whimsy, and sat at the table to eat his soft-boiled eggs and soldiers.

Billy walked (more like reeled, if Dom was being uncharitable) in and dropped into the seat opposite Dom.

Dom steeled himself. It was going to be talkative Billy, then. He continued calmly dipping the toast soldier into the yolk of his first egg.

"Dom. Whatcha doin', Dom?"

"I'm having a bite to eat. Haven't had much since yesterday."

"I'm a shite host, aren't I Dom?" Billy said sadly, watching Dom's hand as it raised egg-coated toast to his mouth. "Don't even feed you. Make you fly all the way from t' other side of the planet, then I don't even feed you. Don't know why you came."

Dom sighed. Yep. Maudlin. "I came because you asked me to, Billy. You needed a mate, I'm here. You know I can't say no to you."

Billy stared at him blearily. "Yes, you can. An' it fuckin' sucks."

Dom frowned. "What do you mean?"

But Billy had fixed his eyes on the food again.

"Oh, for fuck's sake--" Dom muttered, finished off the first egg, and pushed the plate over to Billy. "Eat it, then."

He picked up one of the strips of toast, then just looked at the still-whole egg.

Biting his tongue, Dom peeled it and cut the top off for him, and waited while he ate, mucking about with it a bit but eventually getting it all inside him. "Better, Billy?" he asked when the plate was pushed back.

"Aye. Thanks, Dom. Thanks. Haven't been eating, really. Dunno why. Can't be arsed, I s'pose."

"I didn't think you'd had much. We'll have a real dinner tomorrow, okay, Bills?" Dom leaned back and took a swig of beer.

"Yeah. Whatever you want, we'll have your favourite, okay? We'll get your favourite." Billy nodded, his head movement exaggerated by his drunkenness. "'Cos you're my best mate, and I love you."

Against his better judgment, Dom chuckled. "Love you too, Bills. You know that."

"I s'pose." There was an odd note in Billy's voice that made Dom look at him sharply, but then Billy was staggering to his feet. "Need my drink. Not walking out. Come with me. C'mon, Dom. Let's go and have a smoke, yeah?" He wandered out, and after a moment Dom followed him.

"Billy, I don't know if the balcony is a good idea--"

"Ach, sure it is," he brushed the suggestion off as he picked up his glass that still had two fingers of whisky in the bottom. "Need a smoke, an' the stairs'd probably be a worse idea," he laughed at himself.

"All right, but stand right by the door, okay?" Dom pleaded. "I don't need a heart attack tonight."

"Dom, ye wee twat, the whole goddamn balcony is right by the door," he snickered, and stepped outside.

Dom followed him and closed the door to keep the smoke outside. "Pass me the fags and a lighter."

Billy fumbled them out of his pocket, nearly dropping the lighter over the edge of the balcony, but managing to get them into Dom's hand. As Dom shook two cigarettes out and put them both between his lips, Billy indignantly said, "You can't have both!"

Dom shook his head, lit them at the same time, then passed one to Billy and spoke around his own. "You're so trolleyed, Boyd."

"Yeah. Haven't been this fucked up in a long time," he agreed cheerfully.

Dom wondered how he meant that. "Hey Bills," he suddenly said. "You mentioned earlier that for your holiday Ali wanted to go to Spain, and you wanted to go somewhere else. Where did you want to go?"

"Hawaii."

Dom was taken aback. "Why?"

Billy rolled his eyes. "To see you, you gormless twonk. Why the hell else would I go to Hawaii?"

Dom took a deep breath and carefully said, "You wanted to come see me on your holiday with Ali?"

"Well, I didn't know you'd be here now. So yeah, I was going to go see you there then." Billy explained, as if it should be the most obvious thing in the world.

"But--I'm on hiatus, Bill. That's why I _am_ here. There's no guarantee I was even going to _be_ in Hawaii next month."

"You woulda been, if I said I was coming," Billy said comfortably.

Dom thought about that and realised it was true. He would have been. "Yeah. Guess so." He took a deep drag off his smoke, the tip flaring brightly. "So what did Ali say when you told her?"

"Told her what?" Billy was trying to blow smoke rings. He was failing spectacularly.

"That you wanted to come to Hawaii to visit me on your holiday with her?"

"Oh. That. Not much, really, that was the night she left to go and stay at her girlfriend's for the weekend."

Dom stared at him, a sinking feeling in his stomach. "It was?"

"Yep. Wouldn't it be fuckin' amazing to be able to blow a smoke ship like Gandalf?" he said, almost meditatively.

"Yeah. Listen, Bills--you said something else tonight. I'm going to ask you, but if you don't want to talk about it, just say so, all right?"

"Sure, Dom." He took a drink, and immediately afterwards a long draw on his cigarette.

"You said Ali was the one who had to bring it all up, who had to end it, and then you said she was the one who had to point out--what, Billy?"

"You. But I don't want to talk about it," he said matter-of-factly.

Dom stared at him again. "Me? What do you mean she had to point out _me_?"

Billy remained silent.

"You can't do that, Bill! You can't say something like that and then say you don't want to talk about it!"

"Yes I can. You said so. You said if I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't have to. Watch this, Dom." He took a step forward and flicked his lit cigarette end up in the air, watched it arc and trail sparks like a miniature comet plummeting towards earth. "Looks like ... like. I don't know what. But it looks pretty."

"You shouldn't do that," Dom said automatically, distractedly. "You have a tin right here."

"Fireworks."

"What?"

"Looks like a wee bitty firework," Billy said, pleased he'd thought of it. He leaned far over the railing to see if he could see it still glowing below.

"Jesus, Bill, get the fuck back!" Dom yelped. He reached with one hand and pulled on Billy's arm.

But Billy yanked it away, and in doing so, nearly lost his balance, one foot coming right off the stone floor. Dom dropped his cigarette with a gasp and hauled him back with both hands, until he leaned back against the sandstone wall, his fingers clutching Billy's arms, Billy leaning back against Dom's chest.

"You stupid sodding fucking drunken _idiot_ ," Dom breathed, shaking. "Don't you ever fucking do that again, do you hear me?"

"It's okay, Dom," Billy said, sincerely believing it. "I wasn't going to fall."

"Don't _ever_ fucking do that again," Dom repeated, more severely.

"Okay, Dom. I won't. I won't do it again." He tried to move, so Dom let go of his arms, but Billy simply turned around and laid his head on Dom's shoulder. "'M sorry. Don't worry. I won't do it again."

Dom let out a soft puff of breath, then put his arms around Billy and hugged him. "Make sure you don't," he said gruffly. When Billy pressed his forehead into the crook of Dom's neck and whispered, "Okay," against his skin, Dom realized they were still outside, in plain view of anyone who cared to look. "Come on, Bills. Let's go in, yeah?"

"Sure, Dom. Whatever you want." Billy stepped away, opened the door, and went inside. Against all the odds, his glass had stayed in his hand the entire time.

Dom closed his eyes briefly, tried to get a grip on himself, and followed Billy back in.


	4. Chapter 4

For the next hour they sat on the sofa watching TV, Dom thinking too hard to talk and Billy too drunk to notice his silence.

"Dom?" he said suddenly, listing to the side to lean his head on Dom's shoulder again.

"Yeah?"

"'M sorry I got stocious. You know, on your first night here, and all. Not much of a best mate, am I?"

"It's all right, Bills." Dom lifted his arm to drop it over Billy's shoulders, and suddenly had a lap full of said best mate. "Ehm ... Billy--"

"No, 'cos, like, I'm really sorry," he said earnestly, looking up at Dom's chin from where he'd fallen across his lap. "An' I'm sorry I didn't pick you up at the airport. An' I'm sorry I didn't have any food for you. I wanted you to come and stay with me and I wanted you to make me feel better and I wanted you to have a really good time so you'd never want to leave, an' I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to go home tomorrow, an'--"

Dom put a hand over his mouth. "Stop. I don't want to leave tomorrow, Bills, I'm here for a while, all right? Now stop apologising. You sent a car for me, we got food tonight, and I'll do what I can to make you feel better. I just want to spend a bit of time with my best mate."

"Okay. Okay, Dom." He suddenly closed his eyes and turned to bury his face in Dom's stomach.

Dom froze, praying Billy didn't move his arm about four inches to the right. "Ehm--why don't you sit up, Bill?" he said, a shade desperately.

"'Cos I'm tired," he mumbled, his voice muffled further by Dom's jumper.

"Then why don't you go to bed?"

"'Cos it's nice here with you."

"I'll still be here tomorrow. Go to bed, Billy."

"No. Want to talk to you," he said stubbornly, shifting to the right.

Dom quickly pushed him off. "Tell you what, you go to bed and I'll come in and talk to you until you pass--I mean, fall asleep. Okay?"

Billy considered it. "Okay," he said agreeably. He staggered to his feet. "'M gonna go piss first."

"Good idea. I'll be along in a few minutes. Make sure you change." With a vague sense of relief, Dom watched him lurch his way down the hall. He wondered what the hell was going on--he was afraid he didn't know and petrified he maybe did. And it was going to be days, probably, before he could work out which it was. At that thought he practically sprang to his feet and began tidying up the living room, killing time and trying to tire anxiety.

 

 

Dom pushed the door open a little wider. "Bills?" he whispered. The bedside lamp was on, but Billy lay facing the wall. There was no answer, so he turned to go, only to be stopped by a slurred voice.

"C'mere. Dom, c'mere."

Dom walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbed Billy's shoulder. "How are you doing?"

"'M fucked. 'M bloody well fucked," he mumbled, then gingerly rolled over. He kept his eyes closed, although he frowned. "Don't--don't ... "

"Don't what, Bills?" Dom asked softly.

"Don't shout at me in th' morning. For gettin' buckled."

"All right. I won't."

"Promise," he insisted, his frown deepening.

"I promise," Dom soothed, brushing the hair off his forehead. "I'm going to go and get you a glass of water. You'd better have some before you sleep."

"Don't go."

"I'll be right back." Dom got up, went to the kitchen and poured water into the tallest glass he could find. He half expected to find Billy unconscious when he returned, but that wasn't the case.

"Dom. Dom," Billy was muttering, eyes still closed. "Dom. Get back here, you wee bastard. Where the fuck did you go?"

"I'm right here, Billy," Dom said, fondly exasperated. "I told you I was going to get you some water." He sat on the edge of the bed again. "Sit up and drink this."

"No. Don't wanna."

"Stop your whinging and sit up."

"Whinging? I'm not fuckin' whinging." His eyes opened the merest slit, and he hauled himself upright. "Oh God ... "

Dom looked at him sideways. "Should I get you a basin?"

Billy shook his head. "No. 'M fine. I'm--well, not fine. 'M fucked. I've left drunk so far behind I can't remember what it looks like. But I'm not gonna ... " He made a little noise, swallowed. "You know."

"Drink the water, Bill," Dom said softly, not quite believing him.

He drank. It took him a while, but he managed to finish the glass. "Thanks. That's good. I'm good," he mumbled, easing himself back down. "Talk to me, Dom. You were gonna talk to me."

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"Tell me. Tell me about your trip. Tell me about coming here. I didn't ask how--how your flight was. Tell me 'bout your flight." His arm flopped bonelessly around until his hand found Dom, then clutched the waist of his jeans with surprising strength.

"All right. You just relax. Well, I was already a bit tired when I got to the airport, the party went late the night before. So to keep myself amused, I did a bit of shopping. I bought you some prezzies, Bill, and I just know you're going to love them," he smiled.

"You did? You bought me prezzies? Oh--I didn't get you anything ... " Billy moaned miserably. "God, 'm the worst best mate ever--"

"Shut up, Bills," Dom chuckled. "Besides, you might change your mind when you see what they are."

"What is it? What'd you get me?" he asked, his hand tugging at Dom's waistband.

"I--ehm--stop pulling, Bill--you'll just have to wait and see. I'll give them to you tomorrow."

"Oh. Okay." His forehead wrinkled. "Don't s'pose I deserve prezzies tonight anyway."

"It's not that you don't deserve them, wanker. You wouldn't even know what you were looking at in this state."

"Guess so. So you bought me prezzies."

"After I bought your prezzies, we boarded, and it was a nice short trip to L.A. When I got off in L.A., I called Elijah and talked to him for a while. If I'd been there longer he would have met me for a coffee, but I was only there for two hours. Barely enough time to go out and go straight back in through security." Dom gently rubbed his hand up and down Billy's arm. "He says hi, and to tell you he misses you."

"Miss him too. Little Elwood," Billy mumbled into his pillow. "I miss Elwood too."

"I know. And that's what I told him. So then I got back on the plane, and we flew up to Chicago. I had three hours to spare in Chicago, so I did a little more shopping."

"More prezzies for me?" Billy asked, sounding an odd mixture of hopeful and guilty. "Not for me."

"Some were for you," Dom smiled. "And some were for me. I bought myself a book to read on the plane, and I bought a t-shirt."

"What's it say?" Even in a near-stupor, Billy knew Dom would never buy a plain t-shirt.

"I'll show you tomorrow. So I wandered and shopped for three hours, and I was really starting to get knackered by this point, Bills, I mean, I could have fallen asleep on the bloody _floor_ if I'd let myself, but I kept going so that I would sleep on the plane, because you know what I'm like."

"Sodding pathetic flyer, you are." There was a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah. And you're both Wright brothers wrapped up into one paragon of flight."

"'S true."

"May I continue?" Dom asked, his tone overly polite.

"Go 'head."

"Thank you. So I boarded again, finally, and as soon as we were at altitude, I put my earphones in and tried to go to sleep. Nothin' doin'. So when they brought the first meal--"

"What was it?"

Dom raised his eyebrow. "You sure you want to hear about food right now, Bills?"

He swallowed again. "Good point. G'on."

"Yeah. Anyway, I ate, and then I thought I'd definitely be ready to sleep, what with my nice full tum and all. Nope. Not a wink. I started to get kind of wound up about it, really."

"My poor Dom."

"Such sincerity," Dom teased gently.

"No, no. Mean it. Sucks when y' can't sleep. Flight goes on for fuckin' ever." His voice was losing coherency.

"You're telling me. So I pulled out my new book to read. That only lasted thirty pages."

"Why? Bad?"

"Ehm--no. Wasn't that."

"Then what?" Billy actually cracked one eye open to look up at him, but quickly closed it again.

"Well, if you must know," Dom coloured a little, "It was a little erotic. And I was getting a bit--uncomfortable."

A lopsided smile pulled at Billy's lips. "Dom'nic got a stiffy. Did you go to th' toilet and wank?"

"No, I did not!" he exclaimed, then relaxed. "It was tempting, though. So I put the tray down and wrote on my hands for a while."

"Dom?"

"Yeah, Bills?"

His voice sounded a bit odd. "Wasn't my name on your hands?"

"Sure. Because I was thinking about you."

His wrinkled his forehead in alarm. "While you were thinkin' 'bout wanking?"

"No, no, Billy," Dom said, discomfited. "I was thinking about other stuff to take my mind off it. Hawaii, the trip, you, our roadtrip, I even wrote vodka on there somewhere."

"Oh."

Was it Dom's imagination, or did Billy sound slightly disappointed? No, definitely his imagination. "So--" he cleared his throat and started again. "So I watched the film, ate the second meal, and we arrived in Glasgow. A bit of a rough landing, but nothing we've never been through before. Had to wait what felt like ages at the concierge desk, but at least the driver was great. Hit traffic, too, which didn't help my mood, really, and I was going to tear you a new one, until I got here and got a good look at you." Dom realised he was rambling, and rather lamely finished with, "And that was it, really. Here I am."

"'M sorry. Sorry it was ... shite trip. Wish I had ... private jet. For you," he said, mumbling again. "With a bed. An' pillows. An' sexy attendants. An' no one else on it, with their fucking lights an' stupid talking an' coughing an' walkin' around. So you wouldn't hate comin' to see me."

"I don't hate coming to see you, Bills. I don't enjoy the trip, but it's worth it, if I get to see you, spend some time with you."

"You're just sayin' that 'cos I'm fucked," he muttered, turning his face further into his pillow. "Just bein' nice."

"When have I ever said things to you 'just to be nice'?" Dom softly chided. "If I don't mean something, I don't say it, you know that."

"Say something y' mean." His hand tightened on Dom's waistband again, pulling at it.

"Something I mean? All right. I mean it when I say I want you to go to sleep now. I mean it when I say I won't give you a bollocking tomorrow for what you've done to yourself tonight. I mean it when I say I'm glad I'm here. Okay, Bills?"

"Okay, Dom," he whispered. "Stay. Just a few more minutes."

"All right. But go to sleep." They both fell silent, then, and Dom lightly feathered his hand across Billy's hair, over and over, until he was sure sleep had finally claimed him. He carefully untangled Billy's hand from the waist of his jeans, relieved when he didn't move so much as a muscle. Whispering, "Sleep well, Bills," Dom turned out the light and left, making sure to leave the door cracked open just a bit in case Billy needed to get up in the middle of the night.

 

 

Much to Dom's sympathy, Billy did indeed have to get up during the night. Loud, hurried footsteps past the guest bedroom partially woke Dom, and the even louder noises of someone being violently sick into the toilet brought him fully awake. "Ah, fuck," he whispered, trying to decide what to do. Billy didn't like anyone in the same room with him while he was puking, but he really should be checked on ...

Dom climbed out of bed and pulled on the long flannel trousers and t-shirt he'd left by the bed for exactly this eventuality, and quietly walked out into the hallway. He waited by the bathroom door, his own stomach rolling a bit at the sound of Billy throwing up over and over, wishing he could offer some comfort but knowing Billy would never forgive him for walking in now. When the retching noises finally stopped a few minutes later, he gripped the doorjamb, nervous at the complete silence that fell over the flat. He pressed his ear to the door, but heard nothing--not even a breath. He spoke anxiously. "Billy?"

From behind the door came faint sounds of movement, then an indistinct mumbling that Dom took to mean 'come in'. He eased the door open to peer around it, and when Billy didn't immediately object, he stepped inside the bathroom.

Billy was slumped on the floor, pale, clammy and shivering. Dom wordlessly walked over and sat on the edge of the tub, gently pulling Billy back to lean against his warm legs, before reaching out and flushing the toilet. He looked around but there was no towel to hand--he should have grabbed one before he sat down. Damn. Oh well--Dom dried the cold sweat off Billy's face with his hand, drying his hand in turn on his t-shirt.  Billy was shaking, but Dom assumed the fact that he was still sitting on the floor and not trying to get back to bed meant that he wasn't sure he was finished yet, so Dom simply sat with him. He wiped Billy's forehead every once in a while, brushed his damp hair off his forehead, rubbed his shoulders soothingly, and let go completely when Billy suddenly rose to his knees and leaned over the toilet again. His back arched up, and once again he was being noisily sick once, twice, three times, until finally nothing was coming up, and the painful dry heaves abated.

Billy immediately staggered to his feet and stumbled over to the sink. Dom flushed the toilet again, then stood to the side and waited. Billy rinsed his mouth a few times, brushed his teeth, and drank several glasses of water; when he finally straightened, he looked like his knees were barely holding him up. Dom ushered him out, hands hovering by his arms just in case, and walked him back to his bedroom.

"Dom," Billy said miserably as he crawled into his bed. "'M sorry, Dom--"

"Shh. It's all right. Don't worry about it. Just try and go back to sleep," Dom said softly.

"'M so fuckin' cold." His teeth chattered as if to prove him correct.

"Do you have any more blankets anywhere?"

"Wardrobe. Top shelf."

Dom fetched a spare blanket from the wardrobe and spread it over Billy, then ran a gentle hand over his head. "Go to sleep, Bills. Sleep as long as you can tomorrow." He left, leaving the door open again.

Back in the guest bedroom, Dom climbed in between the sheets. Poor Billy was going to be suffering something fierce in the morning. Coffee, paracetamol, and an icepack were going to be the order of the day, that was for sure. Dom yawned, and quickly fell back to sleep.

 

 

Sometime later--Dom hoped not _too_ long, he didn't like the idea of Billy suffering--the bed dipped beside him as Billy crawled in next to him and curled up, not quite touching him. Dom could feel the bed tremble with Billy's shudders. "Still cold?" he murmured.

"Can't--can't get warm," he muttered, and even his voice sounded shivery.

"Come here, then. Let me help." Dom lifted the blankets a bit, held up his arm to make room for Billy to shift over and huddle against his side. He was glad he'd kept the t-shirt and flannels on--not only would it be less awkward for Billy, but it might feel warmer, too.

But Billy couldn't get comfortable and still have enough direct contact to warm him up. He ended up rolling over and pressing his back against Dom's side, curling the rest of his body in on himself. "Just--just need to--get a bit warmer," he forced out through clenched teeth. "Then I'll g-go."

"Stay," Dom said quietly. "I don't mind." He rolled too, spooning behind Billy, his chest pressed against Billy's back, his knees tucked up against the back of Billy's thighs, their feet tangling together. He put his arm over top of Billy, holding him tightly as he continued to shake. "You've never let me look after you before. Are you always like this when you've been sick?" he asked softly, his mouth near Billy's ear.

Billy shuddered. "Yeah. Get really--really cold. Just need t-to warm up a bit. Th-then I'll be okay."

Dom smiled. "Well, until morning, at least."

He gave a shaky chuckle. "Yeah. My head already hurts."

Dom lifted his head off the pillow. "Do you want some paracetamol? I could go and get it--"

"No. No. Don't go anywhere," he said quickly.

"Okay." Dom spread a warm palm across Billy's chest. "Where do you keep it? I'll have it on hand in the morning."

"Med-medicine cabinet in the--the bathroom."

"Okay."

"Sorry I w-woke you," Billy whispered.

"It's all right. I've nowhere to be in the morning," Dom smiled. "And I'll be asleep again very soon anyway. You're shaking a bit less--are you starting to feel warmer?"

"A--a bit. You throw off a pr-pretty good heat," he said, tucking his head down against his shoulder.

"I'm very hot-blooded, don't you know."

"Lucky for me," he murmured, and then was quiet.

Within fifteen minutes, they were both asleep.

 

 

Dom woke late the next morning and crawled out of bed, taking care not to wake Billy, who barely moved from his sprawled-out position even as Dom slid out from underneath him. Which was a relief, because Dom would be embarrassed beyond measure if Billy had seen the morning erection he was sporting right now. His hard-ons weren't usually quite _this_ impressive first thing but, then again, he didn't usually wake up covered by Billy from chest to toes, either.

Billy had just been drunk, Dom told himself for the tenth time already that morning. His pint-sized longing was spilling over far too rapidly for comfort.

Dom headed for the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He went in search of the paracetamol, found it right where Billy had said, and returned to place it in the centre of the kitchen table. He poured a glass of water and left it sitting beside the small bottle, and then shut himself in the bathroom for a nice hot shower.

As he washed his hair--using Billy's shampoo, because Billy's shampoo smelled like Billy's hair--Dom wondered what kind of shape Billy would be in when he woke up. Probably rather rough. So Dom had better just keep his pants on, so to speak, and not push him to talk about anything at all today. Just a quiet day in, a bit of coffee, a bit of food, maybe a little quiet TV, probably a post-teatime nap, and nothing the least bit stressful. It sounded nice.

It sounded frustrating as hell.

Because really, he needed to know--well, okay, maybe not needed. But it would really _help_ to know the story of how and why Billy and Ali had broken up in all its gory detail, so that Dom could stop reading meaning into every odd word or look, meaning pulled straight out of his own previously well-controlled desires and not out of any actual inference of Billy's. Because Dom really needed to let some of his longing drain off so he could (mostly) comfortably contain it in that pint-sized compartment he had grown used to. Billy didn't return Dom's long-standing feelings, as was rather obvious when one looked at the fact that he had a _girlfriend_. Or, had one until recently, anyway. So Dom should just stop watching for any lingering glances, or double-entendres, or not-so-casual touches-- _fuck_.

Annoyed with himself, fully erect again at the thought of Billy purposely touching him, Dom quickly soaped up his hand and roughly jerked himself off, the name _Billy_ falling in a whisper with the water as he came.


	5. Chapter 5

Dom was sitting in front of the TV with his second cup of coffee when Billy finally came shuffling out, still wearing only his pants. He disappeared into the kitchen, and a moment later there was the sound of a struggle, followed by the unmistakable patter of dozens of paracetamol scattering all over the floor. And yet, Dom noted with an empathetic little chuckle, not a sound from Billy. Two minutes later he shambled into the living room, the glass of water in one hand and a mug of black coffee in the other. His eyes were once again bloodshot and puffy, his face an unhealthy shade of pale, his hands trembling. He set both beverages on the coffee table, climbed onto the sofa, and lay down in the foetal position with his head on a pillow and with a pathetic but involuntary little whimper.

Dom stood smoothly so as not to jar him, fetched the spare blanket from Billy's bed where he'd spread it the night before, and returned to lay it over Billy, who clutched it under his chin. Dom then went to the kitchen and spent several minutes picking up all the paracetamol that he could find and putting them back in the bottle, before getting the icepack out of the freezer, wrapping it in a cloth, and taking it to Billy. Rather than putting it directly on his head, which might be too startling, Dom simply put it in his hand, and watched as Billy groaned and raised it to his forehead. Suppressing a grin, Dom sat back in his spot, near Billy's feet, and turned the volume on the TV down just a little further.

It was half an hour before Billy moved, and then it was just to sit up slightly, gulp down some coffee, and lay down again, the icepack going to his temple.

Twenty minutes later he sat up a bit further, dropped the now-warm icepack on the table, and drank both water and coffee before slumping back into the corner and muttering, "What the fuck did I do?" in a thick, gravelly voice.

"You got trolleyed last night," Dom said very softly.

"I'm such a fuckwit."

Dom didn't say a word, knowing whichever way he answered that, it wasn't likely to be taken well.

"Did I do anything spectacularly stupid?" he finally grumbled.

"No, not spectacularly. You were just ... well, paralytic, actually. Do you remember anything at all?"

Billy rubbed at his red eyes, the lines on his face looking deeply etched. "Not much. I remember ... going outside for a smoke."

"The first time, or second time?"

"Dunno."

"Do you remember nearly falling headfirst over the balcony?" Dom arched his eyebrow, his voice still quiet.

"Oh, God. No." Billy leaned his head against the back of the sofa. "I remember--you gave me something to eat, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"And I remember puking my guts up."

"Of course you do," Dom said wryly. "Why can we never forget that part? No matter what else we forget, we always remember the vomiting."

"Can I ask a favour, Dom?"

"Yes."

"Could you please--get me a beer?"

"Billy--" Dom began, his voice full of concern.

"No, no," Billy waved his hand to forestall him. "Just want a bit of ... you know. The hair of the dog. Worth a shot. Can't feel any worse than I do now."

Dom hesitated, but finally stood up again. "All right. If you think you want to try it." He went to the kitchen once more, getting a beer from the fridge and twisting off the cap for him, then returned to hand him the bottle. He was relieved to see Billy slowly sip at it, rather than gulping it down as he had the night before.

"How are you feeling, Bills?" he asked gently.

Billy gave a weak shrug. "Like shite on a stick. You might as well go out for the day, Dom. Go ... I don't know. Find something to do. I'm not going to be much in the way of company."

"No, I'd rather stay in, I think. For now, anyway." Dom stretched and yawned. "Would you mind if I do a little load of washing? Your machine's not very loud, is it?"

"No, go ahead. Help yourself to whatever you want, Dom, you know that," he said, and leaned his head against the back of the sofa, closing his eyes.

"Okay. Take it easy, Bills, and if you need anything, just call me, all right?" Dom rose, rested a light hand on Billy's hair, then quietly left the room.

Dom collected the clothes he'd worn over the past two days, then carried them into Billy's bedroom and chucked them in the hamper. He'd already picked up all the clothes from the living room and left them by the washing machine, so now he stripped the bedding off of Billy's bed; if the silly sod couldn't be arsed to make a meal for himself, it was unlikely he'd done any washing recently. He chuckled at the thought of how surprised his mum would be if she could see him looking after Billy like this, and even voluntarily doing the washing. Then again, he rather suspected she had a good idea how important Billy was to him, so maybe she wouldn't be so surprised after all.

Dom started the load in the machine, then peeked into the living room to check on Billy. Except for the fact that the beer bottle was on the table and the coffee mug in his hand, he had barely even moved.

Dom went back into the kitchen and made a piece of toast, putting the barest scraping of butter on it, and took it out to Billy. "See if you can work on that," he murmured, setting it on Billy's lap.

Billy didn't look up. "Dom."

"Yeah, Bills?"

"You're--ah, bugger. Don't take the piss, all right?"

"All right," Dom agreed, suspecting what it was Billy was trying to say.

"You're a good mate," he muttered. "You're a right rare sonofabitch, you are."

Dom smiled. "Thanks, Bill. You'd do the same for me, I know."

Billy looked up at that, and the intensity of his bloodshot gaze caught and held Dom's eyes. "I would. I really would. Anything you asked, anything you needed."

Dom felt the need to sit down, and quickly. He sank down beside Billy, and frowned just a little. "Are--are you okay?" he managed.

Billy still watched him. "No. No, Dom, I'm not okay. I feel ... I'm a bit ... wretched."

Suddenly Dom wasn't sure he was really talking about his hangover.

 

 

Dom was just switching the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer, checking the labels on Billy's clothes in an attempt not to ruin anything, when--somewhere--the phone rang very quietly. "Want me to get that?" he called.

"Yeah," came the lackluster answer.

"Where is it?"

"No clue."

He found Billy's phone in a kitchen cupboard behind a packet of rice noodles. Shaking his head, he opened it, walking to the doorway. "The Den of Iniquity, how may I direct your call?"

From the direction of the couch there was a strangled noise.

"Hello, Dom. How are you?"

Dom froze. Cleared his throat. Said, "Hullo, Ali."

There was an agonized moan from the sofa, and Dom saw Billy fling the blanket up to cover himself completely, head and all. A low recitation of "No, no, no, can't be happening, nononono ... " drifted over, making Dom frown.

"I'm pretty good, how are you?" he asked.

"Oh, you know how things are," she answered him noncommittally. "Are you finished filming, then?"

"Yeah, finished up last week. Another season in the can."

"That's great. Congratulations, Dom, it's a good show," she said, and sounded sincere.

Dom was a little surprised. He and Ali had always considered each other friends, but both of them were aware that if circumstances were different, if they'd met without Billy to draw them together, friendship would have been unlikely. They just saw things from opposite spectrums, and not often in a complementary manner. And now there'd been some sort of parting between her and Billy ...  "Thanks, Ali. Good of you to say."

"I mean it."

"I know you do--and I appreciate it. How about you? Another show in rehearsal?"

"Just started, actually. Sort of a fresh start all around," she said calmly, giving him an opening if he wanted it.

He didn't want it. "Any chance this one will be touring to the U.S.?"

"It's looking likely, yes. The major cities, anyway."

"That's great." Dom was pleased for her. He didn't always understand Ali, but he respected her immensely, not the least for her work ethic when it came to her dance career. "I hope you'll let us know if you make it to L.A."

"I could email you if we're going to be on the west coast, if--"

"Yeah, please do. That would be great."

"Okay. I'll do that, then." She sounded like she was about to say something else, but fell silent again.

Dom wondered if she was waiting for him to ask what had happened. And yes, he wanted to know, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it from Ali. He also wasn't sure it was his place to ask--if she wanted him to know, she'd tell him, right? "So ... " he said, a little uncomfortably.

Ali sighed. "Yeah. Is he there?"

"Billy? Umm--" Dom looked over at the sofa just in time to see the blanket curl in on itself even more, heard the muttered, "No. Not today. Go away, goddammit. Later. Tomorrow. Not today."

"Ehm--he's a bit ... indisposed," Dom said, knowing how pathetic it sounded, and he wondered how Ali would interpret that.

But she knew exactly what he meant. "Is he hung over again?" she asked softly.

"Yeah." Dom turned, walked down the hallway into his bedroom, and closed the door. "He's in rough shape today. Could you call him back tomorrow, maybe?"

"Of course. He'd been drinking a little the last time I talked to him, too. How pished was he last night?" she asked with a trace of a smile.

"Totally bollocksed. Nearly fell off the balcony, puked his guts up during the night."

Ali's smile disappeared as she whispered, " _Shite_. I knew he was having trouble with this, but--" She paused, then diffidently asked, "How much has he told you?"

"About what happened?" Dom sat on the edge of the bed, slouched over with his elbows on his knees. "Bits and pieces. Not too much. I--hope you don't mind, he didn't say much, honestly--"

"I wish he would," she cut him off, and there was an odd note in her voice. "I wish he'd stop sitting on the fucking fence, stop sitting back and letting things fucking _happen_ to him whether he wants them to or not. I did my part, it's bloody well time he did his."

"Ali--this isn't really my business--" Dom tried to distance himself. Billy had told him (even if unintentionally) that Dom _had_ been a part of it in some way, even if he hadn't known it, but for some reason he found he was reluctant to have Ali know that. It seemed far too ... personal, for both of them, each in their own way.

"Actually, Dom, it is. It's very much your business. But I'm not letting Billy off the hook, I'm not doing this for him too," she said angrily. "Will you do me a favour?"

"If--if I can." Dom's head was whirling with the implications of what Ali had just said.

"How long are you there for? How long can you stay?"

"I'm here for a--a while. Couple of weeks, maybe."

"Good. Don't let him fucking get away with this, you make sure he bloody well talks to you. Make sure he tells you _everything_ , and I mean it. _You_ can get him to talk to you."

"Ali," Dom said, pained, "I don't--I'm not sure I know what you're saying. But if you're saying what I _think_ you're saying, then ... I doubt I'm the best person for him to discuss this with."

Ali's voice was suddenly more gentle than Dom had ever heard her. "You two are enough to drive a body mad, you know that? I don't know--" she paused, obviously not wanting to say anything concrete that up until now had only been hinted at. "I don't know what you would say to him. I don't know how it's all going to turn out in the end. All I know is that Billy is my friend and always will be, and I hope you will be, too. And Billy deserves to be happy, but he never will be until you two actually sodding _communicate_. And I hope--I hope ...  Yeah. I think you know what I hope."

"Do I?"

"Yes, Dom. You do," she said softly.

Dom was at a loss for words. "I don't understand how--Ali, you've been with him for so long. And--and you're saying this to me? How did you know I--"

"I didn't for sure. I still don't, not really. But I've seen ... enough. To make me wonder. Did he tell you why I decided it was time for me to go?"

"He--he said--"

"Go ahead," she prompted.

"He said you were considering separate holidays when you'd originally planned one together. And that you weren't--you weren't lovers anymore, you were just friends," Dom said quickly, his ears turning red.

"That's all true, Dom," she agreed. "Billy and I aren't in love anymore--we haven't been in a long time. But he's ... well, he's probably my best mate, and I want him to be happy. He was comfortable with me, but he wasn't truly happy. I hope he finds what he needs soon. That's why I'm telling you this. But Billy has to actually say the words, I can't do that for him. I won't."

"Jesus, Ali, do you know what you're saying--?"

The door to the bedroom swung open and Billy stood there scowling. "What the fuck are you two talking about?"

"You," Dom said shortly. "Now go and lie down before you _fall_ down, you wanker. You look like death on a platter."

Ali laughed in Dom's ear. "Well said."

He suddenly grinned. "I thought so."

"Dom--" Billy growled.

"Fine, then come and lie down here. Seriously, Bill, you're white as a sheet. You know, for a Scotsman, you really can't hold your drink."

Ali snorted. "You're in for it now."

But all Billy said was, "Sodding arsing _twat_ ," before staggering over to the bed to lie down.

"Wow. He _must_ be near death if he didn't tear your head off for that," Ali said wryly.

"Yeah, I think you're right." Dom watched Billy slowly curl onto his side. He got up, pulled the duvet up and over Billy, and sat down again, this time at the top of the bed so he could lean against the headboard. He put his hand on Billy's head and smoothed his hair, then moved to his shoulder and just began gently rubbing up and down his arm through the duvet.

"Is he still there with you?" Ali asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"Tell him ... tell him ... shite," she swore under her breath. "I don't know. Tell him to stop the self-pity, it doesn't become him. And he has no right to it."

Dom snorted. "Yeah, sure. Like I'm going to tell him that."

Billy rolled over, winding up with his forehead against Dom's thigh. "Tell me what?" he asked gruffly.

"Nothing, Bill."

"Tell me what, bawheid?" he growled.

Dom sighed, sardonically said, "Thank you very much, Ali. Thanks for coming out, it's been great."

She laughed lightly in his ear. "Go on, tell him. He knows it's from me, he'll know how to take it."

"Yeah, so you say from your distant position of safety. All right. Bill, Ali says--says to stop the self-pity, it doesn't become you, and you have no right to it." Dom cringed and waited for the explosion.

But surprisingly, Billy was silent. And then--even more surprisingly--he pressed his forehead harder against Dom's thigh and mumbled, "Sorry. Fuck. Sorry."

"What did he say, Dom?" Ali asked, having heard Billy's voice but not his words.

Dom was taken aback. "He said he was sorry. Twice."

"Oh, for--put him on, will you? Tell him I'll talk quietly."

He lowered the phone to near Billy's hand. "Ali wants to speak to you. She promises she'll talk quietly."

Billy lay perfectly still for a moment and then, without moving his head or opening his eyes, held his hand up. When Dom gave him the phone, he put it to his ear. "Yeah."

Dom stopped rubbing the arm that was now holding the phone and instead moved his hand around to stroke up and down Billy's back through the duvet. He could occasionally hear Ali's voice from the phone, but she was keeping her volume low as promised, and he was grateful he couldn't tell what she was saying. Billy's side of the conversation was less than intimate.

"Yeah ... no, I ... no. I will ...  I said I will, Al ... yeah, why? Yeah ... Jesus, Ali--" he muttered.

Dom laid his hand on the back of Billy's neck, thumb rubbing soothingly on his skin.

"Mmngh ... no, I'm listening  ... I can't--no, I can't ... _fuck_. Bloody hell, all right ... yeah, he is ... I know. I _know_ , Ali, it's just ... no. I won't. Yes, I promise. Can I go now, please, and die in peace?" he groaned. "You're fucking killin' me here, Al ... yeah, you too. Ring me in a week or two? Good ... yeah. Later." Without moving his forehead from against Dom's leg, Billy held up the phone for him to take.

Dom put it to his ear, not sure if Ali was still on the line or not. "Hello?"

"Still here. Listen, Dom, he's promised me he's going to talk to you by the end of the week. Keep at him. Because I'm ringing on Sunday night, and if this isn't sorted out one way or the other, I'm going to bloody well kick his arse from here to Inverness. All right?"

"I'll--I'll try. Ali ... " Dom paused, not entirely sure what to say, or how to say it with Billy right beside him. "Are you sure--I mean, you're not ... "

"I'm sure," she said quietly but firmly. "If you were going to say I'm not the person to get involved in this--that's shite. I'm the only other person who _could_ get involved. And if you were going to say am I just fucking with you--"

"No," Dom said immediately. "I wasn't."

"Good. Because I'd tell you to go to hell." Ali was cool as a cucumber, and it was rattling Dom's nerves a bit.

"I wasn't going to say either of those, actually. I meant _you_ ," he said obliquely.

There was silence from the other end of the line. "You mean am I all right with this?" she finally asked.

"Yes."

"I--I wasn't expecting that," she said honestly, taken aback. "Would it make a difference to you?"

"I doubt you'll believe me, but yes, it would."

Ali hesitated again before finally saying, "Oddly enough, I think I do believe you. Yes, Dom, I'm all right with this. I told you, I'm not in love with Billy anymore. Trust me, if I were, we wouldn't have had this conversation because I'd be ready to rip your bollocks off and feed them to you with a spoon."

"You always were subtle, Alison." Dom surprised a sharp laugh out of her. "But I'm glad. Things are ... "

"Complicated enough?" she finished wryly.

"Got it in one."

Ali sighed. "I'm finding it very ironic indeed that you and I are understanding each other now better than we ever have before."

"I was thinking the same thing," Dom smiled.

"I should go. I have a chiropractic appointment in half an hour. If Billy needs reminding of what he's promised me, call. I'll straighten him out." She paused, then grinned. "So to speak."

Dom laughed out loud. "I bet you will. Thanks Ali."

"Talk to you on Sunday, then."

Dom closed the phone and looked down at Billy, who still lay with his head against Dom's thigh. "Why don't you take a nap, Bills?"

"And was all that cryptic enough for you? Did you have fun with your little _code_?" Billy asked, his voice annoyed, a little snarky. "'Cos I think you forgot the one about the dog's pants sailing with the goat at midnight."

Dom forced a chuckle. "That's a good one. I'll have to use that next time."

"Fuck off, Dom. Or do I have to say it in code?" Billy rolled over, away from him.

"Let's not go there today, all right, Bill? Not like this. It's not fair to either of us," Dom said quietly, a little hurt and not bothering to hide it anymore.

Billy turned his face into the sheets. "Jesus fucking Christ," he muttered, his voice tormented. "I'm sorry, Dom. I'm sorry."

Dom put his hand back on Billy's head. "It's all right. I mean it, it's okay. But for today, let's just keep things light, yeah?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, nearly inaudibly.

"Why don't you get under the blankets and take a nap, Bill? You really do look like shite."

"Thanks very much," Billy said weakly, turning onto his back to look up at Dom. After a moment, he said, "I'll be better tomorrow. I won't be such an arse to you tomorrow, I swear."

"It's _okay_ , Billy. Now stop talking and go to sleep."

"No." He struggled against the duvet, but gave up only a minute later. "Bloody hell. Get me out of here, and then I won't steal your bed."

"Hate to tell you this, mate," Dom smiled at him. "But it's your bed. You own this motel, remember?"

"Your bed," he insisted. "I'll go to my room. Sleep there."

"Well, I'm afraid that's just not an option, Bills. Your bed is in the tumble dryer at the moment."

Billy stared at him. "You washed my sheets?" His eyes skittered away and a crease appeared on his forehead as a thought occurred to him. "Where are all the clothes that were in the living room?"

"Also in the dryer. I did check the labels, so I won't be held responsible if something shrinks," Dom said lightly.

"You washed my sheets and my clothes?" The lines on his forehead deepened, and he closed his eyes. "Aw, fuck. What the hell am I doing, Dom?" he asked miserably. "What the bloody sodding fucking cunting arsing _hell_ am I doing?"

"Showing off your vocabulary?" Dom said with a gentle smile. "Don't worry about it right now, Billy. Keep it light today, remember? Time enough tomorrow for you to wait on me hand and foot to make up for one little load of washing, yeah? Go on, go to sleep." He rubbed his hand lightly on Billy's chest, just below his collarbone. "I'll wake you for dinner."

"You can't make dinner, too--"

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to eat, now? Just what kind of motel are you running here, Boyd?" he teased.

"No, no," Billy moaned. "Of course you can eat, just--"

"You're so easy to wind up when you're hung over, Bills. Would you just shut it and go to sleep?"

"Just a little nap. Don't want to sleep long." His voice was already starting to slur.

"Okay. Just a little nap," Dom repeated. "And when you wake, you'll feel much better, I promise. Everything's going to be fine, Bills, so just relax and go to sleep." Suspecting he might already be out, Dom stood carefully, rearranged the duvet to make sure Billy was completely covered, lowered the blind on the window, and noiselessly left.

 

 

An hour and a half later, Billy wandered into the living room, dressed for the first time that day.

"Hey," Dom smiled at him. "Feel any better?"

"Marginally. Is the paracetamol still in the kitchen?"

"Yeah."

He disappeared again, only to return a few minutes later with a glass of water. He sat in the armchair. "Keep yourself amused while I was passed out?"

"Oh yeah, I've been fine. It's actually been nice to hide out here, have a quiet day, and know that hardly anyone on the planet knows where I am," Dom admitted a little sheepishly.

"Yeah," Billy smiled a tiny, almost sad little smile. "I won't give you away while you're here."

Dom watched him closely. "I know you won't. Why would you?"

Billy shrugged and looked away. "I don't really know what I meant. Just ... hide all you like, I suppose. I'll probably hide with you."

"That sounds nice," Dom replied, turning his gaze back to the TV. "It's been a while since it's been you and me, without the rest of the world barging in, hasn't it?"

"I don't know if we've ever had that, have we?" Billy's voice was quiet, almost as if he was speaking to himself, but Dom answered anyway.

"Not often, no. But we have. We had those three days after New Year last year. And the week in Lisbon. Although, I guess there were others around, weren't there, even if they were friends, but still ...  And we had that week in New Zealand." Dom debated clarifying what he was talking about, that week when they had been waiting for filming and spent every minute together and very nearly--after all, it was a few years ago now. But judging by the shuddery, indrawn breath from the armchair, a reminder was unnecessary. Recalling too late that he had suggested they keep things light for the day, Dom blithely continued. "Too bad we can't go surfing like we did then, innit? Although we could go and play pool easily enough. And I was thinking about your suggestion of going on a bit of a road trip, I was looking at the map. Could we get to Dunvegan and back in one day, do you think?"

Billy opened his mouth, then closed it again. Cleared his throat. "Ehm--not easily, no. We'd have to ... have to stay over for a night, probably."

"Well, let's think about that for a few days, then. Maybe we could just do a trip out for a day, for now. What's up the coast that would make for a good day out?"

"The coast ... " Billy sounded lost. "Dom--"

"Just a nice drive, Bills," he said warmly. "Just you and me, and you can show me this country you keep insisting you can't leave, yeah?"

But Billy closed his eyes, muttered, "Oh, fucking hell. Goddammit."

"No, Billy, don't," Dom said lowly, urgently. "Don't. Not today. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--look, maybe we'd better leave the idea of the trip for now. We can talk about it later, okay? Come on, why don't we go for a little walk, get some fresh air. We can go and rent a couple of films. What do you say, Bills? Shall we rent a couple of slasher films for tonight, see if we can't scare the pants off of ourselves?"

Billy leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, the heels of his palms pressed to his forehead. He nodded wordlessly.

"All right. I'm just going to go and borrow the gents in this motel, and then we'll head out, yeah? Rent a couple of films so we don't have to pay for the bad porn--and now I'm just going to shut my fucking mouth, how about that?" Dom said despairingly, muttering to himself as he walked down the hall, glad to hear Billy snort in reluctant amusement. "Always have to take a joke that one step too far, don't you, Monaghan? Comedic timing my arse." He was relieved to hear Billy give a low chuckle, just as Dom closed the door to the bathroom.


	6. Chapter 6

 

They sat watching TV, trying not to let on that the movie actually _had_ scared them a little. At least, Dom thought that was why Billy's fingers were going a mile a minute on the arm of the sofa. He noticed his own leg jiggling rapidly up and down and tried to still it, taking a long swig from his beer. Billy was drinking Irn Bru he'd picked up while they were out, saying some swore by it as a hangover cure.

"Good choice on that one, Dom. Good ... suspense," Billy said lamely.

Dom grinned. "Aw. Did it scare poor wee Billy?"

"No." His defensive answer was immediate, then was followed by, "Well ... that one scene. The one with the knife. That was a little ... "

"Yeah," Dom agreed. "Brutal. Remind me not to rent that one for Elwood, we'd have to peel him off the ceiling. I think I might leave my light on tonight, for fuck's sake."

Billy snickered. "Aw. Did it make poor wee Dom feart of the dark?"

"Shut it, Boyd. Or I just might come into your room tonight and wake you up--rather _suddenly_." Dom threatened with a menacing smile. He got to his feet. "Back in a minute. Good thing this motel has an ensuite, yeah?"

"You're so bizarre," Billy chuckled, then took a long swallow of his 'Bru.

 

 

Dom finished in the bathroom and washed his hands. He was trying desperately not to think about all the things Ali had said on the phone, was trying not to imagine what Billy might have to say to him, and he most definitely was trying not to imagine what might happen afterward. When he and Billy were talking, or watching a film, it wasn't too difficult to push it all aside and pretend it was a normal visit like any other--but as soon as it was quiet the frantic, chaotic thoughts clamoured in his head telling him to push it, make Billy talk tonight, talk now--

Dom stared at himself in the mirror, then gave a soft snort and whispered, "Don't be an arse. You've waited four years, you can wait a few more days. Don't wreck this now."

Distracted, a little anxious, Dom opened the door, flipped the light off, and headed down the dark hall back to the living room. When there was a sudden shriek behind him and fingers touched his throat, Dom bellowed in alarm, more twitchy than he would have liked to admit thanks to that movie, and instinctively leapt to the side and shoved with all his might and stumbled backwards, swearing, "JesusfuckingChrist, what the--" in a sharp fast voice.

Billy looked up at him from where he sat on the hall floor, both grinning and wincing. "Landing on your arse isn't fun when you have a hangover, I'm afraid. I really can't recommend it. You know, Dom, you have surprisingly fast reactions, considering what a clumsy sod you are."

Dom leaned against the wall, bent over, trying to slow his pounding heart, stop the adrenalin-fuelled shaking in his hands, catch his breath. "Goddammit, Billy, what the hell was that for?"

Billy climbed to his feet and propped himself against the opposite wall of the hallway. "That, my dear Dominic, was a pre-emptive strike. Now maybe you'll reconsider before waking me in the middle of the night," he grinned.

Dom's heart had slowed its frightening pounding racing skipping, but he still felt breathless. "Fuck you, Bill," he said angrily, still leaning over, hands on his thighs.

Billy went perfectly motionless for several seconds, then quietly said, "Dom. Look at me."

Dom pushed himself upright, but to walk away rather than to face Billy. He succinctly repeated, "Fuck you," and left Billy standing in the hall. He went into the kitchen and with only slightly shaky hands got a glass from the cupboard, ran some cold tap water into it, took a drink. His breathing still hadn't quite returned to normal, and he prayed he wasn't starting an asthma attack. Although that would be one way to teach Billy not to scare him like that, wouldn't it? Serve him right if Dom turned blue and died right there in the sod's living room. Except, of course, then he'd be dead and couldn't enjoy Billy's little lesson, but that was beside the point.

Just as Dom was starting to get his sense of humour back, without warning there was a low voice behind him and fingers on his shoulder and he jumped, the glass sliding from his fingers to fall and shatter on the floor, splattering the bottoms of his jeans and his feet with water and sparkling shards of glass and he yelped and shouted and gasped and choked on doing all three at once.

Billy worriedly said, "Jesus, Dom, what the hell--no, don't move--there's glass everywhere. Hold on--just hold on."

Dom stood and coughed as Billy gingerly picked up the larger pieces, then grabbed a cloth and quickly wiped up everything else. Dom went to turn, but Billy stopped him.

"Wait. There might be glass on your trousers." He crouched down to inspect them, also checking Dom's socks. "Yeah, I think there is--you'd better take them off. Your socks, too. Leave them here, I can clean it all up when they're dry."

"No," Dom coughed. "I'll just brush it off--"

"And get glass slivers in your hands? I think not." He stood again, looked at Dom closely, heard for the first time the slight wheezing in his breath. "Dom?" Billy frowned, reached out to grip his shoulder. "Are you all right?"

Dom shook him off. "Fine." He looked down at his feet, frowning, and tried as evenly as he could to say, "Go on, then. Go and sit down. I'll take my jeans off and get clean ones." But no matter how shallowly he tried to breathe, he still panted a bit, and knew Billy could hear it.

"Dom, what's wrong? What is this?" Billy asked, concern filling his voice. "This isn't your allergies, is it?"

"No. Not the allergies. Go away."

"I bloody well will _not_ go away," he said incredulously. "Not until you tell me what's going on."

Dom stopped trying to suppress it and gave a barking cough that alarmed Billy to no end.

"Jesus Christ, Dom, what's wrong?"

"Asthma."

"But you don't have asthma."

"I do, actually," Dom gasped slightly, starting to feel a little scared. "Talking right now isn't helping. Outside. Need to go outside. Please."

"Outside? Okay--stay here. I'll go get clean trousers for you. Did you unpack?"

"Dresser."

Billy hurried out and returned a moment later with a pair of khaki army surplus trousers. "Here. Change into these. Let me help."

"Fuck off, Bill," Dom said for the third time that night, but this time he smiled briefly as he said it. He wheezed, "Can change by myself, daft git. Out."

With a last worried look, Billy left.

Trying not to breathe too heavily, because he knew that would only make it worse, Dom slowly pulled off his socks and dropped them, then stripped off his damp-hemmed jeans, leaving them on the floor as he carefully stepped away from any possible glass before donning the khakis. He skirted around to turn the burner on under the kettle, and then barefoot, headed straight for the living room and the door to the balcony.

Billy quickly followed him. "Are you sure about going outside? It's city air, it's not like it's the countryside here, won't this make you worse?"

He stepped onto the balcony with relief, leaning against the stone wall in the same place he had the night before. When Billy joined him, closing the door behind them, Dom nodded. "I'm sure."

"Since when do you have asthma?" Billy suddenly demanded, standing right beside him, practically glaring at him through the orange sodium-hazed night.

"Not long ago. Allergies got worse. Developed this." Dom slowly sat down on the cold stone floor, his back pressed up against the wall.

Billy crouched beside him. "What do I do?" he asked nervously, apprehensively.

Dom gave another barking cough. "Stop making me talk, silly twat. I put the kettle on--cup of coffee? Strong."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry--don't talk, Dom. Just take it easy. Relax, and don't talk, and I won't ask you any more stupid questions, okay?" Billy stood up. "I'll go and get your coffee. Will you be all right here for a minute?"

Dom nodded, then focused on his breathing, forcing himself to breathe slowly, smoothly, wait patiently for the tight band across his chest to ease. He leaned forward, hung his forearms over his knees, and closed his eyes, relaxing his muscles one by one, trying not to let the lurking agitation get a foothold. Heard Billy return and so wasn't startled when a warm hand started rubbing slow circles on his back.

"Better, Dom?" Billy asked softly. "Just nod or shake your head, don't talk. Here's your coffee."

Dom nodded. He sat up and took the mug, took a large sip, then bowed his head onto his arm again.

"Careful," Billy quickly warned, "It's hot."

And indeed, it did burn Dom's tongue, but he didn't care. The scorching heat down his throat felt good, the caffeine would help immensely, and Dom wanted this to stop before he began truly panicking.

"Are you going to want to be out here for a little while?"

Dom nodded.

"Okay. I'm going to go get you some socks or shoes or something, and a jumper. It's damp out here."

Dom felt Billy rise, heard the door open and close. He sat up again, pressing his back and his head against the cool stone, his eyes still closed. Now that his breathing was starting to get slightly better, the constricting band easing, he felt a little on the foolish side. He was a grown man, for God's sake, and he'd let Billy frighten him so much he couldn't breathe? Bloody embarrassing, that's what it was. Billy would never let him hear the end of this, and after all the teasing he'd taken thanks to that one little shriek in the fireworks scene in Fellowship, he had every right. Dom wouldn't blame him if he called Elijah and Sean and Viggo and told them as well, to even things up. He drank more of his coffee.

He heard the door open and then Billy was crouching beside him again. "Here. Put this on."

Dom opened his eyes and took the thick jumper Billy held out. "This isn't mine."

"Don't talk. It's mine--none of yours looked warm enough," he said. "Here's some socks, too. I promise they're not wool."

Dom panted a bit, but less than before. "Not like it's below freezing, Bill."

"I said don't talk!" Billy insisted. "Put them on, dammit."

He chuckled, but stopped when it made him cough again, and pulled the jumper on over his t-shirt. He took the socks from Billy and pulled them on. He had to admit, it felt good--his feet _had_ been getting cold. He leaned his head on his arm briefly and breathed a little more deeply, immensely relieved to find he could, and smiled when he realised the sweater he wore smelled like Billy, which was comforting.

Billy resumed rubbing the slow circles on Dom's back, sitting quiet and still beside him.

 

 

Fifteen minutes later, Dom's breathing was almost completely back to normal and both he and Billy were shivering. "Come on, let's go in," he urged.

"Are you sure?" Billy frowned. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Still a little short of breath, but it's going to be fine. And we're both cold." He got to his feet, made shooing motions with his hands. "In."

Inside, the sudden dry warmth hit Dom, and he was afraid it would spark the asthma all over again. "Is it okay if I leave the door open for a few minutes?" he asked, pulling a chair over near it.

"Of course. Do you want a blanket or anything?" Billy hovered, obviously wanting to do something to help.

"No. Another cup of coffee would be grand, though, if you don't mind?"

"Coming up." Billy was back a few minutes later with a refill on the coffee, handed it to him, watched him drink it scalding hot again as he continued to linger by Dom's chair.

Dom didn't look up, but he smiled a little. "Sit down, Bills. I'm not in imminent danger of death."

Billy gave a tiny snort, then sat on the end of the sofa closest to Dom. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm sure. Just need a little cool air still."

"Are you okay to talk, or do you need to be quiet for a bit longer?"

Dom shook his head. "I'm fine to talk. Don't think I'll go for a _jog_ right now, but talking isn't a problem."

"Then tell me when the asthma started and why the hell you didn't tell me about it before."

He shrugged. "To be honest, I didn't think of it. My allergies had got worse over the past couple of years, but I think you knew that."

"Yeah, I knew that. You thought it might have been Rings that did it," Billy sat back, but watched him carefully.

"Yeah. I asked my doctor if he thought that was possible, and he agreed it could be. I spent so much time wearing wool and being outside that the antihistamines just stopped working, and I just grew hypersensitive to everything I was allergic to, and the hypersensitivity led to the asthma developing." Dom paused to take another gulp of his coffee, to breathe in the damp cool air from outside. "It just started ... I don't know for sure, really. The past eight months or so, I guess. But this is only my third real attack, so I'm still figuring out how to deal with it."

"I'm sorry I caused this one, Dom," Billy said quietly. "And don't try and tell me I didn't, I know full well that I did. I'm sorry. I didn't know a fright would--or I never would have--"

"I know." Dom finally looked up at Billy, met his eyes and held them. "I know, Bills. I didn't realise it would do this to me, either."

Billy frowned. "Don't you have, you know, an inhaler or something?"

Dom looked sheepish. "Yeah. It's in Hawaii."

"Dom!"

"I know, I know. But I've only had it for two months, and I haven't had an attack since then, so I didn't even think about it when I was packing."

"We'll have to get you one, just in case," Billy said decisively. "What caused your other attacks?"

"A really hot, humid, smoggy day. And the second one was at a party, I think I just danced too much and got too hot. And I got a bit--upset."

"Why?"

Dom sighed, gave one little cough. "Oh, a couple of fuckwits got into a fight, beat the shite out of each other. You know me."

Billy finally smiled. "Aye. I know you. A softer-hearted jessy I've yet to meet."

Dom flashed him two fingers. "Wanker."

Billy chuckled, but soon sobered again. "So you used the inhaler?"

"No. That's actually when I got it, after that attack. It was ... it was bad."

He frowned again. "How bad?"

"Scared the hell out of me," Dom admitted. "It's--God, Bill, not being able to breathe is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. It's like--like a steel strap around my chest, getting tighter and tighter, and the fact that it terrified me just made it worse. I kept wondering was it going to stop, was the strap going to tighten more, was I going to stop breathing altogether?"

"Jesus, Dom," Billy murmured. "And you didn't have any medication?"

"No. I didn't even really know it was asthma until I went to the doctor after that. Luckily there was a girl at the party who had asthma, and she talked me out of it, told me what to do."

" _Talked_ you out of it? Maybe you'd better tell me, in case this happens again," Billy said, looking worried once more.

Dom got up and closed the door to the balcony. "I doubt it will, it's not like this is a regular occurrence." He crossed to the sofa and sat beside Billy, dragging the blanket he'd lain over Billy that morning across his own shoulders.

Billy shifted to face him. "Even so. What do you do?"

The corner of Dom's mouth quirked. "My doctor thinks I'm cracked, but cool air helps me. It's not supposed to, really, but ... I can feel it going into my lungs better, you know? I can convince myself that yes, I am actually getting some air."

"What else?"

"Anything to dilate the air passages, really. Caffeine, hot drinks, breathing in steam, or the inhaler." Dom pulled his feet up onto the sofa.

Billy lifted his leg slightly, put his thigh over Dom's toes to warm them. "And what did you mean by 'talk you out of it'?"

"Billy, this really isn't necessary--"

"Oh yes it is," he said firmly.

Dom sighed again, and this time he didn't cough. "It's--I mean, it's a bit unnerving, to not be able to breathe. It makes me a bit ... It freaks me out."

"I can imagine. Like having the breath knocked out of you, only it keeps going?"

Dom looked at him gratefully. "Yeah. Yeah, like that. And the more worried or anxious I get about it, the worse it gets. So I have to basically talk myself through it. Tell myself to stay calm, force myself to relax, breathe as slowly as I can. That sort of thing."

Billy nodded. "Okay. You let me know if you feel it starting again, no matter what, all right?"

"It's not--"

" _All right_?" Billy repeated sternly.

Dom smiled fondly. "All right, Bills, but--"

"And tomorrow I'm finding a clinic or something to take you to, and we're getting you an inhaler."

"No need--"

"There most certainly is--"

"Would you stop interrupting me?" Dom exclaimed. "If you'd let me finish, you'd learn that I was about to say there is no need for a clinic. I will call my old family doctor in Manchester, ask him to request my records from the doctor in Hawaii, and then I can have a chemist here fax Manchester a request for the prescription. Happy now?"

Billy stared at him for a moment, and then laughed, all the tension of the past little while easing. "Yes. Yes, Dom, as complicated as that is, it makes me happy."

Dom grinned at him. "Good."

"You're feeling yourself again, then?" Billy relaxed against the sofa, leaning the side of his head on the back cushion while still looking at Dom.

"I am. A little on the jittery side, though."

Billy frowned. "Why?"

"When I said 'strong coffee', I didn't mean just grind the beans up and add a bit of water for texture. Bloody hell, you could've stood a spoon up in that shite," he snorted good-naturedly.

Billy chuckled. "Sorry. You said strong, though. Perhaps we ought to come up with some sort of sliding scale, for future reference."

"Like, from hot piss-coloured water up through to Glasgow gutter mud?"

He laughed, amused. "Exactly. Just come up with a few in between, and I shall be all set to make a cup of coffee to your heart's desire."

Dom was tempted to remark on the heart's desire part, but restrained himself just in time. "So how's your hangover, anyway?"

Billy shrugged, still smiling. "Headache. Other than that, I'm fine."

He wriggled his toes underneath Billy's thigh. "What a pair we are, eh? Old and Decrepit."

"I take it I'm Old?" Billy asked wryly.

"No, you can be Decrepit if you like. With my wheezing, I could be Old no problem," Dom grinned.

He chuckled. "Ah, Dom, you're--" But he stopped abruptly.

Even as Dom watched, Billy's smile faded, his face clouded over, and he looked down at his lap. Dom gave an inward sigh, then in a normal voice said, "How about we watch another film? Something a little lighter than that last one, yeah? I think I've had enough suspense for one night. You have any good comedies in your collection? Or are you ready to turn in for the night?"

It was a moment before Billy took in the words. "Oh. Ehm--no, not quite. I--I'm sure I have something that would do." He rose and crossed to the entertainment centre that housed his TV and DVD player. Opening a drawer underneath, he scanned his discs, finally pulling one out. After loading it, he returned to the sofa and sat down again, and Dom noted that he sat closer than he had before.

A few minutes into the movie, Dom noticed Billy fold his hands under his arms, and assumed he was a bit cold. Dom spent several minutes weighing the pros and cons of getting closer, much as he wanted to, but finally decided to throw caution to the winds. Billy had choices to make, but maybe it would be a little easier if he had some sort of indication as to where Dom was at. So Dom pulled the blanket off his shoulders, shifted right next to Billy so their hips rubbed and their legs touched and their arms were pressed together, and threw the blanket across both of them, tugging it halfway up their chests. He slouched down a bit, relaxing back into the sofa, and waited.

Billy had stiffened just slightly when Dom shifted over, hadn't moved a muscle when Dom pulled the blanket up, and sat still for several minutes after. Finally Dom felt him loosen up a little, even felt the pressure on his arm increase as Billy leaned in a bit. Dom wasn't finished, though. When Billy moved his hands to absently adjust the blanket a bit, then put them on his thighs under the blanket, Dom--without looking away from the TV--reached over and took Billy's nearest hand in both of his and said, "Your hands are cold, Bill. Give me the other one."

"Dom--" Billy's voice sounded pinched.

"Hand over the hand, Boyd," Dom grinned, and it was the grin that brought everything back within the realm of commonplace, of being just Dom and Billy--a little hand-warming was nothing out of the ordinary for so affectionate and profound a friendship, and the corner of Billy's mouth lifted slightly as he brought his other hand over and slid it between Dom's warm palms. They returned their attention to the film and for the next half hour Dom held both Billy's hands, idly rubbing them, softly chafing them, until they were as warm as Dom's own. Billy leaned further into him and even slowly slid down to lean his head against Dom's shoulder. Dom smiled, contented.

But in a little while it _did_ leave the realm of commonplace when Billy sat up straight, pulling Dom with him, and angled in the other direction to slouch into the corner of the sofa on bunched-up cushions, tugging an unresisting Dom down beside him, against him, his head on Billy's chest and Billy's arm around him. Dom snaked his own arm around Billy's waist and closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe slowly and normally and not climb on top of the man and kiss him senseless.

 

 

An hour later, Dom woke slowly, awareness seeping back in, and he realised Billy was hugging him tightly with both arms, his cheek on the top of Dom's head, and he was whispering, his sibilant voice nearly inaudible. Dom strained to hear.

"God, Dom. What the fuck do I do? I don't know what to do, Dom, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to do this. Bloody hell, what do I do?"

The second Dom shifted the whispering stopped and Billy froze, but Dom stayed exactly where he was, only the arm about Billy's waist moving, lethargically rising until his hand cupped the back of Billy's neck, his thumb rubbing the short spiky hairs there. "It's okay, Bills," he murmured. "You don't have to decide tonight. It's okay, I swear."

"I don't know how, Dom," he breathed.

"Shh. It's okay. Just enjoy this for tonight. It's warm, and it's comfortable, and I for one don't particularly want to move because this is quite nice. Are you comfortable, Bills?"

"Yeah."

Dom felt his answer more than heard it. "Good. So don't make me get up. I'm sorry I fell asleep--is the film over? Did I miss the end?"

"No, it's--it's still on."

"See? Perfect. I missed the boring angsty part, got in a little nap, and now I get the big payoff where everything turns out right."

Billy was silent for a moment, then murmured, "Think you're subtle, don't you?"

"Why, yes, I do as a matter of fact," Dom smiled. "Come on, you've got to admit that was good."

Billy buried his nose in Dom's hair and made an odd sound, and Dom was alarmed until he realised it was stifled shaky laughter. He brought his hand down from Billy's neck and curled it around his waist, happily hugging the stuffing out of him.


	7. Chapter 7

The following morning, a bright cool Tuesday morning in Glasgow, Dom woke with a start to find Billy, already showered and dressed, sitting cross-legged on the end of his bed, sipping a cup of coffee.

"Billy. What are you doing?" he asked hoarsely.

"Did you know you twitch your nose while you sleep?" Billy answered conversationally. "I don't know why I've never really noticed that before. I guess I've never watched you long enough."

Dom's forehead wrinkled. "How long have you been watching me?" he croaked.

"About half an hour."

" _What_?" Dom lifted his head.

"Every five minutes or so, your nose twitches back and forth. You look like a little rabbit."

"Get off my bed!"

Billy smiled. "Maybe I should call you Peter."

Dom groaned, dropping his head back onto the pillow. "It's way too fucking early for this."

"Peter Rabbit," he explained.

"I know what you meant, Boyd! Why are you torturing me like this? What did I do to deserve such cruel abuse? You couldn't even bring me a coffee, could you?"

Billy grinned, gestured with his cup to the nightstand by Dom's head.

Dom rolled his head to see the mug sitting there. "It'll be cold by now," he grumbled.

"No it won't," Billy said mildly. "I just poured you fresh five minutes ago. It should be the perfect temperature."

Dom dragged himself to a sitting position, picked up the mug, and took a tentative sip.

"Well?"

"It's all right," he muttered, taking a large gulp.

"Git," Billy chuckled. "It's perfect, and you know it."

"You didn't answer my question," Dom said grumpily. "What are you doing?"

"Watching you sleep. Thinking," Billy said in a normal voice, but his eyes flickered down for an instant.

"Oh." Dom was at a loss. "How--how are you think--I mean, how are you feeling?"

"Oh, fine. The hangover is a distant memory. Well," he amended dryly, "Not distant enough really, but it's gone and I'm feeling much, much better, and today is the day for me to make it all up to you."

"Make what up to me?"

"All of it. The less-than-stellar welcome." Billy looked at him directly, even as he coloured a bit. "The lack of food, the washing, the state of me. Sitting with me while I puked. Letting me warm up in your bed. Being so quiet and soft and careful when my head was splitting open. All of it."

"Billy, there's nothing to make up--" Dom began, but Billy cut him off, shaking his head.

"Yes, there is. And yes, I would do all that for you, too, but I also know you'd feel exactly the way I do, afterward. But first things first," he said, suddenly brisk. He threw his little mobile phone at Dom. "It's just after nine. Call your doctor in Manchester and ask them to request your records. We need to get you that inhaler, if only for my own sanity."

Dom stared at him. "Can I wake up a bit first, please? Maybe have a shower?"

"Nope. Call first. It may take a while to get the records. _Then_ you can shower, and then we'll have breakfast, and then we'll go."

"Go? Go where?"

Billy smiled, hopped off the bed, and strolled out of the room.

"Boyd? _Boyd_!" Dom yelled.

No answer.

Dom sighed, and flipped open the phone.

 

 

By the time he wandered into the kitchen, also showered and dressed, Dom could smell something glorious wafting out and through the apartment. "Bill, what are you making, it smells absolutely fantastic--"

Billy turned from the stove and smiled. "Good. It's blueberry pancakes, and there's bacon and toast as well. Do you want more coffee?"

"Definitely. No, I'll get it. Wow, when you say you want to make up for something, you really go all out, don't you?" Dom poured fresh coffee into his mug.

Still smiling, Billy shrugged. "I really owe you."

"No, you don't--"

"Shut it and sit down. Bacon?"

"Yes, please." Dom sat.

 

 

Dom leaned back, groaning. "God, that was good, Bills. I'm going to make you cook me pancakes every day."

Billy swallowed the last of his breakfast and washed it down with a mouthful of coffee. "You'd get tired of them awfully fast."

"It'd take me years to get tired of them," Dom declared.

"Years? Think you'll be around that long, do you?"

Dom mentally kicked himself, but Billy merely huffed a little breath and looked pensive. Dom cleared his throat, gripped the seat of his chair, and took a chance. "And when I get tired of pancakes, we'll switch to waffles."

Billy slowly lifted his eyes to meet Dom's. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"Not waffles?" Dom softly asked. "All right, then. French toast it is."

Billy rose to his feet and headed past him for the door.

Dom hung his head, cursing himself, wondering why he kept doing this, why he felt the need to keep pushing, why couldn't he just leave well enough alone. He obviously wasn't helping, and maybe Ali was wrong about him being the one Billy needed to talk to, he-- Dom started when a light hand stroked the back of his head, down to his shoulders, played with the silver chain sitting just under the neck of his t-shirt, and then his shoulders were being gripped by two hands and Dom thought maybe what he'd said hadn't been so bad after all.

And something about Billy's fingers at Dom's neck reminded him of something, and a second later he remembered. "I never did give you your prezzies."

"You're right," Billy said, and the calm in his voice reassured Dom even more. "I've been dying of curiosity."

Dom snorted. "You have not. You'd forgotten all about them until just now."

"Not forgotten, just temporarily misplaced the memory." Billy let him go, and walked out of the kitchen again. "Where are they, in your room?" he called from the hallway, heading in that direction.

"Hey, get back here!" Dom exclaimed, following him. "You can't just go rooting about in my kit!"

"I never said I was going to!" Billy protested, and when Dom entered his room he found Billy nowhere near the bags lying on the floor by the dresser, but rather stretched out on his stomach on the bed, chin propped on both hands, a pert grin on his face. "So what did you get me?"

Dom stood at the foot of the bed, glaring at him, arms akimbo. "You know, a little gratitude might be nice. I carted these halfway around the world for you, and all you can do is lie there and ask what I got you?"

"Gratitude? But I don't know what it is yet. How do I know if gratitude is appropriate?" Billy asked, looking up at him with wide-eyed innocence.

Dom narrowed his eyes. "Elijah taught you that look, didn't he?"

He laughed. "God, no. I had this perfected years ago, Dom. Worked a treat on my teachers."

Dom retrieved his carryon and sat on the bed, confidently saying, "Gratitude is appropriate, believe me. These are the best prezzies anyone's ever brought you after three days of sleep deprivation and a twenty hour trip."

"Why does that make me nervous?" Billy rolled on his side to face Dom and propped himself up with one elbow.

"I don't know, why does it? Now, I should have done this the second I walked through the door, but I'm afraid I had other things on my mind, like where the hell was a bed." He pulled the garish purple and pink and white plastic lei from his bag and draped it over Billy's head. "Aloha, Bills."

Billy grinned. "Aloha, Dom."

Dom chuckled. "Next. I think we should find some sticky tape and plant this darlin' right on the dashboard of your car." He pulled out the tacky hula doll with her green plastic grass skirt and mini coconut-shell bikini top.

Billy threw back his head and laughed out loud, then rose to sit cross-legged in front of Dom, taking the doll from him. "She's the most tasteless, gaudy piece of kitsch I've ever seen. I fucking love her." He fingered the strips of plastic that formed her skirt. "And so authentic, really."

"But sadly, she's not anatomically correct." Even as Billy snickered, Dom carried on blithely. "I looked for one that played ukulele music, but I couldn't find one."

"A tragedy," he said solemnly.

"Absolutely," Dom agreed. "So that was Hawaii. Then in Chicago--"

"What about L.A.?"

"What? What about it?"

Billy blinked at him and wrinkled his forehead sadly. "Didn't you get me anything in L.A.?"

Dom couldn't help but laugh at him. "Like what? Sunburn? Botox? Maybe some breast implants?"

Billy looked down at his chest as if considering it. "Nah," he finally said, "I'd look silly with breasts. Although maybe I could use the implants as paperweights or something."

Dom burst out laughing. "I can just see it now, 'Billy, where's that contract? Oh, that--it's under that breast over there.'"

"Yeah, I guess if I was leaving them out in the open, I'd have to make sure they were tastefully covered with pasties."

"Tassels!" Dom crowed, and fell backwards on the bed, and Billy laughed loudly.

It was several minutes before Billy was able to--a trifle breathlessly--say, "Okay, okay. God, you're such a troublemaker, Monaghan. Get on with it."

Dom struggled to sit upright, still snickering. " _I'm_ the troublemaker? Oh, I like that. Maybe I won't give you the rest of them after all."

Billy gave him a shove. "Aw, come on, Dom, gimme my prezzies."

"Say please," he admonished, grinning.

"Pretty please."

"Ooh, nice improvisation."

"Thank you," Billy said proudly. "Now, really, what did you bring me from L.A.?"

Dom stared at him. "Personally delivered greetings from your dear friend Elijah."

"Oh, that's nice. Thank you," he said happily.

"You worry me sometimes, William Boyd." He shook his head sadly.

"Good, it'll keep you on your toes. So next was Chicago."

"Next was Chicago. Now, I hope you realise I had three hours to kill, and I was absolutely bloody knackered. That being said, the first thing I bought was that book for on the plane--"

"Which I want to read later," Billy said. "See what all the excitement was about."

"It's--you fucking wanker, you just want to know what left me contemplating a trip to the toilets!"

"Well, if it was _that_ good ... " Billy leered, and then dropped it. "And after the book shop?"

"I bought myself a t-shirt." Dom pulled it out.

" _I am Wonderland_ ," Billy read out loud. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I just liked it."

"Makes you sound like an amusement park."

Dom laughed. "Well, I am fun for all ages."

"That sounds vaguely illegal." Billy grinned at him. "You bought _me_ a t-shirt too, didn't you?"

"Oh, you know it, Bills." Dom took the folded-up t-shirt from his bag and passed it to him, letting him hold it up and shake it out.

" _All That Jazz_ ," Billy read in a rather faint voice. "Dom."

"Yes, Billy?"

"It sparkles, Dom."

"Yes, Billy."

"There are rhinestones on this t-shirt, Dom."

"Yes, Billy."

"You're such a twat, you know that?"

Dom grinned widely. "Yes, Billy."

Billy started to shuffle off the bed. "Thanks, Dom, these are brilliant--"

"There's one more."

"Another one? You spoil me."

"And don't you forget it. Here, I picked this up in the duty-free for you." Dom pulled out the bottle of whisky and handed it to him.

Billy took it. He stared at it. He stared at Dom. "You're taking the piss, right?" he asked in disbelief.

"No--I really did get it in the duty-free," Dom said innocently. "Why, you don't like that kind? Maybe I should have got the Jack Daniels after all. I'll pick some up the next time--"

"Dominic Monaghan, you bite your tongue right now," Billy demanded, sounding disgusted. "I can't believe you, buying _Scotch_ in _America_ and carting it all the way over here--and it's not even a really good Scotch, I might add--when we could walk around the corner and buy a gorgeous Macallan single-malt older than you are, one that would make you come in your pants at a mere whiff, make you fucking _expire_ from the ecstasy of a taste of that smooth, spicy, oaky, rum-butter dark liquid gold. They don't call it the 'water of life' for nothing, you absolute daftie, and I can't believe you actually ... " Billy suddenly trailed off, sighed, then resignedly said, "And that's exactly what you were going for, wasn't it?"

Dom let loose the amusement he'd been completely holding in, his eyes watering from the effort, and laughed delightedly. "That's beyond what I could have hoped for. Priceless, that was. Ah, Bills, bless you a hundred times over for being turned on by whisky, because that really was quite arousing, especially the bit about me coming in my pants, and as for your description of the whisky itself, _well_ ... "

Billy's neck flushed, but he casually asked, "Was it better than the book?"

"Oh, most definitely, I mean, it had the advantage of your lovely accent, didn't it?" Dom was more than happy to play along, even as he wondered how much further Billy would go.

"I see. So it was the description in a Scots accent that did it for you?"

"Completely. The way you say 'rum-butter dark liquid gold'? You could tape that and sell it on the porn market."

"Good to know, in case the acting thing doesn't pan out," Billy said, his voice the oddest combination of mirth and desire and fear.

"It's always good to have something to fall back on," Dom agreed, and nearly choked on how that sounded, to his oversexed brain, anyway.

Billy blushed to the roots of his hair. "Well, if the book left you contemplating a little five-card stud and that was better than the book, I guess I'd better give you a bit of privacy, then, yeah?" He turned his back on Dom as he climbed off the bed.

Dom snorted a laugh. "Billy, don't--"

"No, no. I won't stay for the floor show. We have to leave soon, though, so will ten minutes be enough for you? Well, five would be better, so would it help if I said rum-butter dark liquid gold again?" He walked out the door.

Shaking with laughter, not to mention being hard enough that a quick wank sounded invitingly tempting indeed, Dom yelled, "I hate you, Boyd."

Billy's voice sounded remarkably similar to Dom's as he called back, "Don't worry. I hate me, too."

 

 

Twenty minutes later, Billy checked over his shoulder and then pulled his car out of its parking spot. Dom was settling in to the passenger seat, sunglasses on, playing with Billy's digital camera, and there were bags of food and bottles of water and Coke in the back seat.

"Would you just tell me where we're going?" Dom asked again for the fourth time.

"Nope. I doubt it would mean anything to you even if I did tell you. Up the coast, is all you need to know."

Grumpily, Dom took a picture of him with the camera, making sure the flash was on.

"Dom! Not while I'm driving in the city, you twat. At least wait until there's no other cars around for me to crash into, yeah?"

"Fine. You take all the fun out of everything, you know."

Billy grinned. "I know, I'm such a spoilsport, aren't I?"

"Terrible. You know, Glasgow is one effed-up city," he said conversationally.

"It is not!" Billy protested. "What the hell makes you say that?"

"Your roads and motorways--completely bollocksed up. There is no rhyme or reason to them whatsoever. I mean, look, that sign says that's an exit to the SECC, which I happen to know is miles from here."

"Oh? And how do you know that?"

Dom snorted. "I've been here before, Bill."

Billy considered. "Well. I will admit that our road signs leave a bit to be desired. But really, the city is quite logically laid out."

"Logical?" Dom hooted. "About as logical as saying Rangers won the Scottish Cup because you had a good shag."

"Sadly, I think the last time Rangers won the Cup _was_ about the time I last had a good shag. Lazy wee bastards."

Dom was surprised by the laugh that bubbled up inside.

Billy glanced over at him. "That was an odd noise. Having another asthma attack, are you?"

"Just laughing at you," Dom grinned.

"Oh, I'm glad you find my moribund sex life so humorous. Glad I could entertain you."

"Awww," he teased. "Poor desperate Bills."

"I am _not_ desperate," Billy said haughtily. "I am merely patiently awaiting the right time."

"Oh, really," Dom challenged. "And when is the right time?"

"I'm hoping much sooner rather than much later."

Dom's eyes flashed to Billy's face, but Billy was calmly checking the rear-view mirror, then over his shoulder before changing lanes to pass a slow-moving car.

"Billy," Dom asked, suddenly serious, "Are you just playing with me now? Because earlier--and now--"

Billy shook his head. "No, Dom. I'm not playing with you. I'm not. I'm trying to--" He stopped, not knowing how to continue.

"Trying to ... ?" Dom asked, but then he suddenly snickered and looked out the side window.

"What are you laughing at?" Billy sounded a shade testy.

Dom shook his head. "No. You'll kill me." He snorted again.

"Out with it, Monaghan."

"You're trying to figure out how to change lanes."

"What? I just _did_ change-- Fuck. You're such a cunt sometimes, Dom," Billy muttered.

"I didn't want to tell you, but you made me," he said defensively.

"Stop trying to be subtle, you're not good at it."

"I'm sorry, but I happen to think that works on several levels, actually. If you don't like it, then you tell me--you're trying to what?"

Billy changed gears a little more ferociously than he needed to, and there was a grinding noise from the engine. " _Fuck_."

"Take it easy, Bill."

"Don't fucking tell me to take it easy," he snapped.

Dom looked down, bit his lip, and then sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Billy, I don't mean to push you. Just--forget I asked, all right? I don't want to ruin what's supposed to be a relaxing trip. I'm sorry, I promise I'll leave it."

They were both silent for several long minutes, Dom facing away and looking out his side window, fingers of one hand worrying a ring on the other. Billy seemed to be concentrating on navigating the slowly diminishing traffic as they worked their way out of the city.

When they finally found some open space on the A82 and Billy was able to relax and put his driving skills on auto pilot, he quietly said, "I'm trying to ... pick my way forward, on a path I can't see. And I'm not even sure where the path ends up, you know? So when I hit a fork in the road, all I can do is hold my breath and close my eyes and go whichever way feels right and hope I'm not walking off of the edge of a cliff. And it's hard. And it's ... it's familiar and foreign at the same time, which doesn't make sense, but--"

"Yes it does," Dom interrupted softly, still looking away from Billy.

Billy paused, then said, "Yeah, I suppose it does in a way. So, I keep--keep having to choose a direction to go in, when the path forks. And sometimes I have to ... sort of retrace my steps, even if I think I am going in the right direction, you know? Just back up a bit and look at where I am and decide yeah, this is the right way, and then push on a bit more. And when I push on, when I get a bit adventurous, that's when I--well, like earlier. I'm sorry if it's been fucking with your head, Dom, I never meant to do that. I spent the two weeks before you arrived pished, clinging to one spot, and now I'm just trying to ... move."

"It's okay, Billy." Dom finally turned his head to look over at him. "You haven't been fucking with my head, not really. You've caught me by surprise once or twice, though," he said with a little smile. "I'm glad you told me this, it--it helps to know what you're doing, it gives me a bit better idea what's going on. But you're going to have to tell me what you want _me_ to do, because ... " It was Dom's turn to trail off, and Billy glanced over.

"Because what? I mean--I mean, I don't know what I want you to do--"

"Because I ... I don't want to--shove you down a path you don't trust. I don't want to make you back up, I want to ... " Dom flushed painfully.

"What, Dom?" Billy asked softly, looking intently out the windscreen. "Please. What do you want to do?"

"I want to--fuck, this is going to sound like sentimental twaddle, but I want to be there waiting for you every time you take a step forward. So you're going to have to tell me what to do, how--how did you put it?--how adventurous I can be with you. Because I don't want to get carried away and gallop forwards like I always do only to find I'm pushing you back or, God forbid, over that cliff. Do you know what I mean, Bills?"

He was silent for a moment, but finally Billy said, "Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a little tricky, because you're really rather shite at speaking in code, whereas I am very, very good at it, but I think I see what you're getting at."

Dom stared at him for a second, and then huffed a laugh and shook his head. "Wanker."

"Says the man who finds 'rum-butter dark liquid gold' a right turn-on," Billy grinned again, and the change on his face was extraordinary.

"Okay, wait a minute, just wait--before we get carried away again," Dom insisted. "I mean it, Bills, I don't want to push you. So if you start to feel like I am, if you need to take a few steps back, or you want me to get out of the way, you have to tell me, all right? You have to say something, because sometimes you're exceedingly hard to read, and sometimes I'm just incredibly thick."

Billy looked at him fondly. "No, you're not, Dom. You're really not. But all right. If I need some room, I'll just ask you to back up a bit, okay? Not back _off_ , because that sounds hostile, but I'll ask you to just back up a bit, yeah?"

"Yeah," Dom said, relieved. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Good." Billy paused. "Can I go back to getting carried away, then?"

"By all means. Don't let me stand in the way of you being zany."

" _Zany_?" Billy hooted. "Good God, where did you dig that relic up from?"

"I happen to like it," Dom stubbornly said. "I think it should be brought back into regular usage."

"Okay. You give that a shot, and let me know how it goes."

"Billy?"

"Yes, Dom?"

"Where are we going?"

"Well, right now we're on the A82--"

"Yeah?" Dom perked up, thinking Billy was finally going to tell him.

"And then we're going to the A83."

"Pillock."

"Okay, okay," Billy smiled. "From the A83, we'll head to ...  bugger, what's it called?"

Dom looked over at him suspiciously.

"Oh, that's it," Billy said cheerfully. "The A816."

"Fucker. Absolute fucker."


	8. Chapter 8

"It's beautiful around here, Bill," Dom marveled, craning his head to look up at the mountains that rose up practically from the road. "I mean, we've seen some stunning sights in our travels, but this really is different, you know? It feels different, somehow. Maybe beautiful is the wrong word, because it's ... a bit harsh, isn't it? But God, it gets you right in the gut."

"Yeah," Billy agreed simply, smiling.

"And the names--bloody hell, I'm fine with Birdfield or Castleton, but how the blazes do you say that?" Dom pointed in disbelief to an approaching road sign.

"Auchindarrach? Ach, it's not that hard."

"Maybe not for someone who actually says 'ach'," Dom snorted. "Do you have a map I can look at? You don't have to tell me where we're going, I just want to see if I can figure out some of these names."

"In the pocket on the door."

Dom pulled the ordnance map out and unfolded it on his lap, giving most of his attention to the scenery passing by, but glancing down every once in a while. "All right, so we're coming up to ... oh bugger. Lochgil--fead?" he tried.

"Close," Billy allowed. "Here's a hint--the water down there is Loch Gilp. We are coming to the end of the loch, or the--"

"Head," Dom finished, nodding. "Lochgilphead."

"Nearly perfect," Billy grinned.

"Look at that cottage, Bills," Dom suddenly said, pointing out the windscreen toward Billy's side. "That's fucking brilliant, that is. I'll probably end up living most of my life in city flats, but if I can ever have a second place, I want one just like that." He watched the small white, tile-roofed, multi-chimneyed cottage as long as he could keep it in sight.

Billy watched Dom as much as he could without driving off the road. With manufactured skepticism, he said, "You? The man who eats takeaway three nights a week? The man who has to go to the cinema at least once every fortnight? The man who likes going clubbing until all hours?" He turned off onto the exit for the A816.

"I know. That's why it would be a second place," Dom grinned. "The city until I got sick of it, bugger off to the cottage until the noise of frogs and crickets drove me mad, head back to the city, rinse and repeat."

Billy chuckled. "Well, as long as you've got it all figured out."

"Totally. I'll buy myself green wellies and a down-filled vest and brown corduroy trousers and I'll say things like 'ach' and 'bugger off my property, ye cuntybaws!'" Dom imitated Billy's accent perfectly.

Billy laughed delightedly. "So you _do_ occasionally listen to me! I'll make a Scotsman out of you yet, my lad."

Chuckling, Dom glanced down at the map, and his eyes widened. "Not so fast, Bills. I think I just failed the Boyd Academy. Up ahead is," he took a deep breath, "Achna--Achnasel--no that's not right. Achnashelloch?"

"Good work, Mr. Monaghan, you pulled it out of the fire."

"You mean I said it right?" Dom asked, surprised.

"Mostly. A bit off, but by the end of today you'll be rolling these off of your tongue with no problem," Billy averred.

"If you say so. I think I'll wait until then to try this one." He held the map where Billy could see it, held it still while Billy glanced down to where his index finger pointed out the name he'd been looking at.

Billy laughed when he saw Dom's finger beside Loch Gaineamhach. "We'll work on that one, yeah."

 

 

Billy turned off the A816 onto the B844.

Dom looked up from the map. "Ah ha--a B road. We must be getting close, if you're taking secondary roads."

"Excellent detective work, Dr. Watson."

"And you're Sherlock Holmes, I suppose?"

"But of course. Older and wiser, as I should be." Billy glanced over at the map. "So, have you figured out where we're going yet?"

" _Was_ Holmes older than Watson?" Dom pondered. "I always thought he was younger, and just far more brilliant and intuitive than the staid, stuffy old Watson--"

"Stuff _this_ , wanker."

Dom grinned. "See? I am good at code. You obviously got that one with no trouble." He looked down at the map again. "Well, seeing as this road doesn't seem to lead to too much except the island of Seil, I'm going to guess we're headed there."

"Once again, I am astounded by your deductive reasoning. And as theories go, it's definitely a front-runner."

"So why are we going to the island?" Dom folded the map up and stowed it back in the door pocket, smiling at the quaintness of the tiny town they were passing through.

"We're not," Billy said cheerfully.

Dom's head swiveled. "We're not? But--you said--"

"I said your theory was a front-runner, I didn't say it was leading the pack," he grinned.

"I hate you."

"No you don't. You love me."

Dom said, "So you keep telling me." But what he _really_ wanted to say was more along the lines of, "Why yes, Billy, as a matter of fact I _do_ love you, truly madly deeply to coin a phrase, so why don't we head to this island of yours that we're actually not heading to at all and kick everyone off and take it over for the day so I can spend the afternoon making love to you on a bed of purple heather with the sea birds keening overhead, and then we'll have a little bite to eat before you tell me how much you love me while you fuck me into next week."

"Dom?"

He came back to himself with a sudden horror that maybe he'd said all that out loud, but the fact that Billy hadn't driven the car off the road was reassuring. But he _was_ looking at Dom a little oddly. "Yeah, Billy?"

"Are you all right? You had the strangest look on your face ... "

"Did I?" Dom swallowed, then shrugged. "I'm fine."

"What were you thinking?"

"I was--just wondering if there's any heather on the island."

Billy looked at him sideways. "Riiiiight."

"No, really, I was," Dom protested.

"Okay, Dom, if you say so." Billy turned the car into a small graveled car park. "We're here. Well," he amended, "the first here. We probably won't stay all that long."

Dom looked out the window. "I shouldn't think so. There's nothing here but a bridge." He quickly added, "I mean, it's a very _nice_ bridge and all, really quite lovely--"

"Give it a rest," Billy chuckled. "Yes, it's just a bridge, but I thought this particular bridge might appeal to that persistent little whimsical streak of yours." He climbed out of the car and stretched.

Dom scrambled to follow, being sure to grab the camera. "Why this particular bridge?" He caught up to Billy, handed his camera to him, walked beside him down to the edge of the watercourse spanned by the single high stone arch.

"Well, I could wish it stretched just a little bit further, but ... " Billy paused, mulling something over, then seemed to almost give himself a little shake. "The water?" He gestured along with his hand.

Dom looked down at it--flowing fairly well--and puzzled, said, "Yeah?"

"It's the Atlantic Ocean. This is the bridge over the Atlantic."

Dom looked at it with a growing sense of enchantment. "Really?"

"Yes," Billy smiled, watching him.

"Bridge over the Atlantic," he murmured, trying the sound out for himself. "That's fantastic, I love it. It belongs in a book. A fairytale."

Billy unobtrusively lifted the camera and snapped a picture of the faraway look on Dom's face.

 

 

Billy kneeled on his seat to reach into the back and root around in the bags, and Dom did his level best not to gawk at Billy's arse. It was a bit of a losing battle, really.

"Cold pasty or two day-old ham and cheese?" Billy asked him, voice laboured, strained from the headrest of his seat digging into his stomach. "Hurry up, Dom, this is fucking uncomfortable."

"You could have just opened the back door, idiot. I'll have a bag of crisps."

Billy yanked a foil bag of crisps out and tossed it behind him. They landed on the dashboard. With a grunt and a groan, he grabbed his own food and a bottle of Coke, and turned back around in his seat. "Ah, bugger. I think I bruised something," he groused, rubbing his ribs.

"Poor Bills," Dom grinned.

"Cheeky sod. Why just a bag of crisps, aren't you hungry?"

Dom looked down at the stale sandwich in Billy's hand and his nose wrinkled. "I'm still not sure why we had to bring those. Couldn't we have just stopped for fresh?"

"You're the one who bought them," Billy pointed out.

"They were supposed to be eaten yesterday. Not my fault if someone was too hung over."

"That's right, rub it in. Fine, I'll eat them as my penance, all right? Happy now?" he asked grumpily.

Dom reached over and soothingly patted his leg. "My poor tight-arsed--I mean, _frugal_ \--Billy. You're so hard done by, aren't you?"

"I am." Billy took a bite of his sandwich, chewed, swallowed, put it back in its packaging and tossed it into the back seat. "Give me some of your crisps?"

"So much for penance." Dom held the bag out. "Can you grab those cheese twists? They looked good."

A few minutes later, with a variety of crisps, twists, and sweets on their laps and bottles of Coke in hand, Billy and Dom settled back for a gloriously unhealthy feast, parked by the bridge over the Atlantic. "Cheese twist?" Billy grinned, holding the box out.

"Don't mind if I do." Dom pulled one out, sniffed it, took a bite. "Yeah, those'll do nicely. This isn't quite the decent meal I was going to make you eat, though."

Billy turned slightly sideways in his seat so he could look over at Dom without having to turn his head so sharply, waited while Dom followed suit. "You were going to make me eat a decent meal?"

"Well, yeah. You've been eating like shite, so--"

"Says who?" he frowned.

"Ehm-- _you_ did. You said you hadn't been arsed to cook, so you hadn't really eaten much. And then you were sick, and you didn't manage much yesterday--"

Billy wouldn't meet his eyes. He crunched a crisp, muttering, "When did I say that?"

"When you were pie-eyed. How about we find a good restaurant for dinner tonight?" Dom suggested. "My treat. I'll buy you a good meal in return for the personally guided tour of Scotland."

"Dom, you don't have to--"

"I know. I want to. Let me take you out for dinner tonight, yeah?" he said earnestly.

The corner of Billy's mouth quirked. "I did have a good breakfast this morning. Or are you asking me out on a date? Because I don't put out on a first date, you know."

Dom nearly spit out the mouthful of Coke he'd just swigged back. He carefully swallowed, then casually said, "Good thing it's not our first date, then."

"Really?" Billy craned his neck to look up at the sky through the windscreen, watching a bird wheel high overhead. "Odd. You'd think I would remember something like a date with you."

"You'd think. Anyone else I've taken out on a date has considered it an unforgettable experience."

"So remind me."

"Oh, there've been so many, I don't know where to start," Dom said breezily. "Let's see. Well, our very first date was the day I met you, and you took me to Fidel's and bought me lunch--"

"We had to get to know each other, it was lunchtime, and you'd been wobble-brained enough to come to New Zealand with no local currency whatsoever!"

"--and the time I flew you to Berlin, and you rather let your feelings show--"

Billy snorted. "Since when did _you_ fly me? I don't recall seeing your name anywhere on the ticket, New Line picked up the tab and you know it. And you looked even more lovesick than I did, you twat--" he stopped abruptly, then said, "I--you--"

Dom stilled. _More_ lovesick? Implying Billy had been as well? And he _knew_ Billy was now wondering if Dom had wanted him even then. He hesitated for a second, trying to decide what to do, and then thought that maybe this was a bit too much for right now, right here.

"And then, of course," he continued, working up a little cheerfulness, "There was the time I took you to that big bash in L.A., and went all out--the valet parking, walking in on that posh red carpet, being escorted to our seats, all the rich and famous people we were rubbing elbows with, and we even won a door prize--"

It took a bit of obvious effort, but Billy matched his tone of playfulness. "Door prize? It was a fucking _Oscar_ , you gobshite! And I like how suddenly it was _you_ who took me to the Academy Awards--"

"So, you see," Dom went on blithely, "We've been out on a lot of dates, those were just the highlights. And really, considering the amount of time and effort and dosh I've laid out for you, I think I've been quite patient about you not putting out, and I think it's high time you considered maybe changing that state of affairs."

"Well, I'm going to have to think about this, Dom," Billy prevaricated with a spot-on bit of maidenly shyness, "I mean, it's all so sudden--"

"Sudden? Six bloody years is _sudden_? Good God, I'd hate to see what happens if you take your time!" Dom exclaimed, then popped a sherbet lemon in his mouth with a grin.

"Six years?" Billy said softly. "Has it really been six years?"

"Six years this August." Dom smiled at him fondly.

"Wow." He sat back with a nostalgic huff of a sigh.

"Yeah."

"Dom?" Billy looked down at his fingers, picking at the label on his bottle of Coke.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember ... "

"What?" Dom asked, but fancied he knew, although he thought it was probably just wishful thinking. He was surprised to discover it wasn't.

"That week."

"The one famous for its lack of filming?" he said lightly, his stomach bursting into a storm of butterflies.

"Yeah."

"Yeah, Bills, I remember it. Almost one of the best weeks of my life."

Billy raised an eyebrow but still didn't lift his eyes from his fingers. "Almost?"

"Almost. We've never talked about that week, have we?"

"No."

Dom looked out the windscreen, looked over to the bridge. "I always kind of wanted to. But ... "

"But?" Billy asked.

He shrugged. "Time just never seemed right, did it? Busy filming, busy leaving, busy premiere-hopping ... busy moving in with people."

Billy flinched, even though he had to know by the tone of voice that Dom hadn't meant it harshly. "So why was it only 'almost'?"

"Because you and I were only 'almost'," he admitted quietly, a little embarrassed.

"Dom--" Billy whispered, anguished. "Have you--since ... ?"

"Do you really want to talk about this right now? Today? It--it can wait for a while, you know." Dom didn't actually know which would be better, finally coming out and saying he'd been at least half in love with Billy for nearly five years now, that his pint-sized longing had never ever gone away, or putting off such an emotional admission until they were both a little more prepared. And not sitting in a rather cramped car beside a narrow ocean sound with nowhere to go, no matter what the result. He suddenly felt claustrophobic. "Never mind. I don't want to," he forced out, and had his door open and was out of the car before Billy could even speak.

Dom hurried away from the car, toward the bridge; he crossed the road, went down the embankment a bit, and leaned against the stonework where he couldn't be seen from the other side. Shaking a little from ... well, he didn't know what, really. Just nerves, he supposed. And he began to have a vociferous argument with himself in his head.

Because why the hell had he just run away? It was _Billy_ who was supposed to be afraid, tentative, unsure. Dom was damn sure if his affections were returned, if he actually had the chance to kiss, to feel, to touch Billy the way he wanted to, that he would fall completely in love with him so hard and so fast he'd never resurface again, so what the fuck was his problem, why run away when they were maybe heading toward that?

Because, the other side of his brain pointed out, and Dom wondered if perhaps he was going a little mad because he would swear that this side of his brain sounded like a rather disdainful Jeremy Irons, but maybe that was something to worry about at another time, yeah Monaghan? And Dom snorted, and relaxed against the wall a bit, crossing his arms on his chest as his eyes followed the watercourse into the near distance.

 _Because_ , the Jeremy Irons side of his brain said, with a touch of annoyance at being interrupted, if he had the chance to kiss and touch Billy the way he wanted to, he'd fall so hard and so fast, he'd never resurface again.

Which was what he'd just--oh.

Exactly, said Jeremy Irons. And they were only _maybe_ heading toward that. Was he willing to live with it if he fell hopelessly in love with Billy and Billy decided to walk away? Right now it was a pint-sized longing, it was tolerable, he could comfortably hold that in for the rest of his life and still be happy, just like he had up until this trip. But if that pint spilled over any more than it already had, if it flooded him and swept him away--well, that couldn't be held in, could it?

Like damming up the Atlantic, Dom thought.

Exactly, said Jeremy Irons.

"Dom?" Billy approached him cautiously. "All right, there, Dom?"

Dom smiled up at him, if a little weakly, and Billy's caution disappeared. He made his way down to lean against the stone wall of the bridge beside Dom. They both looked out over the narrow stretch of ocean.

"Do you ever have an argument with yourself inside your head?" Dom asked in a remarkably normal voice.

"Sure. Everyone does."

"And do you actually _hear_ it? You know, the voices in your head laying out the two sides, weighing the pros and cons, whatever?"

Billy thought for a moment. "Yeah, sort of. You could say that, I guess."

"Sort of. That's what I thought. Yeah--just so you know, Bill, it's entirely possible that I'm cracking up. I don't think insanity runs in the family, but there's a definite possibility that I'll be a complete raving lunatic within a few years. Prime strait-jacket candidate."

Dom didn't look over, but he could hear the smile in Billy's voice. "What makes you think so?"

"I just had an argument with myself. A logical, fully realised argument complete with interruptions and sarcasm and Billy, I swear to God the other side sounded like Jeremy Irons and he was sorely fed up with me."

A laugh gurgled in Billy's throat and he clamped a hand over his mouth.

"No, go ahead, laugh," Dom said resignedly. "I'm completely crackers, aren't I? I am. Right around the twist."

"Ah, Dom, sometimes you're just ... " Billy chuckled.

"Insane? Go on, you can say it."

"Not quite the word I was searching for. 'Refreshing' is closer, I think."

"Then again, maybe it's something in the water, because I think you're cracking up too."

Billy huffed a laugh, leaned sideways to bump Dom's shoulder with his own. "I mean it. I can't see myself being staid or stuffy with you around."

"Not so much Watson?" Dom asked with a barely there smile.

"Not so much Watson, thank God." He paused, then quietly but still with a smile said, "Care to tell me what you and Jeremy Irons were arguing about?"

Dom snorted. "Fuck, it sounds even more insane when _you_ say it."

"Relax, Dom, you're not insane," he grinned. "You're just ... highly imaginative."

"So you say. You're not the one who has Jeremy Irons getting snarky in your head."

"Sounds like it could be rather amusing, actually. So what was the argument about?"

"Bugger," Dom sighed. "It was--I have-- _fuck_." He kicked at a rock in front of him.

"Want to walk?" Billy asked, watching him.

Dom pushed off the wall in answer and they climbed back to the top of the bank, walking along it while Dom struggled with what to say. "I have this little marmalade jar inside me. A pint jar."

"Marmalade jar?" Billy said, confused.

"No, don't interrupt, or I'll never get through this."

"Sorry," he said quietly, and Dom felt gentle fingers on the back of his shoulder for a moment in support.

Dom thought if he was the crying sort, that probably would have done it. As it was, his throat tightened a bit. "I have this jar," he said finally. "And in it is ... is everything that ... that started that week in New Zealand. And it all fits in the jar, I don't even need to put a lid on the jar, it's the perfect size to hold everything. But every once in a while I feel, if I spend a lot of time with you, or, or if I'm missing my best mate something fierce ... then the jar can't quite hold it all, and there's a little overflow, a little spill, an inch of water on the floor." Dom paused to scrub his hands through his hair, and he drew in, held, and released a huge breath. "But now there's ... this. This path you're walking. And Jeremy bloody Irons felt the need to point out to me that ... that while you're walking your path and we're--we're being adventurous ...  What if my marmalade jar overflows, floods me, sweeps me under?" Dom said with rush. "And what if you come to the end of your path, and it leads you elsewhere? I'll be awash, swept out to sea, pulled under and ... I will very likely drown."

"Dom ... " Billy's voice was low, distressed. They found their way forward impeded by a thick gorse hedge, and without breaking stride turned and began walking back toward the bridge. "I don't want that to happen any more than you and Jeremy bloody Irons do. I don't want you to drown, Dom. How do I--how do we keep that from happening? Should I--maybe I should pick my way down the path by myself, and just, you know, tell you at the end where I find myself? Not make you watch and wait and have your--your jar fill beyond what it can hold. I don't want you getting hurt, Dom." Dom made a small noise, whether of refusal or denial or just a groan he didn't know, but Billy quickly said, "I'm not saying I think you're _going_ to be hurt. I just ... I don't want to risk it. I don't want to risk _you_."

"But I do!" Dom finally cried and even as he said it, he realised it was nothing more than truth. "Don't you see? I have to believe your path is going to wind up at my jar and I know that's a fucked up little analogy but I'm here and we're half-saying all these things and I think it's too late, I think the tide is already rising but you know what, Bill? _I don't care._ I want to dive right in and let it swamp me because I don't think there's any other alternative left to me but to swim while you walk, and I don't know, maybe I think if I keep swimming your path will lead down to the beach and you'll see me and you'll decide the ocean looks pretty damned inviting and you'll swim out to me and bloody hell I don't know what the fuck I'm saying anymore, suddenly we've gone from being people to being goddamned _seals_!"

Billy couldn't help one little snort of a laugh. "We're letting this get way too complicated, you know that? We're dating, we're Holmes and Watson, we're a jar and a path and Jeremy Irons and selkies." Suddenly he didn't look amused anymore. "Fuck it. Just bloody fuck it." They arrived back at the car, and Billy pushed Dom up against the door and stood squarely in front of him.

"Billy--" Dom's voice shook.

"No. Listen to me."

"Bill--"

"I said listen to me, Dom," he said sharply. "I'm going to stop fucking around. I'm going to stop being all shy and mysterious and pulling metaphors out of my arse. I'm going to come straight out and tell you--"

"Don't--" Dom flattened himself against the car, afraid of what was coming, afraid of what he would do.

"--that for the past five years I've wondered. I've wondered what would have been different if I hadn't backed away from you, danced around it, twinkletoed my way up and down and around and everywhere but toward you. And you seemed to move on so I did too, and I set you aside and you were the best mate a bloke could ever have and I met Ali and I fell a little in love with her and I made myself believe it was a grand lifelong passion when it wasn't, and you're a persistent bastard, Dominic, you'd worked your way into me like a burr that I couldn't pull out but I ignored it, I ignored it until finally Ali grabbed me and made me look at it, look at you, look at whether or not I loved you, wanted you, needed you. I didn't know, not until you got here and I looked at you and I saw something in you I'd been blind to and it seemed like you were trying to tell me something. And I've been ignoring things and dancing around them so long that I can't see clearly, and that's why this is taking me so long, I need to trust that I'm seeing clearly before I can--"

Dom fisted his hands in Billy's jumper, hauled him in, and kissed him hard and fast, lips pressed flush against Billy's and nose digging into his cheek.

Billy whimpered in the very back of his throat and crumpled against Dom, and when Dom felt Billy's arms steal around him, he knew he was being swept out to sea, and he surrendered to it gladly. It was warm, it surrounded him and stole his breath and buoyed him up and made him want to frolic and cavort in the waves, and then he was leaning his forehead against Billy's and laughing quietly, his breath a puff of summer humidity on Billy's skin. "I really am a selkie," he murmured unevenly.

"Dom ... " Billy's voice shook.

"Are you okay, Bills?" he asked softly.

"No ... yes. I need to sit down," he admitted, sounding dazed.

"Yeah, I think I need to as well. Let's get in the car?"

"Yeah."

Billy stepped back, letting Dom stand up straight, and he smiled bemusedly as Dom opened the driver's side door for him before circling the vehicle to his own side.

Dom climbed in, pushing the remnants of their junk food lunch out of his way, and the second he could, the very instant Billy started to turn towards him, Dom had the fingers of one hand buried in Billy's hair as the other hand cupped his cheek and guided him closer, and he kissed him again, this time softly, sweetly, and slowly. He could feel Billy hesitate--not pull away, so Dom didn't let him go--but then finally he was kissing Dom back, smooth lips warm and tender and Dom felt his breath catch and his stomach flip-flop and he was drowning but really, he didn't mind one bit. When Billy's mouth opened and his tongue darted out to wetly, lightly flick at Dom's lips asking entry, Dom didn't know what to do first--melt, tear Billy's clothes off and lick his way down his body, or shout with delight. He hazily decided the last two might interfere with the kiss and if he had his way nothing was going to interfere with the kiss until the end of time, or maybe three days after the end of time, so he simply melted into Billy, wrapping an arm around his neck, his elbow crooked around Billy's neck, and he breathed a gentle sound of joy into Billy's mouth.

Dom lost himself in the sheer pleasure of kissing Billy. Really, the man had an extraordinary tongue, and it was something Dom had never considered before, not in terms of kissing, anyway. Of course he'd fantasized once or twice about what Billy's tongue might be capable of, but that was with regard to another activity altogether, and Dom decided he _really_ should not have thought about that at this particular moment in time because now that he knew how precise and flexible and strong and slick Billy's tongue was, he could fantasize all the more clearly, and he didn't realise he was moaning into Billy's mouth until Billy's palms flattened on the small of his back and wrenched him closer. Dom discovered two things simultaneously. The first one was that Billy growling in the back of his throat was quite possibly the hottest, most erotic thing on the bloody planet. And the second was that a handbrake to the groin was a painful thing.

"Fuckity buggering fuck!" he shouted, doubling over, his face nearly in Billy's lap, and if he hadn't been busy trying not to weep from the atrociously sharp pain, he would have fallen about laughing over the way Billy tried to scramble away.

Billy was quick to realise there was something going on other than a desire on Dom's part to nuzzle his privates. "Dom? What's wrong? What is it?"

"Fucking sodding buggering cunting _handbrake_!"

"Ah, fuck," he said with great sympathy and a little guilt. "God, I'm sorry, Dom, I didn't mean to--"

Dom barked out a laugh that thanks to the throbbing smarting ache in his crotch came out more like a squeak. "I should hope not," he gasped. "You want it all in working order, don't you?"

"Well, if I'm going to be putting out for you, you'd better be able to take advantage of it, yes," he said with a grin, surprising Dom to no end. Billy shifted over a bit in his seat so Dom--still huddled over--could rest his head on his thigh, and he put a hand on his back and rubbed it firmly. "Are you going to be all right? Or should I be hightailing it to the nearest shop for some ice?"

"No, I'll be okay," he moaned pathetically. "Eventually. Some day. Jesus, Boyd, one kiss with you and I'm curled up in an agonized ball. Do you have this effect on everyone, or am I just lucky?"

"You're just lucky, I guess," he chuckled. "I am sorry, Dom. But look at it this way--at least you'll be unlikely to forget our first kiss."

Dom uncurled enough to look up at Billy. "As if I could."

Billy's smile faded, but softly, and he gazed at Dom's mouth for a moment before bending over awkwardly to kiss him. Their mouths didn't match up, it was too odd an angle, and yet Dom wouldn't have stopped it for the world. He realised it wasn't just the kiss itself, it was the way Billy surrounded all his senses. Billy tasted like Coke and the ocean and tangy spicy sugar and heat, and Dom wasn't quite sure how heat tasted, but he rather imagined it tasted a bit like Billy.

To Dom's disappointment, Billy sat up, and the grimace on his face tipped Dom off to the fact that it had been an awfully uncomfortable position for him. They continued to watch each other, though, and Dom noticed for the first time the gentle fingers in his hair. "So what now?" he asked.

Billy's face took on a slightly pained expression. "I--I don't know just yet, Dom. This has all come at a bit of a running leap for me, you know? I--"

Dom smiled up at him fondly. "No, Bills. Today. Where are we going next? Home?"

"Oh--ehm--no--that is to say--" he stammered, then took a deep breath and got hold of himself. "Sorry. I had been thinking of going further up the coast. But it's up to you, if you feel like heading back, that's a good option too."

"Up the coast sounds perfect. I don't think I want to go back to the real world just yet. I'm enjoying our day."

"Except for the handbrake to the man-tackle?" Billy asked wryly, and Dom laughed out loud.

"Except for that, yeah." He paused, and then sniggered, "Man-tackle?"

"I heard Viggo say that a few times. It struck me as funny."

"I don't want to know what was in that tackle box he took fishing, then." He sat up with a grimace and a bit of a grunt.

"Sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, fine. It's just going to smart for a bit." He looked over at Billy. "I'm not sorry I kissed you. But I'm sorry if I pushed you."

Billy smiled. "I'm not sorry you kissed me, either."

"It's just--what you were saying. Didn't think I'd ever hear that, you know? Even if you _were_ still hedging."

"Hedging? And here I thought I was being straightforward in finally saying anything at all." He stuck his lower lip out in a mock pout.

Dom darted in and drew Billy's lip between his, nibbling it gently, felt a twinge in his groin as his blood rushed to points south after hearing and feeling Billy softly moan. With an effort he pulled away. His voice was husky as he murmured, "You said you weren't seeing things clearly. So I kissed you. Anything clearer now?"

"A few things, yes," he breathed.

"Good. And just a point for future reference?"

"What?"

"Keep making those sounds when I kiss you and Rangers will be winning the Scottish Cup _today_. Because I've never heard anything quite so fucking sexy."

Billy flushed, but looked pleased. "Better even than 'rum-butter dark liquid gold'?"

"Intensely better. Insanely better. _Mind-bendingly_ better."

"Okay, I get the point," he chuckled, but then sobered again. "Not sure I'm ready for Rangers to win the Cup today, though."

"No," Dom agreed with a quirk to his lips. "Give them a bit more time on the pitch before match day, yeah?"

Billy snorted ruefully. "Yeah."

Dom couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and kissed Billy, already wanting--practically _needing_ \--to taste him again, and that spicy sweet heat left him nearly breathless. The feel of Billy's fingers ghosting over his face, along his jaw, sliding down his throat and around to the back of his neck, made him quiver, made him hum little sounds of pleasure, made him vocalise the quicksilver thrill that sparkled up his spine.

Billy wrenched away, breathing heavily. "You might want to--to take your own advice," he growled.

"What's that, Bills?" Dom reached for him, only to have Billy catch his wrists and hold him off.

"Stop making those fucking erotic noises before I start tearing your clothes off right here and now." He lifted one of Dom's wrists, turning his hand inward to place a hot, open-mouthed kiss on Dom's palm.

"Bloody hell--" Dom whispered, growing almost painfully hard. But then he gave himself a mental shake, took a deep, shuddery breath, and said as evenly as he could, "As much as I want you, as much as I want to touch you and feel you touch me, as much as I want to do all sorts of lascivious things to your body--" He didn't flinch when Billy's grip on his wrists tightened. "I seriously do not want to fuck this up. We're not doing anything until you are unequivocally sure that it's what you want, and that it's not just your lonely and desperate man-tackle talking. Understood?"

Billy was surprised into a snort of laughter. He dropped his head for a moment, then looked back up with a half-smile. "Understood. And thank you." He let go of Dom's wrists to reach out with one hand and brush the backs of his fingers down Dom's cheek. "You're quite lovely, you know. You look happy."

"I am."

"Lovely or happy?" Billy softly teased.

"Well, I don't know if I'd say lovely, the nose kind of buggers that up. More ruggedly handsome, I think. But yes, I'm happy." Dom looked at him for a moment, wondering if he should continue. Decided he would. "I've wanted to know for five years what you taste like. And you taste even better than I thought you would."

"Don't--don't--" Billy began, then slowly said, "It scares me a bit, you know?"

Dom's brow puckered. "What does?"

"You."

"I scare you?"

"How happy you look," he clarified. "I'm so afraid of hurting you, Dom."

Dom sat back in his seat, opening up a bit more space between them, but still facing Billy squarely. "I'm afraid of getting hurt too," he said honestly. "I don't want _me_ to get hurt, I don't want _you_ to get hurt, and I don't want to bollocks up the best friendship I've ever had in my life. But neither do I want to be so afraid that I pass up on ... " he hesitated, not sure which words to use. "What this could be," he finished a little lamely.

Billy searched his eyes, then looked away. "And what could this be?" He watched a car travel over the bridge.

Dom opened his mouth, then closed it again. Somehow the conversation had shifted sideways, and he was having trouble finding his equilibrium. "What--what do you want to know, Billy?"

"I want to know what you think this could be." His voice was tight.

"I'll answer if you want me to. But you sound like you might want me to back off--I mean, back up a bit. Do you want that, Bills?" Dom asked gently. "It's okay if you do."

Billy was silent for a moment. "Just for a while," he finally said. "I've been--been looking at _now_. I didn't even think about--ahead. Not really. And I think I'm just freaking myself out a bit."

Dom chuckled sympathetically. "Yeah. I know that feeling. But you don't have to look ahead right now, Bill. Let's just deal with today, with this week, okay? There's time enough to look ahead." He watched as Billy looked down, then returned his gaze to something outside the car.

"But ... what if--"

Dom took a guess, based on what he was worrying about a little himself. "What if now looks good but ahead doesn't?"

"Yeah."

He knew a shrug was pointless since Billy wasn't even looking at him, but he shrugged anyway. "That's sort of the problem, or a question at least, for most of our lives, isn't it? We make choices every day, and we very seldom ever know how they're going to turn out down the road. All we can do is make the best choice we can with what we know and how we feel now. You know that. In fact, I think you're the one who told me that, once. There are no guarantees for us, Bill." Dom wondered with a vague sense of dread if he was shooting himself in the foot.

"Us," Billy repeated quietly.

Dom cringed. "Listen, Bills," he said in a bit of a rush, "I'm backing up a bit, so why don't you just, you know, not think about it for a while, and we'll continue our road trip, and you'll find some posh restaurant that'll let us in even in our jeans because you're Scotland's beloved son at the moment--"

"Dom--" Billy tried to stop him, but Dom didn't want to hear it, didn't want to hear him say that he couldn't do it, it was too much with no guarantee.

"--and I'll buy you that decent meal I promised you, and I won't even take the piss and make rude noises if you order haggis, and then we'll--"

" _Dom_ \--"

"--do whatever you had in mind next, or we could go home if you want, maybe go down the pub and play some pool, it's been a while since I've whipped your arse--"

Billy leaned across, reached over and grabbed Dom, hauling him in to stop his mouth with a kiss.

It began hard and demanding, short-circuiting Dom's brain as Billy's frustration left the imprint of his teeth on Dom's lip, and Dom made a noise that Billy must have interpreted as some sort of protest because he suddenly gentled. He kissed Dom softly, slowly, as if he would memorise every tiny detail of Dom's mouth and tongue and lips, and he did it with such obvious gladness that Dom, who had been trying to claw his way onto some sort of self-preserving life raft, found himself letting go to be swept away by the flood once more.

Finally Billy lifted his mouth from Dom's, but his hands didn't slacken their grip, and he leaned their foreheads together. His mouth curved upward. "That seems to be a good way to shut you up."

"Rather effective, yes," Dom managed, staring at Billy's mouth. "It--it kind of defeats the purpose of me backing up, though, if you jump my bones."

"You backed up too far. Ridiculously too far. Besides," Billy breathed, "That was hardly jumping your bones. Wait until _you_ put out for _me_ , then you'll see jumping your bones."

"Wait until--" Dom nearly choked. "I think--I think I'm a bit lost here, Bill. I thought you were freaking yourself out?"

"I was. I still am a bit," he admitted. "But you said something that really helped."

"I did?" Dom's forehead creased as the tried to think back. "What?"

" _Us._ "

"I--I don't get it." Dom leaned his head back so he could see Billy's eyes more clearly, see his face. He thought he'd been off-balance before when things had shifted sideways--that was nothing compared to his sense of vertigo now that things had turned upside-down.

"I don't either, to be honest," Billy smiled at him. "But the way you said 'us', it--I guess I'd been thinking in terms of me, and of you, and not in terms of _us_ , and it sounds good, Dom. It sounds right. Don't you think?"

"What are you saying, Billy?"

"I'm not sure. Nothing just yet. But ... 'us' doesn't sound weird. Dunno why."

"Because we've always been us," Dom said truthfully. "Since day one it's been you and me, us, we, Dom'n'Billy--"

"Billy'n'Dom."

"If you insist," he chuckled. "This is just--a new version, a variation, a 'new and improved product', if you will. That's how it feels to me. You said--how did you say it?" Dom scrunched his eyes up, trying to remember. "Foreign but familiar. And I know you're still getting used to the idea, but for me the foreign part isn't weird, it isn't scary, it's just--exciting. It's uncharted, but exhilarating."

"Virgin territory? So to speak," Billy added dryly.

"Yeah. So to speak," Dom grinned.

Billy seemed to realise that he was still holding on to Dom fairly tightly, and he forced his hands to loosen, then let go. He sat back and gusted a sigh. "So. For the rest of the day, let's make believe."

"Make believe what, Bills?"

"Make believe ... none of this is as serious, as important as it really is. I don't want to ignore it anymore, I've had quite enough of doing that, thank you very much. But I'd like to leave it just for today, I don't want to think about consequences or ramifications or repercussions or what next week might bring, just for the rest of the day. Would that be okay, Dom? Would you mind?"

"Of course not, you silly twat. We'll just have some fun, yeah? Although I should warn you, I plan on being a terrible flirt and hitting on you shamelessly and taking the piss out of you mercilessly," Dom said comfortably.

Billy laughed. "Promise?"

"Even the flirting and hitting on you?"

"Especially the flirting and hitting on me."

"Then it's a solemn promise," he grinned.

"Not too solemn, I hope. Solemn and flirting don't exactly go hand in hand."

"No, no more solemnity. Now, if you'll give me one minute and your camera, I'll just take a picture of the bridge and we can be off," he declared.

Billy looked at him, amused. "And you call _me_ a girl?"

"What?" Dom asked defensively. "You're the one brought me to see the bridge over the Atlantic, and now you're calling me a girl for taking a picture of it?"

Billy grinned. "You just want a picture of the place we had our first kiss, you hopeless romantic, you." He held out the camera.

"That," Dom said haughtily, snatching it from him, "is just an added bonus." He scrambled out of the car to the sound of Billy's chuckling, and quickly walked over to take several pictures.


	9. Chapter 9

Two hours later, Dom stood at the waterfront in the seaside town of Oban, watching the ferry come in. He wrinkled his nose. "Please tell me we're not going anywhere on the ferry?"

"We're not," Billy reassured him. "Why?"

"Because I'm getting hungry, the water's rough today, and it's cold."

"Awww," Billy cooed. "Aren't you a fragile wee petal?"

"I am not!" Dom protested. "Am I not allowed to not want to go somewhere anymore?"

"Of course you are. Are not? I don't know, I think the first place you'd better go is back to school, because that was very suspicious, grammatical-wise."

"Yeah, and 'grammatical-wise' is so much better," he snorted.

Billy turned to lean his back against the cement wall, then--as if he felt eyes on him--swiveled his head to find a large speckled gull approaching hopefully, edging along the top pole. "Sorry, pal. All the food's back in the car."

"Not that there's much left," Dom pointed out.

"True. We'll have to stock up for the trip home. We scoured the flat of all junk food, and we can't _not_ have junk food."

"That would be a travesty. A travesty? Is that the right word?" Dom cocked his head.

"Dunno. Sounds good to me."

"A disaster of epic proportions, anyway. Because, really--what if I want to eat chocolates off your bare chest? Or lick, you know, some kind of powdery sugary stuff off the backs of your knees?" Dom asked innocently. "I mean, we'd need supplies for that sort of thing. It's just not as good eating, say, cold pasta off you." He turned his head ever so slightly to see Billy's reaction from the corner of his eye, and he was not disappointed.

Billy's ears were red, his cheeks pink, and a wily smile curved his lips upward. His eyes were flicking back and forth, and he bit his lip for a moment before pushing off the wall. "Come on."

Dom followed. "Where to?"

"Why do you always have to know where we're going?" he asked with mock exasperation. "You used to drive your parents mad in the car, didn't you?"

"Completely," Dom grinned, unabashed. "Dad even threatened to leave me in the Black Forest once, if I didn't stop asking were we nearly there yet."

"Did it work?"

"For about twenty minutes."

"Persistent bugger, aren't you?" Billy snorted.

"Yes," Dom replied with a mysterious little smile meant to keep Billy guessing. "You'd do well to remember that." He rather thought he was going to show Billy the absolute bloody definition of persistence over the next few days.

Billy stopped dead in his tracks, then scanned the buildings across the road.

"Billy?" Dom turned back. "What are you doing?"

His face broke into a wide grin. "Have you got your mobile on you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Call Elijah."

"Elwood? Why?" Dom frowned. "Besides, it's still pretty early there--"

"Call him." Billy walked back to a bench they'd just passed and sat down to wait.

Shrugging, Dom pulled his mobile out of the zippered pocket in his jacket, turned it on, and hit the speed dial button for Elijah's mobile.

It rang five times before a sleepy voice answered. "'Lo?"

"Good morning, sunshine!" Dom sing-songed cheerfully. "Time to get up and do something useful, you lazy-arsed twat."

"Dom? 'Zat you?"

"None other, Elwood."

"I thought you were in Scotland?"

Dom laughed. "I'll protect your life and not tell Billy you seem to think they're not on the phone in Scotland yet."

"What?" Billy exclaimed, sounding outraged. "Tell him he can bite my--"

"No, no," Elijah mumbled. "Just meant, you know, what the hell are you calling me for? Thought you were just gonna call when you got back?"

"What am I calling for?" Dom mused pointedly in Billy's direction. "That's a very good question indeed, Elwood, and it pains me greatly that I have no answer for you."

"No answer--you don't know why you're calling? You _woke me up_ to tell me you don't know why you're calling? You're such an asshole," he muttered, making Dom grin.

"Well, it was actually a certain delicate yet still very manly Scot who said to call you, so let's ask him if there was a purpose behind it." Dom walked over and sat beside Billy on the bench, looking at him and raising an eyebrow.

"You're lucky you said 'very manly'," Billy commented serenely. "Or there would have been no chocolates for you."

Dom's other eyebrow shot up, and he gulped.

"Hello?" Elijah said irritably. "Someone want to tell me why the fuck I'm talking to you right now?"

Dom swallowed. "Ehm--yeah. Right. So why did you tell me to call Elijah, Bills?"

Billy simply asked, "Is he awake now?"

"Are you awake, Elwood?"

"Yes!" he shouted. "Thanks to you, asshole!" Dom held the phone away from his ear, and Billy grinned at Elijah's vexation.

"Tell him to go to his computer."

Dom made a face at Billy, having a good idea what the reaction was going to be. "Billy says go to your computer." He pulled the phone away from his ear again just in time.

"What? I will not go to my fucking computer!" Elijah bellowed, but the edge of actual annoyance had disappeared from his voice. "I was asleep, you rotten fucking cunts! What the fuck is your problem?"

Billy was trying not to laugh as he said, "Tell him to get his indolent, lily-white peach fuzz arse out to his computer."

" _Peach fuzz_?" Elijah practically shrieked, but Dom could now hear the laughter behind his outrage.

"Come on, Elwood," Dom said calmly. "We've told you before your arse is very pretty."

"Shut up, moron," Elijah grinned. "All right, hang on while I pull some pants on."

"What?" Dom gasped. "Little Elwood sleeps in the buff these days? Billy, remind me to take sunglasses next time I visit Elwood? If I'm nearby when he goes to the bog for a piss, I might be blinded by his snow-white arse."

"Jackass," Elijah snorted. "You're just jealous because my ass is so much tighter than your sorry, flabby excuse for a butt. And I said _pants_ , not underwear. When are you lame Brits going to get it right?"

"Firstly," Dom retorted, "I happen to have a remarkably firm, dead sexy arse. Right, Bills?"

"He does, you know, Elwood," Billy happily and loudly supplied, wiggling his eyebrows at Dom as he surreptitiously reached back and pinched Dom's arse through the bench.

Dom stared at him, mouth agape. He really was going to have to have a word with Billy, and find out where the hell this was coming from. Flirting, being a bit suggestive, was one thing--but pinching his arse? It was throwing Dom completely off-kilter. Of course, that was probably what the bastard was going for in the first place.

"Hello?" Elijah called, amused. "Is there a 'secondly', or was 'firstly' it?"

"Something wrong, Dom?" Billy asked, all innocent solicitousness.

Dom held two fingers up to a smug Billy and calmly said to Elijah, "I don't remember exactly, but I believe 'secondly' was something about telling the tag team of Boyd and Bean your little comment about lame Brits."

"All right, all right." Elijah giggled that high-pitched, devastatingly infectious giggle of his, and Dom laughed. "I take back the lame, okay?"

"Much better."

"So I'm at my computer. Now what?" he asked.

Dom looked at Billy. "He's at his computer."

Billy smiled slyly. "Tell him to Google the words 'Oban' and 'webcam'."

Dom's eyes widened. "Seriously?" he asked, pointing down at their bench.

"Seriously what?" Elijah demanded. "He's not tricking me into looking at one of those pictures of me and Sean naked again!"

In answer to Dom, Billy pointed up and across the street, and it took Dom a minute to see the camera, but when he did he laughed out loud.

" _What_?" Elijah wailed.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Elwood," Dom said happily. "Go online and Google 'Oban webcam'."

"Spell it."

"O-b-a-n. Just like it sounds."

After a moment filled with the distant clicks of a keyboard, Elijah finally said, "Okay. The first one is Oban and Lorn tourism, Oban webcam. Is that it?"

"That's the one," Dom grinned. "Click on that, yeah?"

"This isn't porn, is it?" Elijah asked suspiciously. "Because it's a bit early in the morning for that."

"Since when is it too early in the morning for you to look at porn?"

Billy snorted. "Since never, as long as I've known him."

"Tell Billy to shut up," Elijah demanded.

"Bills, Elwood says to shut up."

"Dom, tell Elwood to bite me."

"Elwood, Billy says to bite him."

"Dom, tell Billy--"

"No!" Dom exclaimed. "You two are making me nauseous, it's like watching a bad tennis game on the deck of a rolling ship. Have you pulled up that site yet, or what, you wanker?"

"Yeah, it's loaded. But all I see is a grey and kind of dismal looking harbour. What am I supposed to be seeing?"

"Wait for it," he grinned.

Billy chuckled and began waving his hand back and forth.

"And there's ... I don't know, that one went too fast. Some white building," Elijah said. "Where is this, anyway?"

"Oban," Dom said helpfully.

"Thanks very much. I hadn't gotten that from the whole _Oban webcam_ thing," Elijah said sarcastically. "And now I see--Holy fucking shit! It's you! You're on the phone and Billy's waving like a fucking moron!" Elijah exclaimed, delighted.

Dom laughed, could hardly get the words out to tell Billy he apparently looked like a moron.

Billy flipped the bird at the camera, but he was too late.

"Oh, you're gone," Elijah was disproportionately disappointed. "You'll be back, right? How long does this thing take to cycle through?"

"I don't know, you're the one looking at it. But you said we're right after the white building--which is the Oban Inn, by the way. Just in case you're bored, waiting to see my gorgeous phizzog again."

"Yours?" Billy asked, pouting. "What about mine?"

"Well, that goes without saying, Bills," Dom said soothingly. "I'm surprised Elijah can see us at all, the way you outshine the sun and everything."

"I'm surprised, too," he agreed happily.

"Have you two been drinking? And what the hell's a phizzog?" Elijah asked. "Oh, here's the Inn again--"

Dom quickly jumped up to stand on the bench seat and wave madly.

"There you are--look at you on the bench, you're such a jackass. How's Billy doing, anyway?" Elijah asked, concerned. "I can't tell how he looks, you guys are too far from the camera. But he looks like he's smiling--oh shit, you're gone again."

Dom climbed down off the bench. "Billy's doing great," he said, catching Billy's eyes and smiling. "We're on a road trip today, it's been fantastic."

"I'm glad you guys are having fun. I know how much you've missed him."

"No," Dom grinned. "You don't, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind. Do you want to say hi to him?" At Elijah's eager agreement, Dom handed the phone to Billy.

Billy said, "Hey Elwood," and then he paused, and then he laughed.

Dom watched him as he talked to Elijah. Normally Billy was quite good at keeping his emotions off his face no matter who was around, but for some reason he wasn't doing so now. Was it because he was distracted and just didn't realise it? Or was it because the only person who could see him was Dom, and he didn't feel the need to hide any of his thoughts from Dom anymore? He really hoped it was the latter, and he watched amusement, pleasure, a little discomfort, and then mild annoyance flit across Billy's face. Upon seeing the annoyance, Dom tuned back in to what Billy was saying.

"Yes, it _was_ mutual, Elijah. Adults can do that, you know. Not everything has to end in melodrama and broken hearts, it was over and we both realised there was little point in flogging a dead horse." He paused, then rolled his eyes and dropped his head back. "Yes, I am going to stay friends with her ... Why? Because I'm fond of her and she's a good friend ...  well, no, I'm not about to spend a week with her at her mother's, but will I go out for a pint with her? Absolutely--probably in a couple weeks ... because I like her! More than I like _you_ at this particular moment, you wanker. She makes me laugh ... yes, I _know_ Dom makes me laugh too--" A vein in his temple began to throb.

Dom plucked the phone out of Billy's fingers. He breezily said, "Well, it's been good to talk to you, Elwood, I'm glad the webcam worked but we have a road trip to continue on with here, and while we both love and adore you, Billy is about done with this conversation so we'll call you again soon, yeah mate? Take care and say hi to anyone you like for us, bye!" He shut his phone off and closed it with a decisive snap, then gently said, "He's worried about you."

Billy sighed. "I know he is. He's also too bloody nosy sometimes."

Dom sat beside him on the bench, his elbow brushing Billy's. "I don't think it's being nosy so much as being concerned and completely oblivious that he's going a little too far. He's not as bad for that when he's in the same room, but over the phone? He royally sucks at tact."

Billy snorted. "He does, doesn't he? Ach, but he's a good kid."

"Kid?" Dom teased, hoping to lighten Billy's mood a bit. "Feeling old, are we?"

But Billy leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Yeah, I am, rather."

"What?" Dom asked, surprised. "Why?"

He didn't answer for a moment, then quietly said, "I'm nearly thirty-seven, Dom. I'm almost forty. You're not even thirty yet."

"So?" Dom was genuinely confused. "If it didn't matter when we were just mates, why would it now?"

"Because--because ... " He trailed off, and Dom was about to say 'see?', when he finally said, "Because mates don't share everything. Mates don't plan on spending the rest of their lives together. And when I go into a relationship, I assume it's going to last, otherwise why start it in the first place?"

"I agree with assuming it's going to last," Dom said firmly. "But I planned on having you in my life, for the _rest_ of my life, whether we were mates or married or anywhere in between. I don't care if you're thirty, forty, or eighty, Bills--as long as we still act the way we want, say what we want, and take the piss out of each other on a regular basis, not to mention love each other for who we are, then that's all that fucking matters, you git. Now, I thought we said no more solemnity? Obviously I'm slacking off in the flirting department, I'll have to get back on that. Where were we headed when we stopped for the webcam thing?"

"Dom--"

"No, Bill," he said quietly, kindly. "No ramifications, no repercussions. Not today. There's just been too much today, you know? Let's just have a bit of a lark, like only you and I can. Let's terrorise the town of Oban, hold it hostage to our wit. What do you say?"

Billy took a deep breath, then lifted his head to smile at Dom. "I say--look out Oban." He got to his feet. "Come on, then, I don't know when this shop closes."

As they continued down the pavement in the direction they'd originally been headed, Dom asked, "So have you been here a lot, then?"

"Enough to be familiar with it. Was here with my parents once or twice when Marg and I were kids, I've taken the ferry from here a few times. And Ali and I stayed here several times. That's how I know where all the shops are," he said wryly.

"And are you going to buy me lingerie like you did her? Because I don't know if they'll have anything in my size ... " Dom said innocently.

"It's not a lingerie shop, wanker," Billy grinned. "But let me know your size, just in case I ever happen across a pretty wee merry widow in your colour."

"Oh, I'm probably about a ... what do you think? A fourteen?" He held his arms out to the sides as they walked and looked down. "A fourteen tall?"

"Tall?" Billy hooted. "You wish, mate. And I don't think you're quite voluptuous enough for a fourteen. Maybe a twelve."

"I am so voluptuous enough," Dom protested, his hands sliding suggestively down his sides. "I have lovely hips, I'll have you know."

Keeping his eyes straight ahead, Billy smirked and said, "I'm not arguing with that. I'm just saying your hips are slender and flat. But I didn't say they weren't lovely."

"Ahh, been noticing my hips, have you Boyd?" Dom asked smugly. "Admit it. You just want me for my fabulous body."

"I want you _and_ your fabulous body."

Dom's breath hitched. He'd known he was going to get a quick comeback on that one, but he hadn't been expecting one that sounded quite so ... wonderful. Billy had almost sounded like he meant it, and Dom supposed, judging by what had been said and done earlier in the day, that he probably did in a way. He wondered if Billy had any clue at all that Dom could have said the same thing and meant it with every fibre of his being.

"Dom?" Billy said uncertainly. "Sorry--was that too much?"

"What? No--God, no. Sorry, Bills," Dom grinned, reddening. "You got me with that one. That was--I don't know if you want to know this or not, but that sounded awfully good."

Billy chuckled, a little embarrassed himself. "Oh. Well then ... I guess that's all right, yeah? Oh, here it is," he said with more than a little relief, gesturing to a shop across the street.

Dom looked. "Sweetie's? You _sure_ it's not lingerie, Bill?"

"Quite. Do you remember what we were talking about earlier, Dom?" Billy looked both directions and then jogged across the road.

Dom sprinted after him. "Care to be a bit more specific? If there's one thing you and I are good at, it's talking."

"About needing to restock on junk food before heading home."

"Yeah. Why?"

"You said something about needing supplies?" Billy opened the door for him, and Dom was immediately assailed by a creamy, sugary sweet smell that started his mouth watering.

He walked into the sweet shop, looking around. "Bloody hell. I hope you have lots of room on your credit card, Boyd."

Billy chuckled. "Enough, I should think. Sherbets are over there, if you want to go and browse," he pointed down one wall. "I'm just going to go pick out some chocolates." With a wide grin, he walked away, leaving Dom staring after him.

Okay, so was he even remotely serious? Dom wondered, because he couldn't quite wrap his brain around the idea that Billy just told him to go and buy something to _lick off him later_. But on the off chance that he was even considering it, Dom hurried down to choose three flavours of sherbet powder.

He was just deciding on the last one--either sour apple or raspberry, and what flavour exactly was _gunpowder_ , anyway?--when Billy wandered up behind him.

"Do you like caramels, Dom?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason." He wandered off again.

Dom swallowed, chose the raspberry, and went to look at the boiled sweets. He was delighted to find an old favourite. "Billy!" he called across the now otherwise-empty shop. "They have barley sugar! I haven't had that since I was a kid!"

"So get some, you twit," he grinned. "I'm getting whisky fudge, soor plooms, and treacle toffee, myself."

Dom goggled. "You'll share, right?"

 

 

Half an hour later, the two exited the sweet shop with what felt like some of everything in their carrier bags. Dom happily sucked on an aniseed ball while Billy tried to unstick the last of a Russian caramel from his teeth. "We re'y shodn gon'n air unny," he said around his tongue.

"I fancy myself an excellent Billy-interpreter," Dom said, his small hard candy tucked neatly in his cheek, "But you lost me on that one."

Billy finally worked the last bit of caramel free and smiled. "We really shouldn't have gone in there hungry," he clarified. "But it was a successful shopping spree, I suppose."

"Eminently successful," Dom agreed, thinking with a little thrill deep in his stomach of the sherbet powder and the many varieties of chocolates Billy had tucked in his carrier bag. "But we should probably consider a real meal. Have you decided where I'm buying you dinner?"

"Definitely. You're taking me down to the pier."

"Oh, aren't I the big spender? Getting you a bag of fish and chips, am I?"

Billy chuckled. "On the contrary. I'm thinking scallops with some risotto, and maybe a crème brulee for pudding."

"That's one hell of a classy pier-side vendor," Dom grinned.

"Wanker," Billy laughed. "It's the Waterfront Restaurant. See where the ferry is?" He pointed across the harbour.

Dom looked, and his forehead wrinkled. "What, in that warehouse-looking thing?"

"It's actually the old seaman's mission. But the look isn't important, it's the food. Trust me--your stomach will thank me later."

 

 

Two hours later Dom sat back with a contented sigh. "That was bloody fantastic. Aren't you glad I thought of this place?"

Billy chuckled. "Yes, that was very smart of you. The smoked salmon was good?"

"Among the best I've ever had," Dom averred. "And after that crème brulee, I think you're going to have to carry me to the car."

"I was thinking a taxi to the car, myself," he grinned. "Thanks for dinner, Dom. Are you satisfied now I've had a real meal?"

"I am. But you're going to have to make sure you continue that trend. You've been eating like shite lately, and I rather suspect you have been for the past two weeks. And no offence, Bills, but it's starting to show."

"Worried, Dom?" Billy smiled, but didn't meet his eyes.

"You know I am."

"Yeah. I know you are. And I'm sorry I let myself wallow in misery to the point that you felt you had to," he said quietly, a little ashamed. "I don't know why I ... I'm not usually like that."

"I know you're not, idiot," Dom said fondly. "And I most certainly didn't feel like I had to worry, but I was concerned nonetheless. Although I should tell you I do understand, at least mostly, I think. Not only did your past and present go arse over tit when you and Ali broke it off, but in looking at--you know, _this_ ," he gestured between the two of them, "It has the potential to turn your future on its ear, too, doesn't it? 'S an awful lot to work with, all at once."

"Kind of, yeah," Billy said, then quickly moved on. "So I look like I've not been eating, do I?"

"You look like you've lost at least a stone, Bill. And you look a bit peaky, although that could still be the aftereffects of your little bender."

Billy frowned down at the table. "You really know how to make someone feel like a prizewinner, don't you?"

"I don't mean to. I'm just telling it like I see it, Bills, you know that," Dom said, feeling a tinge of sadness.

He sighed. "I know. I know, Dom, I'm sorry." He finally met Dom's eyes across the table. "What d'you say we get out of here, yeah?"

"Yeah," Dom smiled at him.

"Did you want to go home, or would you mind if I took you to one more place?" Billy asked as Dom put his credit card in the leather folder. "It's close by, and we wouldn't be there that long anyway."

"No, that's fine. Whatever you like, Bills, I'm having a great time. I'm easy."

Billy finally grinned at him again. "So I hear."

"Pillock."

 

 

Dom walked over to climb into one of the openings in the thick stone wall, looking out over the town and the harbour. It was fully dark, but the lights showed the boundaries of the shops and pubs and homes below, and the nearly-full moon overhead lit sparks and flashes off the sea.

"This is great, Bill," he said with a smile. "Scotland's own Roman Coliseum--just not so ruined. What is this place, anyway?" He glanced to each side, the stone wall with its arched windows curving back and around him.

"A family monument, believe it or not. The bloke who had it built decided there were too many stone masons out of work over the winter months, so he gave them something to do," Billy explained, crossing to stand in the window to the right of Dom's. "I forget his name. But it's got a nice view, and I've never been up here at night. Wanted to try it when there was a moon out."

"If I didn't know better," Dom said with a little smile, "I'd say you brought me up here because it's romantic."

"What makes you think you know better?" Billy asked with a smile of his own, then walked away to look out from another vantage point.

Dom moved in the opposite direction, looking out towards the town square instead of the harbour. He waited. If Billy came over within the next minute, then Dom would know they were here because Billy had specifically wanted to bring Dom here. If he wandered off to check out yet another view, then Dom would know he'd ... well, he'd just wanted to come here for himself, really. But then Dom began to wonder if he was being juvenile, counting on one random act by another person to predict something so important, and he was just in the process of convincing himself that there was absolutely no validity to his little test when Billy walked up to the same opening in the wall that Dom was gazing from, and stopped slightly behind him.

"So is it?" he asked, his voice hushed, as if the stone structure around them might hold and circulate and amplify his words.

"Is it what?" Dom asked, thrown off-guard.

"Is it romantic?"

Dom smiled slowly, amused his test had worked after all. "What do you think?" He turned, took one step, and kissed Billy softly, sweetly on the mouth, his hands slowly creeping up to Billy's neck, then up again to cradle his face.

"Mm-hmm," Billy agreed, his hum vibrating against Dom's lips, against his tongue as it twined with Billy's. After a moment, Billy kissed his way from Dom's mouth to his jaw, to his earlobe, and he flicked it lightly with the tip of his tongue.

Dom let his hands fall to Billy's shoulders and, after quickly ensuring they were alone in the structure, gently pushed him to the side, to the inside of the wall, leaning him against it as he ducked his head to lick a delicate path down Billy's neck. He paused to dip his tongue into the hollow at the base of Billy's throat, before moving back up to nip lightly at the muscle just below his ear.

Billy made a tiny, nearly inaudible sound of pleasure before laughing breathily and saying, "Yeah, I'd say it's romantic. It's also sexy as hell."

Dom's smile curved against Billy's throat as he nuzzled against Billy's jaw. "Mmm. It is, rather, isn't it? I can taste the moonlight on your skin."

Billy breathed in deeply with a little shudder. "Dom ... "

"Yes, Bills?" He sucked on the skin just underneath Billy's jaw, the beard stubble of several days prickling and scratching against his lips.

"Don't say things like that."

Dom paused. "Don't say things like that for real, or don't say things like that because you like them just a little too much?"

"The latter." Suddenly Billy's hands were on the sides of Dom's head, pulling him up, and he crushed his mouth against Dom's, his tongue finding entry and slipsoftsliding against Dom's lips, his teeth, his tongue. Without breaking the kiss, he turned them around until it was Dom's back against the wall, and Billy leaned into him, pressing against him, hip bone to hip bone.

Dom made a quiet noise in the back of his throat when he felt Billy's growing erection against his own.  It felt like it took nearly everything he had, but he kept himself from grinding their pelvises together, kept himself from wrapping his leg around Billy and practically humping him, and he kept himself from getting too aggressive with the kiss. Let Billy control it for now, let him move at his own pace, because if Dom pushed too hard Billy might back off again, and Dom was desperate to keep him from doing that. But when Billy purposely shifted his hips against his, Dom had to say something. He finally pulled his lips from Billy's and murmured, "Don't do things like that, Bills."

"Don't do things like that for real, or don't do things like that because you like them just a little too much?" Billy asked with little chuckle against Dom's skin, still dropping light kisses and nibbles up the curve of his jaw line.

"Most definitely the latter," Dom averred, a little breathless. "I'm serious, though, Bill. Unless you want things to move forward _right now_ , you'd better ease up a bit. I want this, and I'm about ten seconds from putting my hand down your pants."

Billy immediately pulled back a bit with a groan, staying within touching and kissing distance, but putting a bit of space between their bodies so they were no longer hip to hip. "Sorry, Dom," he apologised softly, punctuated with a swift firm kiss. "I sometimes forget that you're ... a bit ahead of me. You've known--known where you are for a little longer than I have, I suppose. I didn't think about ... "

"In a way I've known," Dom admitted. "I knew I was--I wanted you. But I didn't know, didn't think this was actually going to happen. I'm not sure I quite believe it, even after kissing you," he said, eyes on Billy's lips.

"Then I suppose I'll have to keep kissing you until you believe it, won't I?" Billy whispered, and leaned in.

"I suppose you will," Dom breathed, right before Billy's mouth covered his.

 


	10. Chapter 10

It was late when they got back to Glasgow. Billy had lost track of time while they were kissing (snogging and necking like teenagers, he teased Dom with pink-tinged cheeks) inside the folly overlooking Oban. He unlocked the door to his building with a sigh, and shifted his carrier bags to one hand to rub his neck wearily with the other as they climbed the stairs.

"You okay, Bill?" Dom asked, one stair behind him.

"Yeah. Got a headache. I'm not used to driving any distance at night anymore, I think all the headlamps shining in my eyes bothered me." They arrived at his door, and he unlocked it, letting Dom with his carrier bags go through first.

"You've gone soft, Boyd," Dom grinned, not letting on that he was tired himself.

"I've gone old, is what I've gone," he grumbled, putting down his bags and toeing off his trainers, kicking the door shut behind him.

"You're not going to start that again, are you?"

"No, no. This is different," Billy insisted. "I've changed the last two or three years, you know. Things I didn't think would happen until I was at least forty-five. It's shite." He wandered into the living room and threw himself onto the sofa.

Dom followed slowly, then perched on the arm of the sofa beside Billy, who slouched there looking dejected. "What 'things'?"

"This whole lights bothering my eyes at night thing," he waved an arm.

"You said yourself you haven't driven much at night in a while. You're just not used to it," Dom tried to reason.

"No, it's more than that. I think--I think I might need ... driving glasses." He sounded miserable.

Dom knew it was a mistake, knew he shouldn't, but he simply could not help the laugh that escaped.

"Very nice," Billy muttered, stung. "Mock the decrepit old bastard, go ahead."

Still grinning, Dom mildly said, "You can't be Old _and_ Decrepit. Otherwise what's left for me?" He slid off the arm of the sofa to bounce onto the cushion beside Billy. "Glasses are not the end of the world, especially if you're only wearing them for driving, so stop being a big girl's blouse. What other 'things' have changed?"

"Bugger off." He grumpily crossed his arms on his chest.

"That's a nice way to talk to the bloke you were snogging like a teenager a few hours ago," Dom said with a touch of asperity. "It's not just glasses that have you this pissed off. What's wrong?"

"If you must know, my hair is going grey, and my blood pressure is high."

Dom's forehead wrinkled. "How high?"

"Not high enough for medication. Yet," Billy answered darkly.

"When was this?"

"I had my annual physical last week, what does it matter? I had to go, I'd already rescheduled three times. Wasn't exactly in the mood for that, believe me."

"I can imagine, actually. Will you do something for me, Bill?" Dom asked.

"What?"

"Get it checked again in a couple of weeks? Life wasn't exactly a bed of roses for you last week. Who knows, maybe the stress bumped it up, and when things even out, so will your blood pressure. But get it checked, yeah?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"No, I mean it, Billy," Dom insisted. "The life we lead is a bit hard on a body. You have to take care of yourself, and I want you to watch this blood pressure thing, all right?"

"Yes, nurse," Billy muttered.

"Don't fuck around with it, Boyd," Dom said sharply, more worry than he intended seeping into his voice.

Billy sighed and awkwardly reached over to pat Dom's knee. "Sorry, Dom. I'll keep an eye on it, I promise. Maybe you're right, maybe it's just stress and getting lagered up. I'm just tired, and a bit grumpy thanks to this headache. It's okay, honestly."

"I'm going to ask you about it in a few weeks," he warned, not meeting Billy's eyes. He rubbed two fingertips across the back of Billy's hand, still resting on his knee.

"Okay," Billy smiled tiredly.

Dom was silent for a moment, wondering if he should suggest Billy go to bed, or if he should try and help with the headache. He finally decided on the latter, and climbed to his feet. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back." He went to the kitchen and fetched two paracetamol from the bottle that still sat on the counter, poured a glass of water, and returned to Billy. "Here. Take these."

Billy wordlessly held his hand up for the pills, took the glass of water, and quickly downed both. "Thanks, mate," he murmured, setting the glass on the coffee table.

"I'm going to bed soon. But first why don't we see if we can't do a bit more to help that headache?" Dom sat in the corner of the sofa and patted his lap. "Lie down for a few minutes. Put your head on my stomach."

"It's all right, Dom, I'll just--"

"Lie down. _Now_ ," he ordered, and waited.

With a little smile, Billy laid down on his side, his head on Dom's thigh.

Dom sighed loudly. "You never listen to me, have you noticed that? I said put your head on my stomach. Lie on your back--or at least mostly on your back."

Billy shifted around until Dom approved, and then he relaxed and closed his eyes.

Dom looked down at him for a moment, then placed the tips of his first two fingers of each hand on Billy's temples, and began to firmly, slowly rub in little circles.

"Mmm. Feels good," Billy breathed, the weight of his head sinking further into Dom's stomach.

"Good. Just relax, and between the paracetamol and this, your headache should be gone in no time," Dom said quietly.

A few minutes later, his eyes still closed, Billy murmured, "I'm glad you kissed me today."

Dom smiled. "I am too. I'm glad you kissed me back."

Billy's chuckle was barely audible. "How's your man-tackle?"

"It's just fine, thank you very much. How's your head?"

"A little better, I think. What do you want to do tomorrow?"

"Doesn't matter," Dom said, his voice soft. He rather suspected Billy was drifting towards sleep. "Did you want to take another road trip or stick around the city? You could take me to that big museum you told me about."

"Nope. 'S closed for renovations. For a couple of years. Can you wait a couple of years, Dom?"

Dom quirked a wry grin. "I'm good at waiting."

Billy shifted, turning his head towards Dom, but he still didn't open his eyes. The creases in his forehead deepened ever so slightly. "Why didn't you ever say anything, Dom? If--if it stayed with you, like it did me, why didn't you ever say something?"

"Why didn't you?" Dom countered gently.

"I--I wanted to, you know," he said quietly. "After that week in New Zealand, I wanted to, but I didn't know if it was a good idea while we were still filming. And then ... I don't know. I didn't know how. I wasn't sure. And you seemed--different after you moved to L.A. I thought I had just been a passing fancy for you, so I convinced myself of the same thing. But ... if you had ... "

"I think we'd better not play the 'if only', game, it'll only give us regrets. But I thought you were in love with Ali, Bill, and I certainly wasn't going to hurt you by trying to destroy that."

Billy fell silent, thinking about it.

Dom continued to rub Billy's temples, even though his fingers were starting to get tired, and he still kept going even when nearly twenty minutes later Billy's lips parted, and his hand slid off his stomach, and he gave a whistling little snore.

Looking down at him, Dom longed to touch his skin, to feel the difference in the texture, the pliancy of his skin as Dom's hand traveled from Billy's throat, to his chest and through the crisp hairs there, down his arm and across the inside of his elbow and the tissue-thin skin of his wrist. To see what reaction he would elicit if he dragged his fingernails down Billy's sides, over his ribs, if he dipped his tongue into his navel, what his thighs would feel like compared to the backs of his knees, what the bare skin of his arse would feel like under Dom's hands.

Dom dropped his head back against the sofa cushion and squeezed his eyes shut. He really wasn't helping matters any, letting his thoughts run away with him like that. Billy might need days, weeks even, before he was ready to move beyond a little fun and sexy snogging. Dom, on the other hand, could happily strip him naked this very second. And if he kept thinking along these lines, not only was he going to have the painfully hard erection that was currently making him shift uncomfortably on the sofa, but the fact that he was in love with Billy was really going to start to hurt, even more than it already did.

Dom finally lifted his head and gave Billy's shoulder a shake. "Billy. Bills?" he quietly said. "Wake up a bit. Just enough to get yourself to bed. I'm not carrying you, drooling idiot that you are."

Billy licked his lips, and Dom's attention was immediately riveted to that pointy pink tongue.

He shook Billy's shoulder more firmly. "Up."

"No," Billy mumbled. "You lie down."

"There isn't enough room for both of us on the sofa. Go to bed."

"Bed's cold."

"It'll warm up. Go," Dom insisted, trying to get up.

But Billy's arm snaked out and around Dom's waist as he rolled over to nuzzle his nose into Dom's side. "You're warm."

"That's because I've had you lying all over me for the last half hour," he half-lied. "Come on, Billy, I'm tired, I want to go to bed."

"Okay. Okay, Dom. 'S time for bed. Okay," he mumbled as he slowly sat up, listing a little to the side. "Go and use the bathroom. Then me."

"No, you first. I'm just going to go and check the door's locked," Dom insisted, knowing he was going to be more than a minute in the bathroom. He was going to have to do something about his hard-on if he hoped to get any sleep at all.

"Okay. Me first then." Billy got up and stumbled down the hall.

Dom watched him go, then quickly, firmly palmed himself through his jeans and choked back a moan. He staggered to his feet, checked the bolt was shot on the front door, moved the carrier bags they'd dropped in the front hall when they came home to the kitchen, went into his bedroom and turned the bedside lamp on, pulled back his covers, and undressed down to his shorts. He waited impatiently for Billy to finish in the bathroom, was relieved when he finally heard the door, and poked his head out into the hallway. "All done in there, Bill?"

"Yeah. 'S all yours."

"Thanks. Goodnight."

"G'night."

Dom watched him walk into his room, and ducked out to quickly enter the bathroom and close the door. He lowered his shorts, sat on the closed toilet seat lid, and rubbed his palms together for a moment to warm and sensitize his skin before curling the fingers of his right hand around his erection and sucking a sharp breath in through his teeth. God, but he hadn't been this hard in a long time. He worked himself slowly at first--because if he came too fast, it would leave him unsatisfied and edgy and unable to sleep. As he pulled his cock, thumbing the tip and spreading the fluid there beneath his fingers, he allowed his thoughts to drift to Billy, imagined it was Billy's fingers squeezing and stroking and teasing his cock, imagined Billy's breath hot on his neck as he kissed and licked and nibbled his way down Dom's throat, just like he had earlier that evening. Dom fantasised about Billy's weight against him, imagined that instead of Billy's fingers on him, it was Billy's cock sliding against his, and he shuddered as a sudden heat coursed through him. But it was when he thought of Billy's tongue, that pointed, talented slickness, that was when he began to quietly pant, when his thighs began to tremble, when his hand sped up. Dom envisioned Billy's tongue lightly flicking his cock, curving to draw him in between those gorgeous lips, sliding against him; he thrust hard into his hand twice and he came, biting his lip to keep from making any noise as he shook and bucked and caught his come in a wad of toilet tissue.

A few minutes later, a weary Dom walked back to his room, licking a missed bit of toothpaste off his lower lip. He paused in the doorway, then made his way over to his bed in the dark and climbed in.

"Mnfph," Billy grunted.

With a cut-off shout, Dom sat bolt upright, his heart hammering. "I _knew_ I'd left the light on! Jesus fuck, Billy, what the hell are you doing in my bed?" he demanded loudly. "Are you trying to give me another fucking asthma attack? What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"Your bed's warmer," he mumbled, sounding half-asleep, but Dom didn't see how he could be after all that shouting.

"It is not, it's exactly the same as yours!"

"Couldn't warm up in my bed the other night," he fuzzily explained. "Did in yours, though."

"That's because I was in it, and you were sucking all the heat out of me!" Suddenly Dom wasn't sure why he was protesting. He _should_ be, he knew, and dammit, this wasn't fair of Billy, but ...  but Dom loved having Billy in his bed, hearing all the varied and amusing and endearing noises he made during the night, waking up entangled in his arms, which just made him wonder if sleeping Billy knew what he wanted more than waking Billy did.

"Yeah," Billy murmured.

Dom choked out, "Yeah what?"

"Because you were in it. You're not in my bed, you're here. Lie down and shut the fuck up," he mumbled.

Dom stared down at Billy, unable to see anything but the vaguest pale shadow of a bare shoulder. He slowly lay down, flat on his back and stiff and uncomfortable. He was afraid if he touched Billy's skin, just once, he'd wrap himself around him and cling like a limpet for the night.

"G'night, Dom," Billy whispered.

"'Night, Bills," Dom managed quietly. He was just beginning to drift half an hour later when a sleeping Billy rolled over, tucked his head against Dom's neck, dropped a hand on the center of his chest, and twined their legs together.

Dom sighed, wrapped his arms around Billy, and held on for dear life. It was quite some time before he fell asleep.

 

 

In the morning, Dom woke slowly, reveling in the hedonistic pleasure of warm bare skin against his own, of an arm curled tightly around him as he sprawled over the body beneath him, of a heartbeat next to his ear, and of gentle fingers in his hair. "Mmm."

"Morning, Dom," Billy whispered.

_Billy._

Ah. Right. It was Billy he was lounging on, Billy holding him, Billy nuzzling a nose into his hair. And Billy wasn't, apparently, uncomfortable. Or trying to go anywhere.

"Morning," he rasped, wondering what now.

"Sleep well?" Billy kept his voice low, and there was a smile present in it.

"Uhh--yeah. Great. Like a baby. You?" Dom croaked.

"Perfectly. You know I sleep better when I can hear you," he murmured, unconsciously echoing Dom's words from the night he'd arrived and had had to talk Billy into getting some sleep. His fingers continued to slip through Dom's hair, down his neck, ghosting across the bone behind his ear.

Dom was at a complete and utter loss. What should he say? Should he keep up the small talk? Should he describe how every single atom of his being was singing with delight at being so held and caressed and petted by Billy? Should he point out that their body contact was a lot more familiar than Billy had indicated he wanted to get, for now, anyway? Or should he just keep his bloody enormous mouth shut?

He decided that last one sounded good, and lifted his fingers from where they lay, not even moving his hand, to slowly stroke across Billy's shoulder.

Twenty silent minutes later, Billy's hand was smoothing up and down Dom's bare back, down to the waistband of his pants and up again, sliding over his shoulders, down the back of his arm. Dom's fingers traced random patterns on one side of Billy's chest, fingertips skirting near but never actually touching his nipple, detouring to skim up his throat, along his jaw, around his ear and back down again as far as his waist. It was intimate, it was sensuous, it was oddly comforting and, even as much as he wanted Billy, Dom wouldn't have ended this exploratory touching for anything, until Billy needed to move.

Billy sighed, briefly cupped the back of Dom's head with his hand, and bent his neck to kiss his hair. "I have to get up," he murmured. "Nature calls."

"Tell her to ring back later," Dom whispered with a curving smile, even as he shifted off of him.

Billy chuckled quietly. "Smartmouth. You want coffee?"

"Mm. Yes, please." Dom rolled over to watch as Billy climbed out of bed, stretched, did nothing to hide the erection that tented his shorts. Dom grinned as Billy's ears turned pink, though, and he snickered as Billy turned and left the room, a _hmph_ drifting back from the hallway.

Dom stayed in bed for a bit, lying on his back with his arms behind his head, listening to every sound that came to him. Billy rummaging in his room, probably for clean clothes. After the bathroom door closed, there was silence for a few minutes, and Dom knew with a grin that Billy was waiting for the morning wood to soften so he could take a piss. Doing the mundane morning routine of brushing his teeth, blowing his nose, cleaning his ears maybe, and then finally the toilet flushed. Dom considered giving a congratulatory cheer but decided against it. He heard the shower start and idly timed it, wondering if Billy was still in need of a remedy for his erection but, when the water shut off after less than five minutes, Dom assumed no wank for Billy, the stoic lad. More silence, presumably while he dried himself off, and then the hum of his razor. Ahh, he'd chosen to rid himself of his lethargic wallowing-induced stubble, then. And finally the bathroom door opened, and Dom could just make out Billy's quiet footfalls heading to the kitchen to start the coffee.

Dom lay still a few minutes longer, listening to the low sounds coming from the kitchen, sounds of utter domesticity, and he wondered when exactly that had become something he craved. He'd lived in the light of Hollywood for several years now, out to events and premieres and parties and benefits and everything else under the sun, and he enjoyed it and was used to it.

So what was with the sudden urge to hole up with Billy, hide away, just the two of them, and play houses? Maybe it was just because for the first time in so many years, he and Billy living together-- _together_ \--seemed a possibility, one that he was clinging to with his very fingernails.

 

 

Nearly half an hour later, Dom walked into the kitchen--showered, shaved, dressed, and very hungry. There was a pot on the stove, which of course meant porridge, Dom's coffee was waiting for him in the carafe, and Billy was sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea and reading _The Glasgow Herald_. Dom paused, devouring the sight of him indulging in such an ordinary, everyday, private moment; he saw with pleasure that Billy looked content and there was some colour back in his face. When he looked up with a smile, Dom couldn't help himself. He walked over, took Billy's face between his hands, and bent over to kiss him thoroughly, delving into his hot sweet tea-flavoured mouth with his tongue, his hands sliding back to support Billy's head.

Billy made a soft noise into his mouth and, as his hand slowly rose to grip Dom's waist, slid a finger through one of the belt loops on his waistband. He carefully, smoothly rose from his chair, not breaking the kiss, and used his finger through the loop to tug Dom closer, his other hand pressing against the small of his back to keep him there.

Smiling into the kiss, Dom relaxed into passivity, letting Billy take control and decide how far to go and how quickly to get there. He let go of Billy's head, let his hands rest lightly on Billy's hips, let Billy explore his mouth, teasing with his tongue. When Billy slowly, easily walked him backward to lean against the counter, Dom didn't demur; he simply moved where he was directed. Billy rested against him but almost weightlessly, letting Dom stay unruffled, unlike the previous night's glorious but maddening heat and pressure and friction.

Dom wondered if Billy was figuring out what he wanted, because he was kissing with confidence and a gentle sureness that set little sparks of hope flaring in Dom's chest, that made him feel the _rightness_ of being that intimate with Billy even more deeply than he had the day before. And he realised that the very lack of fervor that had marked their contact the night before was what gave him this warm, settled feeling inside now. It was quiet, and soft, and reassuring, and felt like ... well, it felt like love. And Dom thought if he were the crying sort, he'd be bursting into tears on Billy's shirtfront at that very moment.

Finally Billy feathered several light kisses across Dom's lips and pulled back a few inches. One look in Billy's eyes, though, was too much for Dom after that luxurious kiss, and he laid his head on Billy's shoulder, forehead against his jaw, arms slipping around Billy's waist. Billy had such speaking eyes, and perhaps not everyone could translate what they said, but everyone could hear it and those eyes held people rapt--something Dom had commented on in public, rather to Billy's embarrassment. But Dom _could_ translate green telling eyes, most of the time anyway, and just then they had been so deep and resonant that it shook Dom clear through to his spine. Nevertheless, he still snorted at the flight of fancy that Billy's eyes could speak to him.

Billy had wrapped his arms around Dom when he'd laid his head down, and hugged him. "What're you laughing at?"

"I can sort of read your eyes," he explained, turning a bit pink. "And I thought of it as them speaking to me. Shut up," he grumbled, feeling Billy shake with laughter.

"Sorry. But you have to admit it sounds kind of funny," he said, his voice trembling. He tightened his arms around Dom. "So what did my eyes say?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but to me it looked like they were saying that at this particular moment, you're where you want to be," Dom said quietly, suddenly highly skeptical of his translating abilities. "Never mind. Listen, can we--"

Billy said, "I am." He turned his head to kiss Dom's hair.

"You--you are what?"

"Where I want to be right now."

Dom tucked his face in tighter against Billy's neck, almost unwilling to believe the entire situation wasn't just a figment of his imagination. Billy touching him, holding him, kissing him, seeming to be heading to the same place Dom was--it was so ...  "I need coffee before I can trust this is real," he mumbled.

Billy chuckled. "I know how you feel."

"No," Dom murmured. "I don't think you do." He lifted his head and assailed Billy's mouth with his, briefly but with a crystal clear intention, driving his tongue into Billy's mouth, crushing their lips so hard he thought his teeth might cut in as he ground his open mouth against Billy's and pressed his erection hard against Billy's hip.

And then he let go and walked away.

 

 

Five minutes later, Billy poked his head out onto the balcony, then walked out and closed the door behind him. "Okay, Dom?"

Dom sat in the chair, knees tucked in tight to his chest and feet up on the railing. There wasn't room for Billy to stand in front. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that, Bills."

Billy moved two steps to stand beside him, a steaming mug of coffee in his hands. Dom had no doubt it contained the perfect amount of milk and sugar--Billy was so carefully observant about the little things. It was just the big ones that flew over his head like a bloody aeroplane taking off. Billy handed the mug to him and said, "I hope you mean the walking out, and not that kiss. I'd hate to think you regretted that."

Dom didn't look up, but he smiled as he took the proffered coffee. "Thanks. No, I don't regret kissing you. I just didn't mean to be quite so ... "

"Thorough?" Billy asked wryly, and then began to tease him. "Masterful? Authoritarian? Bold? Stern?"

"All right, all right," Dom snorted. "I was thinking I didn't mean to be so aggressive, you twat. I didn't--I don't want to--"

"You won't," Billy said, and gave Dom's shoulder a squeeze. "Not like that, you won't. I'm not fragile, Dom. At least, I'm not now," he added. "I suppose I was when you first got here, but I'm not _now_ \--a little assertiveness is not going to frighten me away. And you know what, Dom?"

"What?"

"My eyes may say things to you, but it's your kisses that speak to me. And I have a feeling there's a part to all this that you're not telling me." He spoke quietly, kindly. "You can tell me if you want to, Dom. Nothing you can say will scare me away or change how I'm trying to--to understand everything. Talk to me if you want." He laid a gentle hand on Dom's head. "Come inside if it starts to rain, all right?"

All Dom could do was nod, and then Billy was back in the flat, closing the door behind him.

Dom let out breath that he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. So Billy could read his kisses, could he? Well--that was a good thing, right? He'd know what Dom meant, even if he was having trouble expressing it.

On the other hand, Jeremy Irons pointed out with slightly malicious glee, if Billy could read his kisses, then perhaps he knew what Dom meant a little too well. What had he just said? _There's a part to all this that you're not telling me._

So? Dom challenged. It wasn't a secret that Dom wanted him, and it was no mystery there had been need in that kiss.

 _But_ , Jeremy Irons said, as if to a particularly stupid child, if it wasn't a secret, then that probably wasn't what he meant, was it? What if--and Jeremy Irons paused, and Dom swore it was to make sure he was paying attention, and he briefly feared for his sanity again--what if the part Billy was referring to was not the need but the love?

Dom froze.

What, Jeremy Irons persisted, if Billy could read that Dom was in love with him? Was _that_ a good thing at this point?

Dom swallowed. Well ... well, how could it be bad, really? Think about it. He mentally straightened to face Jeremy Irons. If Billy knew Dom was in love with him, maybe it would reassure him so that he could find his own way more clearly. If Billy knew Dom was in love with him, maybe he'd be a little more careful in his physical exploration, knowing he was really pushing Dom. And if Billy knew Dom was in love with him, but Dom didn't actually _say_ it--then he could deny it if everything went pear-shaped.

A small point, Jeremy Irons conceded. But if Billy knew Dom was in love with him, he'd know he could ask anything, suggest anything, demand anything, and he'd get it. He could use Dom's emotions against him.

But Billy wouldn't do that! Dom refused to even consider the idea--Billy would never purposely use him like that.

And if it wasn't purposeful? Dom swore if the Jeremy Irons in his head had eyebrows, they'd be raised. What if Billy didn't realise he was doing it? What if, in trying to decide where his own heart lay, he walked all over Dom's without even noticing? What then?

Dom abruptly stood and went inside. Billy sat on the sofa, watching TV, obviously waiting for Dom and casually trying to look like he wasn't waiting, and he flinched a bit when Dom put his mug on the coffee table and threw himself on the sofa. But when Dom laid his head in Billy's lap and turned his face toward his stomach, Billy visibly relaxed.

"Make him stop," Dom muttered.

"Who?"

"Jeremy fucking Irons. Make him leave me the hell alone. If I'm not certifiably insane for hearing his voice in my head in the first place, he's going to drive me there."

Billy chuckled and laid a hand on Dom's shoulder, rubbing gently up and down his arm. "Is he arguing with you again?"

"Yeah. Rotten bastard."

"What's he saying this time?"

Dom realised he had boxed himself in, and suddenly he had a choice to make. An enormous choice, and he honestly didn't know what to do. He didn't know if he should tell Billy what he'd argued in his head or not. Should he tell Billy he was in love with him? Would it make things easier, or infinitely more difficult? But then again, would it really come as any surprise in the first place? Surely Billy had to assume that if Dom had kept that little pint jar for all these years, it was more than a crush, it was more than simple lust, that it had to be because he loved him--at least a bit. And then it struck him that Billy had said it had been with him ever since that week in New Zealand as well. So did that mean Billy loved _him_ \--at least a bit?

"Dom?" Billy questioned, sounding a little concerned. "What is it?"

Before he could really decide what to do, he found himself shaking his head and saying, "Maybe later."

"Are you sure? You don't--you look a bit--"

"I'm sure. I can't do this right now," he mumbled into Billy's soft black shirt.

"All right," Billy said immediately, softly. "It's all right. We can talk later, Dom, it's okay."

"Thanks," he whispered.

Billy moved the hand on Dom's arm briskly. "Come on. You need breakfast, some juice, and more coffee, not necessarily in that order. And then I thought we'd go out for a bit, if that's all right?"

"Go out where?" Dom heaved a deep breath and pressed his forehead against Billy's ribs for a moment before climbing to his feet and heading for the kitchen.

Billy followed, and as Dom sat at the table, he passed him a glass of orange, pineapple, and grapefruit juice waiting on the counter.

Dom took a sip, then smiled. "What's this, so I don't miss Hawaii?"

"It was in my freezer. But yeah," Billy said honestly, "I think you were in the back of my mind when I bought it. It was weeks ago."

Dom ducked his head. "Thanks, Bills."

"Do you want the rest of the porridge, or have you had enough porridge since you met me to last you a lifetime?" Billy teased.

"Both. Something about being in Scotland makes me want to eat it, even though I swear every time is the last time," Dom grinned, finally at ease again. "You never said, where did you want to go today?" He drained the rest of the juice in two long swallows.

Billy was staring at his throat. "What? Oh--ehm ... Well, it depends, are you up for a little walking?"

"Sure. Where to?"

"Well, there's a music shop I want to get to, and it's not too far from here. And then just a bit of a walk past there is this place that does lunchtime theatre, and the play this week is directed by Kath Howden--remember? She was the one did _Ballad of Crazy Paola_ with me. I ran into her a few weeks ago, before ... " His eyes dropped briefly. "Well, before everything hit the fan, you know? Anyway, I said I'd try and make it, if I could."

"Lunchtime theatre, huh? So we pick something up and take it in?"

"God, no," Billy grinned at him. "For ten quid, you get a pie, a drink, and your hour's entertainment all in one."

Dom cocked his head. "Really? That's an excellent idea."

"According to Kath, the place is nearly full most days, so it obviously appeals to a lot of people. Does that sound all right with you, then?"

"Sounds good." He picked up the refilled coffee mug Billy set in front of him. "Thanks, Bills. You don't have to serve me, I can get off my arse and get it myself, you know."

"I know," he said mildly. "I was standing in front of the coffeemaker anyway. But you're on your own for your porridge, I don't know how much you want."

Dom took a sip of his coffee, and then got to his feet and took the bowl Billy handed to him. "Thanks." He lifted the lid off the pot and began ladling porridge. "And what's the plan after lunch?"

"Whatever you like." Billy leaned back against the counter with his own cup of tea. "We can just walk a bit, come home, or if there's anything you'd like to see, we can either come back for the car or get a taxi. Most of the time when you're here, we're either at a party or a pub, so you've not seen much of Glasgow but the motorways."

Sitting at the table, Dom said, "Then I can hardly be expected to know what to see, can I? You're the tour guide on this little expedition, you know." He began to eat.

"Sure, put it all on me," Billy sighed dramatically. "Depends, do you want something to _do_ , or just to see?"

Dom chuckled and shook his head. "Your call, Bills. Show me your favourite places, whatever those may be. I place myself in your capable hands."

Billy pushed off from the counter, and as he walked past Dom, leaned over slightly to say, "I like the sound of that."

It was a moment before Dom could swallow his porridge.


	11. Chapter 11

An hour later, the two walked in to the music shop Billy had wanted to visit. Dom left his hoodie up, but Billy pushed his back as he looked around for the local music section that he'd heard was quite good. He made a beeline straight for the rack once he'd found it and Dom smiled, knowing he'd lost Billy for a good half hour at least. He didn't mind, though. Every time Billy came across a new Glasgow band that he liked, if he didn't already know someone in it, he did before a month was out. Dom knew that he'd made so many good contacts, and met so many truly talented musicians, that if he ever decided it was time to try recording an album of his own, he had only to pick up the phone to collect a backup band. Music afforded Billy such a bone-deep pleasure that Dom felt fortunate just to be around him when he was consumed by it, to be able to absorb some of it by association. Like radiation, only slightly safer.

"Hey, Bill?" he said as he wandered past.

"Mmm?"

"What d'you say we try and catch a couple of bands while I'm here? Show me what's new."

Billy looked up, pleased. "Really?"

"No, I'm just taking the piss. Yes, really, you daft git." With a grin, he walked off again.

 

 

When they left the store, Billy had four CD's in his jacket pocket, and Dom two. Billy checked his watch, and increased their pace. "Come on, or we won't have time to get a drink before the show starts. You took too long in there."

" _I_ took too long? Nice try, arsehole. Where is this thing, anyway? Surely they don't like people mucking up their plush little theatre seats?"

"In an old church. They added on to it and turned it into a restaurant. I actually haven't tried it yet," Billy said thoughtfully. "I've heard it's good, though. Anyway, upstairs is the stage and bar, and for this lunchtime thing they put out wooden tables and chairs. You get a ticket for whichever type of pie you want, and they bring it right to you, piping hot out of the oven."

"This is sounding better and better," Dom said, giving Billy a little nudge with his shoulder. "Is there a waiter to bring me my bevvie as well?"

"Yeah--you're talking to him." Billy grinned his cheeky little grin, and Dom felt his stomach flutter. He looked over at Billy, unable to help the silly smile that spread over his face in return, and would have walked into a lamppost if Billy hadn't grabbed his arm and hauled him to the side. "Jesus, Dom, I know I'm mesmerising, but watch where you're going, all right?"

Dom flushed, but didn't quite lose the smile.

 

 

After the play ended and the applause died down, Billy drained the last of his pint and stood up. "C'mon, I want to say hi to Kath."

They skirted around the edge of the room to the door the cast had disappeared through, and Billy poked his head into the hallway beyond. He could hear voices coming from a room down at the end, so he pulled Dom after him and headed that way. Before they got there, though, a young woman wearing a headset walked out.

She cocked her head at them, as if finding them vaguely familiar. "Can I help you?"

"I hope so. Is Kath Howden here today?" Billy smiled at her.

"Yes, she is, actually. Can I tell her who's here?"

"Just tell her Raymond."

Dom glanced at him.

The girl returned to the room just down the hall, and Dom could hear a low, murmured conversation culminating in a harried sounding, "But I don't know a Raymond--" just before a short tawny blonde woman an inch or two taller than Billy stepped into the hallway.

Dom watched as her face changed from annoyed to pleased, lighting up when she caught sight of Billy.

"Billy!" She hurried over to give him a huge hug. "Raymond indeed. I nearly had you thrown out on your ear," she teased. "Glad you could make it."

"Same here," Billy said with a grin, giving her a squeeze and then releasing her to introduce Dom.

Kath held out her hand. "Nice to finally meet you, Dom--Billy told me a lot about you."

"Same here," he said, shaking her hand. "Sounds like you and Raymond had a great time on _Crazy Paola_."

Laughing, she said, "That we did. Well, except for Inverness, eh, Billy?"

Billy groaned. "Aw hell, Kath--"

Dom sensed a good story. "Inverness, hmm? I don't seem to recall hearing about Inverness, actually."

Kath feigned great surprise. "What? He didn't tell you about getting absolutely stocious on some shite whisky and singing half of _Pirates of Penzance_ and then nearly falling in the Moray Firth?"

Dom laughed delightedly. "No, oddly enough he forgot to mention that one. Come on, Bill, give us a bit of _Major-General_."

"Bugger off, Monaghan," Billy growled, lips twitching.

Kath grinned. "I love embarrassing Billy. It's so damned hard to do, the man has no shame." Before Billy could protest, she carried blithely on. "So did you like the play, then, Dom?"

He nodded. "I did, it was really sharp. Your lead had great timing."

Proud, she said, "He did, didn't he? I was lucky to get him--directing isn't my forte, so any help from a talented actor is always appreciated."

"You did a great job, Kath, and you know it," Billy said warmly.

"Thank you, Billy. That means a lot, coming from you." Kath looked grateful, but then she started and checked her watch. "Shite, I have to go, I'm sorry--I have an audition in Edinburgh early this evening."

"We won't keep you, then," Billy said quickly. "Just wanted to drop in and say hi and tell you the play was good."

"I'm so glad you did, and I wish I had more time--"

"Don't worry about it. We'll catch each other another time," he promised.

"Listen, I'll be free on Tuesday or Wednesday week, maybe we could go for dinner--and hopefully you'll still be here, Dom?" she asked.

"I--" Dom began.

"Actually, I'm afraid we're a bit tied up next week," Billy interjected smoothly. "But now that I know you're in town for a while, I'll ring you, yeah?"

"Sounds great. I really have to run, but it was nice to meet you, Dom."

"Same here," he smiled. "Good luck with the audition."

"Thanks. Good to see you again, Billy." She gave him a quick hug.

"You too, Kath. Good luck tonight."

"Thanks. Talk to you soon, then," she gave his hand a last squeeze and hurried away.

 

 

As they walked down the busy sidewalk Dom asked, "Why did you tell Kath we're tied up next week?"

Billy shrugged. "Because we don't know what we'll be doing. We might not feel like going out, or we might be on a road trip, who knows? Besides ... " He hesitated, then finally said, "I don't know how long you're here for, and I don't know how long it will be until I see you again. This visit is for you and me."

Still gazing down the street sloping in front of them, Dom said, "I'm not complaining. That sounds good to me." He suddenly grinned, and archly said, "Besides, if we keep getting adventurous, maybe by next week you--or I-- _will_ be tied up." He laughed when Billy made a strangled noise. "Was that a sound of interest or disgust?"

Billy cleared his throat before carefully saying, "Surprise, actually. I wasn't aware that was ...  an option."

It was Dom's turn to be startled. It took everything he had not to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and grip Billy's arms and demand to know if he was serious. Instead, he simply asked, "Would you like it to be?"

Billy was silent for so long Dom wasn't sure he was going to answer at all. Finally he hedged by asking, "Would you?"

Dom looked down at the pavement as they walked, stopping at a crossroads and waiting for the traffic before stepping into the street. When they reached the other side and passed a cluster of school kids in their navy blazers, he said, "I'm not sure what you want to hear, Bills."

"Would you like that to be an option?" Billy echoed his words.

Dom sighed, apprehensive about where the conversation was going. "Have I ever tried that before? No. Do I desperately _need_ to try it? No. Would I try it with you? Yes. Will anything change if I never do? _No_.  Does that cover everything, Bill?"

"Yes, Dom, it does." He directed Dom across the street, down a narrow lane behind a large building. "A shortcut," he explained quietly, then said, "I'm sorry if I ticked you off."

"You didn't. You didn't tick me off, Billy, honestly. I just ...  I'm not sure sometimes if you really want the entire truth, or if you just want a bit of it at a time. So it's easier." Dom didn't know if that would make sense to Billy, if he'd understand what Dom meant or not--not that he would ever lie to Billy, not willingly, but he certainly would screen the truth, if it meant not hurting or scaring him.

"Nothing about this is _easy_ , Dom. But I need the complete truth, if I'm to really ...  understand everything." Billy was quiet again for a minute, and then with a little smile, as if he was the one trying to reassure Dom for a change, he said, "Except maybe kissing you. That seems to come fairly easily."

Dom snorted, then leaned sideways to bump Billy with his shoulder. "It does, does it?"

"Aye. Although I suppose I could probably use a little more practice."

"They say practice makes perfect," Dom agreed mildly.

"So they do, Dom. So they do."

 

 

Half an hour later, they stopped at Starbucks for a coffee. The tiny shop was packed, so they took their cups outside and sat on a bench near the kerb, watching the traffic stream past.

"Does Glasgow ever slow down?" Dom asked. "You know, some places are a madhouse until nine o'clock, and then everything closes and it's practically deserted, and good luck to anyone who wants a bit of fun of a weeknight."

"There are areas that shut down. Others are always busy. There's almost always traffic on the main roads, people in the areas where the clubs are, around the pubs and theatres and cinemas. Why, looking for some excitement tonight, Dom?" Billy grinned. "Bored of me already?"

"Nah, not quite. Yet. Ow!" he yelped as Billy elbowed him in the ribs. "That was highly uncalled for."

"On the contrary, you deserved that. I am fascinating and thrilling and exciting and ought to be a tourist attraction in my own right," Billy declared loftily.

Dom laughed, coughed, then said, "According to your many and varied fansites, you are a tourist attraction. In fact, I'll bet there are thousands of trips booked to Glasgow when word gets out you're home for a bit."

"Now you're just being silly," he declared. "There aren't thousands of holidays booked when I'm here--just hundreds."

"You're so modest, Bill."

"I am, aren't I? Humble, too."

Dom chuckled, then coughed again.

"All right, there, Dom?" Billy asked, glancing over at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Must've got a bit of foam from this cappuccino down the wrong pipe." He coughed, then cleared his throat. "That's better. So," he continued, leaning back against the bench, "Have you decided where you're taking me, oh great tour guide?"

Billy made an apologetic face. "Not really. We could head up to Renfrew Street and across, if you like, there are a few things I could show you there, and that way we can give the shops on Sauchiehall Street a miss. Or would you rather go somewhere else?"

Dom shook his head with a smug little smile. "Your call, Mr. Guide."

"Bastard."

"I try."

"You succeed. All right, you ready to continue?" At Dom's nod, Billy stood, and they continued toward the city centre.

 

 

Two hours of walking and discreet sightseeing later, Billy glanced over at Dom. "Are you all right? You've been a bit quiet the last little while."

Dom smiled. "I'm good. Just ...  you know. Looking around. Listening to you."

"Okay," he said, a trifle doubtfully. "Let me know if you've had enough, okay?"

"Yeah." Dom was torn. He _was_ having a good time, but he was ...  something wasn't quite right. He felt odd, and couldn't quite figure out what it was; he wondered if his allergies were bothering him. Some bloody tree spring pollinating somewhere, maybe? His chest felt tight, but he wasn't having trouble breathing, so he decided to just ignore it and he could take an antihistamine when they got back to the flat. But maybe he should suggest that they head back soon.

"While we're in the neighbourhood, do you mind if I show you another place?" Billy asked diffidently. "It's only a wee walk from here."

The tone of his voice told Dom Billy was looking forward to whatever he had up his sleeve, and Dom didn't want to be a spoilsport now, not when they'd obviously headed this particular way for a reason. "Sounds good to me," he said cheerfully, suppressing a cough. A block and a half later, he saw exactly what Billy wanted to show him, and grinned. "What is _that_ fuck-ugly place?"

"Gobshite," Billy chuckled. "Mind if we go in? I'll show you around a bit, and if he's in his office, there's someone I'd like to say hello to."

"One of your teachers?"

"Yeah. The one who got me involved in that youth mentoring project. I just want to see how the current year is shaping up." Billy explained as they walked up the steps into the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama, where Billy had finally begun to work toward what he truly wanted.

Dom watched him out of the corner of his eye. "This place really changed you, didn't it?" he asked with a smile.

"In every way, shape and form," he agreed simply. "Down this hall, it's less busy. I don't really want us to get stuck here for ages, so we'll keep this short."

As they walked quickly through the labyrinth of hallways, Billy paused once or twice to point out something of special importance to him. He showed Dom the small studio theatre he'd done his first one-act in, told him how he'd nearly thrown up backstage before going on in his first mainstage production, paused to show him some production photos from years gone by in the gallery. He pointed out three pictures of himself to Dom, and Dom marvelled at them, amused and affected by how very young he looked, even though he'd been older than his classmates, nearly considered a mature student.

Billy was a little disappointed to be unable to find his old professor, but when Dom suggested they wait for a bit and see if he showed up when classes changed, he shook his head. "Thanks Dom, but it's fine. I can give him a call in a week or two. I just, you know, wanted to show you the place, more than anything else really. Why don't we get out of here before some of these kids decide to mob you?"

"Me?" Dom hooted, then coughed again. "Something tells me, in these hallowed halls I would be next to invisible. Which would be only right--after all, you're the living proof that their chosen goal isn't a futile one, aren't you?" He arched his back a bit, stretching his arms up over his head.

Billy snorted. "Hardly. Listen to you--twenty minutes in here, and you're spouting melodrama like a first-year." He led them through several back halls to an exit on the opposite side of the building from where they'd entered.

When they got outside, they were dismayed to find a fine, steady drizzle falling. "Ahh, to be in Scotland, now that spring has sprung," Dom said wryly.

"Shite. And it's impossible to get a taxi here, too--or at least, it used to be. Come on, we'll have to head down Hope Street." Billy led him across the road, and they began walking down the busy street. He looked at his watch. "Bugger."

"What?"

"Sodding five o'clock. It's going to be hell trying to get a taxi anywhere. Well, I suppose we might as well head in the direction of home, and catch the first one we can."

Twenty minutes later, they still had no cab, and Dom was trying desperately to convince himself the tightness in his chest was just allergies and not the beginning of another asthma attack. He automatically followed Billy and inwardly told himself over and over not to be such a fucking hypochondriac. It wasn't a problem.

Out of nowhere Jeremy Irons said, or maybe it was.

Shut the fuck up! he shouted inwardly. "Shut the fuck up." He didn't realise he'd said it aloud until Billy frowned at him.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing," Dom said quickly, breathing shallowly, knowing Billy couldn't hear his panting over the noise of the traffic. "Talking to myself."

"As usual, eh, Dom?" Billy grinned at him, and then suddenly hurried to the edge of the pavement. A taxi pulled up beside him.

 

 

By the time they reached Billy's building, Dom knew it wasn't just his allergies flaring up. The steel band around his chest had begun to tighten, and he hoped they'd got home in time for him to be able to relax and breathe dry, non-exhaust-fume-laden air, rid his lungs of the taxi driver's overpowering aftershave, and calm the attack before it got a real grip on him.

He discovered they had not.

The two flights of stairs up to Billy's first-floor flat left him gasping and wheezing and Billy swearing at him as he hurriedly unlocked the door.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Dom, when did this start? You were supposed to tell me if you felt it start, you great fuckwit! Go on, go sit down, I'll put the kettle on for some coffee." He helped Dom out of his jacket, waited while he kicked off his shoes, and gently steered him to the sofa. "Relax. Just sit there and breathe slowly and relax, you silly tit. Catch your breath so I can beat it out of you for not saying anything." He began to head toward the kitchen, but turned again immediately when Dom let out one cough that turned into a barking, rattling spasm of coughs.

"Billy--"

Billy was at his side in a heartbeat, stroking Dom's hair with both hands. "What do you need, Dom? Try and tell me what you need, and then stay quiet, and this'll all be over. What can I get you?"

Dom shook his head, one hand clenching into the cushion beside him even as he kept the other one flat, if tense, on his thigh. "Coffee," he choked out.

"All right. I'll go and put the kettle on," he said soothingly. "You sit here and relax and I'll be right back, okay?"

Dom nodded, trying to draw air into anything below the top fifth of his lungs. Where the fuck had this come from? Why hadn't he recognised it earlier? Shut the fuck up, Monaghan, what did that matter now? He had to force himself to breathe and to relax and to open up his lungs again, and then he'd be fine. Dom closed his eyes. He just had to breathe slowly and surely and not too deeply but not too shallowly either, and then everything would be all right.

Oh God--no it wouldn't.

Billy came hurrying back in, sat beside him, softly said, "The kettle's on, and the coffee's in your mug. I promise it's not quite Glasgow gutter mud this time. And I'll be back in about ten minutes or so."

Dom's eyes snapped open in sudden and acute panic. "No! No--can't--" he rasped, hardly enough breath behind it for volume.

"Shh, Dom, wheesht now," Billy said quickly, hands moving to cup Dom's face. "I'm going to the chemist to get your inhaler, we should have picked it up earlier, but I wasn't thinking. I'll go get it, and I'll be right back, okay?"

"No," Dom's voice grated in his throat. "No. Don't leave. Don't--fucking leave. Can't--" His fingers gripped Billy's wrists almost painfully tightly. "Can't--fucking--breathe, Bill. Can't--leave me--"

"I just need to get your inhaler, I'll be right back, I promise--"

"No," Dom nearly sobbed. "Can't--breathe--can't--oh God--"

"Shh, it's okay, Dom," Billy said urgently. "Stop, it's all right, I won't go anywhere, I'll stay here with you, shh, I promise, I won't go anywhere." His fingers gripped Dom's head, as his thumbs stroked his cheekbones. "Shh, now, enough of your talking, you bloody wee gobshite. I'll get your coffee, yeah? I'll just nip out to the kitchen and get your coffee. Do you want to go outside?"

Dom shook his head vehemently.

"Okay. Let me get your coffee, Dom. I'll be right in the next room, okay?"

Dom nodded and stiffly unwrapped his fingers from around Billy's wrists, and he started to cough again, the harsh barking spurring Billy into speed.

Only moments later he was back with a steaming mug of dark coffee, and the telephone. "Here you are, Dom, drink up some of that, let that get working on you, there's a good lad. You're all right, Dom, don't worry. Just a bit of a bother, it's almost over now," Billy's voice was low and even.

But Dom knew it wasn't almost over, was afraid the coffee wouldn't be able to do much against this extreme a constriction in his air passages. He drank it anyway, jerking when he slopped a bit on his hand, but sipping at it as best as he could without burning himself so badly the pain would make him gasp and cough. He barely heard Billy on the phone over his own loud struggles for breath, just heard Billy reciting a long string of numbers, and then saying, "Quick as you can, it's urgent."

Dom slouched down, straightened, twisted, trying to do anything to work more air into his lungs, but it was futile.

Billy tossed the phone on the chair and came to sit beside him. He curled one leg underneath himself to sit sideways, facing Dom. "Everything's going to be fine, Dom," he said, his voice low and soothing. "The chemist's is going to bring your inhaler by, they should be here in about fifteen minutes, so we'll just talk you through the next fifteen minutes, just like you did before, and then your inhaler will be here and everything will be all right, okay, Dom?"

"No--can't--need--" he gasped, both hands now gripping the sofa until his knuckles were white. He tried curling over, but that was even worse, and he quickly sat up again. "God--"

"What do you need, Dom?" Billy asked, shifting closer and gripping Dom's shoulder to turn him just enough to see his face. "Tell me what you need."

"Air!" he cried, the word itself turning into a cough. He was so scared, he was terrified, this was the worst he'd ever experienced, and it didn't feel like he had fifteen minutes left.

He was afraid he was going to die.

"I know, Dom, I know--just try and calm down a bit, don't panic, okay?" Billy said softly, hand going to Dom's back to rub slow circles. "Try and slow down just a bit, can you do that for me? Slow your breaths down, just a little."

But Dom couldn't slow down, he couldn't control the fear that coursed through his veins like oxygen should have, and he began to struggle, staggering off the sofa, blind panic telling him to go somewhere, anywhere, get away from here, do something and maybe he'd be able to breathe again, because otherwise he was going to die, otherwise his own damned lungs were going to suffocate him to death.

"Dom, where are you going?" Billy asked sharply. "What are you doing?" He leaped to his feet and grabbed Dom's arm.

"Can't--" Dom was barely able to choke out. "Need to--go--have to--get--out--can't breathe--can't breathe, Billy--have to get out--" He was nearly sobbing, would have been if he'd had the air to do it with, and he blindly staggered towards the door, slamming into the wall with his shoulder.

"No, Dom, you need to stay here," Billy said urgently, catching him tightly. "Getting out won't help, you need to calm down and focus, Dom, do you hear me? A few more minutes and your inhaler will be here, and you'll be able to breathe properly again. Dom? Are you listening to me?"

Dom's breath stopped. Just for a fraction of a second, just a little hitch, but it terrified him. It was starting, he knew it was, he was going to die, and when he clenched a fist into Billy's shirt and looked at him and saw the fear written plainly across his face, he knew it was true, he was dying. His knees buckled.

Billy grabbed him, supported him, sank slowly down to the floor with him. "Jesus Christ, Dom, listen to me. You're making it worse. Don't be scared, you're going to be all right. Don't let the fear tie you up--push it aside, focus on my voice, focus on _this_." He pressed his hand against Dom's chest.

Suddenly Billy was scrambling, turning to sit with his back against the wall, and he pulled Dom in front of him, pulled his jumper off over his head, yanked Dom's off as well, and with his legs to either side of him, tugged Dom in tight until his bare back was flattened against Billy's bare chest. "Billy--help me, Billy--" Dom gasped, voice as rough as if he'd been screaming for hours.

"Shh, Dom, I am, I'm right here," Billy murmured in his ear. "You're all right. You're getting enough oxygen, Dom, you're pink as can be. It just doesn't feel it, that's all." He pressed his hand against Dom's rigid abdomen, just below his ribs, fingers warm on his skin. "Listen to my voice, Dominic, listen to me. Do you feel my hand, Dom? Can you feel it?"

"Billy--can't breathe--"

"Dom," Billy said, his voice suddenly sharp and commanding. "Listen, right now. Do you feel my hand. Tell me."

"Yes--yes--oh God, Billy--" He could feel Billy's hand but barely, it was too hard to focus beyond the struggle for a single breath.

"Good. That's good, Dom. Now, can you feel my chest against your back? Answer me, Dom."

"Yes--"

"Good. That's a good lad. That's my Dominic. Now, I want you to ignore your lungs for the moment, okay? Don't breathe into your lungs, breathe into your diaphragm. You don't need to try and get the air deep into your lungs, you need to bypass them and breathe from your diaphragm. Move my hand, Dom. Move it up and down with a breath for me, okay? Try, Dom, try for me, all right?"

Dom's sock feet slid on the wood floor as his hips rose, as he tried to arch his back up, as he tried to pull in more air.

Billy held him fast. "Come on, Dom. Focus on your diaphragm, focus on that space under your ribs. Feel me breathing. Feel my stomach against your back, Dom, feel it move as I breathe." Billy exaggerated the motion of his body so Dom could detect it even through his own heaving struggle. "You feel that?"

"Billy--"

"Do you feel it?" Billy insisted, trying to hold his attention. "Come on, Dom, focus."

"Billy--oh God--need to tell--you--" Dom gasped, terror-stricken.

"Tell me later. Feel me breathing, Dom."

"Not later--tell you--love you, Billy--love you--always have--Jesus--can't breathe, Billy--love you--never stopped--need you--to know--don't have--time--" Dom tried to arch his back again, tried to replace the precious oxygen he'd just used, needed Billy to know he loved him--because he was slowly dying.

"Shut the fuck up, Monaghan," Billy suddenly snapped. "You can goddamned well tell me later, don't you dare even fucking _think_ like that! You stop fucking talking and focus on your goddamned breathing, do you hear me?" He held Dom tightly against his chest. "Fucking _breathe_ with me, Dom, please. Breathe at the same time as me. Slow it down and pull the air into your diaphragm, bypass your lungs completely."

Dom felt Billy's abdomen rising and falling as he followed his own instructions, heard his breath against his ear, and part of him knew that it was much, much faster than Billy normally breathed--and yet still slower than his own shallow, gasping pants.

"Come on, Dom," Billy whispered in his ear, "I can tell you hear me. Match my breathing, Dom, you can do it."

Dom couldn't do it. But he tried, he tried to force his spasmodic muscles to ease, tried to slow his breathing and his hammering heart and tried to visualize sending the oxygen streaming past his lungs to his diaphragm and focusing took a tiny bit of the edge off his terror, but he couldn't seem to feel any difference in the clawing, burning, gasping struggle for air, couldn't feel the band around his chest loosen.

"Try again. Come on, my Dom, try again, breathe with me." Billy kept murmuring, kept soothing, kept encouraging, and Dom distractedly realised Billy was not about to let him die right there in his living room. But he still couldn't breathe.

"Dom. _Dom_." Billy was trying to get his attention again. "You said steam can help. Let's try it, until your inhaler arrives, okay, Dom? Let me take you to the bathroom, we'll get the shower running, and that'll help. Okay, Dom?"

He couldn't answer, he just didn't have the excess energy or air to form words, but he nodded slightly against Billy's shoulder. He felt Billy's hands on him, sitting him upright, and he began to cough again, hacking gasping wheezing, and Billy had to stop and put his palm on Dom's abdomen again and talk him through it. When the coughing subsided back into simply labouring for oxygen, Billy carefully, slowly, gently helped him to his feet, supporting him as they shuffled down the hall to the bathroom.

Dom sat on the closed toilet seat, arching, twisting, hunching, trying to find the one position that would allow him to pull air into his constricted lungs, as Billy cranked the hot tap wide open. "Bill--hurry--" he begged breathlessly. "Can't--"

"Shh, Dom, wheesht now. It's all right. Keep focusing, keep trying to slow down, breathe from your diaphragm, you can do it, taisgeal, I know you can do it," Billy said, his voice low and calm, and with a frown he watched the steam dissipate far too quickly. He fiddled with the taps, turning the cold on.

"No--oh God--need--need--"

"I know. I know, Dom. Come here--get in the tub." Billy checked the temperature of the water, then turned back to Dom. "Get in, I'll pull the curtain, and it'll keep the steam in. It's the quickest way." He helped Dom to his feet, steadied him firmly as he stepped over the edge into the tub. "That's it, that's my Dom, now sit down at the end, you're going to get your trousers wet but I don't think that matters too much right now, yeah? That's it, sit down--carefully now." He made sure Dom was safely on his arse and couldn't slip, then turned the showerhead on and drew the curtain across. He leaned into the tub right beside the wall, the curtain open only slightly at his end.

Dom closed his eyes as the spray began, the water sprinkling his toes and wetting his jeans up to the knees as he sat with them pulled up to his chest, using his knees for something to hold onto, waiting for the steam to gather. He could feel the water was hot, almost too hot for comfort, but comfort was not his priority at that particular moment as his throat rasped and a muscle in his back suddenly and painfully knotted up and he tried desperately to pull any air he could into his body.

"Easy, Dom. Remember, into your diaphragm for now. Wait until there's more steam before you try and breathe into your lungs," Billy warned softly, his hand rubbing slowly up and down Dom's bare back.

"Billy--" he rasped. "Fuck--it's not--it's not--"

"Shh. It'll take a few minutes. There's not much steam here yet. Hang in there, wee Dom. You're doing fine, I promise." He gripped Dom's hand tightly and held it up. "You see? Your fingernails are still pink. So are your lips. You're getting enough oxygen, Dom, so slow down. Easy, now."

"Water--hotter--make it--hotter--" he pleaded, wheezing.

"I don't want to burn you, Dom."

"Hotter, Billy--please--can't fucking--breathe--" His left leg suddenly straightened out stiffly in front of him and he twisted frantically, trying to shift the steel strap compressing his chest.

"Shh, stop talking. Okay, I'll turn the hot up a touch." Billy's hand withdrew from his back, disappeared, reappeared at the other end. He twisted the hot tap slightly. "Okay there, Dom? Not too hot?"

"No--" he choked out.

"Good." Billy returned to Dom's end of the tub, flicking the curtain just to the side to reach in. He stroked the top of Dom's head, now damp from the indirect spray. "You're going to be fine, Dom, don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you, taisgeal, I'll look after you, I promise."

"Billy--scared--" Dom gasped. His hand flailed, reaching and grasping at air until Billy grabbed it, held it tightly, so tightly it almost hurt but for Dom it was a welcome pain, a lifeline.

"I know. I know you're scared, but you don't need to be, Dom," Billy murmured, his other hand moving from Dom's head to his back, and he resumed caressing him, slow circles over his shoulder blades and ribs as he shook and twitched and ceaselessly shifted. "No need to worry, Dom, I'm watching over you, it's all right. Can you see the steam now? There's lots of good hot steam in there now, so I want you to take a slow, careful, shallow breath into your lungs, all right? Let's get that steam in you so it can start dilating all those passages, all those dry, dusty little passages like a maze of corridors in a castle, aren't they, taisgeal, with torches in brackets on the walls, but now you're going to slowly breathe in the steam, and it will cleanse the dust out of all those corridors, large and small, up the stairs and down the stairs, and one by one those burning torches will flicker and gutter out, and everything will be dark and cool and clean, my wee Dom, and that's it, you're doing great. Can you feel it helping at all?"

"A--a bit--" Dom was still frightened, but oh, the images Billy had just created for him helped so much, he could picture those corridors clear as day and he could concentrate on cleansing them one by one, and he thought maybe--just maybe--the steam was helping a little.

"Good, that's good, Dom," Billy said encouragingly, sounding pleased. He gave Dom's hand an extra-hard squeeze. "Another breath into your lungs, then, pull the steam in just a little further this time, you can do it, I know you can."

Dom tried, but he tried to breathe too deeply and set himself to coughing again, sharp hard barking coughs that _hurt_ now, and his alarm returned full-force. But for each horrible cough out, there was the reflexive spasm of trying to draw air in, and the steam began ever so slightly to make a noticeable difference.

"Shh, Dom, it's all right," Billy said urgently, leaning even further into the tub to wrap his free arm around Dom's shoulders and brace him. "You're okay, Dom. Yeah, that's it, easy now, slow it down, you're just making yourself panic, don't let it ensnare you, because I'm keeping you safe, taisgeal, I swear, and you're going to be fine. That's it. That's better. Slow down, Dom, there's a good man. See? You're getting better already, you're breathing that little bit deeper, aren't you?"

Dom didn't bother trying to speak, he just nodded his head once, sharply.

He didn't hear a thing over the water and his gasping, but Billy suddenly said with what sounded like an overwhelming relief, "There's the buzzer, they're here with your inhaler. Don't move, Dom, just sit here and keep pulling the steam into those dusty corridors, all right? I'll be right back with your inhaler and you'll be fine in no time."

Dom nodded again, unclenching his fingers from Billy's hand, saw he'd been holding him so tightly that their fingers were white. Billy disappeared, and Dom had to squeeze his eyes shut to prevent himself from calling out, from begging Billy to come back and not leave him alone, and he forced himself to focus intently on another dusty stone corridor, visualize the steam sweeping through and washing it clean and clear. He clenched and unclenched his fists, one foot sliding compulsively back and forth on the wet slippery floor of the tub, and he concentrated as hard as he could and tried not to notice that Billy was gone and he tried to slow his heaving, gasping, desperate breaths.

No Billy.

Dom worked himself down the tub, heedless of moving right underneath the water cascading from the showerhead, reached for the cold tap with a shaking hand, and turned it down. He moved himself back to the end, flinching as he passed through the nearly scalding water, and tried to cleanse another passage in his chest.

Jesus, where the sodding _fuck_ was Billy?

Even though there had been enough of an improvement for him to be able to feel it, Dom was still frightened, and he suddenly wondered what would happen if he passed out. Would he land face down? Would Billy get to him in time before he drowned? _Would_ he drown? He compulsively tried to grip the slippery enamel of the tub, and a noise of terror escaped his mouth. Fucking hell, think about another corridor in the castle, see the torch burning on the wall, and yes, Billy had no idea how right he was about that, his lungs ached and burned, now pull the steam in and see it drift through the corridor, see the flame extinguish, feel the pure air left behind--

Without warning the shower curtain was yanked aside, and Dom gasped in shock, then began coughing again, painful bone-deep coughs that wracked him inside and out.

"Shh, Dom, it's all right," Billy said quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Sorry it took so long, he had to show me how it works and I had a few questions." He climbed into the tub, jeans and all, but he was partially under the spray and he stiffened, jerking. "Bloody hell, that's hot. Jesus, I hope you haven't burned yourself, Dom." He crouched down in front of him and gripped his chin tightly in one hand. "I need you to listen to me, Dom. I'm going to tell you what to do, and in minutes you'll be able to breathe deeply again, so listen carefully, all right?"

Dom nodded urgently.

Billy pressed the inhaler into his hand. "Put that end into your mouth," he pointed, "but don't close your lips around it. Let all your air out--"

Dom made a sound that, at any other time, would have been a snort of derision.

Billy grinned at him, and Dom felt the edges of his fear curl back once more. "I know, I know--like that's going to take long, right? But listen to me, Dom. Let your air out, and at the same time as you press this down, breathe in as deeply as you can manage. You need to pull the drug as far into your lungs as you can, and I know that won't be very deep, so you'll probably have to do it a second time, but wait a minute before you do, all right?"

Dom nodded, feverishly put the inhaler to his mouth, both hands clutching it tightly, and he expelled what little air he had with a fatalistic huff before pressing down on the top and sucking in greedily, desperately. He gasped the medication into his lungs, but doing so made him want to cough, and he clapped a hand over his mouth to try and suppress the urge, his chest heaving but the drug staying where it was needed.

"Shh, Dom, it's all right," Billy soothed, forehead creased in worry, and he leaned forward, resting his hands and his weight on Dom's thighs.

Dom looked up at him suddenly, his eyes wide. His chest rattled and his throat rasped, but he drew in a breath. And then another. And then another.

Billy smiled at him with what looked like utter and profound relief.

Dom put the mouthpiece of the inhaler between his lips again and gasped in one more dose. When he was done, Billy took it from him and set it aside and listened as Dom continued to draw deeper and deeper breaths, the rattling wheezing struggle easing with every second that passed. Dom reached for Billy, needing to hold something, to clutch something in his hands while he felt almost lightheaded with the sudden surge of excess oxygen in his blood.

Billy sat down between Dom's knees, his own legs going to either side of Dom's waist, and he pressed his feet flat against the back of the tub behind him. As Dom quickly seized his arms, grabbing onto him, Billy put the wet palms of his hands on the sides of Dom's head and cradled him in his fingers.

As Dom's breathing began to deepen, it also began to slow, and he let his eyelids fall closed and focused on his chest, imagined he could almost feel all his air passages dilating. Soon he was no longer wheezing at all, and while his throat was still rough and raspy, his lungs suddenly seemed free and clear. He opened his eyes, surprised to find them full of tears.

"Shh, it's all right," Billy crooned, thumbs stroking Dom's temples. "You're fine now, taisgeal, everything is fine now, I told you I'd take care of you and keep you safe, now, didn't I? That's it, just take it easy, stay quiet for a bit, okay? Just keep breathing slow and deep, Dom. I think you had a bit of a panic attack, there, along with the asthma, didn't you? No, don't be embarrassed, Dom, there's no need. I don't blame you one bit for being frightened. Wheesht now, everything's all right."

"Don't let go," he whispered hoarsely.

"I have absolutely no intention of doing so," Billy smiled fondly at him. "You won't even be able to take a piss for the next few hours, because I will not be able to let you go even for that long."

Dom huffed a laugh, and then a gruff cough.

"Shh, I'm sorry, I won't make you laugh for a bit, okay?"

"You can't help it," Dom croaked with a smile.

"No, I often can't, and that's exactly the reason why," Billy said softly, one hand moving down and his fingertip tracing Dom's lips. "Because of this smile."

Dom slumped forward, resting his forehead against Billy's collarbone, and Billy wrapped both arms around him and ever so slightly rocked him from side to side.


	12. Chapter 12

Long minutes later, Dom began to shiver in Billy's arms.

"Let's get you out of here, yeah?" Billy immediately said, sitting up straight again. "I'm under the hot water, but you're not. Let's get you dried off. Do you feel up to moving, Dom?"

"Yeah. Want out."

"Okay. Hold still a minute." Billy carefully pulled his legs back, got his feet underneath him, and still crouching, shuffled back to let Dom do the same. He held onto Dom's arms and rose with him as Dom stiffly, tremblingly stood.

Dom's vision swam. "Fuck--"

"It's okay. I've got you. Just stay still for a minute, it'll pass."

Sure enough it soon did and while he still felt weak as a newborn kitten, Dom was upright, and that was enough for the moment. He stayed where he was as Billy turned and shut off the showerhead and the taps, then stepped out of the tub, water streaming onto the mat from the hems of his jeans. "Give me a hand, Bill?"

"Of course, you silly wee twat," he smiled. "I just wanted my feet on firm ground before I helped you out." He held out his arms, letting Dom grasp them tightly just above the elbows, standing steady as a rock while Dom leaned much of his weight against him to lift first one foot, then the other, out of the tub and onto the now distinctly soggy mat. "There we go. Now I'll just get you a towel--" Billy took a step to the side and leaned over to yank a towel off the rail. Dom went to take it from him, but Billy pulled it back. "No, let me. You just stand there."

Feeling helpless to do anything else, Dom obeyed, and he closed his eyes as Billy dried his face, his neck, ruffled his hair with the towel like his dad used to do after a bath, and then roughly scrubbed his back, chest, and arms dry. He opened his eyes again to watch Billy give himself a quick version of the same treatment before dropping the towel on the floor and grabbing the second clean dry towel off the rail.

"Okay, let's go get changed out of these wet things, shall we? You won't warm up with sopping jeans on." He gently ushered Dom out of the bathroom, heedless of the water dripping from their trousers, and into the spare bedroom. He handed Dom the dry towel. "Take your jeans and pants off and dry yourself well. I'll bring you some clothes." Turning away, Billy began rummaging through the dresser drawers. He pulled out socks, pants, trousers, and a long-sleeved t-shirt.

Dom undid his jeans, began pushing them down, but it wasn't easy when they were soaked. He finally sat on the bed and worked them off the rest of the way, before unsteadily getting to his feet again to get rid of his wet pants. He faced away from Billy, whose back was still to him at the moment anyway, and dried himself off as best he could. He didn't want to lean over too far in case he toppled like a swaying tower of blocks.

Billy crossed to the bed behind him, laid the pile of clothing down. "Get yourself dressed, I'm just going to run and change as well. I'll be back."

"Okay. Thanks, Bills," he said, his voice still rough.

 

 

Ten minutes later Billy brought a cup of tea out to where Dom sat on the sofa, handing it to him carefully before sitting close beside him.

Dom sipped at it, set it down, and pressed himself back further into the sofa, his hand plucking rapidly at the loose fabric of his sweats. When he spoke, his voice was fast, choppy. "There's--there's something wrong. Something's wrong. I'm--I'm--everything's--"

Billy quickly stroked a hand down Dom's arm. "It's the side effects from the inhaler, Dom, that's all. And you took a double dose, so maybe the side effects are worse than what they'd normally be. Didn't your doctor warn you?"

"No--" He shifted, tucking one leg up under himself, then putting it down again. He leaned his head back only to immediately lift it up.

"It can make you a bit anxious, Dom, but it won't last long. I asked about side effects when they brought it, and they said it wouldn't last for more than an hour."

"I can't stop shaking," he muttered jerkily. "My hands are shaking."

"No, they're not," Billy said gently, picking up Dom's hands to prove it.

Dom stared at his hands. "I can't see it. They're not shaking. But they're shaking, Bill. What about my heart? Feels like it's racing, Bill, feels like it's pounding its way out of my chest it's beating so fucking fast."

Billy put the fingers of one hand to the pulse point on Dom's throat, did the same on his own to compare them. "No, it's not. It's faster than mine, to be sure, but you're fretting, Dom. You're anxious and worried and fretting over it, but your heart isn't racing, I promise."

"But--but--"

"Shh, Dom, it's all right," Billy said, his voice soft and low. "Come here." He opened his arms.

Dom stared at Billy's arms for a moment, at his chest, before the way his body felt made the decision for him. He crawled into Billy's lap, constricting himself into a ball, trying to feel some sort of pressure, whether from his own body or Billy's, against as much of him as he could. "I'm shaking apart, Billy," he forced out. "I'm shaking into bits, I'm falling apart into pieces."

"It's all right, Dom," Billy said, holding him tightly, one arm wrapping around the tucked-up knees to his lower back, the other around his shoulders, both hands pressing firmly into him. "I'll hold you together, taisgeal, I won't let you shake apart, I'll keep you from coming apart."

"What is that? What is that word you keep using?" Dom asked from between clenched teeth. "God, this is almost as bad as not breathing. I need to move, I need to move, but if I move I'll shatter into pieces, Billy."

"It's Gaelic. This is not _nearly_ as bad as having trouble breathing Dom, and it will go away soon, I promise. And you're not going to shatter, you'll be fine. Do you want to walk a bit?"

Dom nodded furiously. "I'll try. Can't stay still or I'm going to burst into a thousand tiny pieces."

Billy let him go. "And that might get messy, so we'll just try and keep that from happening, all right?"

Dom scrambled to his feet, moving far too fast, and Billy had to grab him to keep him from hitting the floor. "Easy, you wee fuckwit." When Dom was sure he had his balance back, he wrenched away from Billy, wrapped his arms tightly around himself, and began to frenetically pace back and forth and around and around the living room.

"I don't like this, Billy," he said, his voice fast and uneven and the words tumbling over each other. "I don't like this, I'm never using that fucking inhaler again--"

"Not unless you have to," Billy interrupted calmly. "But if you have to, you will."

"No I won't, I swear I won't, I can't explain this, I can't explain what this feels like but I feel like I'm just going to suddenly shatter like a glass ball thrown at a rock, everything is racing and I'm about to crawl out of my skin and I have to get out of here but I can't leave, I don't want to leave, I never want to go outside again because it's too much, it would splinter me into a thousand sharp and jagged pieces that could never be put back together I'd be like a glass Humpty Dumpty on his fucking wall and it's itching under my skin, Billy, all over it's just _itching_ under my skin driving me mad--" He suddenly staggered. "I can't do this, I don't have anything left and my knees are telling me to sit the fuck down but I'm going to shatter, Billy, there's nothing to hold me together--"

Billy swiftly rose to his feet and crossed to Dom, gripping his arms tightly. "Come with me, Dom." He pulled him over to the sofa. "Lie down."

"I can't, I can't--"

"Lie down, Dom, I'm going to keep you from shattering, I'm going to hold you together. I'm going to help," he promised, looking directly into Dom's slightly manic eyes. "Lie down."

Dom made a noise of frustration and despair and lay down full length on the sofa, twitching as Billy quickly lay down beside him. This wasn't going to work, it couldn't work, no one could hold him together, not even Billy, he was about to fly out of his skin--

Billy rolled to face him, wrapped one arm right around Dom's head and the other one around his neck, hugging his head in tight, and then with the full length of his body pushed Dom into the back of the sofa and down into the cushions.

Dom was trapped, and for a moment it alarmed him and he struggled, nearly throwing Billy off, but then he suddenly stilled.

He was trapped.

And if he was trapped, then he couldn't fly apart, could he? All at once he felt something--either the sofa back, or the seat, or Billy--pressing against him everywhere, and Billy held his head, and the only thing not surrounded and compressed was his feet, but really, he didn't think his feet were too likely to explode on their own although they were clawing restlessly and nervously at the sofa even as Billy was crushing him into the cushions and holding him together. Then he felt the warmth, the heat from Billy's body seeping through their clothes and curling its way into him, sending tendrils of fever-hot relief all through him, and he sobbed once and then just lay there clutching Billy tightly.

"That's it, Dom," Billy said softly, not relenting in his weight and pressure in the slightest. "It's all right, you're okay, I'm not going to let you shatter, you hear me? Wheesht, taisgeal, wheesht now. I've got you, and this is almost over, and I'm holding you together no matter what. I'm like glue, my wee Dom, like superglue, and I prefer to be called superglue rather than Crazy Glue, and I'll thank you to remember that in future," he teased gently. "I'm like a thin coating of superglue all over your body, strong enough to resist any force that tries to break you, from inside or out, and you'll never shatter as long as I'm surrounding you, Dom."

"Billy--" Dom breathed from underneath his arm, fisted his hands in Billy's shirt and then both were silent.

 

 

Forty minutes later they still lay on the sofa together, but Billy had eased back, no longer crushing Dom into the cushions. "Better, Dom?"

Eyes closed, head on Billy's chest, Dom murmured, "Yeah."

"How do you feel?" Billy kissed the top of his head.

"Not like I'm going to shatter anymore. But everything hurts."

"What do you mean everything hurts?" he frowned slightly. "Hurts how?"

Dom turned his face into the crook of Billy's neck. "All my muscles. All the muscles in my chest hurt. My ribs ache. My back is knotted up tighter than ... I don't know. Something."

Billy rubbed his shoulder. "Not surprising, I suppose, after what you went through. Dom--"

"Not just now, Bills, please?" he asked quietly. "I don't want to talk about any of it just yet."

"All right," he agreed easily, gently. "It can wait. Do you feel up to some dinner in a bit? Time's getting on."

"Yeah. Kind of hungry. That took it out of me."

"I know it did. What would you like, Dom, it's your pick. Whatever you feel like."

"Can we order takeaway?" Dom asked. "Then you won't--"

"Won't what?" Billy leaned his cheek on the top of Dom's head.

"Nothing," he mumbled.

Billy smiled. "Let me see if you were thinking the same thing I'm thinking. I wanted to order takeaway as well, so that I can stay here, like this, for a bit longer. So I don't have to let go of you to go cook anything."

Dom snuffled into Billy's neck. "Liar. You weren't thinking that. You're just trying to spare my feelings, make me look less of a big girl's blouse."

"I was so thinking that," he protested softly. "It scared the living fuck out of me as well, you know."

"You weren't scared. You didn't sound scared."

Billy tightened his arms around Dom. "I was so terrified I could hardly move. I can't think of the last time I was that frightened. I just didn't want you to see it, didn't want to make you feel even more afraid than you obviously already were. But it nearly paralysed me, Dom."

Dom tried to push Billy away, tried to get up. "I don't want to--"

But Billy held him fast. "Okay. Okay, we won't say anything more about it right now. But stay, Dom, please. Don't go anywhere just yet, stay here with me, please?"

Dom finally believed that Billy really did crave this reassurance too. Believed the note of uncertainty, of need in his voice, and he believed it because he was feeling the exact same thing, and he huddled against Billy and kissed his jaw and whispered, "Okay. I'm staying, I won't go, Bills. Fuck dinner, we'll just stay here like this, yeah?" And Dom thought if he were the crying sort, he'd be weeping, sobbing painfully right now, because really, it had all got to be a bit too much.

"Shh, Dom. Don't, please don't, it's all right," Billy murmured, stroking his hair.

"Don't what?" Dom asked automatically.

"Don't cry, my dearest Dom, please don't cry, taisgeal, it's all right, shh," he crooned.

"I'm not crying. I'm not the crying sort," Dom said, and didn't know what to do or say when Billy's hand moved and his thumb swiped wetness off the side of his nose. "I don't cry, you know," he choked.

"I know. Shh, it's okay." Billy's arms held Dom tightly as for some strange reason his shoulders shook. "Shh, neither of us are going anywhere, we'll just stay here like this until everything's quiet and warm and good, yeah? Don't cry, taisgeal."

"I'm not crying. What is that? Please, Billy, tell me what that is," he sobbed.

"Okay. It's a bit of a story, though. Shh, take it easy, Dom. This has been a rough day, I know, it's been a rough week and there's been a lot to take in and a lot happen and I know you're not the weepy sort, Dom. And if you don't stop crying right now, you're going to set me off, and I'm not a weepy sort either, and what kind of picture would we make, two grown men curled up sobbing all over each other, hmm? Talk about jessies, eh? Wheesht now, Dom."

Dom tried to stop the tears while still refusing to acknowledge they were there. "I'm not fucking cry--crying," he insisted. "I'm not, so just get on with the sodding story, you pillock."

Billy chuckled, but his voice was a bit uneven as he said, "I'm getting there. I just want to make sure you're going to stop _not_ crying." He paused, rubbing Dom's back, and when he continued, his voice was low and steady again. "My Gran's gran was a Ross, from the northern Highlands--apparently the toughest old woman you'd ever want to meet. My Gran lived up there until she was in her teens, when my great-grandparents moved the family lock, stock and barrel to Glasgow. But until then she lived up in the Highlands, and learned Gaelic from _her_ gran, and she said when she was young she used to be quite fluent. When they moved to Glasgow, my Gran didn't know anyone else who spoke Gaelic--and besides, Gaelic was still looked down on back then, it marked you as a rural ... well, peasant, for lack of a better word. One of the uneducated unwashed." He stopped, shifted slightly underneath Dom.

"Okay, Bills?" Dom whispered, tears almost forgotten. Billy rarely talked about his parents, let alone his grandmother or anyone else from his family.

"Yeah. Something's digging into my hip, I think it's the corner of the cushion." He wriggled again, sliding further down against Dom.

Dom adjusted his own position, laying his head on the same cushion as Billy, facing him, his nose inches from Billy's ear. He insinuated his knee between Billy's and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Better?"

Billy tilted his head until the side of it rested against Dom's forehead. "Better. You're nice and toasty now. Where was I?"

"Your Gran stopped speaking Gaelic," he murmured directly in Billy's ear.

"Right. She eventually forgot most of it, and by the time people were encouraged to learn it, she felt she was too old to start all over again. But a few words and phrases stuck with her over the years, and Mum learned them, and between her and Gran, Margaret and I picked them up as well."

"And tas--tais--"

"Taisgeal."

"Yeah, that. That's one of them?"

Billy nodded, his sideburn grazing Dom's forehead. "That's one of them."

"So what does it mean?" Dom asked, tilting his head up and in to kiss Billy's cheek.

"Patience now, I'm not finished the story," Billy mildly reproved, smiling.

"Does it involve a twee young Billy getting a bollocking for picking on his little sister?" Dom teased, if a little weakly.

"I was never twee, you gobshite!" Billy protested, lifting his head and turning it to look at Dom. His face softened, and he awkwardly bent his neck to kiss Dom lightly on the lips. "Poor Dom. You've had such a difficult day, you must be knackered."

Dom made a face. "Look that good, do I?"

"You look very good." Billy kissed him again, then laid his head back on the pillow, looking straight up. "Your eyes just look a bit tired, is all."

"Why is getting the definition of one bloody word out of you so difficult?"

"Because you keep interrupting me. Shut your gob."

Dom grinned and dug a fingertip into Billy's side, hiding his face against Billy's neck in self defense.

"Augh!" Billy half shouted. "Keep your fingers out of my ribs, Monaghan, or your kneecaps face the wrath of my nails."

"No, no, don't tickle my knees," Dom quickly pleaded, still smiling. "I'll be quiet, I promise."

"Yeah, right." Billy paused, and then sighed loudly. "Now you've made me forget where I was again."

"You learned some Gaelic from your Gran," Dom whispered, tucking his head under Billy's chin.

"Right. When I was--oh, I think four or five, or so, I got lost. We were in the Barras, which is a big open-air market, down the other side of the Tron. You remember where that was?" When Dom nodded, Billy continued. "And in those days, Glasgow could be a bit of a rough place, especially in that area, although more for adults than weans usually, but still ... a five year old wandering a large market on his own could be in some serious trouble. And it wasn't my fault, and it wasn't Gran's fault, and it wasn't Mum's fault, it was just one of those things that happen. I suppose someone bumped me, or I got pushed aside, and they didn't notice right away, and suddenly there were ten people in between us and I wandered the wrong way."

Dom frowned. "Didn't anyone around try and help you?"

"No. I probably followed in some adult's wake, letting them clear a path for me, so people would have assumed I was theirs. I don't really remember being lost."

"How long were you separated from them?"

Billy shrugged. "Mum and Gran were never sure. Twenty minutes? Half an hour? Three quarters? Long enough to scare them both half to death and give Gran a head full of grey hairs, anyway. They finally found me sitting on the ground between two market stalls petting a wee terrier and getting my trousers filthy."

"Your poor mum," Dom murmured sympathetically.

"Aye. I don't remember getting lost, but I do remember being found." Billy's voice thickened, and he cleared his throat several times before continuing normally. "Mum hugged me and cried and cried. Gran shouted, and then was quiet, and then called me taisgeal, and then shouted again. And she bought me an ice lolly after that."

Dom heard the warm, slightly wistful smile in Billy's voice, and tightened his arm around his waist.

"Mum and Gran both called me taisgeal after that, whenever they were feeling especially soft-hearted, and to be honest the word kind of lost its meaning after a few years, it was just ... an endearment. But it does have a meaning."

"And that is?" Dom asked quietly.

Billy shifted against him again, freeing one of his arms and using his hand to lift Dom's head from the cushion as he turned to face him. He studied Dom's eyes, his own gold-flecked green flicking back and forth, their faces only inches apart.

Dom felt his breath hitch in a much, _much_ better way than earlier.

"Taisgeal," Billy said, his voice low sweet silk, "translates to 'finding that which was lost'." He stretched his neck forward slightly and, eyes closing, kissed Dom softly on the mouth.

Dom's mind was a whirling, swirling, kaleidoscopic carousel of incomplete thoughts and half-understood ideas, and he knew he'd told Billy earlier he was in love with him and always had been, but he'd tried to forget that moment and he'd hoped Billy had too, but now he wasn't so sure. And he wasn't sure if he wasn't sure Billy had forgotten it, or if he wasn't sure that he _wanted_ Billy to forget it, because that last sentence of Billy's was ... it was ... _oh Jesus please_.

And then Dom realised Billy was kissing him rather ardently and he was just lying there like a great lump having a little mental short-circuit. Without breaking the kiss he propped himself on one elbow, that hand splaying across Billy's shoulder, long fingers reaching to his collarbone. Dom slid his other hand underneath Billy's neck, supporting it and at the same time pulling him ever closer, and with eagerness and gentle abandon, did his level best to kiss the living daylights out of his best mate.

Billy made soft, pleased noises into Dom's mouth, humming against his lips, his tongue, skimming Dom's teeth and tongue and lips with his own. Dom's arm--the one propping him up--began to tremble, and somehow, with some magic pushtugpull, Billy rolled onto his back with Dom on top of him, and Dom held himself up with both elbows and his fingers cradling Billy's head. Billy breathed sharply, hotly into Dom's mouth as he felt Dom's prick harden between them and his own immediately responded.

Dom groaned and tore his mouth from Billy's to whisper against his skin, "Bills. Need you. Want you so much." He punctuated his words with kisses and nibbles and nips down Billy's jaw to his chin.

Billy pressed his head back into the cushion, his back arching slightly off the sofa, presenting his throat for attention.

Dom obliged. He licked a light, long track from Billy's chin down to the little hollow at the base of his throat, breathing hotly, heavily against Billy's clean-smelling skin, and he pressed a kiss into that hollow, murmuring barely audible words of want and desire.

And then his back cramped up. "Fuckshitedamndamnfuck!" he swore as he arched back, writhing, trying to ease the muscle spasm by changing position.

"What?" Billy asked, mildly alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"My back," he growled, frustrated nearly to tears again, but he took a couple of deep breaths and the urge to weep disappeared as fast as it had arrived. "Christ, what the fuck next?"

"It's okay," Billy soothed. "It's not surprising, you said earlier your back had knotted up. My poor Dom." He ran a gentle hand over Dom's hair. "You've had just about enough for one day, haven't you?"

"More than fucking enough, thank you very much," he muttered, feeling a little childish, but not really caring. It wasn't every day one thought one was dying _and_ was given hope that one's beloved loved one back, so he figured a little latitude should be allowed.

"Yeah. Come on--come with me." Billy eased carefully out from underneath him and stood up, holding both hands out.

"Where? I don't want to get up, my back hurts."

"Come on, numptie," he teased lightly. "Stop your whinging, as well-deserved as it may be, and I'll help you with your back."

"'M not whinging," he muttered, but with a little lift at the corner of his mouth. He took Billy's hands and, wincing, stood. "Bloody hell."

"You've never felt the utter bliss of a full Billy massage, have you?" Billy led him toward his own bedroom.

"Well, you've rubbed my shoulders before, sure. And I've done yours."

"Ah, but a wee shoulder rub is like the appetiser before the banquet. It just cannot compare."

"A banquet, hmm?" Dom asked skeptically as they walked down the hall.

Billy's voice lowered and turned seductive. "A veritable feast. Are you hungry, Dom?"

Sudden heat sparked low in Dom's abdomen, and he yanked back on Billy's hand and pushed him up against the wall, trapping him there with his own body. Mouth inches from Billy's, eyes flicking up and down between lips and wide dark eyes, he roughly said, "I'm starving, Billy," before kissing him hard, seeking Billy's tongue with his, mouths wide and devouring, hands grasping, hips colliding. When Billy moaned and slid his hands down to Dom's arse, pulling him in tight, Dom thrust his pelvis forward, aching for heat hard friction, but the motion sent a sharp twinge flashing up his spine again and he wrenched his mouth from Billy's with a pained groan. He bent his shoulders forward and laid his head on Billy's shoulder. "Ow."

" _Christ_. I'm sorry, Dom. I'm sorry," Billy whispered, sounding shaken.

Dom held his breath, waiting to see if Billy said anything else. He sounded far too stricken to merely be apologising for aggravating Dom's back.

He remained silent.

"Billy?"

Billy drew in a shuddering breath, but all he said was, "Come on. Come and lie down."

"I'll just go to bed, Billy. I'm kippered anyway," Dom said quietly. "Goodnight." He straightened up as much as he could and began to turn away.

"Dom, no--" Billy whispered, almost desperately. "Please ... "

He paused, and without looking up asked, "What is it, Bill?"

"I--I can't--  Please, let me do this for you. You'll sleep better--and--and it'll hurt less tomorrow. Please."

Dom stared at the floor, trying to sort out what the hell was going on, but he just couldn't wrap his head around it. "No more today, Bills. I can't do any more today, I can't take any more, not today," he muttered.

"I know. I know, taisgeal, and I'm sorry," he whispered, holding one arm out to Dom.

Knowing now it was an endearment, and knowing what it meant, the name did him in. Dom walked into Billy, pressing his face into the crook of Billy's neck, sagging against him as Billy's arm went around his shoulders.

"Come on," Billy murmured, leading him to the bedroom, letting go only to pass through the doorway. "Take your shirt off and lie down."

"Bill--" Dom's voice shook, from weariness and fear and love and anger and every possible emotion in between, and he didn't even know what he was going to say, but apparently Billy had an idea.

"Just your back," he assured him softly. "Just your back, and then sleep."

"Just my back," Dom doggedly insisted, resisting a little.

"I promise. I promise, Dom. Go on with you--take off your shirt and lie down so you're comfortable."

After a moment of fighting with himself, afraid this wasn't a good idea for his own sanity, Dom gave in, because his back truly was all knotted up and the idea of going to sleep and waking up like that was not a pleasant one. He pulled his shirt off over his head and, after Billy shoved all his bedding onto the floor, lay down on the soft cotton sheet.

In response to Dom's questioning look as he stretched out, Billy explained, "It's easier for me to move around you if I'm not getting all tangled in the covers. Relax, Dom--this will help, I swear."

Dom started to fold his arms up under his head, but Billy had him stretch his arms down by his sides. "Don't know if I can stay like this for long, Bill."

"You won't have to. Just until I'm finished with your shoulders, and then you can move." After turning off the overhead light, leaving just the bedside lamp on, he went over to his dresser and began rummaging in the top drawer. "I know it's here somewhere," he muttered.

"What?"

"I've got some oil. Ali--" he paused, bit his lip, and then continued. "Ali insisted on doing this properly, and she said you should always use oil. I'm--I'm sorry. That's not helping, is it?"

"It's all right," Dom spoke against the sheet. "'S not like I don't know about her, is it? And it's not like you're talking about her while you're kissing me, at least."

Billy couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't worry, I can't really see that happening."

"I think I'm glad to hear that. Don't bother with the oil, Bill, I'm sure I'll survive."

He shook his head. "I want to do this right. Ah--there it is." He pulled a small bottle out of the back of the drawer and uncapped it to sniff. "Smells like ... I don't know, really. It's okay, though." He walked over to the bed and climbed on top, kneeling beside Dom, and held the bottle near his nose. "Doesn't make you cringe, does it?"

Dom lifted his head slightly to smell. "No. No, that's nice, actually. Sandalwood or something. This isn't going to get too messy, is it? I don't think I'll have enough energy for a shower afterward."

"No, no. You just use a bit. Trust me, it's worth it."

Dom sighed. "All right. Whatever you think's best, Bills."

Billy's smile was evident in his voice. " _Now_ you're starting to talk sense. Is it all right if I kneel over you?"

Dom just nodded, closing his eyes. He felt Billy shift, felt one knee pressing into the mattress on either side of him, felt the denim of Billy's jeans brush against his sides, but Billy kept all his weight on his knees, not putting any on Dom's aching back.

"Are your shoulders sore too?" he asked quietly, rubbing his hands together to warm up the oil.

"Yeah. Everything's sore."

"Not for long." Billy curled his hands over the tops of Dom's shoulders and began gently kneading them, the oil providing a slight slick between hands and skin, and friction that would have eventually begun to burn was translated into a stroking warmth. The scent of sandalwood rose up around them.

Dom couldn't prevent the tiny moan that escaped him.

"Is that a good noise?" Billy asked, but the smile in his voice indicated he knew very well it was.

"Mmnph. Yeah. 'S grand, Bill."

"Good. Tell me if I do anything you don't like. I don't want to hurt you."

Dom cracked one eye open, trying to look back and read Billy's face, strongly suspecting he meant that in more ways than one, but Billy simply put a soft, slightly oily fingertip on Dom's temple and gently pushed his head back down. "Relax, taisgeal. Stop thinking so hard."

Dom closed his eyes again. "I don't think I know how not to."

"How not to think?" Billy pressed his fingertips into the muscles that ran across the backs of Dom's shoulders.

"Ah, fuck," Dom muttered, twisting slightly. When Billy's hands immediately withdrew and he started to apologise, Dom interrupted him. "No, keep going. That was a good 'fuck'."

"I didn't think there _were_ bad fucks," Billy grinned, his hands returning to lightly begin kneading again.

Dom snorted. "Then you've been a remarkably fortunate man, you wanker."

Billy chose to let that conversation drop, to Dom's relief and--oddly enough, he thought--disappointment. "What do you need in order to be able to stop thinking?" Billy asked instead. His fingers dug in between Dom's shoulder blades.

Dom gasped. "Bloody hell. Okay, that hurts," he croaked.

"I know, I'm sorry. These are the muscles that took the brunt of your asthma attack. I'll try and be gentle. You can put your arms under your head now if you want."

Billy paused, and Dom awkwardly shifted to drag his arms up and folded them under his head again, lacing them under his pillow. "What do I need to stop thinking? Dunno. I think I'm _always_ thinking, really. Even when I'm doing yoga, I'm still thinking."

"Have you started yoga again?" Billy asked, sounding pleased. He stroked his hands across the entire middle of Dom's back, spreading a thin film of fresh oil. "Good for you."

"Yeah. Doctor said the breathing would be helpful during an asthma attack. I just started, I'm not really back up and running yet, so to speak."

"Back up and stretching," Billy smiled. "But I thought you weren't supposed to be thinking while you're doing yoga?" He pushed his thumbs up and under Dom's shoulder blades, then dragged them back down and out.

Dom sucked in a sharp breath, reflexively tried to curl one leg up beneath him.

"Shh. Shh, I know it smarts. Practice your yoga breathing now, Dom, because this will get better in just a minute, I promise," he murmured, and continued pulling his thumbs across slick skin, circling and rubbing outwards.

Dom tried to focus inward, tried to locate the very centre of his being, tried to ignore outward pain for inner concentration and calm, but there was just too much working against him--it had been such a terribly long, fraught day and he couldn't summon up the strength and balance he needed. Not to mention the intense distraction of Billy's strong fingers pressing into his naked flesh. That alone was enough to send any attempts up in flames and, much to his humiliation, Dom couldn't prevent the little whimpers that formed in his throat.

Billy immediately lightened all pressure, his thumbs simply gliding across his skin rather than digging in. "I'm sorry, taisgeal. I'm sorry, I'll go slower. Shh, it's all right."

" _Fuck_ ," Dom said miserably. "Sorry--"

"Wheesht now. It's my fault, I underestimated how sore you were," Billy said gently. "I can still make you feel better, it's just going to take a wee bit longer. Do you mind if I rest some of my weight on you, Dom? My legs are a little tired," he admitted with a smile.

"This isn't going to work, just forget--" Dom muttered, trying to move, but Billy's knees suddenly clamped tight against his ribs.

"It _will_ work, I promise, Dom. Do you trust me?"

"It has nothing to do with trust."

"Of course it does. Do you trust me, taisgeal?"

"Billy--" Dom whispered wretchedly, then turned his face into the pillow.

"That's my Dom," he murmured. He began rubbing flat palms up and down Dom's back, to either side of his spine, not pressing hard but with just enough weight to heat the oil up and send soothing warmth into the knotted muscles beneath his hands, to begin the process of loosening them up so a more intense massage wouldn't hurt.

Dom turned his head to the side just enough to be able to breathe and speak, but not enough that Billy could see much of his face.

"What can I do, Dom? What can I do to help you keep from thinking for now?" Billy continued to simply rub his hands up and down Dom's back. "Does this feel okay?"

"Yeah. 'S all right," Dom answered, his voice a bit hoarse. "I don't know what you can do, Bill. I really don't. Just ... talk to me, I guess."

"I can do that," he said softly, lightly. "Is there anything in particular you want me to talk about?"

Dom was silent for a moment. There were so many things he wanted to know, so many questions that he wanted (needed) answers to, but ... could he really hear them tonight, could he really deal with the answers tonight?

"What is it you want to know, Dom?" Billy asked quietly, palms pressing slightly harder now, but Dom found it didn't hurt, it just felt warmer. "I don't promise to tell you right now, but what is it you want to know?"

Dom opened his mouth and closed it again. And then opened it again. "I--I want to know ... why you called me taisgeal. You told me what it _means_ , but not why you gave it to me. And ... and I want to know ... you said when Ali told you she was leaving, that it was over, you didn't react very well. What did you mean? And for two fucking weeks I was calling you over and over and you wouldn't talk to me, and I know you were on a bender, and I want to know what was going through your head. Why were you like that? What--what were you thinking, that had you so upset? I mean, specifically? I--you still haven't told me much about it, and I don't get it, Bill."

Billy released a long, slow breath. "You really _are_ fretting, aren't you? I think that's a bit too much for tonight, Dom, for both of us."

"I know. Never mind," he muttered.

"I didn't say I wouldn't explain. If you want the answers to those questions, then I'll tell you, but ... not tonight, yeah? I don't think I'm up for it, and I think you're far too fragile tonight to discuss it."

"I'm not fucking _fragile_ \--"

"All right, all right," Billy chuckled. "Wrong word. On edge, then, is that acceptable?"

"It's better," he said grudgingly.

Billy put slightly more pressure behind his fingers. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

"I called you taisgeal because--" he began.

"Forget it, Billy," Dom interrupted, feeling vaguely guilty and wholly miserable. "You said not tonight, so we won't talk about it tonight. Just ... leave it."

"No, it was the other stuff I don't want to get into tonight. This one is okay. I'm not sure I can answer one hundred percent for sure, but I can give you the best that I've got."

"Don't--"

"Would you shut it?" Billy sounded like he was smiling, if a little exasperatedly. "Just keep quiet and relax and let me talk to you and hopefully keep you from thinking too hard about all this stuff that's making you so bloody tense, all right?"

Dom pulled one of his arms out from under the pillow and reached back to squeeze Billy's knee, partially in apology and partially in gratitude. "Sorry, Bills," he whispered, and left his hand against Billy's knee.

"It's all right," Billy said warmly, as he began using his thumbs around Dom's shoulder blades again. He started very gently, hesitantly, and when Dom didn't even move, continued. "You want to know why 'taisgeal'. Well, the first time it came out, it was just ... natural. I mean, it's an endearment I've heard all my life, just as other people say 'darling' or 'sweetheart', or like your mum calls you 'love'." Billy's voice was low, even. "But when I realised I'd said it, and I thought about it, it ... it seems right to me. It means 'finding that which was lost', right? And, well, this is the part I'm not one hundred percent sure of. I don't know for sure who was lost, if it was you, or if it was me."

"Both?" Dom suggested pensively, working his hand underneath Billy's knee, trapping it between Billy's hard patella and the mattress.

"Aye. I suppose that's entirely likely," Billy smiled. "Either way ... that week in New Zealand, the way you looked at me, the things we said--I was lost. And then you seemed to ... leave me behind. To lose me. And then I lost myself, until recently. You know?" He gave a weak laugh, suddenly sounding embarrassed. "Anyway--"

"I know," Dom said quickly, his voice seeming small even to his own ears. "I know. I know exactly. I felt like I lost you, and myself, too. I don't--I don't want to lose you again, Bill. I've been all right, I've been happy the past five years, Billy, but I've been fucking incomplete, and now that I've found you, now that you've found me and kissed me and held me, now that I can _see_ and _feel_ what it would be like to be complete, to be whole again and not have half my soul sitting in some goddamned fucking pint jar--"

"Shh, Dom, don't do this," Billy pleaded, leaning over to rest his forehead in the middle of Dom's upper back, his hands on Dom's sides. "Don't. It wasn't supposed to hurt you, it was supposed to--to-- _Fuck_. Shh, I'm sorry. Please, I'm sorry."

Dom buried his face in his pillow again for a moment, his hand clutching Billy's knee, while Billy continued to whisper apologies and soft words. Finally he turned his head again and roughly but quietly said, "Apparently fragile _was_ the right word. Sorry about that, Bills. I know--I'm glad you told me, because despite my little outburst just now, it makes me feel--I feel like--bloody hell, I don't know what the word is. I like it. I like taisgeal, and I like you calling me that, and I like knowing what it means and why. It makes me feel ... good. That sounds lame, but--I don't know how else to say it."

Billy sat up again and resumed massaging Dom's back. He softly said, "I'm glad you like it. I mean it, you know."

"I know. That's part of why I like it. It feels the opposite of being lost."

"See? You do know how to say it," Billy murmured. "I'm sorry, Dom, let's not talk about anything else of importance tonight, okay? You've had enough today, and I don't want to add one more thing on top of it. So how about, in order to keep you from thinking, I just sing to you for a bit. Would that be all right?"

Dom let go of Billy's knee to awkwardly bring his arm up and scrub at his face, at his dry, scratchy eyes. "That would be more than all right, Bills. That would be--I'd really--yes, please," he finally whispered.

"Okay. You try and relax, and I'll try and work these damned stubborn knots out of your back, and I'll sing to you for a bit. Anything in particular you want to hear?" His fingers pressed in along Dom's spine.

"No. Whatever. Anything you want to sing. God--that feels good, Bill."

"Good, I'm glad. Now just let your mind drift and feel yourself soften and loosen and turn into a little puddle on my bed, yeah?" Billy smiled. "I'm just going to sing whatever comes into my head, so don't be looking for any deep meanings here, all right? I'm warning you because the first song that I thought of doesn't have particularly happy lyrics, but I'm not singing songs because of what they say, I'm just ... singing. I want to make sure you know that, Dom."

"Okay, Bills. I understand."

Billy began to sing, his voice low and smooth, the words in his gentle accent curling inside Dom's mind and softening the sharp corners and hard angles. Within half an hour, Dom was fast asleep, his back unknotted at last.


	13. Chapter 13

Dom woke slowly in the morning, consciousness leisurely dawning, though dawn itself was long since past. At first he couldn't sort out where all his appendages were, but soon nerve endings also woke, and ah, his feet were over there in the corner, held down tight by the way the sheet was tucked in under the mattress. One arm was under the pillow that was under his head. Where had his other arm got to? Of course--his hand was on the mattress right in front of him, his elbow resting on his other arm.

Other arm? Wait--?

And suddenly _all_ of Dom was awake, and he shivered at the feel of hot slow breath on his ear and Billy's hand curled against his bare stomach and, when Billy's nose lightly nuzzled into the hair on the back of his neck, Dom made some sort of noise in between a moan and a _good morning_.

"Good morning," Billy whispered. "I'm sorry if I woke you. Go back to sleep."

"No. You didn't," he rasped. "What time is it?"

"Just after nine." Billy tightened his arm around Dom, pressing his palm flat against Dom's chest and pulling him closer. "How do you feel this morning?"

"Don't know yet." Dom wriggled back against Billy, curling up small in front of him. "Lovely way to wake up, though, I have to say."

"Hmm," Billy hummed in his ear. "Lovely way to spend a couple of hours, too."

"Meaning you want to, or you already have?"

"Already have," Billy whispered, kissing the nape of Dom's neck. "You're so at peace when you sleep, Dom, it's just mesmerising to watch you."

It was a moment before Dom could answer, but he finally managed, "I'm not peaceful, I'm a restless sleeper, I know I am--you've told me yourself. And what's with this new kink of watching me sleep?"

"It's not new," he murmured.

Dom's breath caught in his throat. His cock twitched, and when Billy's lips began ghosting across Dom's neck, and shoulders, and he stretched around to kiss and nibble at Dom's ear and the corner of his jaw, Dom felt himself go utterly boneless, helpless. "Bills--"

Billy's hand skimmed from the center of Dom's chest down to his stomach. "Can I touch you, taisgeal?"

"Oh God, Billy--" tumbled from his lips, and he was shocked at how needy he sounded.

Billy pressed closer against his back, and Dom suddenly felt Billy's erection against one cheek of his arse. "Please, Dom," Billy murmured, the words hot on Dom's skin. "Will you let me touch you?"

"Yes," he breathed. " _Jesus, yes_."

Billy kissed his shoulder, licked from the pointed bone across the muscle and up his neck, even as his hand slid under the waistband of Dom's sweatpants. His warm fingers traveled down Dom's abdomen, skirting to the side to stroke across a sharp hipbone, even stretching the fabric of the sweats to reach down and caress Dom's thigh, before drawing his hand back up to Dom's lower belly.

Dom shuddered and made a small noise.

Billy licked and kissed and nibbled the nape of Dom's neck, and his fingers tangled into the dark hair curling at the base of his cock, before gently, lightly stroking his length. "Your skin is so soft," he whispered throatily. "And you're so hard, Dom, you feel so fucking good." His fingers curled around Dom's erection and squeezed.

Dom bucked once, spasmodically, into his hand. "Jesus Christ Billy don't you can't what are you--" he gasped. His brain was sizzling, his blood was thrumming, reality seemed to have wandered off for breakfast, and he wondered if he was having a vividly erotic but hallucinatory dream.

"I'm doing what I've wanted to do for ages now, Dom," Billy growled softly. "And I'm going to make you come, I need to hear you when you come." He began moving his hand, pausing every so often to thumb the tip of Dom's cock, to trail a finger up and down the full length of his erection, to circle the head with his thumb and forefinger and tug.

Overwhelmed with want and lust and arousal unforeseen ten minutes ago, with having Billy's hand wrapped around his throbbing erection, with being moments away from coming with Billy's fingers on him and Billy's mouth on his skin, Dom arched and with a cry said, "Who the hell are you and what have you done with Billy? _Oh God--_ "

Billy's low laugh stirred the hair on Dom's neck. "I've decided timidity doesn't suit me, taisgeal. I'm going to tell you what I want and show you what I want and give you what _you_ want--and right now what I want and what you want seem to be aligning rather nicely." He sped up his rhythm on Dom's cock.

"You're a fucking changeling, you are," Dom moaned, and he reached behind himself to find and grasp Billy's arse through his cotton pants. "Oh God, your hand, Bills--"

"Tell me."

"Feels so good. Wanted you to touch me for so long, Billy, needed this for so long," he gasped, and he wasn't even sure if his brain was connected with his mouth or if he was just spouting nonsense, but judging by the way Billy's breath hitched in his ear, he thought perhaps he was making just sense enough. "Can feel each finger, Bills, can feel your hot palm, can feel your arm against my side, can feel your muscles against my ribs--" Dom's voice choked off abruptly when Billy added a little twist to the end of each pull. He rapidly thrust himself into that firm hand with a rasping groan.

"You're so ... so open, Dom," Billy's lips slipped velvet-soft across his shoulder. "So unafraid. What you're giving me is so fucking beautiful--" He stopped working Dom's erection, and even as Dom let out a little whimper of protest, Billy was lifting him slightly, tugging down Dom's sweatpants and shorts to let his cock spring free. His other arm came up from underneath them to wrap tightly around Dom's midsection, clamping them flush together, and his fingers quickly resumed their teasing tugging stroking.

Dom lost all familiarity with actual words. "Bil--nnnngh. So--oh fu--" Even his futile attempts at speech petered out until he was reduced to inarticulate moans and gasps and he arched against Billy, bowed against the arm securing them together, drove himself into Billy's tight hand.

"Bloody hell, Dom," Billy whispered, voice uneven from arousal and from his efforts. "You look gorgeous. You look so wild and passionate--beyond anything I'd ever imagined. The thought that it's my touch making you look like that--"

"Oh God oh God it's you Billy," Dom sobbed breathlessly. "It's you I'm going to come BillyohGodohpleasedon'tstopI'mgoingtocome ... "

"Let me hear you," he growled, working Dom's cock hard and fast and kissing then biting Dom's shoulder.

Dom's hips bucked violently, nearly loosening Billy's grip on him, and he gasped, cried, "Billy--oh God--Billy--" And then he arched in a fiercely rigid curve, fingers convulsively grabbing Billy's arse, and let loose an intense, sustained, loud keening as he came hard over Billy's fist.

"Sweet Christ, Dom, that's it--that's it taisgeal, yes," Billy breathed in his ear. "You're so fucking beautiful, Dom, so bloody dazzling when you come. I knew you would be, I imagined you so often, I knew you'd be so beautiful."

Billy's low, rough voice, the words he was growling into his ear, made Dom shudder with aftershocks, even as his body relaxed, as his cock softened in Billy's now-gentle hand, as he panted and gave a little moan.

Billy continued to hold Dom's prick while hotly, wetly kissing and licking his nape, his shoulder, nibbling at the knobbed bone at the base of his neck, pressing his body against every inch of Dom he could reach, arousal rolling off him in waves. But when Dom tried to turn, tried to face him to kiss him back and lick every inch of his body, and then--and only then--make Billy come shouting his name, Billy held him captive, preventing him from moving at all.

"Bills--" Dom tried again to roll over, his hand patting at Billy's on his soft cock, urging him to let go, his fingers getting sticky with his own come.

Billy shifted his arm, and Dom made a small noise of anticipation, but he was still held tight, and Billy simply moved enough to be able to clean his hand, and Dom's cock, with a corner of the sheet. He softly kissed Dom's shoulder, then rested his cheek against it. "Dom," he murmured, his voice hoarse, "Fucking hell, Dom, I want you so much." He put a leg over Dom's upper thigh, and crushed his rock-hard erection against Dom's arse, gripping him tightly with leg and arms and one hand splayed across Dom's chest while the other grasped his hip with bruising strength, covering him as if to try and engulf him, encompass him completely.

"Then let me roll over, let me touch you and taste you, and you can have me, haven't you figured that out yet?" Dom said breathlessly, nearly tripping over his words. "Goddammit, Billy, I love you, I want you too, let me taste you, let me--" But at Billy's sharp inhalation, Dom realised what he'd just said (without the excuse of imminent death) and he momentarily froze. "Shite," he whispered, "Shite, _shite_. Bill, please don't--"

One moment Billy was laying half on top of him, pressed against him, and the next he was gone and rolling out of bed. "I'm going to go take a shower. Put the coffee on, will you?" His voice was forced.

"Billy, please--" Dom begged, turning over. But Billy had already left the room. " _Fuck_."

Suddenly his voice came clearly from the hallway. "Dom?"

"Yeah?" He closed his eyes, pained.

"There's something I need you to know."

Bloody buggering fuck. Here it comes, Jeremy Irons said, hope you're ready, lad. "Wh--what's that, Bill?" He sounded wretched, even to his own ears.

"I--Christ. I'm sorry to do this from here, I'm sorry to say it like this. But it's the only way I can, just now."

Dom bit his lip, trying not to bay his disappointment and hurt at the top of his lungs like a wounded hound.

After a second that seemed eternal to Dom, Billy said, "I love you, too, taisgeal." A moment later the bathroom door shut, and Dom heard the snick of the lock over the roaring in his ears.

He lay facedown. He lay facedown with his nose in the pillow and his fingers clutching the sheets, and he tried not to shout triumphantly at Jeremy Irons, and he tried not to feel like he might fly apart any second. He was desperately glad he wasn't the crying sort or he'd be weeping like a little child. Dom decided the second he had himself under control, and the second Billy opened that bathroom door, he was going to grab Billy and kiss him senseless, and then he was going to beat him about the head for twisting him up into knots like that.

Dom finally climbed out of bed, pulling his sweats back up around his waist. He padded down the hallway and stopped outside the bathroom door. He tried the handle without much hope, but sure enough it was locked fast, and he decided against yelling at him through the thick wood. Instead, Dom went through to the kitchen and put the coffee on.

 

 

Twenty minutes later the water shut off, and Dom thought with a grin that Billy hadn't managed to be quite so stoic on this occasion--he'd certainly been in there long enough to have indulged in a good wank. While Billy was in his bedroom getting dressed, Dom slipped into the bathroom for his own shower, anticipating finding Billy and holding him tightly and kissing him thoroughly and then maybe even getting out the sherbet powder they'd bought in Oban and licking it off somewhere other than the backs of his knees, and by the time he got to that thought he was starting to get hard again, so he quickly finished washing and hurried out of the shower.

After dressing in jeans and a soft sweatshirt, Dom went in search of Billy. There was an empty coffee mug on the counter and the level in the pot was lower, but no Billy. No sign of him in the living room, and when Dom, frowning, looked on the tiny balcony, it too was empty. He returned to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee and spotted the note. With a sense of foreboding, he picked it up and read.

_Dom,_

_I've gone for breakfast with Ali, back in an hour or two.  
Help yourself to anything you want._

_I'll bring you back something good to make up for this._

_Billy._

Dom stared at the note. He read it again.

He stared at it some more.

Suddenly he crumpled it in his fist and threw it across the kitchen, unaccountably angry. How could he? How _dare_ he? First he jerks Dom off like it's the best thing to happen since Rangers last won the league, and then he walks away, and then he says he loves him, and then he fucking _runs_ away? To his sodding _ex_? His sodding bloody ex- _girlfriend_ , no less? And what exactly does Billy think he needs to make up for? Which part, exactly--the part where he left Dom twisting in the wind, the part where he said he loved Dom and then gave him no chance whatsoever to respond, or the part where he snuck out on Dom to go be with his fucking ex- _girlfriend_? And yes, Dom knew he was focusing on that ex-girlfriend bit probably a little too much, but what the hell else was he supposed to focus on? The bit where Billy said he loved him and then obviously regretted it so much he had to run off? And where the fuck was snarky, caustic Jeremy Irons when he needed him?

Ah, but you don't need me, Jeremy Irons answered, sounding amused. You're doing just fine on your own, as a matter of fact.

"Shut the fuck up!" Dom half-shouted, and the loudness of his voice in the near silence of the flat startled him. He stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed his jacket from the cupboard, yanked on his shoes, snatched up his mobile from the hall table, and slammed out the door.

It wasn't until his temper had carried him out of the building and halfway down the block that Dom realised he was now locked out of the flat until Billy should return. It wasn't a huge deal, Dom had his phone and he was sure Billy would have his, but it was nevertheless one more annoyance. One more instance where Billy held all the cards, and it didn't matter that Dom knew Billy had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had just locked himself out on the street--it was still Billy holding something over his head, some sort of power and control, and it was really starting to piss Dom off how helpless he felt.

So _do_ something about it, Jeremy Irons said sharply.

Resolutely keeping his lips firmly shut, Dom demanded like what?

Like tell the sod either he gives you a straight answer about what this thing is or you're on the next flight back to Hawaii, Jeremy Irons said, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

Dom's footsteps actually wavered as he mentally backed away from the idea. I can't do that, he protested.

Why not? Jeremy Irons' eyebrows were raised again, and bugger it if that didn't just piss Dom right off, the way a faceless formless alter ego in his head could be so damned supercilious.

Because I can't, he muttered, and it angered him further that he was reduced to glowering inside his own bloody head. Because I love him and even if he makes me furious, I can't just leave. That would hurt him, because he's struggling with this too, and I can't willingly, intentionally hurt him.

Oh, but it's all right if he hurts _you_? Jeremy Irons asked, almost angrily. And why is that?

No, it's not all right, but it's not like he _means_ to do it, and I've had enough, Mr. Irons, so just shut the fuck up.

Dom resolutely turned his thoughts elsewhere, and after a moment of paying attention to his surroundings, he found it easy to distract himself from snide comments still being whispered by Jeremy Irons. Because he had absolutely no idea where the hell he was.

Dom turned and looked behind, back the way he'd come. Bugger. He looked down the street to his right. Bollocks. He looked as far as he could see down the gently curving street in front of him. _Shite_.

He sat on a stone pillar blocking the end of a terraced street and tried to decide what to do; he was torn between beating his head against a brick wall or laughing until he pissed himself. Because, really, what other options were there? Finally, shaking his head at himself, he just kept walking in the direction he'd been headed, hopefully traveling toward a street he recognized, or at the very least a coffee shop or restaurant where he could sit for a few hours before ringing Billy. He didn't see any other choice than waiting, because if he called right now, only a half hour or so after Billy had left, he'd look like he was ringing purposely to ruin their breakfast, and while a tiny childish piece of himself that he was ashamed of was rather tempted to do just that, he knew he never would. Things might be awkward between he and Billy at this particular moment, but from everything Billy had said, it didn't exactly sound like he'd be getting back together with Ali, so it wasn't like Dom had anything to worry about in _that_ direction. In fact, if he was lucky, Ali was at that very minute tearing a strip off Billy for waffling back and forth, or whatever the hell it was he was doing, because to be honest, Dom didn't know which way was up or what direction either of them were facing. Maybe Billy's breakfast with Ali would straighten him out, as she'd wryly put it on the phone days before, and they could all arrive at the destinations they'd been aiming for.

Dom stopped in at a little shop he finally came across, bought a newspaper, and took it with him into a tiny café just a few shopfronts down. Getting himself a cappuccino, he sat at a small round table in the front window.

 

 

Two hours later, Dom's cell phone rang, and he glanced at the caller ID before answering.

Billy.

"Hello?"

"Dom," Billy said, with what sounded like relief. "Where the buggering fuck are you?"

"Not sure, really," he said coolly, casually. "Found a nice little café, though. You should try their biscotti, it's fantastic."

"Dom. Why did you leave?"

He felt his annoyance return, with a slight edge of anger. "Oh, so you can wander off anytime you like, but I have to sit like a good little dog at the edge of the mat and wait for you?"

"What the fuck are you on about? Of course not, it's just that I know you don't have a key yet," Billy protested.

The 'yet' almost slipped past Dom--almost. He sighed and slouched down in his chair. "Yeah, okay, Billy. Fine."

"Where are you, Dom?" he asked quietly. "I'll come and get you."

"I told you, I don't know," Dom said irritably. "Don't bother, I'll get a cab."

"Dom, please. Tell me the name of the café you're in. I'll find it, and I'll come join you for a coffee. Come on, man."

"It's called 'Insomnia'," he finally muttered.

There was a slight smile in Billy's voice. "Something you or I have never had a problem with, yeah? I know where it is, I'll be there soon."

"Fine."

"You'll wait for me, won't you?"

Dom snorted. "Yes, I'll wait, you pillock."

 

 

Twenty minutes later Billy hurried in, looking anxious until he spotted Dom. The relief, and guilt, and happiness on his face went a long way toward mollifying Dom's anger. He queued at the counter, bought himself a coffee, and then joined Dom in the window, sitting so his back was nearly to it.

"How's it going?" Billy automatically asked, the quintessential Glasgow greeting.

"Oh, just peachy, thanks."

Billy tensed up. His eyes stayed on his coffee as he pulled back the little plastic tab and snapped it into place. "Look, Dom--"

"You shouldn't have said it, Billy," Dom interrupted, his voice very quiet but hard. "If you weren't sure, you shouldn't have fucking said it. So let's just forget it, all right?"

"Dom, would you just--"

"I can't do this much longer, Bill," Dom said intensely, leaning forward to make sure Billy heard every word. "I know this is difficult for you, and I'm not leaving, but I can't do this much longer. I can't let you do things like ... this morning, not if you don't--not if you--"

"Dom, _shut it_ ," Billy whispered ferociously, finally meeting his eyes. Dom was a little surprised by the stricken look on his face. "Would you shut your sodding mouth for a minute and let me say something?" When Dom nodded, Billy's eyes lowered again, and he took a minute before speaking.

Dom waited.

"This _is_ difficult for me," he began, his voice low. "But not because I don't know whether or not I love you." He briefly glanced up, as if to gauge Dom's reaction as he said, "I do. I've been in love with you for I don't know how long."

Dom tried his best to keep his face impassive, but he knew some of the joy that blazed in his chest must have shown in his eyes, or in the flare of his nostrils, because Billy relaxed slightly as he returned his gaze to his coffee cup, fingering the lid.

"I love you. And I want you to know that, because I want you to know what I did this morning wasn't lust--well, not _just_ lust," he admitted, one corner of his mouth quirking up. "Because I want you so much it's driving me mad, but ... I ... "

"Then why couldn't you tell me right then and there?" Dom asked, softly now. "Why did you have to leave the room to say it?"

"Because I'm still ... "

"Scared?" Dom suggested, his heart sinking a bit.

Billy cocked his head, as if weighing the word. "Nooo ... more like ... worried, I guess. Worried I'm going to fuck everything up between us. Worried that we'll rush into this only to realise something's not right, and it'll destroy our friendship."

" _Rush_ into this?" Dom repeated wryly.

Billy gave him a small smile. "You know what I mean."

"So why did that make you have to say it from the hallway?"

"Because ... I suppose I thought if I saw your face, if I looked into your eyes while I told you I loved you, I ... I'd toss our friendship to the four winds and make love to you right then and there, no matter what the consequences. I'm not ready to do that yet."

"So you're willing to give up the chance to be loved, to be happy, to have what you _want,_ just because it'll be easier on our friendship _in case_ we don't work out?" he asked, still quietly but incredulously. "Billy, you dirty great fuckwit, I can't believe you sometimes."

"Dom, I--" Billy began wretchedly.

"No, you listen to me this time," he said firmly. "What was one of the first things you told me about Ali? That you still care about her, and you're not tossing your friendship away, even though things are a bit difficult at present. What the hell makes you think we could do any less?"

Billy froze. His eyes widened.

"Yeah, I didn't think you'd thought of it that way," Dom muttered. He suddenly rose to his feet.

Billy looked up in mild panic. "What? Where are you going?"

"Come on. We're going home." He walked out of the café without even looking to see if Billy was following, standing on the pavement for a moment looking up and down the street for the car.

"I walked." Billy's voice was quiet behind him. "We're only five blocks from home."

Dom turned to glare at him, trying not to show his embarrassment. "We are not. I walked for ages!"

"You must have gone in a bit of a circle, then."

"I didn't," he protested. "It's this fucked-up city of yours."

Billy's lips twitched. "Remind me to buy you a wee map until you get your bearings."

"Wanker." Dom began walking downhill.

"Ehm ... Dom?"

Dom stopped, and dropped his head, and sighed. "It's the other way, isn't it?"

"Yeah." There was a smile in Billy's voice. "Come on, mate. Let's go home."


	14. Chapter 14

Once back in Billy's flat, Dom went straight to the kitchen to put the kettle on, while Billy headed for his desk in the living room.

"Billy? D' you want a cup of tea?" he called, getting a mug out of the cupboard and milk from the fridge.

"Yes, please," Billy spoke from behind him. "Here, these are yours."

Dom turned, the milk bottle in hand. He looked at the two keys on Billy's outstretched palm, and automatically shook his head. "No, they're not mine."

"They are now."

"What do you--" Suddenly Dom realised what Billy meant. "Oh. Is that--oh."

"You need to be able to get in and out, don't you?" Billy asked with a little smile.

Dom stared at the silver keys, an odd blankness settling over him. Those tiny pieces of metal could mean so very much--or so very little. And despite the fact that he'd told Billy he loved him, despite the fact that Billy apparently felt the same way, Dom didn't know which it was, much or little. "I--you--"

"Take them, Dom," Billy said softly. "Mi casa es su motel, and all that, right?"

"But--"

"It's just for getting in and out of the flat for now, Dom. We'll decide later what else this might signify, all right? I think there are a lot of things we need to decide, but not at this very second."

Dom looked at the keys, looked up at Billy, studying those fathomless green eyes. He finally took them, silent and precise as he plucked them out of Billy's palm, and he turned away to set the milk on the counter, then pulled his own keys out of his pocket and began worrying them onto the ring.

"Dom?" Billy said hesitantly. "Are you--you're still angry with me, aren't you?"

"No." He slid the keys the last little way until they were fully on the ring, then shoved his keys back in his jeans. As the kettle began to boil, Dom turned the gas off and put two teabags in the pot. "Hope you don't mind bagged. I don't feel like arsing around with loose tea." He filled the pot with water.

"What? No, no, I don't mind. If you're not angry with me, then why--why this ... distance?" Billy sounded fearful of the answer.

Dom looked down at the counter top, resting his hands lightly in front of him. He debated how to respond, and took a moment to think before finally saying, "I meant it when I said I can't do this much longer, Bill. I can take extremes, but I can't take going from one extreme to the other over and over. Especially not all in the space of a couple hours."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Billy whispered, then added, "I've told you twice now that I love you, and you haven't even so much as touched me. I don't understand that, Dom."

"You hardly gave me a chance to the first time, now did you Bill?" Dom pointed out sharply. He turned around to face Billy, and leaned back against the counter. "I woke up this morning, and your hands were on me, you jerked me off, and God, Billy, I've been wanting you to touch me like that for--" He couldn't help the shudder in his breath, and he dropped his gaze to Billy's chest, rather than his eyes. "And then the second I made the mistake of saying 'I love you', you were gone."

"No, Dom--" Billy actually held out a hand in entreaty.

But Dom continued relentlessly. "And I lay on that bed and I thought, 'That's it, I've completely bollocksed everything up,' and I was so fucking miserable, and then you said you loved me too. From the hallway. And my heart nearly exploded anyway. I've--I've never felt so full of joy, Bill. And what happens? I get out of the shower to find you've run away, gone off to breakfast with your ex- _girlfriend_ , just to make it sting that much more, and you know what I thought? I thought you'd regretted saying it so much that you had to leave rather than face me. I've never felt so ... no one's ever made me feel quite so _low_ , Billy. So am I being distant? Yes. Because that's enough wildly swinging emotion for one day, thank you very much." Before a stunned Billy could react, Dom was walking out past him, down the hall, and into the spare bedroom, where he quietly shut the door.

Dom sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, head hanging down. This just wasn't going to work, he thought in despair. No matter that Billy claimed to love him, he obviously just wasn't ready. Whatever he felt for Dom obviously wasn't going to be enough to break down the walls that he seemed to have surrounding him, hiding him, protecting him, and he wasn't the sort to just leap over them, was Billy. No, Billy was fond of his security, as they--and Ali--knew full well. And frankly, Dom didn't know what to do anymore. Maybe it was time to give up, to go back to Hawaii and lick his wounds and hope that someday, somehow the floodwaters receded enough for him to survive with a gallon jug inside, since his pint jar had been swept away and shattered.

There was a knock at the door, and Dom groaned inwardly. "Not right now, Bill," he called, mentally adding, maybe next year when you've figured out what the sodding hell you want.

The door opened anyway, and a moment later Billy's sock feet appeared on the floor in Dom's line of vision.

Dom sighed tiredly. "I said not right now--"

"I know you did." Billy's voice sounded odd. "But I've completely fucked this up from start to finish and I'm going to fucking well try and make it up to you." He suddenly dropped to his knees in front of Dom and, when Dom sat up in surprise, Billy gripped his forearms, thumbs restlessly stroking the dark hair on his tanned skin, his head bowed so Dom couldn't see his face.

"Billy," Dom began, but he was interrupted.

"Let me say this, I have to say this," Billy insisted, fingers tightening on Dom's arms.

"All right," he agreed softly. "But only if you'll look at me."

Taking a deep, shaking breath, Billy raised his face.

Involuntarily, Dom turned his arms in Billy's hands until he could wrap his own fingers around the insides of Billy's forearms and hold on firmly. This was the closest he'd seen Billy to weeping in a long, long time. There were no actual tears in sight, but his eyes were red rimmed, his nose was pink, and his chin worked with the effort of keeping himself in check.

"Dom, I love you," he said, his voice low and rough. "Please, if you're going to believe anything I say, believe that, and that I _do not_ regret saying it. I'm sorry, God, I'm so fucking sorry for what I did to you this morning, what I've been doing to you for days now. I'm sorry I've hurt you with my idiotic fears and my sodding fucking _inability_ to change, no matter how desperately I want to. Please, Dom, please believe that I want to, and that I've finally opened my bloody eyes and seen that not only do I want to change, but that I'm going to, and that it's going to be so good, that I can make you happy if you'll let me, and that you'll make me happier than I think I've ever been in my whole life. I don't want to let you go, Dom, so please, please tell me it's not too late, that I haven't made you sodding well despise me with my stupid bloody--"

Dom gave Billy's arms a little shake. "Bill. Shut up."

Billy cut off his words, mouth still open, and seemed to crumple. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dom, I'm so fucking sorry--"

"I said, shut up," Dom repeated, allowing a small smile to warm his voice. He was grateful he wasn't the crying sort, or he'd have broken down simply at the sight of Billy's red eyes, knowing how much it took to make his friend weep. "Get a grip, Bills, because I need to ask you a couple of very important questions."

Billy drew in a sharp, shuddering breath.

"Do you love me?" Dom asked gently.

"Yes," he whispered.

Dom smiled. "And I think you know that I love you too, right?"

Billy nodded.

"Are you ready for us? I'm not asking you to jump me in George Square, or kiss me on the red carpet, here. But are you ready for a relationship in private for now, just us, and our friends if we choose to tell them? I need to know, Bills, and if you're not ready for us to be together as a real couple even in private, I need you to tell me."

Billy's fingers dug almost painfully into Dom's arms, but his eyes directly met and held Dom's as he said, "I'm ready. I need you, Dom, I need you in my life as my partner, as my flatmate when we can, as--as my bedmate, as my--my--" He searched for words, but couldn't find them, and instead repeated, "I love you. God, I love you so much."

Heart full to overflowing, joyous at the thought of Billy as his partner in every way, Dom slid off the end of the mattress to sit on the floor, leaning back against the bed, and he pulled Billy into his arms and hugged him fiercely. "I need you, too, Bills," he murmured.

Billy wrapped his arms around Dom, half on his lap, but he held himself stiffly, tensely.

Dom thought he knew why.

"It's all right, Bills. It's all right now," he whispered into Billy's ear, one hand rising to grip the back of his ramrod-straight neck. "It's okay, love. We're going to be fine. We can do this, and it's going to be better than either of us can even conceive right now. We're fine, love."

Dom knew the instant Billy began to weep.

 

 

"Bills?" Dom whispered some time later.

Billy's weeping had ended very shortly after it had begun, and they had been sitting curled up on the floor at the end of the bed ever since, simply holding each other tightly. Dom's hand stroked up and down Billy's back, Billy's hand fingered through Dom's longer hair, as they both absorbed each other's presence and what had been said.

"Billy, mind if we shift off the floor? My arse is numb." Dom buried his nose against Billy's neck.

Billy gave a low, almost noiseless chuckle. "You're such a romantic."

"What?" he protested with a softly huffed laugh. "Fine, you sit on the floor and I'll sit on you and we'll see how long your arse lasts."

"It would last as long as you wanted it to," Billy vowed with a grin. "Fine, come on then, you wee jessy, let's go and sit on the soft comfy sofa. Wouldn't want to injure that lovely arse of yours." He shifted his weight off Dom and climbed to his feet, holding out his hands.

Dom took them and hauled himself up. "Jessy? You take that back. You arse-flattener, you."

Billy swiftly pulled Dom into his arms and embraced him tightly. "Dom," he whispered.

"Yeah," Dom murmured, returning the hug with every bit as much strength. "Me too, Bills." He leaned back a bit to look at Billy and was only mildly surprised when Billy stretched slightly, tilting his head to press his lips to Dom's, tentative at first, but soon warmly and firmly kissing him. He hummed against Billy's mouth.

Billy finally pulled away, smiling, and a little unevenly said, "Come on. You didn't get your tea." He led Dom out to the kitchen, and then--cups of tea in hand--to the living room.

They settled themselves on the sofa, Billy in the corner and Dom next to him, thigh to thigh. It made drinking their tea a little tricky, having to watch out for elbows, but neither could give up the contact, not at that moment.

Dom couldn't really see Billy's face, not without turning awkwardly and making it obvious he was staring, so instead he watched Billy's hands. One was curled around the handle of his mug, the other rested on his thigh and the thumb absently stroked up and down the warm ceramic slowly, almost hypnotically. His thumb, when it wasn't steadied against the mug, trembled just a little, and Dom was oddly glad to see that since his entire body felt like it was trembling just a little.

"What did you and Ali talk about this morning?" he suddenly asked, without really knowing he was going to. He wondered if he had any right to ask. "I'm sorry--forget I said anything--"

"No, it's okay," Billy reassured him, sounding slightly surprised. "I--we talked about a lot of little things. She's looking for a new flat, her new show, my next job, what she's doing this summer. The usual chitchat. I also ... sort of ... told her about this morning."

"You _told_ her?" Dom repeated in disbelief. "You told your girlfriend of _last month_ that you jerked me off this morning? Billy, how could you?"

"No, no," he said quickly, fingers gripping his mug tightly. "I didn't tell her _that_. Jesus, Dom, what do you take me for? No, I just said we'd got a bit closer this morning, and that I thought I'd royally buggered everything up by telling you I'm in love with you, but not being able to say it to your face."

"You--you told Ali you're in love with me?" Dom's head spun, and his voice was weak. He held onto his mug with great concentration, sure if he didn't it would slide out from between his suddenly numb hands.

"Well, she already knew that, idiot," Billy smiled over at him, and his smile was warm and telling, if a little self-conscious.

"She did?"

"Of course. Why did you think she suddenly gave me a swift kick in the arse and insisted I talk to you? It wasn't so we could discuss the weather, and you know it."

Dom's eyes dropped to the floor. He did know it, he'd just tried not to think about it too much. "Yeah, I guess. I just--it's _weird_ , man, you know? I suppose I wanted to believe she thought there was just ... some unfinished business between us, nothing as ... as big ... as love," he ended lamely, then rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "I'm such a fuckwit."

"No, you're not," Billy chuckled. He rested his hand palm up on Dom's leg, his fingers spread, and waited for Dom to take it. When he did, Billy laced their fingers together. "It's your soft heart, you know." He spoke teasingly, but the warmth in his eyes told Dom, when he looked up, that he meant it. "You didn't want to think that your potential happiness could hurt someone else. She's okay with this, Dom. She really is."

Dom shook his head, not in disbelief, but incomprehension. "I ...  I don't get that."

"You don't get it because you love me, and you know I love you," Billy said, his cheeks tinged pink. "Ali doesn't love me anymore, Dom, not like that, and she knows I haven't felt that way in a long time. It's somewhat awkward, I'll give you that, but she's not hurt, she doesn't feel like you've taken something--taken me--away from her."

"So she's not ... upset, or freaked out that you're talking about your new relationship--with another bloke."

Billy hesitated. "Like I said, it's awkward. It's very strange telling _her_ of all people how I feel about my best mate. But we'll get past that."

Dom put his mug on the coffee table. "And how do you feel about your best mate?" he asked, eyes locked on Billy's.

Billy didn't look away. "I'm in love with him."

That answered Dom's question, and it was good to hear. But Dom realised he hadn't asked the right question, and with a hard flutter in his stomach, he said, "Why now?"

Billy was studying Dom's eyes. "They're very blue at the moment," he murmured. "I haven't seen them this blue in a long time."

"Billy."

He gave a nearly imperceptible sigh. "I'll try. I feel ... " He looked away, turned his head until Dom was looking at his profile. "This is a bit difficult. Give me a minute."

"Take your time," Dom said quietly. He pulled one foot up onto the sofa, leaned his cheekbone on his knee. He wasn't watching Billy directly in that position, but he could see him if he raised his brows.

"I said this morning that timidity doesn't suit me, and yet I've been no bolder than a mouse ever since," Billy began, staring across the room. "I'm going to try and grow some bollocks here. You asked last night why I didn't react well to Ali ending it, do you remember?"

"Yes. I also asked what was going through your head for the two weeks afterwards." Dom felt time slow down, felt himself begin to dissolve away and lose the ability to absorb language, and knew he had to pay close attention, because these next words of Billy's were vital. Second only to the _I love you_ of earlier.

Billy's fingers tightened around his. "Ali said--well, I don't remember her exact words, but the gist of it was, 'Billy, I'm not your mum, I'm not your sister, and I'm not your housekeeper. If you're in love with Dom, get off your goddamn arse and fucking _do_ something about it. It's been grand and you're a lovely bloke, but I want and deserve a husband that loves me passionately, and whom I can love passionately in return. You gave me a _Hoover_ for our anniversary.'"

Dom couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped, much as he tried to stop it. "Billy, tell me you didn't buy the woman a Hoover."

He grinned wryly, still not looking at Dom. "Aye, I did. Sad, I know. But it was a top-quality Hoover."

"Pathetic, Boyd. Truly pathetic."

"All right, all right, I get the point." He used Dom's own hand to give his leg a shove. "The thing is ... you see, the thing is, she was dead on, you know? We _were_ more like brother and sister at the end, and I was taking it for granted that she'd take care of me, and neither of us had been passionate in some time, and it just pissed me off so much. I was so angry I could barely speak to her."

"But ... " Dom began, a little confused. He didn't want to upset Billy by dwelling on it all, but he really needed to understand what had happened. "Why were you so angry with her if it was true?"

"I wasn't angry at Ali," he said, shaking his head. "I took it out on her, I suppose, but I was angry at myself, Dom."

"Why?" He unconsciously began stroking the back of Billy's hand with his thumb.

"I was pissed off with myself for letting it get to that point. For being blind to the fact that I wasn't in love with her, for denying to myself for so very long that it was _you_ I loved and wanted. Angry that I was forcing her to do all the dirty work. So I tried to pretend none of it was true, and I shouted at her," he admitted shamefacedly.

"What did you shout?" Dom shifted his head on his knee so he could see Billy's face.

"Awful things. Lies. I'm not particularly proud of this, Dom," he muttered.

"I know. But it wasn't an easy time for you, and Ali obviously doesn't hold it against you," Dom pointed out gently.

"No. She's a good person, Dom. I wish you two got on better."

"Who knows? Maybe now we will, a little," he answered honestly. "But you know how different she and I are. It's hard to find level ground between us sometimes."

"Yeah." Billy shrugged. "I don't know. It's not likely you'll see each other much now anyway, really."

"Probably not." Dom studied Billy's face. He looked a bit upset, but at the same time his face was more open than Dom had seen it in a long time. He wondered how long Billy had been hiding himself, hiding behind the fabrications. "So what did you shout about?"

"I--God, Dom, I'm such a prick."

"No, Bills, you're not. Just tell me."

"I told her she was mad. Mad to think I was in love with you. I called her selfish, and manipulative, and came damn near accusing her of cheating, of lying and blaming our split on me to get out of it. I was hateful, and she should have clocked me one."

"What _did_ she do?" Dom asked softly, holding his hand tightly.

He looked miserable but there was still no evidence of evasiveness on his face. "She shouted right back, like she had every right to do. But I wouldn't listen. It wasn't until she started to cry, not dramatic sobbing, that would have just made me angrier, but it was those big tears that women seem to be able to do. Quiet, just filling their eyes and spilling over, and that was when I knew I'd truly hurt her. I felt such a bastard."

"What did you say?"

"I have no idea. All I know is I started spouting some shite, and she cut me off. Told me I wasn't exactly breaking her heart, as she'd fallen out of love with me, just like I had with her. That stung, you know? Even though it was true, and at least part of me _knew_ it was true, it still smarted."

"Of course it did. No one wants to hear that, no matter what." Dom sat up and shifted even closer to Billy, pressing firmly against his side to try and reassure him, and he laid his head on Billy's shoulder.

"No. I s'pose not." Billy lifted his arm and put it around Dom, pulling him in tight and leaning his cheek on Dom's hair. "But she'd managed to shut me up, anyway, and we began to really talk. Talked it all out, about her and me, what we were going to do, about you. She made me realise that maybe something I'd thought in the past, thought long dead, was really just hiding and waiting for the chance to--well, you know." He flushed.

"Yeah. I know. So what happened in the two weeks after? Why wouldn't you talk to me, Billy?"

"Because I was a sodding mess, and I knew if I talked to you I'd either become a bigger mess, or you'd talk me around, and I was quite content to wallow in selfishness and self-pity for a while. Plus, taisgeal, I was lost and I was lonely and I didn't want to be found."

Dom wrapped his arms around Billy and hugged him tightly. "Don't say that, Bills. Don't ever say that, not to me. I don't ever want you lost again."

"Ach, Dom," he murmured, his voice a little gruff. "I hope I never _will_ be lost again. But I was scared. I hope you can understand that. I was afraid of you, and of us, and even of myself, and as I've so idiotically made clear, afraid of ruining the best friendship I've ever had."

"Why were you afraid of yourself?" Dom frowned. He understood the rest of it, quite well, but that one was eluding him.

"Because I'm ... suddenly I'm changing, Dom. I'm thirty-six years old, I should be relatively sure of myself by now, and yet here I am turning everything completely upside down."

Dom scrambled to a sitting position, turning to stare at Billy with his brows drawn together. "What do you mean? Billy, I thought you were bi, you _told_ me once you were bi. What the hell do you mean you're _changing_?" A sudden flash of fear stabbed through his chest. "Bill. Have you ever been with another guy before? And you'd bloody well better not lie to me."

"Depends what you mean by 'with'," Billy answered, trying for a light tone and failing miserably.

" _Billy_." Dom pulled away, surging to his feet. This was too much. He couldn't do this, couldn't be responsible for him, not like this.

"Come back. Please, come back," Billy immediately said. "I'm trying."

Dom hesitated, then slowly sat, but without touching him. "You're trying what? God, Billy, please tell me I'm not some fucking experiment--"

"What? No! _No_!" Billy was aghast. "Jesus Christ, Dom, I'm not fucking playing around here. I'm bi in that I've been in love with another bloke before, I've kissed other blokes before. I've just never ... done much more than that."

Dom turned to look at him, took in Billy's red face and clenching jaw and eyes that wouldn't meet his. "Why haven't you? Didn't you want to?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did," Billy suddenly snapped, "But sucking off a guy in the middle of Glasgow in the eighties was a quick way to get a chib in your gut! As it turned out, I got the shite beaten out of me for merely kissing him, so no, we never got much beyond that."

"What happened?" Dom whispered. He reached out and gripped Billy's knee. "Bill, what the hell happened to you?"

Billy rubbed his eyes with stiff fingers. "It wasn't that bad. I was in love with a bloke I knew, and he was starting to fall for me too. We weren't careful, and we kissed in what we thought was private. Turns out it wasn't, and a gang of fucking drunk wee neds decided to show us what they thought of poofs." His voice was low and bitter and it twisted inside Dom's chest.

"How badly were you hurt?" He inched closer to Billy, his arm resting along the back of the sofa and his fingers gently scratching in the short hair on the back of Billy's head.

"I was smart enough not to fight back, there were too many of them. I had cuts and bruises, a split lip, and a cracked rib. My friend had a bruised kidney, broken jaw, concussion, and four cracked ribs, because he was scared and he shouted and he tried to fight them."

"Jesus, Billy ... "

"That was the last time he ever spoke to me. He was so frightened of being killed the next time, he shut himself firmly back in the closet." Billy looked away, turned his head so far Dom could barely see any of his face. "I've never had sex with another man. Maybe they got to me, too."

"I'm so sorry, Bills. I'm so sorry," Dom whispered, and wrapped his arms around Billy, who held himself stiffly, but pressed back against Dom firmly.

"It's not that I didn't want men, Dom, it's just that ... it was too hard for the person I used to be. But one of the things I realised, in that two weeks after Ali left, was that I'm not the same bloke I used to be. And I wasn't happy about that at first, I mean, you know me, I'm not good with big changes. But ... but I'm not the same, and neither is the world I live in. I can't see us getting the shite kicked out of us, not if we use common sense." He had relaxed back ever so slightly into Dom.

Dom kissed the back of his neck. "No, I can't see that happening either. I _can_ see us being all over the tabs, though. I think we should move really, really slowly with going public. _If_ you're sure this is what you want."

Billy turned within Dom's arms and pulled them tightly together, and with his lips against Dom's cheek said, "It is. I'm sure, Dom, I'm completely sure. Can you be patient with me, though, if it takes me a bit to ... adjust?"

"Of course I can, Bills. Can you be patient with _me_ , if I keep having to touch you and tell you I love you and hear you say you love me? It might take me a bit to trust that this is real." Dom tucked his face into Billy's neck, allowed Billy's hands on his hips to urge him up and over until he was straddling Billy's lap.

Billy linked his hands around Dom's lower back. "Look at me, taisgeal."

Dom sat up enough to look at Billy, his weight shifting back onto Billy's thighs. He looked at the soft smile on those curved lips, at the depth of green in those eyes that spoke to him, and he stilled, trying to listen to what they said. A moment later he leaned his forehead against Billy's and murmured, "I love you, too, Bills."

Billy's smile warmed. "Very good. I can see I'm going to have to keep my sunglasses on if I ever want to keep a secret from you."

"Ah, but you never _will_ want to keep a secret from me, will you, Boyd?" Dom chided with the vaguest hint of a threat. He leaned down to nip sharply at Billy's collarbone.

Billy shifted underneath him with an abrupt breath. "No, I don't suppose I will. Not unless it's a secret _for_ you."

"Well, that's a given. I'll try not to ruin my surprise birthday party by reading about it in your eyes." Dom licked a trail across the slightly reddened skin he'd just bitten.

Billy slouched down. "I'd appreciate that." He lowered his hands a little, until they rested just below Dom's waistband at the top of his arse, and pulled Dom against him. "How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice low. "After your rough day yesterday."

Dom kissed Billy's throat, trailing a path up across his Adam's apple to the corner of his jaw. "I'm fine. A bit stiff and sore, especially my chest."

"You'd better--" His voice hitched as Dom flicked his earlobe with his tongue. "Better take it easy today."

"Says the man who had his hand on my percy this morning," Dom whispered in his ear. "Just for future reference? That was an awfully nice way to start the day."

"Was it now?" Billy murmured, his voice scratchy.

"It was indeed. Maybe one morning I should demonstrate."

"Maybe you should. God, Dom--" Billy brought one hand around to grip Dom's chin and pull his face in, kissing him hard, mouth wide open.

Dom felt like he was being devoured from the outside in and the inside out at the same time and decided it felt fucking amazing. He grabbed Billy's head between his palms and tangled his tongue with Billy's, sleek and slick and hot, unconsciously rising a bit on his knees, angling his crotch toward Billy's.

When Billy groaned into Dom's mouth, the sound vibrating down Dom's spine, and kissed him even harder until their teeth clicked together and nearly cut their lips, Dom breathlessly pulled back. They couldn't do this already. It was too soon after difficult discussions, too quick and too needy and it just didn't quite sit right with him. He thought rapidly for a moment, and came up with an idea. Darting in to press a quick kiss to Billy's lips, he said, "Don't go anywhere. Don't move. I'll be right back."

"Dom--" Billy growled a protest.

But Dom was already off his lap and hurrying to the kitchen.

When he returned with a little white paper bag in his hand, Billy was sitting up straight on the sofa. "Listen, I--"

"I thought I told you not to move?" Dom asked, his voice low and dangerous, but he couldn't quite keep the grin from showing.

Billy studied him for a moment, and then smiled slowly. "You did."

"Tsk, tsk, Bills. You're going to have to learn to listen to me, you know." Dom set the paper bag on the coffee table, and then stood over Billy, his legs straddling Billy's knees, but he didn't sit down. Instead, feeling an absurd pleasure flush through his chest, Dom leaned over and began to unbutton Billy's shirt.

"What are you doing, Dom?" Billy's voice was content, lazy.

"I'm just sparing your shirt."

"Sparing it from what?"

Dom didn't answer until the last button was undone. He stroked his palms across Billy's chest, the hair slightly rough under his hands, pushing the shirt off over his shoulders. "Why, sparing it from getting dirty, of course."

"Oh, of course," Billy murmured.

Dom set a cushion by the arm of the sofa and then wordlessly directed Billy to lie down, stretched out along the length, his head on the pillow. He knelt down beside the sofa, taking the paper bag from the coffee table as he did. He set it on the floor by his knees so Billy couldn't see what it was.

"And now what?"

"Now," Dom said softly, "I think I need a little snack. You don't mind, do you?"

"Mind?" Billy's eyes were trained on his. "Not at all."

"Good. That's very good of you." Without looking, Dom reached down into the little white sack and pulled out a chocolate-covered caramel. He lifted his hand and slowly, precisely placed it on Billy's sternum, pressing it down and shifting it back and forth a fraction until the very outer layer of chocolate melted, holding it there.

Billy's breath sped up ever so slightly.

Dom repeated the action with a second caramel, placing it directly between Billy's nipples. The third went in the hollow just beneath his ribs, and the fourth just above his navel, just above the waistband of his jeans. When all four were placed where he wanted them, continuing to soften and the chocolate to melt, Dom climbed to his feet and set the paper bag aside. "I'll be right back," he murmured. "This time, will you promise not to move?"

"Aye," Billy whispered, looking down at the chocolates sitting on his abdomen. "But don't be long."

"I won't." Dom leaned over and kissed Billy quickly, hungrily, before straightening and walking to the kitchen again. He stood for a moment in the centre of the kitchen, dropping his head and breathing out gustily, before going to the fridge and pouring himself a glass of milk.

When he returned to the living room, Billy hadn't moved a muscle.

"Very good," he approved in a low, husky voice. "It would be a shame to waste any of the chocolates, seeing as we had to go so far to get them."

"My thoughts exactly," Billy shakily chuckled. "Where did you go?"

Dom moved to his side and held up the glass of milk. "You know how much I love milk with chocolate. For my snack." He set the glass on the end table just past Billy's head, then pulled off his sweatshirt. Eyes locked on Billy's, Dom carefully laid down on top of him, holding himself off Billy's chest and the caramels with both arms, but covering him squarely. Both of them breathed in swiftly. Wordlessly, Dom bent his head down and picked up the first caramel with his teeth, freeing it from Billy's chest with a wet, sticky noise, and straightening up again so that Billy could see it in his mouth before he closed his lips over it and sucked on it.

"Is it warm and gooey?" Billy asked, his voice gruff.

"Mm-hmm," Dom hummed with a smile. "'S very good indeed."

"Let me taste."

Dom pushed forward, still holding himself off Billy, to wetly, sweetly kiss him, sharing the sugary caramel flavour on his tongue.

Billy gave a quiet groan into his mouth at the stickiness on Dom's lips.

Dom pulled away again, lifting one hand to pick up his glass of milk above Billy's head, and he took a swallow. After setting the glass back down, he shifted to where he had been before, and proceeded to lick the chocolate off Billy's chest with his cold tongue.

Billy inhaled sharply.

Dom's tongue lapped and swirled at the small square of melted chocolate, licking until nothing was left but the clean taste of Billy's skin and a lingering sweetness, and then he moved down to begin all over again with the second caramel.

By the time he'd finished the fourth chocolate, Billy was squirming beneath him, muttering threats and promises and pleas as Dom's tongue swiped around his navel. Dom was incredibly hard, his cock erect and straining in his jeans, and he could feel perfectly clearly that Billy was in the exact same state.

"Dom," Billy moaned, strong fingers flexing against Dom's hips, trying to work their way towards his fly. "Fucking hell, Dom, you're killing me. Come on, before I fucking explode, or--or come in my pants, or--oh, _God_ \--" he gasped, as Dom rolled his pelvis against him.

Dom suddenly dropped to the side, his bare back up against the back seat of the sofa, and his fingers quickly undid Billy's trousers. "Help me push them down, Bills," he urged, and with one hand each they shoved Billy's jeans and shorts at the same time, freeing his hard, red cock, and Dom immediately wrapped his hand around it and began stroking.

Billy yelped and bucked, his chest arching.

"God, Bills, you're so fucking gorgeous," Dom rasped, eyes travelling rapidly from Billy's glistening face to his straining erection and back again. "You're so stiff and hard in my hand, and I thought nothing could taste as good as licking chocolate off your chest, but I bet licking chocolate off your prick would be even better."

Billy moaned loudly, the sounds torn from his throat.

"Do you know how many times I've fantasised about what you'd look like at this moment? What you'd look like when you came?" Dom licked his shoulder, then lightly bit down on the muscle that ran across it.

"Dom--please--I'm so close, Dom--" Billy gasped, eyes closed, face flushed, tendons standing out on his neck.

"How close?" Dom whispered in his ear, then sucked on his throat, tongue flickering hard against his pulse.

Billy came fiercely, with a loud cry, over Dom's hand and his own stomach, and he bucked so violently he nearly dislodged Dom's hand. Dom instinctively tightened his grip, causing Billy to shout obscenities. "Fucking bollocking sodding hell! Oh God, don't stop Dom, don't you goddamned dare fucking stop Dom, oh _God_ \--"

Dom kept pumping his fist for as long as Billy kept shuddering and jerking, but the second Billy collapsed back against the cushions, spent and gasping, he loosened his grip and slowed his pace and nuzzled his nose against Billy's cheek.

"Dom--" Billy panted, his hand searching until it found the back of Dom's neck and grasped him tightly. "Dom. Bloody hell, Dom, that was the best fucking hand job I've ever had in my life, from myself included."

Dom laughed against Billy's skin. "That's one hell of a compliment."

"Thank you. Thank you, taisgeal. God, that was amazing."

"Wait until you see what else I can do," Dom promised softly, and kissed his flushed cheek.

Billy laughed breathlessly. "I look forward to it."

Dom nuzzled him again. "I love you, Bills."

"Mmm. Love you too, my wee Dom. Have I mentioned that recently?"

"Not in the last five minutes, no," Dom smiled.

"Then I haven't said it recently enough. I love you, too." Billy turned his head and captured Dom's lips with his, kissing him slowly, deeply, sated.

Long moments later, Dom finally pulled his mouth from Billy's. "Go on. Go clean up, you disgusting sod. Before this dries completely and I'm permanently stuck to your percy."

"You say that like it would be a bad thing," Billy grinned.

Dom laughed out loud. "Can you imagine _that_ movie premiere? 'And here are Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan, let's see if we can get them over here ... what the hell? Is that Monaghan chap permanently glued to Boyd's _dick_? Turn off the camera, turn it off!'"

Billy kissed him fondly. "You're mad, you know that, don't you?" He sat up, kicking off his trousers and pants and picking them up with one hand, while he held on to his softening cock with his other.

"So I'm told."

"I'll be right back." Billy stood and made his way out of the living room and down the hall.

Rather gingerly, Dom climbed to his feet and adjusted himself in his trousers with his clean hand, suppressing a pained groan. He didn't care how much he ached, didn't care if he suffered like this for the rest of the day, that had been worth it. He shuffled through to the kitchen and washed his hands. Suddenly realizing it was well after lunch time and he'd yet to have anything to eat but a biscotti in the café and his little snack, Dom opened the fridge and inspected its offerings. He pulled out tomatoes, a cucumber, and cream cheese, and began to assemble a sandwich.

"There you are," came Billy's voice from the doorway.

Dom glanced up. "Here I am," he smiled.

"What are you doing?" Billy asked, sounding a bit confused as he walked over to stand behind Dom, wrapping his arms around Dom's waist.

Dom looked down at his lunch. "I'd have thought this was rather obvious, actually. Would you like a sandwich?"

"What about this?" Billy reached down and cupped Dom's erection through his jeans.

Dom's breath caught in his throat for a moment. "I'd rather have a sandwich, thanks."

"I'd rather have _you_."

Dom dropped his head back onto Billy's shoulder. "Five years. Five long years, I've been waiting to hear that, and would you believe I still want lunch first?"

Billy chuckled delightedly in his ear, nuzzling Dom's hair with his nose. "Hobbit."

"Says the one who's already stuffed himself once today. A biscotti does not a breakfast make, you know. I'm starving, Bills."

"I'm sorry," Billy apologised immediately. "I didn't realise you hadn't eaten yet today. You should have said something earlier--"

"What, and give up the chance to eat those caramels off your hot, sexy body?" Dom said lightly, returning to the task of preparing his sandwich. "Not on your life, Boyd."

"That _was_ rather enjoyable," he admitted with a little flick of his tongue to Dom's ear. "But as soon as you're done lunch, I'll do something about that stonker of a stiffy in your shorts."

"It's not about reciprocation, Bills," Dom said calmly.

"I know it's not." Billy's arms tightened around him. "But I know all too well it can be damned uncomfortable to have a hard-on like that. Besides, now that I finally have the freedom, I want to play with you incessantly," he murmured.

Dom grinned. "Now you're talking."

"You know," Billy continued to speak quietly right into his ear. "Yesterday, I'd been thinking maybe we could go somewhere today, Edinburgh or somewhere. But you had a shoddy day yesterday, and it's now raining again, and so I'm thinking we should maybe just slip out to rent a couple films and spend the afternoon on the sofa. What do you think?"

Dom finished his sandwich, giving it a little press to keep it together, and he set the knife down. With a smile, he turned in Billy's arms to face him and wrapped his arms around his slim waist. "Depends. Will you cuddle under a blanket with me and feed me grapes?"

Billy chuckled. "I don't think we have any grapes. But I'll cuddle under a blanket with you and feed you toffee."

"It's a deal."


	15. Chapter 15

 

Dom started violently as Billy smacked him right in the face. "What the--"

Billy snorted, and mumbled, "Dark blue ... "

"Ow. Bil- _ly_ ," Dom complained, laying his head back on Billy's chest, keeping a wary eye on the hand that had hit him. He dug a knuckle into Billy's ribs.

"Bugger," Billy shifted beneath him, waking. "Huh? What?"

"You hit me, y' bastard," Dom muttered. "You fell asleep on me, and then you hit me."

He didn't even open his eyes, simply shifted once more to wrap one arm tightly around Dom, and sighed, "Sorry, Dom."

"What, that's it? You clout me one and all you can say is 'sorry, Dom'?" Dom tucked his head under Billy's chin.

"I'm really sorry. Really, _really_ sorry. Where are we in the movie?" He kissed the hair tickling his nose.

"I don't know--you've distracted me now."

Billy smiled. "You mean _you_ fell asleep too."

"Yeah. Reckon it wasn't a very good movie then, was it? Where's your watch?" Dom mumbled.

"On my wrist."

"Where's your wrist, then?"

"On my arm, I hope."

"Just show me your watch, you pillock," Dom groused, lifting his head to glare at a contentedly unaware Billy. When Billy held his left arm up, Dom grabbed it and turned it until he could read the time.

"Ow, careful, you wee fuckwit, my arm doesn't bend that way!" Billy yelped, twisting to the side to ease the strain in his arm. He ended up knocking Dom off the sofa entirely.

"Bloody buggering--" Dom shouted as he fell, arms flailing, tangled in the blanket. His arse hit the floor with a thump and, after a split second of stunned silence, he began to laugh, stretched out full length on the wood floor at the base of the sofa. A warmth of realization over the new level of intimacy he could indulge in with Billy spread through his chest, tingling down his limbs. Or maybe that was just the impact with the hardwood.

Billy's crinkled green eyes peered down at him. "You really are grace and coordination personified, aren't you?"

"You're the one who hip-checked me halfway across the room," Dom said, sitting up.

"I never--"

Dom's hand snaked around the back of Billy's neck, pulled his head closer, and he kissed him hard, rising to his knees to lean over him, pressing him down into the sofa as his tongue swept past Billy's lips and through his mouth, leaving a trail of coppery-hot desire behind. This, this was what he'd wanted for so long--Billy kissing him passionately, pulling him closer, gently biting his throat--  "Tell me, Bill," he gasped, eyes closed.

"Love you," Billy murmured, his breath hot against Dom's skin. "Love you, taisgeal."

With a sigh of something approaching joy, Dom raised his head to look down at Billy, gently stroking a hand down Billy's chest. "I've been thinking."

With a happy little quirk to his lips, Billy raised one eyebrow. "Should I be worried?"

"Not unless you've been up to your usual mischief again, no," Dom grinned. "But I was thinking it's nearly supper time. It's been a long while since your breakfast, and my tiny little sandwich gave its all some time ago. What say we order some takeaway?"

Billy sighed exaggeratedly. "You are _such_ a hobbit. Always thinking with your stomach."

"On the contrary. I'm thinking with something else entirely, and that part of me very much wants to get to the pudding. But one can't have pudding without having supper first, can one?" Dom asked, his voice pitched a little lower, a little huskier.

"Pud--pudding?" Billy's breath hitched slightly, and his eyes seemed to warm from sea green to jade.

"Mm-hmm," Dom affirmed. "Pudding. I was thinking, maybe something a little sweet? To cut the spice, yeah?"

"Spice?" His fingers gripped the waistband of Dom's jeans.

"Indian. Thai. Moroccan. Whatever you like," Dom promised lowly.

"Sweet?"

"Having trouble with sentences of more than one word, are we, Bill?" Dom teased, fingers seemingly unconsciously stroking across Billy's nipples.

He sucked in a sharp breath.

Dom continued. "Yes, something sweet. But that's my little surprise, for after supper. So what say you go and root out all those takeaway menus you have stashed about, yeah?"

"Yeah," Billy agreed breathlessly, and was off the sofa like a shot.

 

 

Dom belched loudly.

Billy batted his eyelashes at him, cooed, "That's what I love about you, Dom. Such class."

"Class and elegance, that's me," he agreed, and belched again. "We Mancunians are known for it. That was really good--how long did it take you to find that place?"

"What, the Thai Fountain? Not long--it's the closest Thai restaurant that delivers, and I didn't need to try another. If we order again, you have to try the green curried prawn, it's fantastic."

"Then why didn't you order it this time?" Dom slouched back in his chair. They'd chosen to eat at the kitchen table, as Billy had wanted Tom Yum Gai, and it was hard to eat soup on the sofa without spilling.

"Well, I have to hold _something_ back to keep you around," Billy said with utmost seriousness, his eyes wide and innocent. "The carrot before the donkey. Otherwise you'll get bored of me inside a fortnight and be back in Hawaii before I know what's hit me."

Dom eyed him suspiciously. "You just called me an ass, didn't you?"

Billy laughed delightedly. "I did, didn't I? Completely unintentional, I assure you."

"Hmph." Dom snorted. "I should hope so. And after five years of waiting, if you think I'd be bored with you that quickly then you have sadly underestimated me."

Billy finished the last of his noodles and put his chopsticks down. He regarded Dom levelly, a smile lightening his features. "Of course I don't think you'll get bored that quickly. I'm far too enticing and exciting for that to happen. But sometimes, my wee Dom, sometimes I do think I have underestimated you, and rather badly, at that."

Taken aback, Dom looked at Billy, and he knew his puzzlement showed on his face, so he didn't bother voicing it.

Billy sighed, still smiling, and looked down at his fingers playing with the ends of the chopsticks. "I didn't think ...  This makes me sound like a prick, Dom, but I didn't think you'd stay that firm in an attachment. You have to admit, sometimes you're a bit ... flighty."

"I can be," Dom agreed, not offended in the least. It was perfectly true, and they both knew it. But there was also another truth that perhaps Billy hadn't fully realised yet. "But I'm not flighty, or fickle, or easily distracted, when it comes to those I care about. Anyone who earns my loyalty _has my loyalty_ , Bill. It is unswerving, and it's not easily pushed aside. Why do you think I persisted in annoying the hell out of you when you hit that bad patch a couple of years ago?"

Billy chuckled. "You _were_ stubborn, weren't you? But you didn't annoy me, Dom, you kept me going that week. It's a bit embarrassing how I let losing those two jobs, and that row with Ali, get to me."

"It was just because it hit you all at once. But Billy--" Dom leaned forward, reached across the table to grasp Billy's hands in his. "If you didn't know this about me before, you damn well ought to know it now. I don't give up. I don't give up on people I love, and I don't give up on friendships that mean the world to me, and you're both, which means you'll never, ever be able to get rid of me."

"Sometimes you really know just what to say, you know that?" Billy smiled crookedly down at their hands. "I'm sorry I underestimated you. I should have known better."

"Yeah, you should have," Dom said gently. He ducked his head down to catch Billy's eyes. "But now you do. I'm in this for the long haul, Bill. What about you?"

Billy nodded at once. "The long haul. I have to believe this will work, Dom."

He sat back again, satisfied. "If we both believe it will, then it will. It's not always going to be easy, you can be a sodding stubborn bugger sometimes, William, but as long as we work on it together, we'll be fine."

"Me, stubborn? _Me_? Oh, I like that," Billy said with a little grin. "You're the one who gives a mule a run for its money."

"Firstly," Dom responded haughtily, standing to begin clearing the table, "Mules don't have money. And secondly, stop calling me an ass!"

"I'm guessing you wouldn't believe that one was unintentional too, would you?"

"Not on your life, Boyd. Not on your life."

Billy laughed out loud and joined Dom in dealing with the rubbish from dinner. "You know what I feel like doing?"

"No, but I bet I could guess," Dom grinned.

"You'd be wrong. Let's go down the pub and have a game at pool. What do you say?" Billy suggested, his eyes sparkling. "It'll be a good laugh, and I'll even let you break."

"What about pudding?" Dom asked innocently.

"We can stop for something along the--oh." Billy turned a bit pink. "You meant ... the something sweet from earlier, didn't you?"

Dom couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. He knew he shouldn't tease Billy quite so much, but dammit, it was just too fun. "Yes, but I think we'll wait on that a bit, yeah? I ate too much Thai anyway."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay, that sounds good," Billy said with a touch of relief.

Dom kept the frown from his face, but he wondered why Billy would be relieved. What exactly did he think Dom had in mind, anyway? "Bills?"

"Yeah?" Billy put the leftovers in the fridge, then turned to face Dom.

"What exactly do you think this whole 'something sweet' plan of mine is?" Dom watched his face carefully, and saw a healthy dose of embarrassment turning his ears red, but no fear. He relaxed a little as he waited for Billy to finish licking his lips and stumble through an answer.

"Ehm--I mean. You know. What you said. Earlier."

"What did I say earlier?" Dom pressed.

"About licking ... chocolate. Off my--you know. My prick."

Dom finally understood, and he smiled widely at Billy. "You've got the wrong end of the stick. So to speak," he added with an exaggerated leer.

"I do?" Billy looked surprised.

"Yeah. Licking _was_ involved, but I wasn't thinking of that. Remember that little idea of me licking sherbet powder off the backs of your knees?" He stepped closer to Billy, head tilted coyly to the side.

"Oh. Ohhh," Billy sighed, remembering. "The sherbet. Right. I'm a fuckwit, aren't I?"

"No, Bills, you're not. I kind of forgot I'd said that about the chocolate, because I've been thinking an awful lot about the sherbet for a couple of days now," Dom admitted freely. "And you should know that sometime soon, I'm going to give you the best blowjob you've ever had in your life, but not today. Okay?"

Billy took the last two steps forward and wrapped his arms around Dom, chin digging into the top of his shoulder. "Okay. Not today, but soon, right?"

Dom chuckled again. "Soon. Believe me."

 

 

"You touched it!"

"I did not!" Billy protested hotly.

"You did too, I saw you! You're so fucking drunk, Boyd, that you totally just touched the white ball," Dom insisted, waving his cue a little too vehemently. It made a _tinging_ noise as it hit the overhead light fixture, which swayed alarmingly.

"I did not. And I'm not drunk, I'm merely ... swizzled."

Dom raised an eyebrow at him. "And that means what?"

Billy rounded the end of the pool table, approaching Dom with a leer on his face. "It means we should leave soon, because I'm finding it hard to keep my hands to myself when you bend over the table wearing those jeans."

Dom leaned in until his nose nearly touched Billy's and said, "I want to lick your face."

Billy's breath was hot on his lips. "I think those blokes waiting for our table would kick our arses out on the street awfully fast. Just take your damn shot."

"Ah-ha!" he crowed triumphantly, turning on his heel. "You admit you touched the ball. Sodding right it's my shot."

"I didn't touch my balls, but I'm going to touch yours soon, so hurry the fuck up." Billy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Dom was distracted enough that he completely missed his shot. "Ha! You missed! Move your perky wee arse, I'm about to annihilate you."

"You wish. Go on, do your worst." Dom withdrew one of his stripes from the pocket nearest him, placed it on the table, and stood back, leaning on his cue.

Billy circled the table, eyeing the positions of each of his three remaining billiard balls, mentally lining up the shots. Despite the fact that he was indeed halfway to drunk, his first shot was straight and true and in the far corner pocket. His second dropped in the side pocket right in front of Dom, followed quickly by his third.

"You have to call the black," Dom challenged.

"We never said call it," Billy protested.

"I just did. You've obviously been toying with me for the last half hour, you smug bastard. So call it."

"Fine." Billy eyed him with a self-satisfied little smirk, and then inspected the table closely. "Black ball, corner pocket." He pointed to the one he meant with his cue, then casually, slowly picked up the chalk cube and thoughtfully coated the tip.

"Get on with it," Dom complained, hip-checking him as he walked past. "It's not like you'll manage it anyway." It had been a brilliant idea of Billy's to play pool, he'd decided, because it gave them a chance to chat about unimportant things, to flirt inconspicuously, to have fun--which they had. It was reminiscent of past good times with an added warmth from their new relationship. But Dom was ready to go home and snog the living daylights out of Billy, preferably wearing fewer clothes than they were currently sporting--and watching Billy chalk his cue so delicately, so deliberately, was having a tightening effect on the crotch of his trousers.

"Oh, I'll sink it. In fact, let's make it interesting." Billy set the chalk down. "If I win, you have to ... what we discussed earlier, with the sherbet--"

"But that was already the plan," Dom interrupted.

Billy's eyes skewered him where he stood. "I wasn't finished. You have to do it naked, with your hands tied behind your back."

It took every ounce of control Dom possessed not to drop to his knees. "And--and if you _don't_ win?" he managed.

"No sherbet." Billy leaned over the table, and precisely lined up the white and black spheres. "Corner pocket," he repeated softly, and seemingly easily sank the black ball, leaving the white resting safely several inches from the pocket.

All Dom could do was stare at the green felt surface of the table, its lack of a gleaming black ball almost more than he could comprehend. "Billy. Did you just--did you just do what I think you just did?"

Billy sounded almost as stunned as Dom felt. "I think I did, yeah."

Dom let out a slow, measured breath. "I thought so."

"I won't hold you to it if you hate the idea," he murmured.

"Let's go home, Bills."

 

They were silent almost the entire cab ride home. It wasn't until they were climbing the stairs to Billy's flat, much more sober than they had been an hour ago, that Dom spoke as if the intervening time had never occurred. "We've had this conversation before, if you remember."

"I remember," Billy said quietly. "You said you'd try it with me. Being tied up, I mean. But if you're not comfortable with the idea, I don't want to do it. I'm--I'm not quite sure where that came from, anyway." He unlocked the door to the flat, and they entered, shedding jackets and trainers.

"You don't get it, do you?" Dom leaned against the wall, his hands behind his arse, and it suddenly struck him that he was unconsciously standing as though his hands were already bound. The thought shook him. "I--I said I'd try it with you because I _trust_ you, I believe that you won't hurt me. And--and the idea--it's fucking hot, Bill. When you said I had to lick you, naked with my hands tied ... God, one touch and I would have come in my pants." Dom was afraid the same might be true at that very moment. By the time he'd finished lunch, his 'stonker of a stiffy', as Billy had dubbed it, had eased, and then they'd gone for films, and then fallen asleep, and then had dinner. Dom decided it was all well and good to be stoic and for their relationship not to be about reciprocation only, but enough was enough--he needed to _get off_.

Billy stared at him for a moment, and then with one swift step clamped his hands on either side of Dom's head and kissed him fiercely, love and need and passion twining dizzyingly around Dom so that he was grateful the wall bore him up. If not for that lovely, blessed, cool wall, he'd have melted into nothing more than a puddle of want on the hall tiles after thirty seconds.

Dom moaned into Billy's mouth, pulled his hands from behind his arse to wrap them around Billy's waist and pull him even closer, returning Billy's desire twofold. The heat being generated between them was palpable, Dom felt it as a flush on his skin, and just as he was trying to convince his brain to do something other than gibber with delight, Billy pulled away. Dom made a noise of complaint, and Billy chuckled, if a bit roughly.

"Come on. Time for you to pay out on that bet." He took Dom by the hand and pulled him along and into the kitchen. "Where did you hide the sherbet?"

Much to his disgust, Dom's voice trembled as he said, "It's all in the cupboard with the biscuits."

Billy let him go to open the cupboard door, and he pulled out the entire bag from Sweetie's. "Let's take it all. You never know what we might want."

"You certainly can be unpredictable," Dom agreed weakly. "Billy?"

"Yeah?"

Dom shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. "What were you going to use to, you know, to tie my hands?"

"I hadn't really thought that far ahead," Billy answered honestly. "I think I should leave that up to you, anyway. Your choice, Dom--whatever you want to use, or even nothing if you change your mind."

"I'm not changing my mind, believe me. I'm going to go look and see what I can find. Anywhere I need to keep my nose out of?"

Billy smiled at him. "No. I've no secrets from you, taisgeal. Not anymore. Go and poke around, I'm sure you'll find something suitable."

"Okay." Dom hesitated, though. He had not a single doubt about what they were about to do, although he couldn't help but be a little nervous. His overriding worry, though, was that he wasn't going to be able to last. "Bills?"

"Yeah?"

"I've ... well, it's just that ... "

"Spit it out, there's a good lad," Billy teased him lightly, trying to set him at ease.

"I've been hard all day and I don't know if I'll last very long," Dom said quickly, a little embarrassed.

Billy nodded once, decisively. "Understood."

For some reason that he couldn't quite pin down, Dom found that reassuring, found a little relief in the idea that he wasn't going to be pushed too terribly far for this, his first time being tied up. He smiled wordlessly at Billy, then turned on his heel and went in search of his own bonds.


	16. Chapter 16

Dom was rooting through Billy's wardrobe, growing rather annoyed if he was honest with himself. He wanted to do this, he really did. He _really_ did. But could he find anything they could use, did Billy keep anything remotely cuff-like? No, of course not. Not even a bloody scarf, and the first thing Dom was going to do when he came to live here--okay, the second thing, right after he bought some plants, because the flat needed something green and living to make it feel like home--was buy some nice silk scarves, that was for effing sure.

Dom paused.

Came to live here? Make it feel like home? Where the hell had that come from?

He heard Billy quietly enter the bedroom behind him, moving and rustling plastic and bedding and clothing, and Dom returned to inspecting the contents of the wardrobe.

Well, it looked like it was going to have to be one of Billy's ties, and he'd just have to get it laundered and pressed afterwards. Dom chose a long, silky one, and he knew that now he was just stalling, just waiting for Billy to say something into the distance between them. Not that it was a _true_ distance, it was just the weight of what they were about to do creating this tiny little barrier of silence, and it could easily be broken if Billy would only _say_ something--

"Dom," Billy spoke up as if he had read Dom's mind. "Everything is your choice. You tell me what you want."

"I want--" Dom began, turning around, and then he stopped. He froze. He tried to remember how to breathe.

Billy lay on the bed on his stomach, and he was completely naked, except for the nervous flush riding high on his cheekbones.

"Billy ... " Dom whispered, staring unabashedly, drinking in the sight of the body he'd wanted for so long. He took several halting steps toward the bed, the tie forgotten in his hand, and then sat on the edge of the mattress beside Billy, his hand stretching out of its own accord to hover over Billy's back.

Billy lowered his head to the pillow, just able to see Dom from the corner of his eye. "Touch me, taisgeal," he breathed. "Please. Just touch me for a moment."

Dom lowered his hand to Billy's warm skin almost reverently, fingertips trembling across Billy's spine before his palm made full contact, and he began stroking up and down the length of the long, lean back laid out in front of him.

Billy released a soft sigh.

Greedily soaking in the sight, sound, smell of Billy, Dom let his hand drift lower with each pass until he was caressing Billy's gently rounded arse, feeling it tense and relax under his touch, reveling in the feel of his soft bare skin. His hand traveled lower still, rasping across the sparse hair on the backs of Billy's thighs, stroking the velvet skin behind his knees. "God, Billy," he whispered unsteadily. "You're so beautiful."

Billy scrambled to his knees, apparently heedless of his nudity, and before Dom could blink Billy's hands were on him, pulling him up to his knees as well. Billy dropped feverish kisses on Dom's face and neck, sucking and tasting and licking his skin as if afraid he might disappear before Billy could truly savour him.

Dom let him. Let him kiss and caress and nibble and nip, hands rapidly stroking over every inch of Dom he could reach. When Billy unconsciously pressed his growing erection against Dom's hip, Dom dropped his head back, inhaled deeply and thrust back against him.

It was enough to bring Billy back to the intended task. He leaned his forehead on Dom's shoulder for a moment, breathing deeply, quickly. He finally lifted his head and shone his curviest, sexiest smile at Dom. "You're wearing a lot of clothes, there, mate."

Dom's laugh rasped in his throat. "And what are you going to do about it?"

"Why, I'm going to get rid of them, of course." He proceeded to slide his hands up underneath Dom's shirt, deliberately rubbing his palms across Dom's nipples, making him shudder. "First we have to remove your shirt so I can see your chest. Because you have a truly fetching chest, and I want to see every inch of it." Billy pulled the shirt over Dom's head, dropping it to the floor. "God, look at you."

Dom closed his eyes, tipped his head back, let touch take over all his other senses for a moment while Billy slowly traced his fingers over Dom's collarbone, let his hands brush down over pectorals and ribs and the tip of a thumb gently, lightly dipped into his navel. When fingers began to work at the button on the waist of his trousers, Dom lifted his head but still didn't open his eyes. He inhaled loudly as Billy simultaneously undid the button and hotly, wetly kissed his sternum.

"Pants too?" Billy murmured, seeking permission.

Dom nodded.

Billy slid his hands inside the waistband on the outside of Dom's hips, then worked his fingers under the elastic of Dom's shorts as well. He slowly pushed them down, careful to keep his hands to the relatively safe areas of Dom's hips, his thighs, and careful also to ease the heavy material over Dom's rigid, already over-stimulated cock.

Dom gasped anyway. "Jesus, Bill--forget lasting, I'm not going to make it to the sodding start line."

Billy merely murmured, "Sit back, so I can get these off."

Dom nearly collapsed backwards to sit on the bed again, enabling Billy to quickly rid him of his jeans and shorts. He tried to pull Billy down on him, but that slender body was so much stronger than it looked, and Billy easily resisted. "C"mon, please," Dom urged, cringing at the note of pleading in his voice. Oh, what the hell. Billy knew he was desperate.

Billy smiled at him. "You got to look--now it's my turn. Just let me see you for a minute, taisgeal." He paused for a moment, and then raked his glance down Dom's body as he said, "Let me look at you, and then I'll wrap my hand around you and stroke you until you come." He watched hungrily as Dom shuddered and arched and his cock leaped. "Fuck, you look hard, Dom," he said roughly. "Every inch of you, all muscle and bone and sinew, and you look like you want to fucking eat me alive. No one's ever looked at me like that before, and you're making me so bloody hot ..."

"Billy," Dom groaned. "If you don't put your sodding hand on me right now, I swear I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom and wank."

Billy leaned over and captured his mouth in a swift hard kiss as he encircled Dom's rigid erection with his fingers and began to stroke him.

The twin offensive reduced Dom to pure sensation, nerve endings shrieking messages of delight and pleasure, arching his back right off the mattress with a cry, muffled by Billy's tongue in his mouth.

Billy's hand was upside down on Dom, making the downthrust more powerful than the up, and he left his forefinger stretched out so it pulled across Dom's balls every time he moved his hand. "Is that okay, Dom?" he pulled his mouth away long enough to ask.

"Oh, God, Bill, bloody fucking cunting hell--" Dom gasped, and he thought he just might implode, so fierce were the flames licking along his veins as he began to buck nearly uncontrollably. "Jesus, Billy, I can't, I can't I can't I can't I can't--"

Billy sucked on Dom's earlobe, then whispered, "You don't have to wait, you'll be doing this again later tonight. Go."

Dom shattered. He cried out loudly as he came, Billy's name breaking from his throat with more volume than Dom had ever thought he would produce in bed, and a small, frenzied part of his brain wondered if the neighbours were home, because it could be rather embarrassing for his mate. For his lover. Oh God, Billy was his lover. He moaned and thrust himself as hard as he could into Billy's fist, then collapsed back against the mattress, panting, "BillyBillyBilly Billy, Billy, Billy ... Billy ... "

A low, breathy chuckled in his ear made him shiver. "Who, me?"

"No, the other Billy. The ex-dockworker from Clydeside," Dom grinned suddenly, chest still heaving.

"Cheeky beggar." Billy lightly nipped at his ear. "All right, then, taisgeal?"

"More than all right, Bills," Dom said tenderly, smiling, and stroked the back of Billy's head while he tried to catch his breath. "I'm fucking amazing, I am."

"Yes, you are," Billy agreed softly, then grabbed a cloth he'd left on the bedside table and gently began to clean Dom up. He handed the cloth to Dom to finish up, and fingered the tie laying forgotten on the bed linens. "Still sure you want to do this?"

"Completely." Dom tossed the washcloth to the floor and rolled to face Billy again. He let his eyes travel down Billy's shoulder, to his chest, studying the dark hair there. For some reason it always surprised him how much hair was on Billy's chest--he just looked like the type of bloke to have less. Meant he was virile, that's what it was. More testosterone, or something, right?

"Dom?" Billy sounded amused. "Any particular reason you're staring at my chest hair?"

"Just looking at you. Got stuck there," Dom answered, smiling, not looking up. His eyes traveled further down to Billy's stomach. Flat and firm, he'd obviously been working out. "I didn't hit a nerve when I teased you a couple months ago about having a bit of a belly, did I?"

"No. Gained it for _On A Clear Day_ \--you know, working sod's beer gut and all--and it took me a while to lose it again. Why, did you like it better?"

Dom chuckled. "I like you with or without it. You're an attractive bloke, you know, Bill. Dead sexy, as a matter of fact."

"Oh, really?"

"Most definitely," Dom nodded, and let his eyes wander down the fine line of dark hair to Billy's erection. "Quite tasty, I'd say."

"Speaking of which ... " Like a cat, Billy's shoulders shifted as he rose up on first one arm, then the other, and he trailed the tie across Dom's naked skin, making him shiver. "If you're sure, get on your knees, hands behind your back."

Dom rolled and climbed to his knees. "What about the sherbet?"

"I'll get it. If you sprinkle it on me and then I move to tie your hands, it'll be everywhere except where we want it."

"I love it when you're practical. It's so hot." Dom tried to keep his breathing even and steady and deep as Billy wrapped the cool, thinly striped silken tie around his crossed wrists.

"Is that all right? Not too tight, is it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Get on with it," Dom said, and his suddenly deeper voice must have been convincing--or at the very least, a turn-on, he supposed--because he'd rarely seen Billy move so fast as when he dove for the plastic carrier bag containing the sherbet.

"What flavour?" he asked, sounding a trifle breathless.

"Surprise me."

"Oh, I'm planning on it," Billy wiggled his eyebrows up at Dom, a silly grin on his face, and all Dom's tension melted away.

No matter how their little experiment went, he realised, it would be enjoyable. Either it would be hot and sexy, or it would just be a lark, and they'd fall about laughing and wind up back up on the sofa eating sweets in front of the telly. Which, now that Billy had dealt with Dom's day-long stiffy, would be okay too. Of course, he'd _prefer_ if they wound up making hot monkey love, and he wondered if there was a way to maybe start them off in that direction.

"Billy, wait," he said, rushed, as Billy lay on his stomach in preparation.

Billy froze, then his head dropped. "It's okay, Dom," he said quietly. "I told you, we don't have to do this--"

"What? No, no, that's not--just--come here. Get up here." He nudged Billy with his knee. "I want to--believe me, I _want_ to. Would you come here, dammit?"

Billy slowly rose onto his knees and shuffled over.

Watching him move to kneel directly in front of him, Dom wondered if this willingness to tie him up meant Billy enjoyed being in control, liked to feel the more dominant one. In any previous relationship, Dom had always made the first move, had been the one to initiate everything. He wondered what it felt like to relinquish that. Then he wondered if that sort of relationship was even possible with Billy, who was his equal in every way. Maybe if they assumed a sort of role-playing persona, made it a true game rather than an indication of control ...

Billy wretchedly said, "Dom, if you're hesitating this much, maybe you're not ready. It's okay, you know, it was just a bit of a game--"

Dom suddenly laughed. "That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"What?" He frowned, looking confused and uncertain. "I don't understand ... "

"You and me, Bills," Dom said, smiling. "You know, everyone talks about doms and subs in a gay relationship, but that's just not us, is it? This isn't for serious, this isn't my _role_ , it's just a fucking game. What do you say, Bills? Shall we play?"

Billy's face cleared in understanding. "Is _that_ what you've been thinking about all this time? You're such a fuckwit, Dom," he grinned, relieved. "I'm not a dom, and no, I don't expect you to be my sub. I just want to have a bit of fun, and perhaps while I'm doing so, learn every single inch of your body. Are we on the same page now?"

"Same page." Dom leaned forward and crushed his mouth against Billy's, kissing him hard. It felt odd to kiss him and not be able to embrace him--it felt odd and off balance and more than a little exciting, and he felt that in Billy too, in the way Billy gripped his upper arms and pulled him up and in. Dom opened his mouth and tangled his tongue hotly, wetly with Billy's, felt Billy's moist warm breath rush in as he soundlessly moaned. Dom leaned into him, felt the dry pull of skin on skin from his chest to his thighs, and gasped the air from Billy's mouth as his cock leaped, rubbing against Billy's.

Billy pulled his mouth from Dom's to pant, "No. You're not getting out of the bet this easily. You're going to fucking lick sherbet off me if it kills me."

Dom grinned, breathing hard himself. "I'll do my best."

"What, to kill me?" Billy chuckled a bit roughly as he lowered himself to the bed again.

"Hell, yeah. With my tongue."

As he reached for the paper bag containing one flavour of sherbet, Billy groaned, "Why do I believe you?" He reached back and carefully sprinkled a bit of brownish-coloured powder on the backs of his knees. "We'll start with that, shall we?"

"Whatever you say, Bills," Dom said lowly, sexily, eyes lowered to take in the way Billy's back was twisting and flexing as he spread the sweet. "You tell me what you want. What to do."

"How much do you want me to tell you?" Billy asked, looking up at Dom over his shoulder.

"However much or little you want. If you want to get detailed, get detailed. Play however you want." Dom assured him.

Billy's slow grin curved upwards. "However I want, eh? All right, then, Dom. Kneel between my legs." He laid flat on the bed.

Dom's cock twitched again at the thought of being in between Billy's legs. He followed the instruction.

"Sit down on your heels. Lean over, and lick the back of my left knee."

Dom shuffled a little further back. He leaned over, overbalanced, and landed on his nose on the duvet between Billy's lower thighs. "Bugger," he mumbled, as Billy tried hard to stifle a laugh. "This isn't going to be easy. You'd better be patient," he warned as he wriggled his way a little more upright, wishing he could rub his nose.

"The best things in life are never easy, taisgeal, have you not learned that yet?" Billy teased. "Least of all _me_. But I promise, I'll be as patient as a--a--well, I'll be very patient."

"We'll see about that." Dom shuffled around a bit more, spread his elbows wide for balance, and leaned over again. He managed to control his descent a bit more this time, and landed with his mouth on the back of Billy's leg, just above the sherbet. Lifting himself back up a fraction, he began with a long, slow swipe of his tongue lightly but directly down the back of Billy's knee. He snaked his tongue back into his mouth to taste. "Mmm. Cola."

"What other flavours did you get?" Billy asked, the barest hitch in his breath.

Dom shifted around on his knees. "Don't remember. I suppose we'll have to find out, won't we?"

"I suppose we might."

He took another taste of the sherbet powder. "It would be a shame not to, don't you think?"

"Indeed," Billy managed.

"So are you going to tell me what to do, here?" Dom asked with a curving grin. "Or should I just keep licking away at this knee for the next half hour?"

"Oh--right. Umm ... " It took Billy a moment to gather his thoughts, but he finally said, "Lick across."

Dom did.

"Lick the other knee--once. Clean it without lifting your tongue from my skin," he directed, his voice lower than it had been minutes before.

Dom turned to reach the other knee, bending down carefully. He licked around and across the soft, thin skin, but his tongue quickly became coated with the sweet powder, and ended up just messily, stickily moving it about.

Billy was smiling. "That feels so odd. Okay, tongue in your mouth--now you're just starting to slobber."

Dom laughed as he stiffly eased himself upright and swallowed the sugar. "Just following your instructions."

"I know. I don't think I'm very good at this," he grinned back at Dom. "Tell you what. Clean my knees up, and then I'm going to alter the game just a bit."

"Alter how?" Dom asked in a suspicious voice, not actually worried in the least.

"Don't ask so many questions. Just do what you're told," Billy shot back, trying for--and achieving--a dark note of authority.

Dom felt his erection stiffen, and he realised what it was about the game that was turning him on so. It wasn't Billy acting dominant--it was him acting _confident._ He wordlessly bent and slowly, languorously lapped the last of the sherbet from Billy's skin, until there was no longer even a trace of stickiness. "What now?" he asked, staying hunched over but looking up at Billy's face from underneath his lashes.

Billy looked back over his shoulder, eyes cool and deep as dark moss. "Now you shift over." As Dom straightened and shuffled out of the way, Billy sat up, and on his knees himself, made his away across the bed to stop directly in front of Dom.

Dom settled back on his heels, feeling oddly comfortable being completely nude and on display as he was. Sure, Billy was starkers as well, and certainly not trying to hide it, but Dom was a little more exposed--or felt so, anyway--with his arms bound behind his back. He wondered if Billy felt more self-conscious than he was showing. After all, it hadn't been that long since he'd even admitted to himself that he was attracted to Dom, and it had to feel a bit weird.

Billy leaned forward and kissed Dom slowly, deeply, his tongue winding into Dom's mouth like a hot silk ribbon, and all Dom's contemplations slid away, leaving his mind occupied solely with the thought of how Billy's arms slipping around him felt good, felt warm, felt snug, felt _right._ And then Billy's deft fingers were on his wrists and the tie was slithering loose to fall away, and Billy's smile was coiling against the corners of Dom's lips. "Still want to play?" he whispered, undoubtedly knowing the answer.

"Yes."

"Good. Same rules apply, except you can use your hands for balance, or to hold your weight. You cannot touch me with them. You will do what I say."

"Yes," Dom agreed, staring at Billy's mouth. It was entrancing, he thought, the things that man could do with his voice. Like a whip, like satin, like chocolate and whisky, like encouragement and comfort and challenge all at once. "This time, I'll do what you say."

"This time," Billy agreed with a slow, slight smile. He leaned in to kiss Dom once more, hard and brief and relentless. He let go, bending back to keep space between them as Dom swayed forward, trying to follow Billy's mouth, and with a low chuckle, Billy lay down on his stomach once more. "Pick another sherbet, and sprinkle a line down the middle of my back, following my spine."

Dom's mouth began to water, and he reached into the plastic carrier bag for the next flavour  of sherbet--raspberry, as it turned out. He scattered a thin trail of it down Billy's spine--too much, and it would take him forever to clean it up--and set the bag aside again. Noticing a bottle of water Billy had set on the nightstand, he asked, "Who's the water for?"

"Both of us. You may have a drink if you wish."

Dom stifled a laugh. "You're really getting into this, aren't you?"

Billy turned his head into his pillow, his shoulders shaking with mirth. Finally he lifted his head again as Dom drank from the water bottle. "Ach, God," he chuckled. "I'm so bad at this. So fucking obvious, even _I_ can't keep a straight face."

"Who said you had to?" Dom countered with his own grin. "It's a game, after all--I thought they were supposed to be fun."

"Well, so far this has been pretty damned amusing." Billy relaxed back down again. "Get on with it then--lick me."

Dom nearly choked on a mouthful of water. He swallowed, set the bottle aside, and murmured, "Now there's an invitation a bloke can't refuse."

"What? That was the point of all this, wasn't it? For you to lick the sugar off my skin."

"Yes, but Billy," Dom said with a smile as he positioned himself on his hands and knees, straddling Billy's back. "Usually those two little words, all by their lonesome--" he paused to swipe his tongue across the dimples at the very base of Billy's spine. "Lick--" _swipe_ "--me--" _swipe_ "--mean a different activity entirely. Or rather--" he licked up the groove of Billy's back, "--in a different location, at any rate."

"Oh," said Billy, a trifle breathlessly. "I see what you mean."

"But we said--" He dragged his tongue up the entire length of Billy's back, the sugar dissolving at first but growing grittier against Billy's skin the further he went, until he reached the creases at the base of Billy's neck and stopped, swallowing the powder on his tongue. "We said we weren't going to do that just yet."

"Did we?" he asked weakly.

"We did. Doesn't mean I can't lick you in other places, though." Dom nuzzled the back of his neck, tongue darting out to flick into the creases that angled towards Billy's shoulder, a result of his head being turned to the side.

"Finish cleaning off the sherbet first," Billy suddenly instructed, obviously remembering which position was his in their little game.

Dom dutifully bent his head to the task, laving Billy's warm skin with little laps and long strokes, caressing even without the use of his hands.

"God, Dom," Billy moaned long minutes later. "That feels so good."

"Good," Dom murmured against his skin. "I think you're all cleaned up. What do you want me to do next?"

"Watch yourself." He waited until Dom rose, backing away, before rolling over onto his back.

Dom's eyes were immediately drawn to Billy's cock, hard and darkly flushed and bobbing erect before him. "Look at you," he nearly whispered. "You look fucking incredible. God, but I want you."

"You want to play a little more?"

"Hell, yeah."

Billy's smile curved across his lips. "Good. Pick another sherbet. You get three spots, and none of them are on my prick."

"Three spots? What do you mean?" Dom asked, eyes still glued to Billy's erection. He palmed himself, and moaned.

Billy's breath hitched as he said, "Never thought I'd see you touching yourself. That's got to be the fucking sexiest thing I've ever seen. Now stop it."

Chuckling roughly, Dom ran his palm down his cock again. "Oh, but it feels so good, Bill. Mmmn." He dropped his head back, let his mouth fall open. "Don't know if I can stop, now."

"Dominic, _stop_ ," Billy ordered, that note of authority--the one that made Dom absolutely twitch--back in his voice.

He stopped, lifted his head again to look at Billy from under his lashes. "Yes, Billy. Three spots? What do you want me to do?" He watched as Billy's eyes darkened even further, something he wouldn't have thought possible.

"Do you have any idea how much you turn me on, when you pretend to be all obedient?" Billy asked, his voice gruff and full of want. He raised his arms to link his hands under his head, and stretched slightly, raising his chest--and therefore his nipples--into the air, flattening his stomach to concave. "You can pick three places that you can see right now. Pour a small bit of sherbet on each one, and then clean them off. You cannot touch my dick."

Dom studied him carefully, then reached for the last bag of sherbet he hadn't tried yet. "I know just what places I want to taste."

"Where?"

Concentrating, he sprinkled a small, coin-sized patch of sugar onto the tender inside of Billy's elbow, crooked up beside his head. "There." Next, he shuffled down the bed a bit to pour a little into the hollow of Billy's throat. "And there." He shuffled further down, and reached toward the center of Billy's body.

"Remember the rule," Billy warned, even if it was a trifle breathlessly.

Dom smiled mischievously. "I remember." He trailed a fine line of sherbet down the inside of Billy's hip, right to the crease of where thigh met body.

"Oh, yes," Billy sighed, writhing under the feel of cool powder pouring onto hot skin. "Very fine choice of a spot, that is."

"Glad you approve," Dom chuckled, then set aside the paper bag. "C'mon, then. Tell me where to start."

"You set a fine order. Touch me with nothing but your tongue."

"Afraid I'll overwhelm you?" he teased, moving back up the bed and leaning his head over Billy's arm. He darted his tongue out to dip it into the sherbet.

"Very much so," Billy admitted, turning his head to watch Dom and his tongue, so close to his face and yet--as instructed--touching only that one small spot. "I want you, Dom," he said quietly. "And I don't quite know what to do after the game is over."

Dom stopped, turned his face to meet Billy's eyes. "Do you trust me, Bills?" he whispered.

"You know I do."

"Good. Because I know what we can do." He stayed still, watching Billy's eyes, waiting for the decision.

It came quickly. "Okay," Billy nodded, and there was no fear on his face.

Dom leaned in and kissed him. "I love you."

Billy pressed his forehead against Dom's, closing his eyes. "Love you too. Love you, Dom."

After a moment like that, Dom returned to Billy's elbow, and began lapping up the sweet powder. Billy stayed silent until Dom shifted around to the hollow of his throat and began slowly, silkily licking away at it, even being so bold as to give little nips and nibbles to his collarbone.

"Ach, God, Dom," Billy murmured, pressing his head back into the pillow to give Dom more access. "I can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else right now. How did it take us so sodding long to get here? If only--"

"Shh, Bills," he whispered against Billy's throat, sending a shiver through Billy's body and raising goosebumps on his arms and legs. "No 'if only's'. Just  ... from here on." He bent his head to his task again, suddenly filled with such a depth of emotion he was afraid his voice would crack if he tried to say anything else.

"Yeah. Yeah, from here on, taisgeal. God, that feels good." Billy twisted, low noises emanating from his throat as Dom's tongue moved on, trailing down, carefully around first one nipple, then the other, dragging through chest hair and across pectorals and along ribs.

Dom watched every twitch and ripple that shuddered through Billy's body as his tongue finally reached the last line of sherbet powder snaking down the thin skin inside of Billy's hipbone. "All right, there, Bills?" he asked in between languid strokes of his tongue. "If it's too much, just say so."

"No," Billy gasped. "'S not too much. I just--need something else. Soon."

"Just tell me what, and when."

"You--you said you knew what we can do."

Dom nodded. "Okay." He licked up the last of the sherbet powder, then murmured, "You're hard, aren't you, Bill. I mean, really hard."

"Fuck, yeah," Billy laughed breathlessly. "Can't remember the last time I was this close without once touching my prick. Feel like I'm sodding fourteen again."

Dom chuckled. "Ah, the good old days of near-instantaneous orgasm. I kind of miss that. Used to be able to come, like, four times in one day. Of course, with you around I just might be able to match that."

"I'll do my best, I assure you," Billy said with a gleam in his eyes, and he reached down to wrap tight fingers around Dom's bicep. "Now, Dom."

Dom immediately crawled up the bed beside Billy. He reached for the water bottle and took a long, fast drink to cleanse his mouth of the sugary sweetness coating his teeth, and then knelt beside Billy. "Do you still want to tell me what to do, or have we done with the game for now?"

Billy stared at his mouth. "One last instruction. Kiss me. Then we're done with the game."

Dom lowered himself to the bed, stretching out full-length beside Billy, taking care to keep space between their hips. No point driving Billy over the edge before they'd had a chance to enjoy it a bit longer. He leaned his head in and captured Billy's mouth, lips softly brushing and tongue gently teasing, before sealing their mouths together to kiss him hotly, wet and deep and needful.

Billy's arms went around him, one hand splayed on his lower back and the other curving around the nape of his neck and up into his hair. He finally pulled his lips from Dom's and raggedly said, "Jesus, Dom. Put your fucking hands on me. I don't care where--just put your hands on my skin. Touch me."

Dom let out a soft, solid breath, full of love and relief and longing, and laid his hands on Billy's chest. "That was the only thing I didn't like about the game."

"What?" Billy asked distractedly, squirming underneath him.

"Not being able to touch you," Dom whispered. "Billy, do you have any idea what you do to me? Mentally, physically, emotionally--I'm entirely wrapped up in you." He had no idea where the words were coming from, where these fully-formed sentences were springing from seemingly without his knowledge, only that they were entirely true. He slid one hand down Billy's chest to his hip, his thumb digging into the lean hollow there and stroking firm circles. "I always have been. When you're around, nothing matters but whether you're looking at me, touching me, laughing with me, comforting me, helping me. No one else can hold me like that. No one else can hold me captive like you do."

"Dom," Billy breathed, stilling, his eyes glistening in the dark, catching points of light and reflecting, refracting them in myriad ways.

"Do you see what I'm saying, Bill?" Dom asked softly.

"Yes."

He nodded. "Good. Just want to be sure you know." Dom moved his hand from Billy's hip, stroking one gentle fingertip down the length of his cock. As Billy twisted beneath him, he carefully grasped both their erections in one hand, and squeezed.

"Oh--" Billy gasped, sounding surprised. "Dom--"

He began to gently, slowly pull with his hand, moving their cocks together rather than rubbing one on the other, and he tilted his head in to nuzzle Billy's hair, breath hot on his ear.

"Oh--oh. God, Dom," Billy managed. "Didn't know it would--would feel like _this_. Ohhh--"

"That's good, though, right?" Dom murmured against the smooth curve of the outside of Billy's ear.

"Good. Oh God, so good," Billy panted, head pressing deeply into the pillow. "Shite--shite, Dom--not gonna last--"

"Do you want to come at the same time as me?" Dom asked quickly, stilling his hand until he had an answer.

"Bloody hell, yes," Billy gasped.

Dom let go of their erections and relaxed onto his back. "Help me catch up, then," he suggested huskily.

Billy rolled over, half on top of him, and as his hand grasped almost roughly at Dom's cock, his mouth covered Dom's, tongue plunging quickly, messily into his mouth. When Dom groaned, Billy swallowed the sound down and let it spur him on. He began to writhe, to moan, and even let out a tiny whimper.

Dom pulled his head away and raggedly gasped, "Good work. I think I'm caught up."

With a rough growl, Billy shifted and gripped both their erections in his hand, wasting no time in beginning to stroke.

Involuntarily, Dom threw his head back with a sharp intake of breath. "Taking matters into your own hand, Bill?" he rasped.

"Still talking?" Billy panted. "Guess I'm not getting it just ... _right_." On the final word he did a strange flick-twist with his wrist and thrust his hips against Dom.

"Jesus--" Dom yelped, arching off the bed. "Oh, God--nnngh--fuckin' _yes_ \--Billy--"

"Yeah ... shite. Shite, Dom. Gonna come--so close ... "

With white-tipped fingers gripping Billy's arse, Dom's orgasm stiffened every muscle in his body, bowing him up off the bed, and his mouth opened in a soundless cry.

Billy followed within seconds, his come mingling with Dom's on his hand, on their stomachs, on the sheets, and gasping nonsensical words tumbled from his lips as he shook and trembled with the force of it.

Minutes--possibly hours, though Dom wasn't entirely sure--later, he moved. Just a hand, but it was a start.

Billy groaned, tried to lift his head, and failed.

Dom tried a question. "Hmm?"

"Mm hmm," Billy's answer was clear. His hand gingerly unclenched from around their softening cocks.

Dom bent his head and kissed Billy's hair. He had had some awfully high hopes for that, their first time. He wondered if it was luck or fate that those hopes hadn't been dashed. Kismet. He snorted.

"Wha'?" Billy mumbled.

"Kismet," Dom rumbled.

"Oh."

"Billy?"

"Yeah?"

Dom lifted his hand and stroked Billy's bare shoulder. "Thank you. I'm--that was so--  What I'm trying to say, is ... " He was mortified to find tears filling his eyes, and his voice cracked as he said, "Bugger."

Billy turned his head to prop his chin on Dom's chest. "Taisgeal," he murmured. "Don't cry."

"I'm not the crying sort," Dom sniffled. "So fuck you."

Billy couldn't possibly have missed all the jokes that opened up for him, but he neatly sidestepped every one. "Thank you," he whispered. "I wasn't sure what to expect. Kind of wish that first-time thing hadn't fallen on you, but there you are. It was ... "

Dom waited.

"Glorious," Billy finally finished, a smile softening the extravagant word.

"You're such a wanker," Dom said gruffly.

He refused to be lured by the potential for teasing. "I mean it, Dom. Love you, you know."

"Love you too," Dom whispered.

 

 

Eventually they stumbled to the shower, climbing in under the spray together. They washed each other, murmured quiet words, held, supported, leaned, and caressed with tender hands, all the while being soothed and warmed to the core by the steaming hot water and their own sated happiness.

Billy stood behind Dom and wrapped both arms around him, resting his cheek on the back of Dom's wet shoulder.  He hummed.

Dom felt it spread through his chest. "Can we live like this?" he asked, his voice pitched just loud enough to carry over the water.

"What, in the shower?" Billy smiled against his skin.

"Yeah. And in the bedroom. With maybe the occasional foray into the living room. But mostly the bedroom and the shower."

Billy's hand slid up Dom's stomach to his chest. "I think we should definitely try it. But tonight we're going to have to live in _your_ bedroom."

Dom cocked his head. "Okay. Why?"

The chuckle from Billy made the water on Dom's shoulder bead and fall. "Because the sheets on my bed are covered in your come, and I don't feel like changing them."

" _My_ come?" Dom grinned. "You sure about that? I seem to recall someone else was involved in that little caper."

"Mmm," he agreed happily, briefly pressing his hips against Dom's arse. "And tomorrow I plan on capering some more."

Filled with a quiet joy, Dom turned, wrapped his arms around Billy's wet neck, and kissed him for all he was worth.


	17. Chapter 17

Dom was in heaven. For three days--three _entire_ days--he and Billy had done nothing but eat, sleep, and explore each other's bodies. Backrubs, foot massages,  much touching in general in front of the TV as they watched movies and _The Simpsons_ ; soapy, slick, and quick handjobs in the shower; leisurely, languid kissing and fondling and coming in the bed. Takeaway and toast and Dom's homemade spaghetti sauce fed their stomachs, and Dom felt as if those three days were nourishing his entire being, were feeding something beyond his physical self. He gladly cast away not only the fragments of his pint jar, but of the gallon jar that had replaced it--there was no longer a need for either, as he was full to the brim, overflowing, even. He felt ...

Complete.

"Billy," he whispered at one point as they lazed in bed late into the morning.

"Mmm?" Billy's fingers trailed across Dom's bare back.

"I love your knees."

A chuckle rumbled in Billy's chest. "You do, hmm?"

"Yeah. They're very sexy, and they never get in the way," Dom said, knowing Billy wouldn't understand what he meant, but that it didn't matter.

He was astonished when Billy tilted his head, lightly bit Dom's neck, and murmured, "We do fit just right, don't we?"

"We do," he whispered, feeling a surge of immense gratitude.

 

 

Dom woke with a start, his head pounding and his mouth dry. He had a nagging feeling of unease, but nothing in the room, or even the flat, seemed to have caused it--everything was still and silent except for Billy's gently whistling breath beside him. He laid his head down again, trying to remember what he'd been dreaming.

Billy had been missing. That's what it was. Dom frowned, knowing what it meant, knowing what had been prowling in the very back of his mind for the last day or two.

Billy rolled in his sleep and flung his arm low over Dom's abdomen, chin digging into the top of his shoulder.

Looking at Billy, Dom allowed himself for the first time to wonder what would happen next. Sure, they'd finally-- _finally_ \--admitted their love and agreed to a relationship, but ... 

Hawaii is a long way from Scotland, Jeremy Irons suddenly pointed out with malicious enthusiasm. Thousands of miles and separate continents and twenty hours and--

Shut up, Dom thought fiercely. I've looked at a bloody map, y'know, I know how fucking far apart they are. We'll--we'll work it out.

Oh really? The supercilious eyebrow (that wasn't really an eyebrow because it was all in his head, and perhaps it was time to seek help for this) rose, and Jeremy Irons asked how, exactly? You know he won't move.

I know that! Dom clenched his eyes shut tightly. I wouldn't ask him to move. His heart and soul are in Glasgow.

God knows why, Jeremy Irons sniffed.

Dom opened his eyes again. Maybe that was it--maybe if he knew exactly _how_ and _why_ Billy was so attached to the place, he could start to figure out how they would work around it. Ignoring the snort from the side of his brain that could win an Oscar for that Jeremy Irons impersonation, Dom rolled both himself and Billy over until Billy was lying on his back, Dom atop him.

Billy mumbled groggily. "Wha'. Getoff. Wha'time'sit?"

"Don't know," Dom murmured. "Early. Shh, go back to sleep."

"Can't, wi' your dirty great weight. On me. Sleep, Dom."

"Put your arms around me, Bills," he whispered. "Please."

One eye opened. "Wha'?"

"Just put your arms around me, and go back to sleep."

Billy enfolded Dom with both arms with surprising strength, pulling him down flush against his chest. He made little nuzzling noises, burying his nose in Dom's hair. "What's wrong, taisgeal?"

Dom pressed his forehead against Billy's collarbone. "Nothing. I just want ...  Just want to know you're holding onto me."

"What, did you turn into a girl overnight?" Billy teased softly, then before Dom could retort, wrapped one of his legs over Dom's. "I'm holding onto you. I just found this, Dom, I'm not letting it go."

"No, I know. It's not that. Well," he amended honestly, "Maybe it is a bit. But it's also ...  I don't know how to explain it. I just want to feel that right now--just for a little while--I couldn't move if I tried. Keep me here, Bills. I know it's mad, but--"

"No. No, it's not mad, Dom. Don't care if the flat sets on fire, 'm not budging one inch, and neither are you. Now what set this off, taisgeal?"

Dom turned his head to a more comfortable position. "Later. Go back to sleep, Bills. This is good."

Billy kissed the top of his head. "Okay. Later."

A few quiet moments later, Dom whispered, "Bills?"

"Yeah?" The word was breathed more than spoken.

"Will you take me for a tour today? I want to see what made you _you_."

"Okay."

Within minutes, both had sunk back into sleep, wrapped up tightly in each other.

 

 

Later that morning, Dom had a few moments of difficulty persuading Billy the entire conversation had even taken place. "You said you'd take me for a tour," he insisted doggedly.

"Of what made me _me_?" Billy raised his eyebrow. "I don't even know what that means."

Dom rounded the kitchen table to straddle Billy's lap. He looked directly down into the eyes he adored, and lovingly whispered, "Bullshit."

Billy snorted, sardonically said, "What, you want to see where I was born? See the spot wee Billy fell down and skinned his knee? See the football pitch where I lost my virginity behind the clubhouse?"

"Yes. Yes. And yes," Dom replied, punctuating each word with a kiss to the tip of Billy's nose.

Billy frowned, looking slightly troubled. "Why, Dom?"

He sighed, got up, and began to pace the kitchen. "Because, I--I want ...  I need to understand how. Understand why. You're so tied to this city, to this country, and I know you love it, but there must be more to it than that. You loved New Zealand, too, but you don't have to ...  I need to try and understand what it is that keeps your heart here."

"For ... for later," Billy said quietly, eyes dropping.

Dom nodded. "I'm not asking you to move, Billy, and I never would. I just ... need to understand. I don't want to be confused and surprised and--and hurt if you won't come and visit me."

"I'll visit," Billy protested. "I did before, why wouldn't I now?"

"I don't mean just for a week or two, Bill. I mean for a month or two, or three. Not permanent--hell, we both know I won't be living in Hawaii forever." Dom shrugged. "But if I said right now, 'come and stay with me for the next three months, Bills', what would you say?"

Billy opened his mouth, and closed it again.

Dom felt it like a twist in his gut. "You see? You can't even say it just for the sake of saying it. And if I'm not going to feel like I've been kicked every time, I need to understand why."

Looking stricken, Billy stood and crossed to Dom, then wrapped his arms around Dom's neck and pulled him in tight. "I'm sorry," he whispered, nose against his own arm. "What if I can't explain it?"

"Will you even try?" Dom asked stiffly.

"Yes. Yes, of course I'll try, Dom, as best I can."

Dom buried his face against Billy's neck. "Okay."

"Okay," Billy repeated on a whisper.

Dom hugged him tightly until, a few minutes later, Billy pulled away. "All right, Bills?"

He nodded, a faraway look on his face. "Yeah. Can I--will you give me a few minutes? I have to figure out where to take you."

"Of course," Dom said softly, following him to the doorway to the living room to watch him cross to stand in front of the window, looking out. Dom silently retreated back into the kitchen.

 

 

"You do know that this might ... might not be easy for me?" Billy asked awkwardly as he signaled and pulled onto the motorway.

"I know, and I'm sorry for that."

"Just so you know."

Dom looked over at him. "Nothing you say is going to change us, you know _that_ , don't you? At least, not today. Not about the past."

"Okay."

"Billy, I don't want this to be hideously painful for you. If it's going to be, then forget it, it's not worth it," Dom said softly.

"You are."

He frowned, confused. "I am what?"

"Worth it," Billy said, the tips of his ears going pink. "It won't be hideously painful, it really won't. But it's ...  Yeah. I might get a bit ... sharp. I'm sorry if I do."

"It's all right," Dom smiled. "And thank you."

Billy checked the mirrors and over his shoulder before changing lanes. "Should we start with the little things and work our way up to the big?"

"Sounds good. Just remember, Bill, if you need a break, or you need to wait a few days before continuing on, I'm not going anywhere."

He nodded. "Okay. We'll start with the park, then."

Dom relaxed back, content.

 

 

Billy sat on the swing, the stiff fabric band under his arse, his toes scuffling lines in the dirt underneath him. "We used to come here after school, usually having a bit of a kickabout along the way."

"Who's we?" Dom asked, sitting in the swing beside Billy, wrapping his fingers around the cold chains.

Billy shrugged. "It varied year by year.  Families came and went, you know? And we'd fall out with one group, in with another, the way kids do. There were two blokes that were pretty constant, though--Jimmy and Martin. Jimmy was a good pal the year Dad and Mum died, kept me out of brawls more than once."

"Have you stayed in touch with them?" Dom asked quietly, suspecting not since he'd never heard their names before. He twisted slowly back and forth in his swing, watching the chains overhead cross and uncross.

Billy shook his head. "Nah. Saw each other less when I left school to work, then Martin got some sort of temporary construction job in the north. And Jimmy left for London. Everyone wanted out, y'know?"

Dom watched him. "Did you want out?"

Billy nodded, but all he said was, "I heard Martin still lives around here somewhere." He suddenly pushed off hard with his feet and began to swing, legs pumping, gaining as much height as he could, flying through the air.

 

 

Billy gestured with his head. "Ground flat on the end. Keep walking. There are probably still people here I used to know, and I'm not up for chitchat. My room was at the back, that's the living room window there."

"You've come a long way, Bill," Dom murmured.

"Not _that_ far," he said shortly. "God, it looks more rundown than it did last time I was here."

"When was that?"

"When Margaret moved out. She decided to sell up and move to a better neighbourhood."

"Did you mind her selling your home?" Dom asked quietly, curiously.

"Wasn't mine. That was our deal--she put me through the RSAMD, gave me room and board, and the place was hers. I never thought I'd be able to pay her back in actual money, so we figured that was the best solution. And it was."

"And did you mind her selling the house?" Dom repeated, tactfully looking away.

Silence. Then, "A bit."

"Would you live here now?" Dom let his arm brush Billy's, purposefully did it a second time.

"No," Billy admitted, sounding almost ashamed. "No, I wouldn't want to live here now."

Dom murmured, "No." He gave Billy a moment, then asked, "Where did you play?"

Billy cleared his throat. "The street. The close out behind. Anywhere we wanted, really, little terrors that we were."

"What kind of games did you play?" Dom looked over at him.

He shrugged, uncomfortable. "The usual. Cops and robbers. Football. Jedi knights. Picking on tykes younger than we were, and being picked on in turn by the older kids. Listen, Dom ... can we--"

"Did you walk to school, or bike, or take a bus?"

"All of the above. C'mon, let's go--" Billy rubbed his palms down his thighs.

"Where did your Gran live?"

"Other side of the motorway. I'm leaving, Dom," he snapped, turning and heading back the way they'd walked. "If you don't want to take the sodding bus _home_ , then bloody well move it."

Dom followed him to the car.

 

 

By the time they reached the pub, Billy had calmed again, but he said nothing about why he'd got testy. "Looks a proper dive, but they do lunch, so..."

Dom glanced around as they entered the smoke-darkened interior, studied the chalkboard with a scant menu marked on it. "Busy," he commented. "You were a regular?"

Billy nodded as he found them a booth in the corner. "Aye. Drank here, and once we started getting gigs with the band, played here." He looked over at the tiny stage at the end of the long narrow pub, and his smile grew wistful. "Our first three gigs, we played for our drinks and some chips. When we realised people were actually coming to hear us, we demanded an honest-to-God paycheque."

"Such nerve," Dom grinned.

Billy chuckled, picked up a beer mat and turned it in his fingers. "We thought we were being so ballsy. I suppose we were, in a way--we were shite at the beginning."

"But you got better." Dom leaned back as the waitress arrived.

"What can I get you to drink, lads?" She asked, bored and hurried at the same time.

"Pint of cider, please," Dom said.

"Pint of your local, love," Billy murmured, not looking up.

"And to eat?"

"Ham sandwich and chips," Dom immediately piped up.

"Same, please." Billy still didn't lift his eyes.

The waitress gave him a sharp look as she left anyway.

Dom grinned. "I think you've been rumbled, Bills."

"Shite," he swore softly. "That's the bugger about coming back here."

"You don't like being recognised?"

He shook his head. "It's not that. It's being recognised around _here_. People remember me, but I don't remember them. Makes me feel a right prick."

Dom leaned forward on the bench, rested his elbows on the table. "Ah, don't worry about it, Bill. Most people are going to realise you've met thousands upon thousands of people over the years, you can't be expected to remember them all anymore."

He shrugged. "I know. But still ... "

"What was the name of your band, again?"

"Foreign Country. Stupid name, I know. Could we have been any more obvious that we thought we were hard done by, thought we were special?" Billy smiled. "But it was better than Alan's choice. He was our drummer."

"What was his choice?"

"Vivaldi's Illegitimate Sons."

Dom laughed out loud. "Oh, I don't know, it has a kind of flair to it. Where did you rehearse? Any of the lads have a convenient garage?"

"Nah. We used the music room at school sometimes while Glen was still there--he was a year younger than we were--or we'd rehearse at the community centre. We even played an outdoor gig in Auchinlea Park once. Not bad for a bunch of spotty-faced bams."

"That handsome face? Spotty?" Dom grinned. "I don't believe it."

"I did have a very soothing skin care regimen," Billy said with a perfectly straight face. "Margaret would get downright pissed off when I used her exfoliating masque."

"Most sisters do," Dom replied sagely.

"Then again, she'd steal my razor to shave her legs, so we were square."

Dom chuckled. "I always kind of wanted a sister, but I'd never have stood for that."

Billy's sudden grin was infectious. "Oh, I didn't, believe me. Her baffies--her slippers," he added at Dom's look of query. "Her baffies were full of shaving cream next morning. Gran gave us both a bollocking for being juvenile and wasteful."

"As well she should," Dom said stoutly. "Shameful behaviour. I'm quite disappointed in you, William."

Billy stuck his tongue out, and then turned red as a loud laugh rang out and an older, beefy man approached the table.

"Ah, I see you haven't changed much, Young Billy, have you now?" he said, and clapped a broad hand on Billy's shoulder.

Billy leaned back in the booth with a rueful grin and looked up at the grey-haired man. "No, not so much, Old Billy. Bloody hell, how are you, man? I thought for sure you'd be dead and buried beneath your bar by now." He looked over at Dom, a pleased expression lighting his eyes. "Dom, this is Old Billy--the bloke that gave the band our big break into showbiz. Old Billy, this is my mate, Dom."

Old Billy held out his hand and shook Dom's firmly. "Nice to meet you, son. Young Billy's bringing you back to his old haunt, eh?" He looked down at Billy again. "Christ, but it's good to see you again. You've done well for yourself, haven't you? Right big Hollywood movie star, you are."

"Bollocks," Billy grinned. "How've you been keeping, Old Billy? The place still looks just the same, thank God."

"Ach, I'm well enough, well enough." He smiled at Dom. "The boy spent so much time in here it's a wonder he didn't move a sodding bed in. Got to the point that someone would shout for Billy, and even though it's _my_ bloody pub, we'd both shout back, 'Aye?'. Somewhere along the line the punters gave up and started shouting for Old Billy or Young Billy, and bugger me sideways if seeing him again didn't bring that all back, clear as day. And with my memory, that's saying something."

Dom laughed. "Yeah, he's got a knack for making himself memorable, doesn't he?"

Old Billy laughed out loud again. "That he does, it's true."

From the direction of the kitchen, someone shouted, "Billy?"

Grinning at each other like a pair of mad hatters, both Billys bellowed "Aye?" and then laughed until their faces were red.

Old Billy wiped his eyes, and still chuckling, said, "It's good to see you again, son. I'd better go and see what they've made an arse of this time, but don't wait another ten years to come back. I'd like to see you once more before I shuffle off this mortal coil, all right?"

Billy stuck out his hand and shook Old Billy's, one solid pump. "No chance," he grinned, "You'll outlive us all, old man. But aye ... I'll be back."

"Smashing." He clapped Billy on the shoulder again as he said to Dom, "And nice to meet you, son. Come for a pint anytime--any friend of Young Billy's is more than welcome in my pub."

"Thanks, I'd like that," Dom smiled.

Billy chuckled as Old Billy walked off toward the kitchen just as a noisy crash sounded from behind the swinging door. "Someone's in for a bollocking."

Dom watched Billy's eyes. "He seems nice."

"Old Billy? Yeah, he's a decent bloke. He can be hard, and he's got a bit of a temper, but usually if you're on the receiving end, you deserve it. God, I honestly didn't think he'd still be here. He was talking about selling up the last couple of months I was coming here."

"It seems like the place wouldn't be the same without him."

Billy shook his head. "It wouldn't. It definitely wouldn't."

The waitress arrived then with their pints, and after she'd carefully set them down and left again, Dom asked, "So where else are you taking me today?"

Billy took a long swallow of his clear amber ale, then set the glass down and wiped off his upper lip. He saw Dom watching the movement and smiled. "Horny git."

"Hell, yeah," Dom grinned, the tips of his ears going red nonetheless.

"Well, let's see. You've seen where I went to school. You've seen where I lived. You've seen where I played. You've seen where I drank." He shrugged. "That's all the important stuff, isn't it?"

Dom circumspectly lowered his eyes. "I don't think so, no. I mean, it's important," he added quickly, tapping his forefinger into a bead of water on the tabletop. "All that's important, and I'm glad you showed me, I wanted to see it. But ... "

"But what?" Billy asked, and when Dom glanced up at him, it was to see a frown on his face.

"But ... " Dom hesitated, then blurted, "You've been uncomfortable the whole time, you've seemed ambivalent about even being in those places again. None of this has shown me what keeps you tied to Glasgow. You haven't been back here in ten years, Old Billy said. This pub helped make you who you are, but it's not what keeps you connected to Glasgow now."

Billy looked away. "I know," he said quietly.

Dom tried not to feel hurt. "Then why--"

"I just hoped--" Billy began, stopped, and then started again, more uncertainly. "I don't know. I guess I hoped you'd see in my past ...  _Shite_."

"Take your time."

Billy rubbed a hand through his hair, then tidied it out of habit. "All right. Let me try this again. It shows how I feel in a way, because like you said, these places made me who I am--in every respect. I was a working class stooge from a shite neighbourhood, comparatively, and I had to get the fuck out, Dom. I tried traveling first, but that didn't work well, so I went to the RSAMD. And I _did_ get out, you know? I actually managed to get out of the scheme and go after the one thing that I truly loved. And no, I don't want to go back, so in that way the connection I had to those places is gone, but ... but I don't want to forget who I am. All this--this celebrity shite has changed me, and I don't want to change anymore, see? But if I stay in Glasgow, I can't forget who I am and where I came from, and it keeps me grounded. That's part of it. Does that make any sense?"

Dom nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, it makes sense. It explains a lot. You felt a bit ... claustrophobic when we were on your street, didn't you?"

Billy took another long pull off his pint. "Yeah, I suppose that's as good a word as any."

"And will you show me the other part? Can you show me what connects you now?"

He bobbed his head once, shortly. "I'll try."

"Thank you, Bills. This means a lot to me."

Billy let out a huff of breath, and then smiled, if a bit weakly. "It damn well ought to. Bastard."

Dom grinned. "I'd kiss you right now, except I think Old Billy would thump me over the head if I did."

Billy couldn't help but laugh. "I think you're right."


	18. Chapter 18

Billy led him up the cement steps, one hand sliding up the black-painted handrail. "Just up here," he explained, voice even but his breath slightly faster than usual.

Dom wondered if it was due to the stairs, or nervousness. "Okay. Will I have to figure out what I'm looking at, or will you tell me?"

"Both."

Dom's eyebrow arched even though he knew Billy couldn't see it. "Determined to be a mystery, are we?"

Billy's footsteps faltered for an instant, and his head bent, exposing the nape of his neck. "Sorry."

"Bills." Dom stopped, waited until Billy did the same and turned to look down at him. "Don't be daft," he said with a gentle smile. "I'm just taking the piss, yeah?"

Billy's eyes skittered away, and his cheeks turned slightly pink. "Yeah. Right. Ehm--sorry." He hurried up the remainder of the stairs.

Shaking his head, hoping he wasn't hurting Billy with this exploration of his past, of his strong connection to his birthplace, Dom slowly followed.

He found Billy about twenty feet away from the grassed-in top of the stairs, standing nearly in some shrubs, looking out over the cemetery surprisingly far below. He stood beside him, taking care not to trip on the roots of the stubborn cotoneaster, ducking under the branches of the firethorn Billy was leaning against. Dom followed his gaze, and tried to see what he saw.

Down below them, in a large field of green grass, were row upon row of grave markers, packed in tight together. The  cemetery was huge, not surprising considering its central location in the city and its place of importance next to the cathedral. Beyond the neatly set-out headstones was a well-trimmed privet hedge, and large trees, and behind the hedge was tenement housing. Neat and tidy flats, from this distance anyway, and Dom thought it must be nice in a city this dense in population to have such quiet neighbours. Next to the tenement rows was some sort of industrial business, complete with what looked like gigantic turbines and storage tanks. And beyond it all was more city, spreading out to the hills beyond, containing Glasgow in its large river valley.

"Do you ever go to the other side of the cemetery?" Dom asked quietly. "Or is it always here?"

"No, I walk around. But this has always been my favourite view."

"And what do you see from the other side?"

Billy cocked his head, considering. "Just more city, really. The Royal Infirmary, spires in the distance. And the hills."

"All around?"

He nodded.

Dom thought about that. "That means something, doesn't it?"

Billy shrugged. "Probably."

"Mind if I theorise?"

"Please yourself."

Dom looked over at him, troubled by the hard look on his face. "Never mind. I'm sorry, Bills. Listen, we don't have to do this right now. Why don't we stop for today?"

Billy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, he didn't meet Dom's gaze, but he did reach over to squeeze his hand briefly. "No, it's okay, Dom. It really is. I just--I'm afraid of what you'll say, that's all."

"Afraid?" Dom was astounded. "But--God, Billy, why?"

He shrugged again, ashamed. "Dunno. I suppose…I s'pose I'm afraid you'll be right and I won't like it. Or that maybe you'll be wrong and you still won't understand."

"Aw, Bills--" Dom said sadly, softly. "C'mere." He tugged Billy further into the bushes, until they were mostly hidden from sight from behind, and they were too high for anyone down below to get a clear view. Dom wrapped his arms around Billy and propped his chin on his shoulder. "I'm sorry this is so hard for you," he murmured. "I feel bad for putting you through all this."

Billy immediately shook his head. "It's not easy, but I don't quite understand this myself, and I want to. I _want_ to be able to come and stay with you for three months--six months--hell, a _year_ , and not need to come running home. I want to do this, Dom. It's just ... not easy."

"I know. I know." Dom turned his head to kiss Billy's ear. "Don't be afraid of the rubbish that comes out of my mouth, yeah? We'll figure this out together, Bills, no matter what. And if we manage that today, great. And if not, then we'll keep working at it. I'm determined not to let anything get in our way, I want to be with you more than anything."

Billy turned his face against Dom's neck, and they held on to each other in silence.

Dom gripped Billy's jacket in his fingers. Did he really not realize, Dom wondered, just how far Dom was willing to go to make them work? How could he not, he was ... "My love," Dom murmured, not realizing he'd said it out loud until Billy pulled back and searched his eyes.

"You just called me ..."

Dom flushed. Bloody hell, was he ever going to learn to hold his tongue? "Yeah. Anyway, how about we--"

Billy's mouth darted in to press a hard, swift kiss to Dom's lips, and then he leaned their foreheads together. "Call me that again," he whispered.

Dom's hands went to either side of Billy's head, fingers in his hair. "My love. You know I love you."

"It's different hearing you call me that."

"Do you like it?"

Billy smiled for the first time since they'd left the pub. "More than I can possibly explain."

Dom laid his head on Billy's shoulder, pressing his face into Billy's neck. "Explain anyway."

Billy chuckled quietly. "Wanker. All right, let me see ... I suppose ... I suppose 'taisgeal' makes you mine. And that makes me yours."

"See?" Dom said breathlessly. "You can so explain it. Jesus, Bills--" He wrapped himself even more tightly around Billy and kissed him with heat and passion and an open mouth and heart.

After a few minutes, Billy gently pushed him away, and Dom belatedly recalled they were out in a public place, even if mostly hidden. As he blushed, Billy smiled and leaned back against the firethorn again. "So, theorise."

Dom froze, trying to remember what exactly he was supposed to be theorising about. "Oh," he finally said weakly. "Right. Umm ... okay." He turned to look out over the cemetery, the housing, the factory, the city, getting his bearings again and ordering his thoughts. "Do you know what that is?" he asked absently, pointing at the industrial tanks and buildings.

"Yes."

When that was the only answer forthcoming Dom looked over at Billy, who looked calmly back. "And?"

Billy shook his head. "After you theorise."

Dom was silent for a moment. "How often do you come here?"

"I tend to spend some time here once every six months or so, at least."

Dom nodded, then took a deep breath. "All right. Here's my theory. You need to see the hills because they define the space you're at home in. From the hills to the river, and beyond for all I know, it's all familiar to you. You know the neighbourhoods, you know the shops, you know the people, you know the language. You know you can't have that elsewhere, I mean, L.A., New York, London? Not going to happen, they're too big, too spread out. And just _knowing_ those hills are there, surrounding you, giving you this…this definition of where you come from--well, you're uncomfortable when you're anywhere else, and that definition is lacking."

Billy cocked his head, looking out over the city. "Interesting."

"And a load of bollocks?"

He considered that. "... Noooo," he said finally. "You're right to a degree, anyway--I know Glasgow, from one end to the other, nearly, and it's all home. I don't feel that anywhere else."

Dom had a sudden thought. "What was it like for you in New Zealand? You were there for a long time, and yet I don't remember you getting really homesick."

"Wellington was small, wasn't it," Billy pointed out. "And we, all of us, spent a lot of time exploring it. It only took a couple months until I knew it almost as well as I know Glasgow."

"So familiarity is a big part of it, then."

"I suppose so," he agreed slowly. "Do you think maybe ... "

Dom nodded, pretty sure he knew what was running through Billy's mind. "When you come to Hawaii to visit, we'll explore every corner of the island, every shop and restaurant and park and beach. We'll take the time to define it for you, to define you in it."

Billy turned to meet Dom's eyes, his own gaze curious, troubled, hopeful. "That's what we're doing today, isn't it? Defining my home for you, and you in it."

"Yeah. I think so."

"And?"

"And what?" Dom asked, uncertain.

"And is it working? Could you live here happily for an extended period of time? Could you ..." Billy swallowed hard. "Could you call this home?"

Dom stilled. "Permanently?"

"No, not necessarily permanently. Just ... for a good long stay. Like ... say, off-season?"

Dom stared at Billy, watched him bite his lip and fidget and flush. "Bill, are you--are you asking me to live with you?"

"No. I mean--not just yet. I mean ..." he stammered, then dropped his head in defeat. "Ah, fuck. I don't know what I'm saying, Dom. Right now you're heading back to Hawaii and you want me to visit, to stay, and I want to--God, I want to. But I don't know ..."

"There's no hard and fast rule for this, you know," Dom said as gently as he could around the tightness in his throat. "You could just come and stay as long as you can. You don't have to give me an exact departure date, we could see how the defining part goes."

"I _want_ to give you something exact, Dom, don't you get that?" he suddenly said in a rush, his voice hard. "I don't want to waffle about and leave you unsure and unhappy, and after what it's taken ... it's just taken us so long to get here, I want things firm and level and _sorted_ , you know?"

"I know," Dom nodded, reaching over to grip Billy's tense hand. "But that's not going to happen overnight. Yes I'm a bit unsure, but Bills, I'm so far from unhappy I can't even see it from here. We're okay, we can smooth everything out as we go."

"But I want--"

"Bill, stop." Dom gave his hand an extra firm squeeze. "I know you want this sorted. But don't be ... don't be afraid to let it develop, to let everything fall into place naturally. I--" He stopped, a bit embarrassed, but at the same time incredulous, almost disbelieving. How exactly had he got to this point, anyway? He, Dominic Monaghan, the funny-faced, big-eared cheeky monkey from Manchester, standing in a hilltop cemetery in Scotland and wanting to tell his very best mate they were going to grow old together.

"You what?" Billy asked, and something of Dom's mood must have transmitted itself, because his voice was suddenly much softer. "You what, Dom? Tell me."

Dom could feel the tips of his ears flare red. "I love you. I'll do almost anything to make you happy, and to be with you. Like you said, we have to go into this assuming it will last, and I do,  you know, I'm quite convinced of it. I'm going to take the piss out of you when you're eighty for being bald and deaf and forgetting where you put your teeth; but fuck, will I ever _love_ you, Bills."

"Jesus, Dom," Billy whispered roughly, and turned his face away, swallowing hard. After a moment, he cleared his throat and muttered, "If you make me cry, I'll bloody well slaughter you."

Dom chuckled unevenly, a little overwhelmed himself, and let go of Billy's hand.

Once he had himself under control again, Billy scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I love you, too, Dom. I do. And I'm going to figure this out if it fucking kills me, so we can be together as much as possible." He met Dom's eyes. "Because that's what I want. Okay?"

Dom nodded, and a pleased smile curved his mouth. "Okay, Bills."

Billy looked below them again. "That factory?"

"Yeah?"

"Tennent's Brewery. My dad worked there most of his adult life, until he was too ill to work anymore. A couple of months before he died."

"Ahh," Dom sighed with understanding. "Which is why you come to this spot."

"Yeah. The hills, the city, and the brewery."

"Did you ever used to come here when you were a kid?"

Billy smiled. "Yeah, sometimes. If I was in the city anyway with my mates, instead of paying for the bus home, I'd come up here and wait for shift change. Then I'd go tearing down and around to the front, and cadge a ride home with Dad. And if Mum had the car that day, I'd take the bus home with him and half the time he paid for it. I wasn't supposed to be in here by myself, but I don't think my parents ever knew I disobeyed them about that."

"Why weren't you supposed to be here by yourself?" Dom asked curiously.

"Well, I _was_ only ten or eleven at the time," Billy pointed out with a chuckle. "Besides, gangs of older kids used to hang around in here, and if they took a notion to kick you in, then kick you in they would. They never caught me, though."

"Lucky."

Billy nodded. "Probably." He looked down at the brewery for another long moment, and then sighed. "Come on." He led Dom back down the stairs, and out to the car.

 

 

Dom's forehead wrinkled as he looked out the window. "Are we going back the way we just came?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Are you showing me something else?"

"Yes."

Dom looked over at Billy. His face was shuttered, still, and only his eyes betrayed him as his gaze flittered here, there, and everywhere as he drove. Dom turned his head away and quietly asked, "Is this the one you've been dreading all day?"

"Yes."

Dom left him to drive in silence and simply watched the scenery, such as it was, slide by. Traffic and housing and the odd tower block, and finally the water tower that Dom recognized from earlier, and he knew they were back in Billy's old neighbourhood.

Billy exited the motorway, and wound through numerous streets until Dom had lost all sense of direction, before parking the car in front of a cemetery. He slowly shut the car off and pulled the key from the ignition, and then sat staring down at his hands.

Dom stayed silent, but when one minute stretched into three, he couldn't keep quiet any longer, and he softly said, "If it upsets you this much, Bill, let's just go home. There's no need to do this to yourself."

Billy snorted derisively. "I'm not upset."

Dom smiled and reached over to scritch the back of Billy's head, but he withdrew his hand when Billy twitched his head away. "Could've fooled me there, Bills."

"I'm not upset," Billy snapped. "I'm just ... vexed with myself, all right?"

"All right." Dom undid his seatbelt and shifted around so he could study Billy. "Why are you vexed?"

"Because I'm a fuckwit, that's why."

Dom waited, but when Billy chose not to elaborate, he prompted him. "Just in general, or is there a reason for your fuckwittery?"

Billy glowered at him.

"C'mon, Bill. Let me in on what's going on with you, won't you? I'm fairly sure you're not actually a fuckwit." Dom reached over again, and this time twined his fingers with Billy's.

"I just--I shouldn't have left this until last, that's all," he muttered, looking down at Dom's hand on his thigh.

"Why not?"

"Because it ... " He stopped, scrubbed his free hand through his hair, and began again. "Because it put more importance on this place than it deserves."

Dom frowned, surprised. "What do you mean?"

Billy looked out the window at the gated entrance to the cemetery. "There's nothing in there that ties me here."

"But I thought--"

"Yes, my parents are buried in there," he snapped. "And yes, I just said I'm not tied here. End of fucking story."

"No, it's not," Dom said. "Why were you dreading this all day, then?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't fucking understand!"

"You haven't even given me a chance to try," Dom said pointedly. "I'm not sodding judging you here, Bill. _Talk_ to me, dammit."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Billy growled, then threw open his car door. "Fine. Come on."

Dom followed, and as Billy strode determinedly through the gate and along the paved walkway, he uncertainly asked, "Are you angry with me, or just pissed off in general?"

"I'm just pissed off," Billy muttered. "Mostly with myself for turning this into a big thing."

"It doesn't have to be a big thing. We're going for a walk, we're going to see where your family is buried, and then we're going to talk. Just try and relax, yeah?" Dom gave Billy a gentle shove with his shoulder.

"Daft wanker," Billy said, but the heat was gone from his voice, leaving worried resignation in its wake. He left the path, headed toward the chain link fence that bounded the cemetery, and led Dom unerringly to a single modest headstone.

Dom looked down at the surname etched into the grey granite, almost as familiar as his own, surprised by a sudden pang of sadness. His eyes traced the precise lettering of the names and dates. "Your mum was young," he murmured.

"Aye." Billy knelt on one knee and pulled out two weeds growing at the corner of the stone. He tossed them aside, then rose, brushing his hands together. He stood still, eyes on his mother's name.

Dom waited; quiet and thoughtful, he wondered if it refreshed Billy's grief to be standing there.

"I don't really feel anything here, you see," Billy said suddenly, making Dom wonder if some sort of telepathy had just occurred--although who read who's mind he couldn't have said. Billy went on. "Maybe a little vague sadness at seeing their names carved in cold stone. It _represents_ them, you know what I mean? But they're not here, Dom."

"Then where are they?" Dom asked, knowing whatever Billy meant, it couldn't possibly be as odd as that had sounded.

"You're such an utter pillock," Billy snorted, a reluctant smile fleeting across his features. "What do you think I am, some nutter who had a vision of God clasping their mortal bodies to his bosom?"

Dom couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, you have to admit it sounded a bit body-snatcherish. What do you mean, then?"

Billy looked away, his smile gone, and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "What do I mean? I suppose I mean ...  Fuck. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a heartless bastard, you know?" He all at once sounded ferocious, wounded, bewildered. "Margaret comes here and cries her eyes out. I come here, and ... nothing. It's my parents' grave, I should feel something, I should hurt, I should weep, I should miss them with every inch of my heart, and I fucking don't, Dom, not here. I feel such a prick for admitting that, which is why I was dreading coming here. I knew you'd be expecting me to be upset, to be fucking prostrate with grief or something, but I'm not. And I've never told anyone this before because it makes me sound the most horrid, ungrateful fucking monster who ever bloody lived."

"No it doesn't, Bill." Dom put an arm around his shoulders, knowing a gesture of comfort and support would not be out of place in a cemetery, even should anyone see them.

But Billy pulled away. "Yes it does. And I hate coming here because I always feel so fucking _guilty_."

Dom looked at him thoughtfully, and then it all began to slip into place. "I see," he murmured, nodding. "Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I think I see now."

"What are you on about?" Billy growled, tension in every line of his body. "See what?"

Dom bit his lip, knowing this wasn't going to be particularly easy for either of them. At least they were highly unlikely to come to blows, no matter how angry Billy got with him. "Look, can we go and sit down somewhere, talk this over?" he suggested.

"You want to sit down? Go right ahead. See _what_?"

"Really?" Dom asked and, wanting to be sure, gestured to the grass at his feet. The grass in front of the headstone.

Billy nodded shortly, but sat himself to show he'd truly meant it. He sat with his legs pulled up, arms around his knees. "What exactly do you think you see?" he bit out.

"Promise you'll listen?" Dom asked with a frown. "I mean it, Bill, don't go mental at me, yeah?"

"Yeah. Now fucking get on with it."

Dom took a deep breath and began to try to explain. "I don't know exactly what's in your head, but I do have the advantage of hearing what comes out of your mouth. And do you know what you've said half a dozen times in the past twenty minutes? _Here_."

To his credit, Billy tried to see the point Dom was attempting to make, but he finally muttered, "Here _what_? You make no sense, Dom."

"You feel guilty here. You don't miss your parents here. You don't feel grief or sadness here. There's nothing tying you here."

Billy snorted in frustration. "I believe that was exactly my point, thanks for paying attention. I _should_ \--"

"Why?" Dom cut him off, leaned forward to gaze at him intently. "Why should you feel much of anything here? You said it yourself, this stone only represents them. It's just a marker of the years they lived, not _how_ they lived, or who they shared those years with. Bill, the clearest image you've ever given me of your Dad in all the years I've known you was up in the Necropolis today, do you realise that? And it's because in some way he was with you there, your memories of him tie you to _that_ place. And those little ties are scattered all over the city, not here, where you only buried him." Dom suddenly flushed as he realised how that sounded. "Shit. Not _only_ \--I didn't mean--"

Billy waved off his apology. "I know." But he continued to frown, shoulders hunched, staring at the grass.

"I'm sorry, Bill."

Billy briefly met Dom's eyes then. "It's okay." His gaze skittered away again, but not before Dom caught a glimpse of a sharp, branching pain long and well suppressed.

"Billy," he breathed, aching for his lover, his mate.

Billy closed his eyes and gave a ragged laugh. "I forgot, I have to wear my sunglasses around you, don't I?"

Dom inched closer. "Tell me," he urged. "Tell me what's foremost right now." He held his breath, hoping he was doing more good than harm, praying Billy would let him in to this locked, darkened place. He felt a little guilty himself, for never once seeing in all the time he'd known Billy that this, this _mausoleum_ , even existed inside him.

"I just--I can't help thinking--" Billy began, struggling, "What is it that's missing in me? Why does Marg feel such grief here, and all I can think is that they need to paint the gates again? What--"

"Bills, listen to me," Dom said, his voice low but firm. "Nothing is missing in you. Nothing is wrong with you. Do you hear me? _Nothing_. Of course you're going to grieve differently from your sister, you're wired differently. You've said it before, you've said sometimes you're so unlike each other that you used to joke your parents bought her in a jumble sale for 20p, remember? I don't know why she feels it so strongly here; maybe coming to this cemetery reminds her that she lost them and she misses them and she gets it all out while she's here. Who knows? But that's not you, Bill, that's never been you." Dom couldn't even tell if Billy was truly listening to him, but he kept talking anyway, just in case. "You've always seemed to associate memory with a tangible proof. You're a sodding packrat, and maybe that's one reason why--you can't throw anything out that brings back a memory you savour. Maybe places work the same way for you, I don't know. Maybe--maybe your grief is spread in a thinner layer, but spread all over the city, all those places that have those little ties to you--" Dom broke off when Billy abruptly lurched to his feet, and he impetuously grabbed for Billy's hand. "I'm sorry--please--"

Billy used that hand to haul Dom to his feet. "C'mon," he said tightly. "We're leaving."

"But--"

"I have to go home, Dom," he muttered, and dropping Dom's hand, began to stride away.

Dom jogged to catch up to him, hurried just to keep pace. "Why--"

"Because I ... I need to go home, all right?"

"Are you--"

"Would you just stop talking for five minutes?" Billy snapped. "Could you do that for me, please?"

Hurt despite himself, knowing Billy had not meant it to wound but unable to prevent the sting, Dom murmured, "Of course. Sorry." He held his tongue as they arrived at the car, maintained the silence for the long rush hour drive back to Billy's flat. By the time they arrived, he'd nursed his wounded pride enough that the sting was a tiny little pinprick, soothed to nothingness by Billy's mumbled apology as they climbed the stairs.

"Didn't mean it. Just ... too much, there, for a minute."

"It's okay, Billy," Dom said softly, and he meant it. The moment the door was closed behind them, he shed his jacket, divested Billy of his, and pulled him into a long wordless hug, one hand rubbing repetitively up and down Billy's spine.

Billy turned his face into Dom's neck and let himself be comforted.


	19. Chapter 19

 

Billy walked into the kitchen where Dom was making them both a cup of tea, and he hovered by the table, the fingers of one hand skating across the back of a chair. "Dom?"

"Yeah?" He turned and handed Billy his mug. "Careful, it's hot."

"Thanks. It's--it's good. Thanks." He kept his eyes lowered, then blurted out, "Would you mind if I--shite. If I ... ah, _shite_. I don't know how to say it."

Dom leaned back against the counter, carefully setting his mug down. "Just spit it out, Bill." He tried not to tense up, to assume something bad was about to come spilling out of Billy's mouth, but if the sod didn't hurry up and say something quick--

"Would you mind if I stay away from you for a bit? Fuck, I knew that would sound awful," he cursed, his free hand tightening into a fist.

"Relax," Dom murmured. "Tell me what you mean by a bit?"

"I don't know. A couple hours, maybe."

Dom couldn't help the smile of relief that crossed his lips. "Is that all? Jesus, Bill, I thought you were kicking my arse back to Hawaii already or something."

"No," he said sharply, his knuckles whitening. "Don't you dare fucking leave."

"Leave? Not a chance." Dom took the few steps to reach Billy and pulled his head forward until their foreheads were touching, even though Billy's eyes were still on his cup of tea cradled between them. "Billy, time by yourself is nothing. It's your right, and not something you need to ask my fucking permission for."

"I wasn't asking your permission. I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't mind."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Dom teased gently.

"No, and you know it."

"I know. Do you want me to leave for a bit? I'll tell you what. I'll go and pick up some shopping, yeah? We'll stay in for dinner tonight, how does that sound?"

Billy bit his lip, then nodded, his forehead rocking against Dom's. "How long will you be gone?"

Dom paused, frowned. The fact that Billy had even asked that was out of character, and it was troubling. "Are you all right? Why do you want to be away from me, am I doing something wrong--?"

"No," Billy said quickly, his free hand opening to rise and rest against Dom's chest. "No, you're not doing anything wrong, not a thing. I--I want to keep to myself for a bit, and do some thinking. I need to think. I need ... well, I just need to think, you know? But--but I might--" He stuttered to a halt, and his eyes clenched shut. "Fuck, this is so hard, Dom."

"Just say it."

"I might need you to--to help me get it together," he muttered low and fast.

Dom took the mug from Billy's hand, and as he set it aside on the table he murmured, "It really pisses you off to say that, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

He wrapped his arms around Billy in another tight hug. "Thank you for saying it anyway. I just need to run down to Sainsbury's and that little greengrocer's around the corner, shouldn't be more'n half an hour. Then I'll be here, puttering around. Here for whatever you need, Bill. Take all the time you want, yeah?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Billy's voice was hoarse in his ear.

"'S what best mates are for," Dom smiled, and then pulled back just enough to give Billy a firm kiss and say, "Love you, Bills," against his lips.

"Love you, too." Billy's eyes were closed, a deep line etched into his forehead. "I do. I love you, Dom." He kissed Dom back with a pressure that felt like relief, and then turned to walk down the hall. The door to his bedroom closed with a quiet click.

 

 

Nearly two hours later Dom was wedged in the corner of the sofa, feet up on the cushions, writing in his journal resting on his folded up knees when Billy walked into the room. Dom looked up at him immediately, but the only thing he could see were perhaps some deepened shadows under Billy's eyes. The rest of his face was blank, at rest. "Hey, Bill."

"Hey," he replied, his voice even. "Smells too damn good out here, couldn't hear myself think over the growling in my stomach."

"Dinner's ready whenever you want it. I kept it warm in the oven."

Billy's eyebrows drew together just a fraction. "You've already eaten, haven't you?"

"Of course not," Dom said in surprise. "C'mon, I'll dish it up." He closed his journal and set it aside, then climbed to his feet. Grabbing Billy's hand, he dragged him along into the kitchen. "Hope you don't hate aubergine, or we're bollocksed."

"No, I don't. Doesn't smell like aubergine, though."

"That's the cheese. It's aubergine parmesan," Dom explained, beaming. "One of my favourites, and I make it damn well, if I do say so myself. You got any red wine hidden around this flat?" As he asked, he donned the oven mitts and pulled a large aluminum foil-covered baking dish out of the oven.

"Yeah. Loads. Ali wouldn't drink it." Billy turned and stooped to open a narrow low cupboard. He pulled out a bottle, and began rooting in a drawer for the bottle opener.

Two minutes later they sat at the table, steaming plates of aubergine parmesan and vegetables before them. Billy picked bits of cork out of his glass with his pinky. "Did I get it all from yours?" he asked, nodding towards Dom's glass.

"Yeah. Remind me to open the bottle next time," Dom grinned.

"I break the goddamned cork every fucking time," Billy sighed, and picked up his utensils.

A further silent two minutes later, Dom raised one eyebrow. "So, how is it?"

"Don't interrupt me, I'm eating here," Billy said with the smallest of smiles.

Dom grinned at him. "I'll take that as a compliment then, yeah?"

Billy nodded and ate another forkful.

 

 

By the time they'd finished dinner Billy had said no more than ten words to Dom's hundreds, though the ten he'd uttered were pleasant enough. Dom sat back with a sigh, fingers toying with the stem of his wine glass. He smiled ruefully across the table at Billy. "You've gone non-verbal on me, haven't you?"

Billy drained his wine. "Apparently. Sorry."

"Don't be daft. What would you like to do, then?"

"Dunno."

Dom waited, but that seemed to be the extent of Billy's input. "All right, how about we loll on the sofa? Watch a film, have some ice cream? No verbs necessary."

Billy nodded. "Sounds good."

Dom rose to his feet. "All right. You go and choose the film and put it in, I'll bring the ice cream. You want coffee?" When Billy nodded again, Dom pulled the coffeemaker forward and began to set it up.

Billy stacked the dishes in the sink. "Do 'em later."

"We'll do them tomorrow," Dom agreed. "Go on, get out of my kitchen."

" _I'll_ do them tomorrow." The smile on Billy's face was small, but it was genuine. "Dinner was fantastic, Dom. Thanks." He headed out the door to the living room, but poked his head back through to add, "Oh, and _my_ kitchen, wanker."

When Dom joined him in the living room with two bowls of honeycomb ice cream, Billy was slouched on the sofa, sock feet propped on the coffee table in front of him. Dom glanced at the TV, but the DVD player had been paused on a completely black screen. "What're you making me watch? It better not be _Magnolia_ again, Tom Cruise makes me want to scrape my fingernails on a blackboard just to have something more soothing to listen to."

Billy snorted. "Gimme my ice cream, twat."

Dom sat beside him. "I've never had honeycomb ice cream before. Is it as good as it sounds?"

"Mm," Billy answered, spoon already in his mouth. "Aye." He pressed the play button on the remote and shifted closer to Dom. "Hope this is all right."

Dom grinned at him. "You can sit as close as you like, lover."

Billy flipped his ice cream-smeared spoon up to catch Dom on the chin, leaving a wet glob that threatened to drip. When Dom glared at him, Billy leaned in and, pausing only for a moment with his lips near Dom's, proceeded to clean Dom's chin off with his warm pointed tongue.

"Mmm," Dom rumbled happily.

When he had tidied Dom up to his satisfaction, Billy sat back again, and they both wordlessly resumed eating their ice cream, but this time sat so close they pressed together from shoulder to knee.

 

 

An hour into the film, Dom gave up on any pretense of watching it. Instead, he slouched further down into Billy's arms, closed his eyes, and reveled in the feel of Billy's hands wandering, smoothing, stroking over every inch of Dom's body they could easily reach. He tilted his head slightly as Billy's fingertip traced around the outside of his ear, shivering at the vaguely ticklish sensation behind his lobe. He wondered if Billy was doing it absent-mindedly as he watched the movie or if he had completely lost his place in the story like Dom had, focusing instead on the sensuality of his touch.

He had his answer when Billy's hands began to deftly, almost unnoticeably, unbutton Dom's trousers. Rather than slipping his hand down them, however, he slid it up, up underneath Dom's t-shirt, rucking the material around Dom's ribs.

Dom turned his head, pressing his cheekbone against the inside curve of Billy's shoulder, and without looking ran his hand down the outside of Billy's far leg.

Billy kissed the back of his head, ruffled Dom's already messy hair with his nose, and rubbed his fingertips across Dom's nipple until after a moment it hardened to a tiny pebble. He scraped it lightly with his fingernail, making Dom's breath catch and his foot twitch.

Heat coiling low in his belly, Dom blindly reached for the spot he'd seen Billy set the TV remote, fumbled it into his right hand, and shut off the TV. In the abrupt silence Billy's breath sounded quick in his ear, and Dom distractedly wondered if he would still taste subtly of honey from the ice cream. He was suddenly desperate to find out. He awkwardly turned just enough to grab the nape of Billy's neck and pull his head downwards before kissing him hard, tongue plunging between soft lips to taste, lick, lap at the silky wet heat inside his mouth. "Mmm," he hummed a moment later. "Honey."

"Yes, dear?" Billy murmured, and nuzzled at Dom's earlobe.

"No, I meant--" The smile in Billy's voice sank in, and Dom snorted. "Twat."

"Not the last time I looked," Billy continued to tease. "Maybe I should let you take me to bed and see for yourself?"

"Maybe you should," Dom agreed, and ghosted his palm over the crotch of Billy's trousers. "Maybe I should very slowly and thoroughly investigate your bits. Just to be sure I'm properly acquainted with them, you understand."

"But of course," Billy said solemnly. "It wouldn't do for you to be a stranger to my bits." He gently nipped Dom's earlobe and then kissed the corner of his jaw.

"No, that certainly wouldn't do." Dom rubbed more firmly at the placket of Billy's jeans, and purred, "That wouldn't do at all."

"Nngh," Billy grunted, hips rocking slightly against Dom's hand. "Come on. Let's take this to the bedroom."

"What, you don't want to stay here? You seemed to enjoy it last time." Dom wiggled his eyebrows.

"I did enjoy it last time." Billy gave him a gentle shove to sit him up. "But one of these days we're going to run out of luck--or aim--and I'm going to have an embarrassingly stained sofa on my hands."

"That's what conveniently placed cushions and blankets are for." Dom grinned but climbed to his feet. He held his hand out to Billy and, when it was grasped, pulled him up.

"Manky git," Billy grumbled, the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Yes, but I'm _your_ manky git."

"And thank God for that." Billy pulled him forward, off-balance, and while he was still trying to gain his footing, Billy gripped the back of Dom's skull with one hand and kissed him hard. Billy's other hand slid down into the front of Dom's unzipped trousers and squeezed his prick.

Gleeful--and almost unbearably horny--Dom decided two could play that game, and he drove his hips forward, trapping Billy's hand between their bodies. When he began rocking up on his toes, pushing his hard length into Billy's palm, he felt more than heard Billy growl deep in his throat. Billy began to push back, and Dom realised Billy was grinding himself against the back of his own hand. The knowledge sent a spark to Dom's groin so sharp it almost hurt, and he tore his mouth from Billy's to raggedly insist, "Either the bedroom or the sodding floor right here. _Now_."

Billy chuckled breathlessly, and his voice was uneven as he said, "Come on, then. I'm too old to be rolling about on the floor when there's a nice comfy bed down the hall." He pulled his hand from Dom's trousers.

"Start getting naked, Boyd. I'll get the lube," Dom called, already sprinting for the bedroom. He laughed, though, when Billy--sounding a bit strangled--called out from right where Dom had left him in the living room.

"Ehm--lube?"

"Do you trust me, Bill?" Dom shouted, his jumper muffling his words as he yanked it off over his head.

"Well--yeah, but ... "

"If you thought it was great last time, wait 'til you try it with lube!" It took Dom to a count of 'four Manchester U' to finish stripping, grab the bottle of lube from his bag and sprawl on the bed naked, and for Billy to arrive in the doorway and hover.

"Last time? So you, you didn't mean ... " Billy trailed off, turning scarlet.

"That one of us was getting buggered up the arse? No." Dom rolled onto his knees and shuffled to the end of the bed. "C'mere, Bills." He waited until Billy crossed to stand directly in front of him. "Not until and unless we've discussed whether we even want to, until we're both ready, and we've both had all the important test-type things applicable. And I'm not ready, Bill. I'm not going to sneak up on you with this."

Despite still being an impressive shade of crimson, Billy gave him a wry smile. "Well, it's not like I thought I was going to wake up one morning to find you'd been quietly rogering me in my sleep."

Dom laughed delightedly. "No, but I wonder if I could get you even partway through a blowjob without waking."

"I don't know," Billy managed, "But I think we just might have to find out sometime."

"I thought you might say that. Um, Bill?"

"Aye?"

"Are you planning on shedding any of that clothing any time soon? Because I don't fancy getting zip burn on my percy, thank you very much."

Billy pulled his jumper off over his head. "What, are your hands broken, then?"

"And here I thought I was going to get a striptease," Dom sighed, and popped open the button on Billy's jeans. "Hurry up."

Billy raised his eyebrow. "I can tease you if that's what you want."

"I said _strip_ tease, you twat." He yanked the zipper down and briskly shoved Billy's denims and boxers down to mid-thigh, freeing his heavy erection.

"Hmm, seems someone wants to play rough--"

"I don't want to _play_ anything," Dom said more sharply than he'd intended, and he flushed. "I want you on top of me, Billy. I need this."

Billy cupped Dom's cheek with one warm palm, thumb grazing his cheekbone. "Okay, taisgeal," he murmured. "Sorry, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah. Come on," Dom urged, but briefly rested the weight of his head against Billy's hand.

Billy pushed his trousers down the rest of the way and kicked them off, then pulled off his socks before finally removing his t-shirt last. He climbed onto the bed on his hands and knees and lay down facing Dom, who had moved up to lay his head on Billy's pillow. After a moment, he brushed Dom's cheek with his knuckles, then leaned in to kiss him.

Dom closed his eyes and opened his mouth, letting Billy set the pace. He hadn't been exaggerating when he'd told Billy he needed this, but he wasn't sure exactly what _Billy_ needed--he'd had a rough day, after all. He put one arm over Billy, rubbing slowly up and down his back, over his arse, and he twined their legs together. Every so often their erections brushed, and just when Dom didn't know how much longer he could wait, Billy broke the kiss with a groan.

"I thought you said something about lube?"

Dom grinned, breathless. "Yeah, I seem to recall something like that. It's on the nightstand next to you."

As Billy rolled over to reach it, Dom flopped on top of him, kissing his neck and nibbling his shoulder. When he ground his aching cock against Billy's arse cheek, Billy bucked him off and rolled over to trap Dom in return.

"You looking for something, Monaghan?" Billy growled, but couldn't quite keep his lips from curving up.

"You against my prick, as a matter of fact." Dom arched underneath Billy to illustrate his point. "Do you want to do the honours, or shall I?"

In reply, Billy snapped open the lid of the bottle and gave it a squeeze, re-capped it, and tossed it aside. He shifted onto his side, and with a palm full of lube wrapped his hand around Dom's cock, smearing the slickness with one swift turn of his wrist.

"Nnngh," Dom grunted. He abstractedly wondered if he was drooling; his mouth was slack as every neuron in his brain focused on the need throbbing between his legs. His fingers clutched first at Billy's shoulder, then his arse, trying to pull him closer. He had to bite his tongue in order not to whimper in a very unmanly way when Billy slid his hand off Dom's cock and onto his own, spreading the rest of the lube over his own flesh. Dom watched hungrily.

Billy laid his head down on the pillow, and Dom felt Billy's eyes on his face, watching the desire flicker there as Billy pulled slowly at his own cock.

"Do you have any idea how hot that is?" Dom managed, not lifting his gaze from neat fingers working an increasingly darkening erection. "You could fucking get me from zero to sixty in ten seconds, just watching you do this."

"You'd better believe I'm going to keep that in mind," Billy said, and arched his neck. "Just have to--" His voice hitched. "To catch up with you."

"Oh, fuck, I don't care about that, Bill--" Dom's voice temporarily failed him when Billy's hips rocked forward and his hand pulled Dom's hard prick into his grasp. Their slicked cocks slipped against each other, the head of Billy's nudging just under the glans of Dom's. "Jesus," he gasped, and his fingers convulsively dug into Billy's arse.

"Fuck--fuck--fuck--" Billy panted, and suddenly he was levering himself up on his free arm, angling toward Dom to assail his mouth, a barrage of teeth and tongue and lips.

Dom raked his blunt nails up and down Billy's back, kissed him fiercely in return, nibbling and licking Billy's mouth, his chin, his throat. "Want you so much," he growled, his voice like velvet over gravel. "Even when you're--yeah, _Christ_ , like that, that's good--even when you're giving me the best--oh, god--the best handfuck I've ever had--still want you so much I'm fucking blind with it--"

Billy's hand grew erratic, and the stuttery pulling on his erection drove Dom over the edge.

"Billy--Jesus, Bill, I'm going to--oh god, oh god oh god--" Dom's cock pulsed in Billy's grip and his hips snapped up as he came, the thick fluid spurting over Billy's hand and Dom's own belly. He cried out, a wordless sound of release and gratification.

"You make such--fucking erotic--noises--" Billy puffed, hand and hips both working in an awkward rhythm. "So close, Dom--so close--"

Chest still heaving, prick still twitching with the slow, tapering aftershocks of a good orgasm, Dom covered Billy's hand with his own and took over the pace. The firmer grip, the lack of control over the rhythm, Dom's tongue laving a trail over his collarbone--all combined to vault Billy into his own orgasm with a loud shout.

"Oh, fucking _fuck_! Don't stop--Jesus, Dom--oh my god--"  Billy writhed against him, his come shooting up his belly as Dom continued to work him. "Don't stop, Dom, faster, don't you dare fucking stop, Jesus _Christ_ \--" he gasped, his face red and the tendons on his neck standing out in sharp relief. "Don't, don't stop, don't fucking stop, Dom, don't stop, don't ... don't stop ... don't ... stop ... " His voice trailed off as his body went slack. "Okay ... you can stop now ... " he panted.

Dom chuckled and then kissed him soundly. "You're the sexiest bastard I've ever known, Bills. So you like the lube, do you?"

"I _love_ the lube," Billy said fervently, still trying to catch his breath. "God, I'm lucky I'm in halfway decent shape or that might have killed me."

"Nah. I'm good, but I'm not _that_ good. At most you would have been in a coma for the night." Dom rolled on top of Billy, laughing when he made a face at the feel of cold come squooshing between them. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at Billy, his grin softening. "Thank you, Bill. Love you."

"Me, too, taisgeal," Billy said, then yawned. "Mnnph. Coma sounds good right now."

"And go to bed all sticky? I'll take the spare room, then," Dom threatened, wriggling to remind Billy of the uncomfortable feeling of drying come. "Up you get, Boyd."

"Bring me a wet cloth?" Billy asked hopefully.

"Nope. You need a shower, and so do I. However," he waggled his eyebrows, "I think we should conserve water and take them together."

Billy's lips curved up. "That's my Dom. So environmentally conscious."

"It's the right thing to do." Dom adopted a pious expression. "It's the only planet we've got, you know."

"We'd conserve even more water if you just brought me a wet cloth," Billy pointed out with a smirk.

"And we'd conserve even _more_ water if I just licked it all off you, but that's not going to happen either," Dom retorted, rolling off him. "Move your arse, you lazy sod."

"Such love and affection," Billy moaned as he sat up. "The abuse I take is--"

"Astronomical, I know. Come on, my love, I'll even wash your hair for you."


	20. Chapter 20

Half an hour later, Dom joined Billy on the tiny balcony, stepping out gingerly. "It's cold out here. What are you doing?"

"Nah, it's not that bad." Billy leaned against the wall and looked up. "Just felt like getting a bit of fresh air."

"Not smoking?"

"No. Go ahead, if you want one, though."

Dom shook his head. "I've decided no more ciggies for me. Probably not wise, what with the asthma and all."

"Good choice."

"I know. Sucks, though." He flashed Billy a smile, then relaxed against the door. "You okay?"

Billy nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."

"You sure? It's been ... a long day."

"Yeah," Billy sighed.

Dom waited, but Billy didn't speak further. After several moments of comfortable silence, Dom heard a jet plane going overhead, lower than he would have expected. "Guess you're not really all _that_ far from the airport, are you?"

"Not really."

Dom leaned his head back against the stone building, his eyes on the night sky above. "You know," he mused quietly, "When I was a kid I used to lie in the grass and watch the planes going overhead. So many of them, crisscrossing Europe, going to God-knows-where. Some days the vapour trails would disappear in seconds, and on other days they'd last for an hour. Don't suppose you know why that is, do you?"

There was a smile in Billy's voice as he said, "Can't help you there. Science was never my strong suit."

"Oh, well. It was worth asking, at any rate. Have you ever seen a sky with nine or ten of those long white streamers in it? It's like this enormous bridge crossing the entire sky, from horizon to horizon. When I was young, I used to think if I could find the end, I could climb up it and walk across the sky. I could land in Timbuktu and ride a yak and be home before Mum called me for supper, that's what I thought. Or I'd just walk over to Italy for a pizza, and then America for a burger. Or the British government would need me to enter Russia as a secret agent, and I'd just walk in on my sky bridge so no one would even see me coming." Dom sighed, feeling nostalgia twist in his chest. He gave a half-hearted laugh. "I was a right nutter of a kid, wasn't I?"

Billy didn't answer, and when Dom looked over, it was to see Billy's hands in his hair, his eyes scrunched up tight.

"Billy? Bill, what's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Could you go inside, Dom? Give me a few minutes."

Dom's ears flamed red. "Sorry, I'll shut up."

"No, no, that's not it. I swear that's not it. Just give me, like, ten minutes. Please?" His hands still gripped his head tightly.

"Ehm--yeah, all right. Not gonna jump, are you?" Dom tried to joke, but even he knew it was a lame attempt.

"Daftie. Go on. I'll be in soon."

Biting his lip, wishing he knew what was going on inside Billy's head, Dom opened the door and stepped back through into the living room. Just before he closed it behind himself, though, he heard Billy's voice.

"Dom? Love you, yeah?"

Dom's smile was crooked as he put his mouth near the door to murmur. "Yeah. You too, you silly twat." He closed the door with a quiet _click_ and went to fetch himself a beer from the fridge. Twisting the cap off, he took a long swallow and then sat at the kitchen table. He stared down at the label on the bottle, his fingers already starting to pick at it.

He had a bad feeling about all this. Maybe Billy had managed to figure out what it was about Glasgow that held him here--he'd seemed to accept Dom's idea that part of it was tiny links to his parents spread all over the city--but it didn't seem to have helped. Just the mere mention of aeroplanes had him almost literally pulling his hair out.

Dom was willing to do an awful lot to make a relationship with Billy work, but he wasn't sure he could take on the entire responsibility for their being together. How long until he began to resent always having to travel? How long before Billy began to resent that Dom wasn't living in Glasgow? The whole situation was just rife with possibilities for disaster.

So then get shot of him, Jeremy Irons said.

Dom groaned and dropped his head on his arms. "Not again."

Why even start if it's going to end in such a debacle? Get out while you can, find a nice girl, and settle down, Jeremy Irons drawled, and Dom could almost picture him slouched in a leather armchair, a whisky glass dangling from three fingers.

I don't want to get shot of him, Dom thought, grinding his teeth. I want a solution, not a sodding excuse to get out. If you can't be a helpful delusion, then bloody well bugger off.

Jeremy Irons sounded amused when he said, I'm not a delusion, I'm an hallucination. And I'll show you just how helpful I can be. Tell him you want an answer now, tonight. Can he live with you in Hawaii or not? Otherwise you're on the next plane home.

I'm not giving him an ultimatum, Dom snapped silently.

You have to. Put your ineffectual foot down and demand an answer. It's time you pushed him; he'll either come to the sticking point, or he won't.

I can't do that. He needs more time, dammit. It's only been a week--

Jeremy Irons interrupted him with a cavalier air. Time be damned! If he really loves you, he'll at least try for your sake. Push him, boy!

"I will _not,_ " Dom muttered into his arms, his voice sounding hollow.

"Won't what?" Billy asked from the doorway.

Dom jumped, looked up guiltily. "Nothing."

Billy smiled and sat down in the chair opposite Dom. "Is Jeremy Irons pestering you again? Inconsiderate bastard."

"You have no idea," Dom mumbled.

Billy reached across and took the beer from Dom's hand and drank deeply, then set the bottle on the table and gave a little burp. "Look, Dom, I know all this has been hard on you--"

"Don't patronise me, please, Billy," Dom said quietly, and his stomach twisted.

Billy looked surprised. "I'm not. Jesus, Dom, I _mean_ that--it's been every bit as difficult for you as it has been for me, if in a different way. Don't think I don't know that."

"Right." Dom leaned his forehead against the heels of his palms. "Sorry."

"It's all right." Billy was silent for a moment, and then he rose, the feet of his chair scraping across the floor. "C'mon. Come with me."

"Bill, just say whatever it is you have to say."

"Look at me."

Dom took a deep breath, and looked up to find Billy leaning over the table, his palms flat on the wood surface.

Billy's eyes flicked back and forth between Dom's. "I love you," he said, his voice soft and warm and balm to Dom's jagged edges. "Taisgeal. Finding that which was lost, remember? I am _not_ giving up on this, all right? It's just ... it's not easy."

"I know, but--"

"But you may have hit upon a--well, if not an answer, at least a start towards one."

Dom's mouth hung open for a moment. He closed it, cleared his throat and, trying not to let hope drown common sense, said, "I did?"

Billy smiled. "Aye. _Now_ will you come with me?"

Rising, Dom let Billy take his hand and lead him from the kitchen into the living room. They sat on the sofa, and Billy slouched down, his feet propped on the coffee table, before pulling Dom in close against his chest and kissing his hair.

"I was really discouraged earlier," he began, his voice quiet but steady. "What you said, you know, about me having these little ties all over the city? It made sense to me. It felt like, yeah, that was it, there were all these little loops of memory binding me to Glasgow. And it's my city, I know it, I'm comfortable here. From the river to the hills, from one end to the other, I’m just ... I _fit_ here. Hell, Dom," he huffed a weak laugh. "You know how good I am with change. And when I buggered off before dinner, I ... well, I thought about leaving. About moving to Hawaii permanently."

"It doesn't have to be permanent--" Dom began, tensing up, but Billy hugged him tighter and rubbed a hand up and down his back.

"I know, I know. But I thought about it, really _thought_ , to see what the idea would do to me."

"And?"

"And I felt sick. The thought of never coming back here made me fucking miserable. And I was just so dispirited, you know?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know," Dom said wretchedly.

Billy chuckled. "Hang in there, taisgeal, I'm getting to the good part. After dinner I just ignored it all for a bit. We watched the movie, and I ... I started to be aware of you. I know that sounds daft, but I don't know how else to explain it. I could ... I could _feel_ you with me. I swear, if you'd blindfolded me and stuffed cotton in my ears and then gone for a walk around the flat, I still could have sensed exactly where you were the whole time. And then you took me to bed, and it was ... well. You know what it was."

"Billy--"

"Shh, just let me finish, okay?" Billy kissed the top of Dom's head again. "I realised I'm every bit as tied to _you_ as I am to anything here. I have been ever since we met, I suppose, but being best mates, the phone and email and the odd visit was enough. But now that there's this--now that we're--"

"It's not enough anymore," Dom finished for him. He laid his palm against Billy's chest.

"No. No, it's not." Billy let out a sigh. "I started feeling even worse, actually. Because suddenly I was tied to you, and tied to my home, and what did that make me but a giant rubber band that was constantly being stretched between two anchor points? I went out on the balcony for some clear air and to try and figure out what next, but then you came out, and started nattering on about aeroplanes and vapour trails, and that's when you hit on it."

Dom frowned. "Hit on what? I don't understand how this is any sort of a solution."

Billy's fingers massaged the back of Dom's neck. "You said the trails were like a huge bridge, and that you used to imagine you could walk across them."

"Yeah, and I also used to believe in Father Christmas. What does that--"

"Shut it, you silly tit. It's just that I--I can visualise it, y'know? I can visualise the trail left by a plane as a tangible thing, an actual bridge over open space. And ... I don't ... it almost feels like it makes everything ... local, or something. Ah, bugger, I'm not explaining this--"

"Yeah, you are, actually," Dom interrupted, thoughtful. "I think I sort of know what you mean. Remember during that asthma attack I had, how you told me to visualise my lungs as dusty stone corridors, with torches and everything? It really worked, Bill. I could absolutely see them, could focus on the steam sweeping them clean. It's like that, isn't it?"

"Yes," Billy agreed, and he sounded relieved. "Yeah, it's like that. For me it's ... if you have no way to get home, there's nothing more that you want than to be there. But if you know there's a bridge across the gorge, if you can _see_ that bridge--well, there's no harm in exploring a little further, then, is there?"

Dom sat up, straddled Billy's lap, and took his face in a gentle grip. "Tell me more," he said, his heart beating erratically.

Billy flushed, but nodded. "Ehm ... well, if you were in Hawaii, I--well, I'd miss you, obviously. But ... you wouldn't be halfway around the world anymore. You'd just be at the other end of the bridge, yeah?"

"Yeah," Dom whispered, and kissed him hard. "Tell me more."

"Dom--"

"Tell me more," Dom insisted, his thumbs stroking Billy's cheeks.

"Christ. All right. Ehm ... if _I_ was in Hawaii?" Billy murmured, thinking it out. "Well, all those ties you found, they were constantly pulling me back, and I missed my home because it was too far away. But ... it's not so far away if it's just across the bridge, is it? I'd be with you on the beach, but just over the bridge and around the corner is the Necropolis. Or just around the corner and across the bridge is the park my mum always took me to. It forges a new link. Or ... no." His voice softened. "No, it re-forges an old one. The link that used to reach across the city is now reinforced by the bridge, and it can keep me connected from half a world away."

"The bridge over the Atlantic," Dom said, and then he found himself kissing Billy, open mouthed and sloppy and joyous and laughing. "Do you know what you're telling me? You're telling me you think we can do this. Kiss my lily white arse, Jeremy fucking Irons."

Billy leaned his head against the back of the sofa and laughed out loud. "The inside of your head must be a very interesting place."

"Says the bloke who believes in imaginary bridges," Dom grinned. "I need a piece of paper. And a marker."

"What?"

"Paper. Marker. Where are they?"

"God, I don't know. What are you on about now?" Billy demanded, but his smile betrayed him. "Bottom of the bookshelf, left hand cupboard--there's a pad of paper in there. And a ton of pens in the drawer in the kitchen."

Dom scrambled off Billy's lap and ran to collect his supplies. He returned to throw himself into the corner of the sofa, his knees up and the pad on his knees. "A Sharpie," he said happily, uncapping the marker. "My favourite."

"Your Sharpie, actually," Billy grinned. "I nicked it last time I was at your place."

"I should have known, you thief. That's all right--I have dozens of them." Dom bent his head, and with his tongue between his teeth, began to draw.

"So what exactly is it you're doing, then?" Billy asked, craning his neck to try and see the paper.

"I'm drawing a map."

"A map of what?"

"Your arse. Would you give me a minute, here, Boyd?" Dom feigned annoyance. "Bloody hell, everyone says _I'm_ the impatient one. Such a load of bollocks."

Billy propped his chin on Dom's knee and gave him one of his most charming smiles. "And nice bollocks they are, too."

"Damn right. Nicest bollocks this side of ... well, this side of yours, actually." Dom continued to sketch on his paper, pausing every few minutes to write something carefully.

"Aren't you the romantic? Maybe you should actually _put_ your bollocks this side of mine. What do you think? Wanna shag?"

"Now who's the romantic? Besides, this is important."

Billy bit Dom's knee. "Which I would know, if you'd _tell me what it is_."

"Just one ... more ... thing ... to draw ... " Dom finished and looked down at it, his head cocked to the side. It wasn't particularly pretty, but he supposed it got the point across. "Here."

Billy took the piece of paper from him and sat back to examine it. "It's a map of ... what, exactly?"

"You and me," Dom supplied helpfully.

"You and me," Billy repeated. "Well, okay, I see you've written Hawaii on this cake--"

"That's a volcano."

"--on this volcano. And this," he smiled, tracing an arch with his finger, "Must be the bridge."

" _Our_ bridge."

Billy looked up at that, and Dom nodded.

"It works both ways, you know. Maybe it will help keep me from missing you so terribly when you need to be home."

Billy's smile faded a bit. "I will, you know. Still need to be home sometimes. I can't sell this flat, I can't leave entirely. I might ... I can't promise I won't still get homesick sometimes."

Dom softened, and he reached over and brushed his knuckles down Billy's jaw. "I know that. I would _never_ ask you to sell up. When I don't have to be in Hawaii, we'll be here, Bill. And we'll start slow, yeah? You can come and stay with me just for a few weeks."

Billy nodded, looking down at the map. After a moment, he chuckled a bit weakly and said, "What the hell is this supposed to be?"

Dom looked at where Billy's finger pointed. "That's the Necropolis."

"Last time I looked, it wasn't covered in mutilated trees."

"Those aren't trees!" Dom said, putting a little outrage into it. "Those are zombies!"

Billy's face lightened again, and he sniggered. "Zombies. What's this?"

"A giant pint. To mark Tennent's, of course."

"Oh, of course. Aren't you worried the zombies will fall in?"

"Wanker."

"Can I keep this?"

Dom nodded. "Just ... if you're here, and I start in on you about being there ... send me a copy, yeah?"

"Yeah." Billy set the map carefully on the table and then turned to pull Dom close, lips hovering a hair's breadth from Dom's. "I love you. Love you so much, taisgeal."

"Me too, Bills. We _can_ do this. We're going to be fucking brilliant together. Now didn't you say something about a shag?" Dom kissed him, fingers working at Billy's fly.


	21. Chapter 21

The day before Dom had to fly back to Hawaii, they didn't leave the flat.

"Just so you know," Dom said as they lazed in bed in the morning, his fingertips idly tracing Billy's bare hip. "I'm not planning on wearing clothes today."

"I guess the museum's out, then." Billy yawned.

"I'm not planning on doing anything useful," Dom continued. "Nor will I allow you to accomplish anything."

"Now, that's where I draw the line. I had great intentions of accomplishing at least one good orgasm today." Billy rolled over and flopped across Dom, who considered that information.

"Oh. Well, then. I'd hate to keep you from something you had your, erm, heart set on. But not one practical thing. No washing, no dishes, no cooking, no phone calls, nothing. Agreed?"

Billy lifted his head. "No cooking?"

"None."

"But what about my tea?" he asked plaintively.

Dom rolled his eyes. "Billy. Boiling water is not _cooking_."

"It is in this flat."

"Pathetic sod." Dom shoved him off and wriggled to the edge of the bed, then climbed to his feet. "I'll bring you breakfast and your tea."

"Oh--you really _do_ love me," Billy said, and batted his lashes.

"Not that much--it's only the fruit salad we bought yesterday and cheap bagged Typhoo."

"I like Typhoo!" Billy protested.

Dom shook his head, muttering as he left the room. " ... Ty _phoid_ , more like. Don't know what I'm going to do with you ... "

Billy called after him, "I can think of a few ideas, if you can't!"

 

 

Dom licked the last of the fruit juice from Billy's fingers with gusto. "Mmm," he hummed. "Mango Billy. A taste sensation."

"I was quite fond of kiwi Dom, myself," Billy said, leaning back against the headboard. He dried his fingers on the bedsheet and then drew Dom closer. "Thanks for feeding me breakfast."

"You're welcome." Dom kissed him, lazily and at length, the faint sweet stickiness of fruit still on their lips. It was incredible, he mused as Billy's legs twined with his, how perfectly they fit together. Billy's mouth was soft, his tongue teasing, his hand lying just so on Dom's arse, and there were no knees, no elbows, no sharp pointy bits to distract from the utter comfort and bliss of being in each other's arms.

Billy's mouth slid from Dom's lips to his jaw line, and his tongue tasted the small dimple on Dom's chin. "Since it's Not Wearing Clothes Day," he murmured against Dom's throat a moment later, just before rubbing a thumb across one dusky nipple, "I suppose that means you'll be naked."

"That's the general idea, yes," Dom replied, and his eyes fluttered closed as he concentrated on the feeling of Billy's tongue in the hollow of his throat, of the thumb that dragged across his nipple. "Mmm."

"So I suppose that if you were to, say, stand at the end of the bed ... " He paused long enough to nuzzle his way back up to Dom's ear and nibble his earlobe. "And I were to, say, sit on the end of the bed ... "

"Then--if I'm following you," Dom said, his voice husky and a pleasant warmth beginning to pool between his legs. "If I'm following you, we'd be facing each other. And there would be a noticeable lack of clothing."

Billy caressed the nape of Dom's neck. "Too true. I suppose in that situation, it would only be polite for me to ... "

"Oh, God, yes," Dom agreed fervently.

"Say hello, as it were."

"As it were."

"Would you like that, do you think?" Billy asked, his smile curving against Dom's ear at the absurdity of the question.

"I think--" Dom's prick bobbed into view, "--I think perhaps I might." He had a sudden thought, though, and raised his head to look Billy in the eye. "You've never done that before, though, have you? Given someone a blowjob, I mean."

Billy grinned. "I'm pretty sure I know how it's done, in general."

Dom flicked Billy's chin. "Aren't you smart? I mean that you don't have to, if it's not your thing."

"Never had the opportunity to find out if it's my thing or not," Billy pointed out. "I thought you might like to be involved in that little experiment."

"If you're sure you want to."

"I want to." He kissed Dom full on the mouth, lips warm and damp even before his tongue flicked at Dom's lower lip.

"Mmm," Dom hummed in happiness, his mouth opening to Billy, and his erection stiffened further at the thought that soon those lips and that tongue would be engaged somewhere a little further south.

"Mmm indeed," Billy agreed, licking and nibbling at Dom's mouth. "Shift your arse, then. I'd rather stay upright for this."

With a smacking kiss that only half missed Billy's lips, Dom shuffled off the bed and stood at the end of it. "I'll warn you so you can pull away."

"Okay. I'll see how it goes." Billy walked on his knees down to the end of the mattress, and sat on the edge. With his hands on the backs of Dom's thighs, he drew him in closer, until Dom stood between Billy's knees and his cock gently nudged the bottom of Billy's chin. "Well, hello there," Billy murmured.

Dom tensed a muscle so that his erection bobbed, patting the side of Billy's face. He couldn't help sniggering when Billy rolled his eyes. "You're the one who said hello to it. It was just saying hello back."

"How polite your prick is, Dom," Billy teased. "I'm surprised it didn't bring me flowers and sweets, considering I'm a blowjob virgin and all."

"It didn't want to make you feel pressured."

"How thoughtful."

"It's a very considerate prick, it's true," Dom agreed, resting his hands on Billy's head. "To other people, at least. It does ignore _my_ wishes at times, but what's a bloke to do?"

"Quite." Billy managed to subvert a giggle into a particularly loud throat-clearing. "So, is there anything in particular you like? Anything you hate?"

"No teeth," Dom said immediately. "Other than that, it's all okay with me. Just do whatever you think would feel good, yeah?"

"Yeah." Billy eyed the erection in front of his face sideways for a moment, as if considering a plan of attack, but then lifted one hand to grasp it near the base and steady it. He ran the tip of his nose up the length of it, breathing in Dom's scent.

"Okay?" Dom asked quietly, only able to see the top of Billy's head, not his eyes or his expression.

"Yeah. You smell ... good. Dark, and ... I don't know ... dry. That doesn't make much sense, does it?"

"It does if it does to _you_ ," Dom smiled. He stroked Billy's hair, and planted his feet more squarely underneath himself.

Billy opened his mouth slightly and dragged his tongue across Dom's cock, partway up the shaft. "I wonder if mine feels the same."

"Probably." Dom thought about it. "I mean, anatomy doesn't differ that much from man to man, right? So they probably all generally feel alike, at least in that spot. Probably more variety around the head, though."

Billy licked the head of Dom's cock, just under his glans, and then swirled his tongue around as if testing that theory.

"Mmm." Dom's pleasure rumbled in his throat. "That feels good." He kept his eyes open for the moment--while he still could--and watched Billy's hand on him, watched Billy's nose and lips, which was all he could see of his face. "I think you're a natural, Bills."

Billy huffed a chuckle, and it blew cold on Dom's tight wet skin. "Flatterer." He spiraled his tongue once more around the head of Dom's erection, and then took the tip of it between his lips and tongued the slit.

"Jesus," Dom groaned, and slid his hands to Billy's shoulders to hold on.

Loosening his grip with his hand, Billy opened his mouth wider and took in much of Dom's cock, then promptly began to gag.

Dom quickly pulled back. "Don't try to go so deep," he murmured, and stroked Billy's hair as Billy coughed and then cleared his throat to ease the spasm. "You don't need to. It will still feel fucking fabulous."

Billy looked up at him. "So much for being a natural," he said wryly. "Apparently everyone who's ever done this for me has been more talented than I realised."

Grinning, Dom said, "Then you've been a fortunate, fortunate man." He leaned down and kissed Billy, giving him time to loosen up again, until Billy broke the kiss and with one hand on Dom's chest urged him to straighten up.

"All right, let's try this again." Billy looked so intent that Dom wondered if perhaps he didn't really _want_ to, but for some reason was going to push himself anyway.

"Bill." He waited until Billy looked up, a crease between his sandy eyebrows. "You don't have to."

Billy rolled his eyes. "Are you on about that again? I'm not a maidenly wee flower, Dom, I'm a grown man, and if I don’t want to do something, I'll tell you so. All right?"

Dom smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, all right. You just looked so ... determined. I was a little afraid for my manhood, with that fierce look on your face."

Billy chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm not feeling the least bit ferocious. Your manhood is safe in my hands."

"Mouth."

"Right. Mouth." Billy leaned in just a little and again swiped his tongue around the head of Dom's cock, then dragged his tongue up the rigid vein on the underside.

Dom returned his hands to Billy's shoulders, leaning just a little for support as Billy wrapped one hand around the base of Dom's cock to hold him steady. "Mmm. I love the feel of your hand on me," Dom rumbled, fingers flexing into the meat of Billy's shoulder. "You have brilliant hands."

Billy responded by taking Dom's erection into his mouth, this time without choking himself. He sucked lightly, leisurely, the flat of his tongue stroking Dom's cock as he did.

"Nngh," Dom grunted, and knew he wasn't going to last long--not this time, at any rate. "You have a brilliant mouth, too. You can make this fast, or faster; there's going to be no slow today. Thought you'd like to know."

The corners of Billy's lips curved up, even around Dom's cock, and he sucked harder, humming.

"Oh, fuck!" Dom yelped. "Faster it is, then."

Billy slid his mouth off, taking the opportunity to swallow, and he laughed. "I take it I'm doing all right, then?"

"Billy, it's _you_ ," Dom pointed out, already breathing a bit harder. "Even if you were piss-poor at this--which you're not--I'd be close to coming just from having your fucking gorgeous mouth around me."

One eyebrow cocked, Billy asked, "So today's not a day for subtlety, then?"

"Most definitely not. Today's a day for getting off, and hopefully as many times as possible."

"Good to know, Dom. Good to know." With that, he plunged down onto Dom's flushed erection and sucked for all he was worth, his hand pumping in time with his mouth.

"Oh, holy mother of _God_!" Dom bellowed, trying desperately not to drive his hips forward in pure and utter reflex. "Billy--oh sweet buggering fuck, Bill--"

Billy's tongue teased, stroked Dom as he sucked; it curved around Dom's length, drove him nearer and nearer the edge. When Dom bucked with a short, sharp snap, Billy used his free hand to grip his hip, fingers digging in.

"Bill--fuck, Bill--" Dom gasped, feeling the telltale tightening in his balls, the trembling in his thighs. "Not long--" As Billy quickly circled the head of Dom's cock with the tip of his tongue and sped the rhythm of his hand, Dom began to pant, and little moans and sounds of pleasure and need tumbled from his lips. "Oh, God ... unh ... so good, Billy-- _Jesus_ , yes--harder, _please_ , more, more, Billy--unh--fuck--fuck-- _fuck_ I'm going to come, Bill, going to, _Jesus, Billy, I'm coming_ \--" Dom ended with a wail the like of which he'd never heard from himself before. He clung to Billy's shoulders as his orgasm wracked his body with a sparking heat and shudders that nearly buckled his knees.

Billy slid his mouth back a little and swallowed convulsively, his fingers tightening around Dom's cock.

The extra grip around him, the suction of Billy's mouth as Dom came, sent Dom up on his toes, uncontrollably pushing into Billy's hand. "Billy--fuck--yeah--oh, _Jesus_ , Bill, please, yeah. Billy ... fuck, Billy ... " His voice trailed off as his climax ebbed, and when Billy let Dom's softening prick slide out of his mouth with a last lick and a kiss, Dom toppled weakly, bonelessly onto the bed. "Fuck _me_ ," he moaned, chest heaving.

Billy crawled on top of him, grinding his rigid, leaking erection against Dom's hip. "That could be arranged," he gasped, "If you ask nicely enough," and then kissed Dom hard, mouth open and sloppy and his tongue diving into Dom's mouth. His hands ran down Dom's sides, then  one gripped Dom's waist tightly, the other grabbed his thigh, his prick rubbing urgently against Dom's hip.

Dom tasted himself on Billy's tongue, and while the dull flavour didn't do much for him, the idea that it was his own come he was tasting straight from Billy's mouth made him moan. Billy's voracious kiss swallowed the sound, and Dom found himself letting Billy do anything, take anything he wanted, unable to resist--not that he wanted to anyway. He felt weak as a kitten after his orgasm and in the face of Billy's need, and he was utterly willing to let Billy use him in whatever way he desired. Dom rolled his head away, letting out a noise suspiciously close to a whimper when Billy simply attacked his neck instead of his mouth. "Bill--Billy," Dom panted. "What do you want?"

"You," Billy growled, rocking his hips. "Want you so much. Jesus, you're so fucking sexy, Dom. Seeing you come like that, hard and in my mouth--if I'd been any closer, I would've come right then."

"No, what--what do you _want_?"

Billy dropped his forehead onto Dom's chest, still grinding his cock against Dom's upper thigh. "Oh, God, I don't know--I don't know, Dom. I just--"

"Stop. Billy, stop." Dom gathered his strength and rolled Billy over, pinning Billy's thighs with one of his own.

Billy groaned in frustration, driving his hips up, trying to find any sort of friction for his aching erection. "Christ's sake, Dom, lemme fucking come--"

"You will. Just tell me _how_ you want to come. Do you want my hand, my mouth, something else? Anything, Bills." Dom leaned forward and licked a swathe across Billy's nipple. "Tell me what you need."

"I need--I need to fuck you. But I'm not ready-- _we're_ not ready." He closed his eyes tightly, one hand unconsciously forming a fist. "I need something ... fierce, Dom. Jesus, I don't even know why--"

"Doesn't matter," Dom cut him off. He scrambled to his knees and up the bed, grabbing the lube off the night table.

Opening his eyes to see what Dom was doing, Billy began to protest. "We said--"

"I know," Dom interrupted him for the second time. "You're right, we're not ready. I'm not sure if this will work or not, but if it does, you can be as fierce as you want." Dom opened the bottle and dribbled a bit over Billy's cock. "Spread that around," he urged as he filled his palm, snapped shut the cap of the bottle, and tossed it aside. As Billy slicked up his erection, Dom flopped on his back and liberally coated his entire crotch with the lube. Cock, balls, perineum, and upper thighs all grew slippery, and the sensation was enough to perk his flaccid penis up to a hopeful half-mast.

Billy watched him, quizzical and impatient both. "What are you doing?"

Sure he was as slick as he could get without dripping lube everywhere, Dom carefully rolled onto his knees and elbows, facing the headboard. "Get behind me."

"Dom--"

"You want a hard fast fuck, Bills. This is as close as we can get. Now get your prick behind me." Dom insisted.

Billy climbed to his knees and shuffled over. He stroked a hand up Dom's arse and up his spine. "What's the plan?"

"Right up against me," Dom murmured, his hand already reaching back through his legs to cup Billy's erection and guide it forward. When he felt Billy's hips touch his behind, he brought his legs together, trapping Billy's cock between his thighs and crotch. The head of Billy's penis barely stroked the underside of Dom's slippery balls.

"Oh god--" Billy gasped, his hand already clutching at Dom's hip. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"Yes. I can hold you in place; give it a try."

Billy gingerly canted his hips backward, sliding his erection between Dom's thighs, and then forward, Dom's fingers catching the head and keeping it up against his sack.

"How's that?" Dom asked, enjoying the feeling himself. It was almost as intimate as having Billy up his arse, he imagined.

"Sweet fucking _Christ_ , Dom--what--can you--" Billy's fingers dug into his hip and he rested his forehead on Dom's back. "Is this--"

"Do it, Bill. Fuck me. Fuck me as hard as you want, love."

With a hoarse shout Billy surged up and rammed his hips against Dom's arse, nearly knocking Dom over on his nose. He pulled back as far as he could without slipping free of Dom's thighs, then shoved forward again. "All right?" he panted, already on the ragged edge of his control.

"Yeah--yeah, it's good," Dom quickly said, fingers already adjusting to try and hold Billy's cock in place no matter how frantic his motions.

Both Billy's hands took a bruising grip on Dom's hips, and he pounded hard and fast against Dom, skin slapping on skin with a _smack_ every time he drove forward. "Jesus, Dom--oh god--" Billy gasped, breathless and quaking with need.

"Harder," Dom urged, his own breaths coming quick and uneven. "You can do it harder, faster. _Fuck_ me, Bill."

"Oh god--unh--unh--" Billy sped his pace, barely pulling back before snapping his hips forward again, ramming against Dom's arse. "Dom--unh--" he grunted. "You're so--unh--so fucking good."

Dom worked his hand up, pressing Billy more tightly against him. "You're hitting my balls every time. Feels fucking fantastic. Harder, Billy. Fuck me."

"Oh, fuck, I'm gonnae come, Dom," Billy's voice rose in both volume and pitch. "Oh god oh god oh _god_ oh _Jesus I'm gonnae_ \--" With a cry he pounded twice more against Dom and came hard, hips and thighs plastered against the back of Dom's, erection thrusting between his legs, his come shooting over Dom's arm and the bed beneath them. "Fuck--fuck, yes--oh god, yes--unh--unh--fuck, Dom--fuck--Dom--Dom ... Dom ... _Dom_." Billy gave one last shudder and then slumped over Dom's back, breathing hard, sweating.

Dom dropped his hand, his thighs enough to hold Billy's softening prick now. He propped himself up with both arms and held still, giving Billy a moment to recover.

Billy eventually mumbled, "Down."

"Hmm? Sorry, what was that?"

"Down. Lie down. Time to die."

With a chuckle, Dom eased himself down onto his elbows, then stretched out, Billy's weight on top of him bearing him down into the mattress. He felt Billy's soft prick slide out from between his thighs. "How's that, then?"

"Mmnph. Shh. Busy dying."

"In a good way, I hope?"

"The very best." Billy rolled his head enough to press a kiss to Dom's back. "That was ... fucking brilliant."

"I'm glad. You get to change the sheets later; I'm lying in a puddle of your come, you messy bastard."

Billy's body shook slightly with laughter. "Deal. Bloody hell, my heart's fucking racing."

"It's my nearness. I've got you all atwitter."

"That must be it." Slowly, Billy slid off Dom to lie beside him.

Dom rolled to face him, and shifted closer.

"Thanks, yeah?" Billy murmured, one hand rising to stroke Dom's cheek. "I mean it, that was incredible. I've never ... "

"No. Might hurt someone."

"Yeah." Billy leaned his head in and kissed Dom on the lips, tenderness in every touch.

"Bills?"

"Mm?"

"Do you know why you needed something fierce?" Dom asked curiously, twining their legs together.

Billy thought for a moment. " ... Not really. It was just ... you. You had me so turned on, y'know? I just had this ... this intense ... need. I can't really put it into words."

"No," Dom agreed. He paused, wondering if he should share the idea swirling inside his head, decided he would. It was Billy, after all. "Remember when we were playing the game, and we said there was no dom and no sub, just _us_?"

"Yeah." Billy's fingers cupped the back of Dom's head.

"I wonder if we were a little wrong about that. Just before we lubed up, I felt ... I don't know how to explain it either. I would have done anything you wanted. You could have used me any way you wanted, turned me inside out, and it would have been good. It would have been great."

Billy kissed him again, small tasting lapping kisses that left Dom's lips open and damp. "And I was rather ... aggressive. Maybe, maybe everyone does have a preference, and there's never true equals. But then again ...  Would you want to try that with me? What we just did? Would you want to be the one going harder and faster and pounding into me?"

Dom's prick twitched between them, and he laughed sheepishly. "Hell, yes."

"Which isn't particularly subbish. No, I don't think either of us are set in a role. I don't think you're naturally a sub and I'm naturally a dom. I just think today, this is what we both needed. Next time, you might be the one who needs to be fierce, and I'll want you to use me. That's ... " He coloured slightly. "That's a true partnership."

Dom smiled and nuzzled Billy's nose with his own. "That's love?"

Billy wrapped his arms around Dom and pulled them flush together. "That's love." After a long, open-mouthed kiss involving tongues, saliva, teeth, and wandering hands, Billy drew back to look at Dom. "You look positively satisfied."

"I am," Dom hummed. There was a warm glow in his belly that even the thought of leaving the next day couldn't dispel, and bubbles of happiness in his chest that made him laugh out loud.

"Me too," Billy smiled. "However, I'm also stuck to the sheets. If I take you in with me, then a shower doesn't count as practical, right? I wouldn't want to break the rules of Not Wearing Clothes Day."

"Two or more people automatically render a shower as impractical." Dom said firmly.

Billy's eyebrow rose. "Or more?"

"Okay, two," Dom amended. "Especially if one or both of them crack the tiles with screams of ecstasy."

Billy seemed to ponder that. "Maybe I should just clean up with a flannel, then. I don't fancy re-tiling my shower."

Dom cupped Billy's arse and rocked his hips. "Bil- _ly_."

Billy chuckled. "Besides, 'screams of ecstasy'? Have you been reading trashy romance novels again?"

"Fine. Shouts of triumph. How's that?"

"Mm. Much better. Come on, then, taisgeal. We have some shouting to do."

 

 

The hot water ran out just as Dom was moaning through his orgasm, back up against the cold tiles and hands gripping Billy's shoulders as the water streamed down over them both. Billy gave Dom's cock one last, leisurely pull, then made sure he was washed clean.

"Billy," Dom sighed, head back and eyes closed. "I'm thinking of installing a new hot water heater in my house. How much do you think an industrial sized one would go for?"

Billy leaned down and shut the taps off. "You could get a hot tub, instead."

"You're a fucking _genius_. We'll go shopping for one when you come to visit." Gooseflesh rose on Dom's arms, and he lifted his head when Billy took his hand.

"C'mon," Billy smiled, fondness written plain on his face. "Before you catch cold, petal."

Dom pinched Billy's bottom and then chased him, water droplets flying everywhere, back to the bedroom.

 

 

"Pizza, Thai, Indian, Italian, Chinese, or other?" Billy asked, rooting through his junk drawer in search of takeaway menus. He straightened with a fistful of leaflets and spread them on the kitchen table.

Dom wrapped his arms around Billy from behind, stroking his bare stomach, and began nibbling on his shoulder. "You."

"I can fill your heart, but I cannot fill your stomach."

"Come down my throat often enough, you could," Dom rumbled in his ear.

Billy reached behind and smacked Dom's bare bottom. "That's disgusting. And hardly nutritional. Chinese?"

"Sounds good. Crispy duck?"

"Aye. You realise one of us is going to have to don clothes long enough to answer the door, don't you?"

Dom nodded, feigning sadness. "It's just so against the spirit of the day."

"Be a lot more against the spirit of the day if we were nicked for public indecency for flashing the delivery boy and got popped into prison blues."

"I'd look better in orange. But you may have a point." Dom turned Billy around and pushed him back against the table. "We'll just have to stick to _private_ indecency." He laid Billy back, sending the menus fluttering to the floor with a sweep of his arm. His mouth descended on Billy's nipple, his hand to Billy's rapidly hardening cock, and dinner was put on hold for twenty minutes--until Billy had recovered enough from his orgasm to place the order.

 

 

After dinner, dessert, and two cups of tea, Billy lay sleeping, curled up with Dom in a pile of blankets in front of the fire, the TV on low.

Dom watched him sleep. Watched the sandy lashes tremble on lightly freckled cheeks, watched eyelids twitch, watched lips part and listened to breath whistle. This was it, he thought. This was everything he'd ever wanted. Love and fun and sex and tenderness and  laughter and trust all wrapped up in a package that made his heart and libido both soar. A package with deft hands and greying temples and an infectious laugh and a sense of play that rivaled his own. Billy could take the dullest of days and make it worth remembering for the rest of his life, and Dom was so grateful for the gift he'd been given.

You're sure about him now, aren't you? Jeremy Irons asked in his slow gravelly voice. Even though there's no plane ticket in sight.

Dom nodded. I'm sure, he thought, and smiled.

It won't be easy, Jeremy Irons warned.

I know. But neither of us are running away anymore. You'll see--we're going to make this work. It'll take a bit of time to sort things out, see how we can best divide our time between here and there, but we'll do it. You'll see. Dom beamed.

My boy, I do believe you will, Jeremy irons said quietly, and then he was gone.

Dom laughed out loud, waking Billy.

"Mnph. Wha'. Hmm?"

Dom grasped Billy's face between gentle hands and kissed him with joyous abandon. When he finally came up for air, Billy dazedly looked up at him, a slightly daft smile on his face.

"What was that in aid of, then?"

"He's gone, Bill," Dom whispered gleefully. "I'm not quite sure how I did it, but I finally got rid of the bastard."

Billy lifted his head. "Jeremy bloody Irons?"

"Yes! There just may be hope for my sanity yet."

Billy grinned. "I wouldn't count on it." He rolled Dom over, hopelessly tangling them both in the blankets, and kissed him hard.

 

 

It was past midnight when Dom flopped onto his back, groaning. "Oh fuck, that was good."

"I like that thing you did with your thumb," Billy panted, lying still for a moment before reaching for the damp flannel they'd left beside the bed. "Here, clean up."

Dom took the cloth and weakly swiped at his softening prick. "That's cold!" he yelped, scrunching the flannel up in his hands to try and warm it.

"What do you expect?" Billy chuckled. "It's been lying there for half an hour. Be thankful it's still wet."

Dom reached over and cleaned up Billy's cock. "Did I get it all?"

"I think so. Thanks, taisgeal."

"You're welcome, Bill-o'-my-heart." Dom grinned, then finished tidying himself up. He dropped the flannel on the floor beside the bed. "Don't forget that's there the next time you do a washing."

Billy rolled to prop his chin on Dom's chest. "Which will be tomorrow. I'm running out of sheets."

"Is that a complaint?"

"Not in the least," Billy said contentedly.

"I'll have to buy a few more before you come over," Dom mused. "I think I only have three sets right now."

"Definitely need more," he agreed.

Dom craned his head to kiss Billy's nose. "Any idea when that might be? What's your schedule like? What commitments have you got?"

"I've an event for the youth theatre company a week on Wednesday. Other than that, things are slow."

"Does that mean you can come after that?" Dom asked hopefully, thrilled at the idea they'd only be apart for a fortnight. "Hell, we can handle two weeks standing on our heads--"

"Well, not _right_ after that," Billy cautioned. "I've got loose ends to tidy up, things to sort out. Meet with the agent, close up the flat."

"So when?"

"Soon."

"When soon?"

Billy sat up. "Soon, all right? What do you want me to say?"

Dom reached out to run a hand down Billy's arm. "I don't mean to push. I just have this stupid idea that if I know when you're coming, it'll be easier to leave you tomorrow. But nothing will make that easier."

Billy stared at him for a moment before sighing and dropping his eyes. "I know. I'm going to miss you like mad."

"Me too, Bills."

"I know." He sat still and silent for a few minutes, looking down at his hands. "I'm still getting used to the idea, I suppose."

"Of what?" Dom stroked Billy's naked thigh.

"Moving. Leaving. Don't get me wrong," Billy said quickly, "I want to do this. I really do. We've got our bridge, and I don't hate the very idea of being away for a long time now. It's just...I don't love it, you know? All I know is ... I love _you_. I think I might need a bit of time to visit some of my ties and realise I can leave them, that they'll still be there whenever I-- _we_ \--come home. Does this make any sense?"

Dom sat up too, and cupped a hand around the nape of Billy's neck. "It does. I won't pretend I'm not disappointed you're not coming right away, because I'll miss you so fucking much. But I understand, Bill. Just come when you can, I'll be there."

Billy wrapped his arms around Dom's neck and kissed him, carrying him back down to the bed with the weight of his body. "Love you, Dom. Love you so much." He feathered light kisses down Dom's neck, interspersed with promises. "I'll be there. I swear I'll be there soon."

"If you can come by the end of next month," Dom murmured, his hands travelling the length of Billy's back, "You can come to Maui with me. Charity do, all the cast'll be there."

"I'll be there by the end of next month," Billy vowed.

They didn't speak much after that; everything important had been said, many times. They lay entwined--stroking, caressing, petting each other, trying to get their fill of each other before sleep claimed them. Dom was seized by an urge to kiss every inch of Billy's body, but only made it as far as Billy's erection. After several long, slow sucks, Billy pulled him up, covered their cocks with lube, and worked them until they came almost simultaneously, panting hot, nearly silent breaths into each other's mouth.

Some time later, Dom fell asleep, the sound of Billy's soft whistles in his ear.


	22. Chapter 22

Dom turned away from the check-in counter with his boarding pass in hand, leaving his suitcase on the conveyor belt, and his eyes searched out Billy who waited for him away from the queues. Billy had his head tilted down, a tight, pensive look on his face. Dom knew just how he felt.

"Hey," he said quietly as he approached, his words for Billy's ears only in the noisy terminal. "I've got a few minutes. Coffee?"

"Aye." Billy took the carryon from Dom despite it being the only thing he had in his hands and, knowing the airport well, led him straight to a small café. They queued for their beverages and then sat at a small corner table, away from the other patrons slouched in their chairs.

Taking a deep breath, trying not to give free rein to the misery he felt, Dom forced a smile to his lips. "Thanks for having me. I had a good time."

Billy snorted, a reluctant grin curving his mouth. "You sound like a prat. 'Having you'? 'A good time'?"

Dom chuckled and bent his head. "Yeah, yeah, all right. Would you prefer 'Thanks for the blowjob, mate'?"

Billy's smile faded. "No. I'd prefer ... Hell, Dom. I can't even ... how do I thank you for coming to save me from myself, and for finding me, and for giving me your heart? After all these years, how do I tell you what you mean to me?"

Dom's throat tightened, but he swallowed past it, wishing he could kiss Billy across the table. "You just did, my love."

Billy's fingers twitched, as if he could barely suppress the urge to take Dom's hand in his own. "You'll call me when you get back to Hawaii?"

"Of course. Might even call you from LAX."

"Okay."

"Okay." Dom took a sip of his coffee. "So. I'll see you again at the end of next month. We'll make it. How do you feel about phone sex?"

"Never indulged. I think it's time I learnt, don't you?"

"Absolutely."

Billy was silent for a moment. "I have the map."

Dom waited for him to continue, but when Billy said nothing further, Dom nodded. "You do."

"The bridge over the Atlantic."

"I'm going to miss you, too, Bills," Dom said softly.

Billy looked up, his face twisted. "This wasn't supposed to be so difficult. Love is supposed to conquer all."

"It does. It will. Give yourself time to adjust. Like you said, after all these years ... " Dom felt his stomach do a slow roll. Billy would join him in Hawaii, of that Dom had no doubt, but it wasn't looking good for things moving quickly and easily and happily. "Just remember, love--I'm your taisgeal, yeah?"

"Yeah," Billy whispered. "You know I love you, right?"

"I know." Dom glanced at his watch and swore softly. "Shite. I have to go, Bill. Come and queue with me?"

"I can't, Dom," Billy said wretchedly. "Not when I can't touch you, can't tell you how I feel without someone overhearing. It's too hard, this time."

"Okay," Dom said, masking his disappointment. "We'll get better at this. Walk out with me, though, Bill. Don't sit here. Walk out with me and go home."

"Yeah. Yeah, of course I will." Billy rose to his feet , grabbed Dom's carryon again, and followed him from the café. They stood in the middle of the terminal, people passing on either side, and their eyes locked and held. "Ring me, all right?"

"Yeah," Dom murmured. "Soon as I get there. Love you, Bills."

"Love you, too, taisgeal," Billy said. "Fly safe." He passed the carryon to Dom, and their fingers met, touched, squeezed.

Without another word, Dom turned and walked down the corridor toward the security check-in, and he didn't look back.

 

 

Twenty minutes later, Dom had moved nearly halfway down the line, and he was reading the posters on the wall detailing how much liquor one could carry without breaking any export laws in a vain attempt to keep from dwelling on Billy. He missed his Bills already, dammit, how was he ever going to last nearly two months without seeing Billy's eyes, kissing his lips, sprawling in bed and loving his body? He briefly considered digging his mobile out of his pocket and ringing already, but realised Billy would have his phone off for the drive home. Dom's shoulders slumped, and he hitched his satchel up higher.

Slowly Dom noticed the people around him turning to look behind and shouting penetrated his inward thoughts.

"Monaghan! Hey, Monaghan!"

Dom spun to see Billy standing at the back of the winding queue, a hundred people in between them, and watched as Billy held up his mobile. Quickly, clumsily pulling his own from his pocket, he turned it on and felt it immediately begin to vibrate. He flipped it open and held it to his ear, stuffing his finger in his other ear to hear better. "Have you gone mad?" he demanded, unable to help the grin that split his face.

Billy's smile was equally wide. "Quite possibly." He held up a long, narrow piece of paper, but Dom couldn't make out what it was from that distance. "Two weeks, taisgeal."

"What?"

"I just bought a plane ticket. I couldn't let you go, not like that. Couldn't wait that long. I'll be there in two weeks, and I'll be staying two months. We'll come home to Glasgow for the month before you start filming again, and then we'll spend the season in Hawaii."

His heart soaring, Dom nevertheless said, "That's too long. We can take our time with this, Bill, we can ease into it. It's okay."

"Don't you get it, you daft pillock?" Billy laughed. "I don't want to ease in. I want to jump in with both feet. You're swimming in the sea, and I've finally come to the end of the path I've been picking my way along, and I'm coming in, Dom, I'm swimming out to find the selkie that's waiting for me."

Dom felt tears well in his eyes, but the smile he sent Billy through the crowd was blinding. "The people standing next to you are going to think you're completely barmy."

"Yeah, they are. And I don't fucking care," he grinned.

"What brought this on?"

"Watching you walk away from me. Never felt so bloody miserable, Dom. Don't want to be without you; if there's any possible way to be by your side, I will be. Two weeks, taisgeal."

"Two weeks," Dom repeated, and his heart swelled until he thought he might burst. "Two weeks."

"I'll email you the flight information. I expect you to stock up on porridge and new sheets and have my surfboard waxed before I get there, and you only have two weeks to do it all," Billy teased.

"Done," Dom laughed. "I wonder if I can find sherbet powder in Hawaii?"

"Pineapple will do nicely. I'm going to go, Dom," Billy said, his voice warm in Dom's ear over the noise of the terminal. "I have to get busy on tidying up all those loose ends, yeah? And Marg will kill me if I don't spend a couple days with her first. But call me from LAX."

"I will. You'd better bloody believe I will! You know what I want to say, right, Bill?"

Billy nodded as Dom watched from a distance. "I do. Me too, taisgeal. Me, too."

"Go on, then," Dom urged. "Get going and get everything done. And I'll see you soon."

"I'll see you soon," Billy echoed, and closed his mobile. With a little wave of his hand, he turned and hurried off.

Dom faced the front of the line, tucking his phone back in his pocket, and caught up with the people in front of him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep the silly smile from his face and, when he eventually made it to security, they eyed him a bit askance. Dom rather suspected his carryon was on the receiving end of some very close scrutiny, and he chuckled.

It wasn't until Dom was in his seat on the plane, finishing his dinner, that the enormity of what Billy had just done for him struck him. Dom thought it was a good thing he wasn't the crying sort, or he'd be blubbering his happiness out to the poor lady in the seat next to him. Instead, he bit his lip, blinked hard, and pulled the tray table down and a pen from his pocket.

Dom remembered his flight over, a short few weeks before. How much had changed, how much inside him had been freed. The pint jar of longing was long gone, washed away on the tide of a love discovered and shared and embraced. Billy had been through so much, and Dom only hoped he could bring as much joy to Billy as Billy had to him. Regrets cleansed and hope buoyed and love from horizon to horizon, Dom knew with an unshakeable certainty that what connected them now was far stronger and more permanent than any bridge could ever be.

 

 _Billy_ , he wrote on his hand as the plane sped across the Atlantic. _Map Billy Hawaii Glasgow love Billy love Billy Billy Billy home_.


End file.
